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Old 08-16-2008, 01:54 PM   #41
 
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It hurts so much.......
I feel so bad for you; you don't deserve this treatment. I've been in the same situation (unfortunately many of us have) and I can honestly tell you that what may seem the most horrible pain you are in now emotionally will fade. My life is SOOOOOOOO much better without my jerk and yours will be, too.

Keep yourself busy; reach out to your friends for support, and whatever you do, do not blame yourself for the breakup and never, ever take him back. He will only keep treating you badly again and again. Don't buy the 'depression excuse' if he decides to slither back into your life. I suffer from depression and he's being a total zero.

Think of a hobby, something you've always wanted to do and do it. Take a class, anything to keep yourself busy.

He's a jerk and you deserve so much better. Make that your new mantra.
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:02 PM   #42
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Ninja Dog:

My heart hurts for you; what he did to you is inexcusable. Although in the long run, what he did was save you a long term heartache.

You are one of my favorite posters on here. From what I can tell, you have such a big heart and are a very strong woman.

It hurts like hell right now, but in the long run, you will look back on this and reflect that you deserve better and you will find better.

Take care of yourself; I know you are a writer, have you done journaling? Immerse yourself in good things, things that you like doing.

I too, have been there before. You will pull through this.

(((HUGS)))
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Old 08-16-2008, 02:26 PM   #43
 
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Don't buy the 'depression excuse' if he decides to slither back into your life. I suffer from depression and he's being a total zero.
Agreed.

I had to end my relationship when I was suffering from depression, but I never placed the blame solely on that. I took responsibility for what I was doing.



Also, [separate from the above point] IME and IMO, this is not the time for ninja dog to be concerned about him. She needs to focus on herself.

ninja, you're obviously deeply hurting. I'm so sorry. PM me if you need to talk, okay?

{{{hugs}}} to you. Let your animals help you through. They're great friends in times like this.
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:09 PM   #44
 
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What a turd. Sounds like he has too many problems that he can't deal with well.

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I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.

I second these thoughts. Relationships shouldn't be so much work, and I think years from now you'll actually be thanking your lucky stars that it ended before you got deeply embroiled with a house and kids together. I hope the shock and loneliness eases for you soon.
I agree. Although it hurts like hell now, someday you'll be thankful. I've been there before too. Best advice: listen to some sad songs, cry your eyes out, then move on. It takes time, but if you get the hurt out of your system, then make a conscious effort to let it go, it helps. It's not going to happen overnight though. Wish it could for you though.

I can't find the group hug smiley, but ((BIG HUGS)) to you. Come back and rant, cry, whatever it takes. We're here for you.
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Old 08-16-2008, 03:14 PM   #45
 
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About 11 years ago I found myself in your shoes. I still remember the absolutely indescribable heartache. I'm so thankful that I didn't marry that man, my life would surely have been nothing but pure misery. You'll learn this one day too. It took me literally years to get over him...just give it as much time as you need. I'm so sorry you have to go through this.
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Old 08-16-2008, 05:33 PM   #46
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Ninja Dog,

C'mon over and we'll have ice cream, cookies, potato chips and watch girlie flicks and cry our eyes out! You're in my thoughts and prayers. The pain is real right now but you will look back in time and realize he saved you further pain.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:02 PM   #47
 
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I am so sorry. I know it is hard and I know you are dealing with incredible hurt, but please do try and realize that it is probably for the best if this is the person that he is. You deserve so SO much better. ((((((((HUGS))))))))) to you!
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:20 PM   #48
 
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((hugs)) I'm so sorry.
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Old 08-16-2008, 07:43 PM   #49
 
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Thank you all. It really helps me to know that so many of you have me in your thoughts. I hope that soon, so soon, that's enough to keep me aloft.

I hate the feeling of missing someone who hurt me so much.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:20 PM   #50
 
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What a jerk. I can't believe the way he handled it. I feel for you so much.

Do what I do. I go buy a journal (or spiral notebook in my case), write all my feelings out, so they're out there, then I burn the notebook.

Isn't the girl supposed to keep the ring if the engagement is broken off by the man? I would have slapped his face and walked away with the ring. Pawned it or something.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:21 PM   #51
 
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Edited due to a cyberstalker. Sorry, guys.

Last edited by Koukla72; 02-17-2009 at 12:25 AM.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:40 PM   #52
 
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He did not discuss his plan with the counselor in advance. Because of a clerical mistake, his last appointment did not take place. He did not wish to wait for his upcoming appointment before taking action.

He's never had a relationship as long as ours. His college girlfriend refused his proposal of marriage. He has health problems, and has recently begun having episodes of depression (which I worried were because he wasn't happy with our relationship, and asked him about, and to which I received a firm denial as me or us being the cause, every time). He is in his late 30's; I am close to his age.
I don't know the entire situation, but the bolded just struck me as wrong... what kind of clerical mistake?

He's in his late 30's and hasn't had a long standing relationship. Is he afraid to commit... or may be he is hiding something or running from something.

Regardless, I know it hurts so very much. Time will help you heal this wound. The question is...when he comes crawling back... are you REALLY gonna take him. You know the saying, "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
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Old 08-16-2008, 09:02 PM   #53
 
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I am so sorry this happened to you. I hope that in time you will heal and this will open you up to better opportunities.
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Old 08-17-2008, 02:28 AM   #54
 
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As you can see most of us have been in your situation & we got thru it with time. I know that I personally look back on my experience & it was for the best. I'm so thankful that he is not in my life today. Hang in there, sweetie. Better things are yet to come.
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Old 08-17-2008, 07:55 AM   #55
 
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I'm trying so hard to be okay.....
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Old 08-17-2008, 08:27 AM   #56
 
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I'm sorry you're going through this shattering experience. Losing a partner unexpectedly is devastating.

Will you continue seeing a counselor, maybe a different one?
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Old 08-17-2008, 10:05 AM   #57
 
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I'm trying so hard to be okay.....
You will be, but it'll be a while. You've lost something major in your life, you need time to grieve. Don't push yourself to feel better.
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Old 08-17-2008, 10:14 AM   #58
 
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I'm trying so hard to be okay.....
You are okay, even if you are experiencing very painful feelings. When we're in pain it always feels endless, but it's actually quite fleeting as long as we allow ourselves to accept it and feel it fully.
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Old 08-17-2008, 10:17 AM   #59
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Hey, Ninja Dog, ya know, it's okay to not be okay. Grief is hard to deal with and you are dealing with a loss. Cry, scream, punch things, sending me all your cookies/chocolate...do whatever it takes to help release your feelings.
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Old 08-17-2008, 10:40 AM   #60
 
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my ex-fiance announced one morning that he didn't want to be engaged to me anymore. he asked for the ring back and the answer was no because he broke the engagement.
i hope your ex-fiance took the ring off of your finger that he placed it in the palm of your hand because that ring legally beloongs to you.
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