The Official Online Dating Diaries Thread

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deceptively and literally, invent a weird nickname
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Did you guys happen to see the most recent episode of "New Girl"? I don't watch it religiously; half the time I think it's funny and the other half I think it's annoying and tries too hard. But in the last episode, the main character was approached in a bar by a guy who mistook her for a woman he met on "CupidMatch" named Katie. And she played along and pretended to be Katie, had her friends calling her Katie and everything. Of course, eventually, she had to admit that it wasn't her name.

That's kind of how I would feel if I made up a nickname!
In search of a lost signature...
What about your first initial?

It's not my nickname per se, but I've been called "K" many times by friends and family.
- Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
- Character is how you treat those who can do nothing for you.
Getting my makeup done right now to be a bridesmaid in an OkCupid wedding!!!

Keep the faith, friends!!
HomeGrownHairGirl, kayb and thelio like this.
deceptively and literally, invent a weird nickname
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
Did you guys happen to see the most recent episode of "New Girl"? I don't watch it religiously; half the time I think it's funny and the other half I think it's annoying and tries too hard. But in the last episode, the main character was approached in a bar by a guy who mistook her for a woman he met on "CupidMatch" named Katie. And she played along and pretended to be Katie, had her friends calling her Katie and everything. Of course, eventually, she had to admit that it wasn't her name.

That's kind of how I would feel if I made up a nickname!
Originally Posted by ursula
I love love love that show!!!

I enjoyed Nick's "leaping".
What about your first initial?

It's not my nickname per se, but I've been called "K" many times by friends and family.
Originally Posted by Rubber Biscuit
I was thinking the same thong. Just use an initial. It's not a lie. Also I never put my last name on dating sites and my OkC profile had a childhood nickname. Most people don't put their full names on their profile.
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
What about your first initial?

It's not my nickname per se, but I've been called "K" many times by friends and family.
Originally Posted by Rubber Biscuit
I was thinking the same thong. Just use an initial. It's not a lie. Also I never put my last name on dating sites and my OkC profile had a childhood nickname. Most people don't put their full names on their profile.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
I would never put my last name on my profile! I wouldn't even dream of put my first name on there. I'm really paranoid (if it wasn't obvious already!). It's only once I start messaging back and forth with someone that I tell them my first name but it's an unusual enough name that with other information, like what I do for a living and what city I live in, it's easy to google me.

Seriously, though, would you go out with someone who just told you his name was R or T or whatever? I was about to say that I wouldn't but I remember now that I did once. I thought it was weird though.

In any case, I'm still on the fence about whether the possible google brushoff is proof that the guy is a jerk. Usually when they brush you off once, they'll do it a second time. But I'll keep you guys posted about whether I hear from him this week.
In search of a lost signature...
Well,I came down with severe bronchitis. Booooo.

In other news,I'm getting really fed up with the flakes on pof.... I message them and they reply once or twice then stop.I'm actually gonna stick to just not messaging first like I said previously. There is one guy but he lives in Florida of all places,but I really like him and vice versa. He does come to Texas because he's military. The distance is menacing but my friends pointed out that I really don't have anything to lose,and that you have to take chances when it comes to love. I've done long distance before and can survive it,so we'll see....but for now,he does make me want to get up in the morning because he's that sweet. Better than the flaky mechanic....
25", hennahead, CO, goal: hip
What about your first initial?

It's not my nickname per se, but I've been called "K" many times by friends and family.
Originally Posted by Rubber Biscuit
I was thinking the same thong. Just use an initial. It's not a lie. Also I never put my last name on dating sites and my OkC profile had a childhood nickname. Most people don't put their full names on their profile.
Originally Posted by multicultcurly
I would never put my last name on my profile! I wouldn't even dream of put my first name on there. I'm really paranoid (if it wasn't obvious already!). It's only once I start messaging back and forth with someone that I tell them my first name but it's an unusual enough name that with other information, like what I do for a living and what city I live in, it's easy to google me.

Seriously, though, would you go out with someone who just told you his name was R or T or whatever? I was about to say that I wouldn't but I remember now that I did once. I thought it was weird though.

In any case, I'm still on the fence about whether the possible google brushoff is proof that the guy is a jerk. Usually when they brush you off once, they'll do it a second time. But I'll keep you guys posted about whether I hear from him this week.
Originally Posted by ursula
It doesn't bother me if a guy uses initials. But maybe you should pay a company to erase those photos for you. Usually these services are used for professional reasons, but since it's affecting dating, you should think about it.
3b/c, medium-coarse, low porosity, high density
HG: Jessicurl Too Shea and Kinky Curly Curling Custard
Shampoo: nonsulfate shampoo and Suave Naturals sulfate shampoo when needed
That exists?!? I thought that once pictures were on the internet they were on there forever.

I took the advice of someone on here--was it spiderlashes again? She's got a lot of good dating advice!--and gave a lot of one-word answers on a date I had this weekend so he'd know I wasn't interested. But I forgot to do it from the beginning, so I guess it didn't take! We met for coffee and, while the conversation wasn't great, I went into my usual mode of trying to be engaging, asking questions, etc., just so it wouldn't be awkward. Then a couple of hours later he asked if I had dinner plans and, because I'm too honest, I said no. But over dinner I decided to not engage, only answer and not ask questions. I even looked off into space a few times to convey boredom! At the end of the date he didn't ask me out again, but he still did later in a message. I have to work harder on disengaging!

I don't know why but I've been on a dating spree lately. Today I was on the verge of breaking some records. I had dates (all with different people!) last Sunday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and almost today: someone I had been talking to for a couple of weeks asked me out for today but I was too tired! I might see him tomorrow, though. (Yeah, I clearly don't have anything else going on in my life...) All of these were/are OK prospects but not amazing. I don't really want to see any of them again. But there's a new guy I have a date with on Friday that I have sort of high hopes for.

Of course, the one guy I'm most interested in is the one who's giving me the brushoff... Isn't that always the way?
In search of a lost signature...
So I'm in a, erm, relationship now. Hehe.
Originally Posted by Narnia
Yay, that was quick! I finally admitted mine a few weeks ago after 3 trips, meeting the kids and hanging out all summer. Still feels icky and don't know what's going to happen later :/.

And yes deetz, how did it happen??
Originally Posted by Josephine
Sorry Josephine, I was so caught up in my response I didn't even ask. Why icky?
Originally Posted by Narnia
Well I posted about on another thread a while back on how to date casually and is it possible. I already knew the answer for me and my situation(no) but wanted to see if and how others do it. It's icky because he's not totally my type, has kids and I want to move. I still plan on moving but not sure what's going to become of us. Crazy I'm even considering not breaking up with him because he has 2 kids(huge no for me). We've talked about possible options. I think he would move with me.

Yay, that was quick! I finally admitted mine a few weeks ago after 3 trips, meeting the kids and hanging out all summer. Still feels icky and don't know what's going to happen later :/.

And yes deetz, how did it happen??
Originally Posted by Josephine
Sorry Josephine, I was so caught up in my response I didn't even ask. Why icky?
Originally Posted by Narnia
Well I posted about on another thread a while back on how to date casually and is it possible. I already knew the answer for me and my situation(no) but wanted to see if and how others do it. It's icky because he's not totally my type, has kids and I want to move. I still plan on moving but not sure what's going to become of us. Crazy I'm even considering not breaking up with him because he has 2 kids(huge no for me). We've talked about possible options. I think he would move with me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Wow that would be a huge step! He must be serious if he'd consider moving with you! It's funny how we can end up with people we would usually write off based on their "on paper" self.

My guy and I have already removed the "boyfriend/girlfriend term." As fast as it started it "ended"
I told him from day one I didn't think he had time, and maybe I did it myself and was looking for it, but he doesn't have time! I don't have unrealistic demands at all, I said even if I see you once a week that's fine, but I still need to know you exist for the other 6 days. I feel like he wasn't putting in the effort I needed, and he agreed when I told him I feel like he could make time if it was really important to him.

We are still going to date/stay in contact and see what happens once he has to stop working his tush off for this promotion. I don't have a ton of hope for this, as I think anyone that is willing to let me go and potentially find someone new can't be that into me. He said if that happens it happens, he can't stop me but he wouldn't be excited about it. He said he will not be dating anyone else and that he realizes he needs to be in a position to make someone else happy before making that big of a commitment.

So, there we have it :P
It sucks a little, but I knew what I had to do.
"Life is full of beauty. Notice it. Notice the bumble bee, the small child, and the smiling faces. Smell the rain, and feel the wind. Live your life to the fullest potential, and fight for your dreams.

Sorry Josephine, I was so caught up in my response I didn't even ask. Why icky?
Originally Posted by Narnia
Well I posted about on another thread a while back on how to date casually and is it possible. I already knew the answer for me and my situation(no) but wanted to see if and how others do it. It's icky because he's not totally my type, has kids and I want to move. I still plan on moving but not sure what's going to become of us. Crazy I'm even considering not breaking up with him because he has 2 kids(huge no for me). We've talked about possible options. I think he would move with me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Wow that would be a huge step! He must be serious if he'd consider moving with you! It's funny how we can end up with people we would usually write off based on their "on paper" self.

My guy and I have already removed the "boyfriend/girlfriend term." As fast as it started it "ended"
I told him from day one I didn't think he had time, and maybe I did it myself and was looking for it, but he doesn't have time! I don't have unrealistic demands at all, I said even if I see you once a week that's fine, but I still need to know you exist for the other 6 days. I feel like he wasn't putting in the effort I needed, and he agreed when I told him I feel like he could make time if it was really important to him.

We are still going to date/stay in contact and see what happens once he has to stop working his tush off for this promotion. I don't have a ton of hope for this, as I think anyone that is willing to let me go and potentially find someone new can't be that into me. He said if that happens it happens, he can't stop me but he wouldn't be excited about it. He said he will not be dating anyone else and that he realizes he needs to be in a position to make someone else happy before making that big of a commitment.

So, there we have it :P
It sucks a little, but I knew what I had to do.
Originally Posted by Narnia
Oh wow that's pretty fast! But yes, he is pretty serious. I don't know what will happen to be honest. He said at first we can try the long distance thing and he can work from home so he can come up and be with me for long periods of time. And then possibly move. And I guess the distance will test how strong it is. Honestly I'm thinking I should end it. It just seems overall there are too many complications with him. Of course I'm always a sucker so who knows what I'll do.

So you're situation sounds like the same with mine, I didnt have enough time for my guy but we weren't really dating then. I know he saw other people and I did too a little. Honestly I wasn't that into him either. Somehow we ended up together again because of timing and things are different now. I still don't have as much time for him though as he'd like. I think he'd want to see me everyday. I see him all weekend and maybe one or two days during the week. We text all through out the day everyday and talk on the phone at least once a night. I can sort of relate to your dudes position at work but if all your asking for is one day a week and contact during the week, I don't understand how hard that is?
Alright, online dating gfs, I need your input here. Really. No platitudes.

This was my situation: Back in August I was talking to two guys. One guy was retired from the Army and the other guy lives in Cincinnati. The guy in Cincinnnati had been wanting to meet for a while but it didn't work out bc I met someone else and decided Cincinnati was too far.

So around Sept 1, Army and I went out. I immediatey liked him but he told me on the first date that he had been bombed in Iraq and seriously injured and has severe PTSD (which he is being treated for). He told me that he was worried that I might not be able to handle his PTSD (other women had not been able to) and he was worried that I might be used to dating a different kind of guy than he is (educated, good job, high salary, ambitious, etc)...so he was a little nervous about me..but he really liked me. Was kind of pushing for a commitment early on. He told me repeatedly that he was reallt lonely, really ready for a relationship but scared of getting hurt again. I told him I liked him too, I didn't think the PTSD would be a huge problem (I'm familiar w/ it), I didn't think the fact he was a retired soldier would be a problem, but let's play it by ear.

So me and Army have been kicking it since the first of Sept. For various reasons, my exhusband has had my kids a lot more than normal so me and Army have had lots of time to spend together and get pretty close (or so I thought).

I was initially worried that he might be a little fragile and clingy but he turned out to be a wonderful companion and I was thrilled w/ our relationship! Even his doctor said it was good for him (supposedly). So we both took down our dating site accts; he mentioned that he wanted to several times and eventually I said I would, too. We both seemed really happy and into each other.

Then all of a sudden, everything changed. He changed. Without warning. He is now distant and uncommunicative and barely texts or calls me anymore...even to reply to my texts or calls. I asked what happened and he gave me a bunch of excuses, including: he is stressed about family problems...he is scared of getting hurt again by women who don't understand his illness...it's nothing personal; people w/ PTSD tend to "isolate"...and that he is fighing off suicidal thoughts...and that he was mad at me over some minor misunderstanding we'd had two weeks earlier...

I was trying to be as supportive as I could but, at a friend's suggestion, I checked the dating site and, to my surprise, found that he is back on. But his profile reads differently now; he removed all this wording he originally had up about having a lot of integrity and being honest.

I asked him about the reappearance of his profile and he said he needed to put it back up bc he is so bored and depressed and anxious sitting home all day w/ no friends here, it's his only distraction. He said he now sees it was wrong to put it back up after he told me he was taking it down...and assured me he will take it down again.

Well, that was several days ago and his profile is still up and he has been logging on.

So I put mine back up, too. Not bc I really wanted to but more as a countermove.

Saturday morning, I called up Cincy and he and I went out Saturday night. And I called up this other guy who has been liking me for a while (whom I did not meet him online) and we are going out tonight.

I still like Army a lot and I told him I would be patient w/ his PTSD but I'm not putting up w/ any BS from him or any other man. I don't think creeping around on a dating site is any kind of recommended treatment for PTSD, esp since he and I had been kicking it pretty tough for over a month and he was so emphatic about wanting to remove his profile.

He had said earlier that he would always be there for me, etc. as long as I didn't hurt him. Well, I certainly don't want to hurt him. But I'm not trying get played either.

Cincy says he can't wait to see me again and I do think he is nice (but he is not as handsome as I thought he would be based on his pics). Cincy says he has no problem driving up here twice a week, but it is still not an ideal situation for me.

But I don't want to lead him on.

What do I do? Just start dating different guys again casually, hope no one gets hurt and just try to forget what Army and I had going?

If I felt Army's behavior was really related to PTSD, I would totally hang in there w/ him. He's barely even talking to me, so I can't ask him and I refuse to chase a guy...and who knows, he may have been running game the whole time...this whole disabled, wounded veteran thing.

I know i'm not explaining this right. Sometimes I am bad at explaining things when I am stressed out.

I really care about Army and would LOVE to continue our relationship. And he's telling me he isn't interested in meeting other women.

But his actions don't match what he is saying and I am confused and frustrated. On the surface the logical solution would be to just assume he wants to keep his options open and do likewise.

But he has a serious mental health condition (I did not realize quite the extent til now) and I do not want it to appear as tho I am abandoning him if he really is struggling.

Nor do I want to start leading other guys on if I am hoping for the situation w/ Army to improve. But at the same time, it might not improve and I would like a companion in my life now as I'm going through some serious trials...that is the reason why we subscribe to online dating services, after all, right?

(Yes, I know for a fact he was wounded. I can see his physical injuries, which are severe. I've seen his Purple Heart medal and I've seen the meds he takes for PTSD. Everyday he wears clothing that says he is a Combat Wounded Veteran and he has all the stickers all over his truck and the certifictes and medals all over his apt. His FB avatar is his Purple Heart and the only things he does does during the day is go to the gym and volunteers once a week at the VA. It is clear that he is having a hard time transitioning into civilian life and dealing w/ his PTSD. He is not lying about that.)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 10-10-2012 at 10:18 AM.
My opinion? You aren't abandoning him; he's already abandoned you. I understand of course wanting to be sympathetic considering his illness, but I don't know that you have a choice but to let him go. He's already not replying to your messages. He's not engaged, whatever the reason.

So, yeah, he might be distant because of his illness but the fact remains that he is distant and I think you should be as sensitive to your own needs and desires as you are to his.

The fact that he put his profile back up after insisting that the two of you take your profiles down: yeah, no. Based on what you wrote, it still doesn't seem like he gave you a legitimate reason for why he put it back up.

My feeling is that, aside from being a symptom of his illness, his distancing himself is about feeling insecure and that you're too good for him. He's rejecting you before you reject him.

I'm sorry that it hasn't been working out with Army, because it sounds like you really like him (and for that reason are letting a lot of things slide that you wouldn't with someone else). I don't think you'd be leading anyone on if you were to date other people casually. I also think that it sounds like you're really not that into Cincy. That's just the feeling I get. So, with him, considering your history, you actually might be leading him on. It would probably work out better just to start fresh with someone new.
thelio likes this.
In search of a lost signature...
My opinion? You aren't abandoning him; he's already abandoned you. I understand of course wanting to be sympathetic considering his illness, but I don't know that you have a choice but to let him go. He's already not replying to your messages. He's not engaged, whatever the reason.

So, yeah, he might be distant because of his illness but the fact remains that he is distant and I think you should be as sensitive to your own needs and desires as you are to his.

The fact that he put his profile back up after insisting that the two of you take your profiles down: yeah, no. Based on what you wrote, it still doesn't seem like he gave you a legitimate reason for why he put it back up.

My feeling is that, aside from being a symptom of his illness, his distancing himself is about feeling insecure and that you're too good for him. He's rejecting you before you reject him.

I'm sorry that it hasn't been working out with Army, because it sounds like you really like him (and for that reason are letting a lot of things slide that you wouldn't with someone else). I don't think you'd be leading anyone on if you were to date other people casually. I also think that it sounds like you're really not that into Cincy. That's just the feeling I get. So, with him, considering your history, you actually might be leading him on. It would probably work out better just to start fresh with someone new.
Originally Posted by ursula
I totally agree. Army sounds like way too much work and most likely more in the future. Also for me personally I can't relate to his life or current state at all so it would be an issue. His whole life and being is centered around something too different. I know a person can offer so much more but the point is, his career/life is also an issue that affects you. If you really like him and that's not an issue, I would try to see if you can work it out but be careful.
Alright, online dating gfs, I need your input here. Really. No platitudes.

This was my situation: Back in August I was talking to two guys. One guy was retired from the Army and the other guy lives in Cincinnati. The guy in Cincinnnati had been wanting to meet for a while but it didn't work out bc I met someone else and decided Cincinnati was too far.

So around Sept 1, Army and I went out. I immediatey liked him but he told me on the first date that he had been bombed in Iraq and seriously injured and has severe PTSD (which he is being treated for). He told me that he was worried that I might not be able to handle his PTSD (other women had not been able to) and he was worried that I might be used to dating a different kind of guy than he is (educated, good job, high salary, ambitious, etc)...so he was a little nervous about me..but he really liked me. Was kind of pushing for a commitment early on. He told me repeatedly that he was reallt lonely, really ready for a relationship but scared of getting hurt again. I told him I liked him too, I didn't think the PTSD would be a huge problem (I'm familiar w/ it), I didn't think the fact he was a retired soldier would be a problem, but let's play it by ear.

So me and Army have been kicking it since the first of Sept. For various reasons, my exhusband has had my kids a lot more than normal so me and Army have had lots of time to spend together and get pretty close (or so I thought).

I was initially worried that he might be a little fragile and clingy but he turned out to be a wonderful companion and I was thrilled w/ our relationship! Even his doctor said it was good for him (supposedly). So we both took down our dating site accts; he mentioned that he wanted to several times and eventually I said I would, too. We both seemed really happy and into each other.

Then all of a sudden, everything changed. He changed. Without warning. He is now distant and uncommunicative and barely texts or calls me anymore...even to reply to my texts or calls. I asked what happened and he gave me a bunch of excuses, including: he is stressed about family problems...he is scared of getting hurt again by women who don't understand his illness...it's nothing personal; people w/ PTSD tend to "isolate"...and that he is fighing off suicidal thoughts...and that he was mad at me over some minor misunderstanding we'd had two weeks earlier...

I was trying to be as supportive as I could but, at a friend's suggestion, I checked the dating site and, to my surprise, found that he is back on. But his profile reads differently now; he removed all this wording he originally had up about having a lot of integrity and being honest.

I asked him about the reappearance of his profile and he said he needed to put it back up bc he is so bored and depressed and anxious sitting home all day w/ no friends here, it's his only distraction. He said he now sees it was wrong to put it back up after he told me he was taking it down...and assured me he will take it down again.

Well, that was several days ago and his profile is still up and he has been logging on.

So I put mine back up, too. Not bc I really wanted to but more as a countermove.

Saturday morning, I called up Cincy and he and I went out Saturday night. And I called up this other guy who has been liking me for a while (whom I did not meet him online) and we are going out tonight.

I still like Army a lot and I told him I would be patient w/ his PTSD but I'm not putting up w/ any BS from him or any other man. I don't think creeping around on a dating site is any kind of recommended treatment for PTSD, esp since he and I had been kicking it pretty tough for over a month and he was so emphatic about wanting to remove his profile.

He had said earlier that he would always be there for me, etc. as long as I didn't hurt him. Well, I certainly don't want to hurt him. But I'm not trying get played either.

Cincy says he can't wait to see me again and I do think he is nice (but he is not as handsome as I thought he would be based on his pics). Cincy says he has no problem driving up here twice a week, but it is still not an ideal situation for me.

But I don't want to lead him on.

What do I do? Just start dating different guys again casually, hope no one gets hurt and just try to forget what Army and I had going?

If I felt Army's behavior was really related to PTSD, I would totally hang in there w/ him. He's barely even talking to me, so I can't ask him and I refuse to chase a guy...and who knows, he may have been running game the whole time...this whole disabled, wounded veteran thing.

I know i'm not explaining this right. Sometimes I am bad at explaining things when I am stressed out.

I really care about Army and would LOVE to continue our relationship. And he's telling me he isn't interested in meeting other women.

But his actions don't match what he is saying and I am confused and frustrated. On the surface the logical solution would be to just assume he wants to keep his options open and do likewise.

But he has a serious mental health condition (I did not realize quite the extent til now) and I do not want it to appear as tho I am abandoning him if he really is struggling.

Nor do I want to start leading other guys on if I am hoping for the situation w/ Army to improve. But at the same time, it might not improve and I would like a companion in my life now as I'm going through some serious trials...that is the reason why we subscribe to online dating services, after all, right?

(Yes, I know for a fact he was wounded. I can see his physical injuries, which are severe. I've seen his Purple Heart medal and I've seen the meds he takes for PTSD. Everyday he wears clothing that says he is a Combat Wounded Veteran and he has all the stickers all over his truck and the certifictes and medals all over his apt. His FB avatar is his Purple Heart and the only things he does does during the day is go to the gym and volunteers once a week at the VA. It is clear that he is having a hard time transitioning into civilian life and dealing w/ his PTSD. He is not lying about that.)
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
A little input...I am going to school for mental health counseling and specializing in trauma and crisis and tend to focus my writing on PTSD. It, like any other person with any kind of depressive or anxious state can act like A holes!! They tend to be worse if they aren't seeking help!! I'm not caught up on everyone so I don't know of he's on Meds or goes to therapy, but if not, and he's not planning to, I would t encourage a healthy person to become too involved (though its totally your choice!!!). I've heard a lot of cases of cheating, anger, and just a lot of moodiness!!

From a personal standpoint, don't let him use PTSD as an excuse to be an A hole! He wants to play the victim, but I believe everyone has control over their behaviors and choices (there's a whole therapeutic theory on This line of thinking lol). Mind over matter!!

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!! That's a touch spot! I've dated guys with depression and anxiety and some were getting help and even tho I'm no with them, someone would be fine with them. Others morph into alcoholics and can be very verbally or physically abusive so just keep an eye out for warning signs.
I have yet another date tonight but this one is a 2nd date. Now taking bets on how I'll screw this one up...
In search of a lost signature...

A little input...I am going to school for mental health counseling and specializing in trauma and crisis and tend to focus my writing on PTSD. It, like any other person with any kind of depressive or anxious state can act like A holes!! They tend to be worse if they aren't seeking help!! I'm not caught up on everyone so I don't know of he's on Meds or goes to therapy, but if not, and he's not planning to, I would t encourage a healthy person to become too involved (though its totally your choice!!!). I've heard a lot of cases of cheating, anger, and just a lot of moodiness!!

From a personal standpoint, don't let him use PTSD as an excuse to be an A hole! He wants to play the victim, but I believe everyone has control over their behaviors and choices (there's a whole therapeutic theory on This line of thinking lol). Mind over matter!!

Good luck with whatever you choose to do!! That's a touch spot! I've dated guys with depression and anxiety and some were getting help and even tho I'm no with them, someone would be fine with them. Others morph into alcoholics and can be very verbally or physically abusive so just keep an eye out for warning signs.
Originally Posted by sus811
Fascinating. Thanks for weighing in.

Yes, he is in intensive therapy at the VA. He goes every two weeks and is seen by a psychiatrist. And it's not an hour appt but more ike 2 or 3 hours each time he goes. And he has to to homework and they have to go out in public into settings that make him feel uncomfortable, etc.

He was telling me that his doctor had told him he should try to meet someone. Not someone who would use him or play games w/ him...but the right woman would be a great way to get him out of the house and give him "someone thing to feel responsible for" like he had been responsible for his soldiers all these years. (Whatever the hell that's supposed to mean.)

He admitted to me that he has cried himself to sleep that he is so lonely and depressed since retiring.

So I was like, cool, I'm here! No need to feel lonely anymore.

The other day, he pulled a muscle in his back and i told him I would rub it out for him. So it turned into an hr long massage and afterward he seemed soooo appreciative. He apprarently told his doctor two days later that the massage I gave him took him to a place, mentaly, he's never been since his injury. For the first time in 4 yrs, during the massage, he was able to completely relax and he wasn't having intrusive thoughts or istening for weird sounds or feeling guilty or anything. He said it was like the most awesome feeling.

So his doctor was really encouraged by that and thought he could be onto something so she set up an appt for him to have a professional massage. And he hated it (even though the massage therapist was a woman). He said he felt especially tense during it and would never go back.

So he asked me for another one that night and I told him sure. And I was thinking...you better never leave me! LOL

OMG, yes, he uses PTSD as an excuse for everything!

He says his condition has improved significantly...so I felt confident it would continue to do so, and he would eventually stop focusing so much on it.

My question: do the PTSD a-holes know they are being a-holes?

Thanks, everyone.

I know he is a lot of work and there are a lot of drawbacks to being involved w/ someone like this.
But I just thought he was the nicest, most gentle, easy to talk to guy I had ever met...and I felt (earlier on) that he was worth it.

But maybe he has made the decision for me
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Last edited by spiderlashes5000; 10-10-2012 at 04:47 PM.
Sorry about Army Spider, He seemed like a real keeper. Alas! Hope it works out.
I have yet another date tonight but this one is a 2nd date. Now taking bets on how I'll screw this one up...
Originally Posted by ursula
How did it go???
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

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