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Old 08-15-2008, 10:49 PM   #1
 
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Default He did it (long)

again.

Tonight at 5:00, my fiance called me and ended our engagement. We've been together 3.5 years, engaged for 6 months.

I can't say he hasn't done this before. We were apart for three months in our first year together as a result. In the past, a reason has always ultimately emerged: he's hurt, or he's angry. We have seen a counselor, and many issues have been resolved, or at least improved. I've been proud of his --and our--progress. Especially his.

He insists this time is different (he's said that before, too). This was the weekend when he was going to talk with his wealthy family about assisting us with buying a house (I don't earn enough for a mortgage loan, and it recently emerged that his credit isn't tip top, although that's from carelessness, not overspending). He's very ashamed about having to admit to his self-made success of a father that he has bad credit.

So, although I gave him no ultimatums, and would have been willing to work out an alternative (such as renting a house, instead), he announced today, out of the blue, that he does not love me anymore. When we met to talk, he removed the engagement ring from my finger. He did not say goodbye to our pets (who adore him). He was stunned when I refused his offer to remain friends.

He did not discuss his plan with the counselor in advance. Because of a clerical mistake, his last appointment did not take place. He did not wish to wait for his upcoming appointment before taking action.

He's never had a relationship as long as ours. His college girlfriend refused his proposal of marriage. He has health problems, and has recently begun having episodes of depression (which I worried were because he wasn't happy with our relationship, and asked him about, and to which I received a firm denial as me or us being the cause, every time). He is in his late 30's; I am close to his age.

I accept that this has happened, but this person was my partner. We've been planning our future. I'm shocked, and very scared about the loneliness I will feel.

Help.
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:50 PM   #2
 
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I'm so sorry.

{{{hugs}}}
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:54 PM   #3
 
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Oh geez. I'm so sorry for you, especially as you didn't see it coming. I hope you'll be ok, I really do.

[[[hug]]]
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:54 PM   #4
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Quote:
he removed the engagement ring from my finger.

wow...just wow....

We are here for you. I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this. Time will make it better. (((hugs)))
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Old 08-15-2008, 10:58 PM   #5
 
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I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:00 PM   #6
 
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.

Last edited by wireyfireyringletz; 11-13-2008 at 01:57 PM.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:01 PM   #7
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violets View Post
I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.

I second these thoughts. Relationships shouldn't be so much work, and I think years from now you'll actually be thanking your lucky stars that it ended before you got deeply embroiled with a house and kids together. I hope the shock and lonliness eases for you soon.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:02 PM   #8
 
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I'm so sorry. How dare he take the engagement ring off your finger. You are so much better without him, tho' I'm sure you don't realize that right now. If you had of married him, you would have probably been on a roller coaster ride that wouldn't have been fun. You are actually lucky he broke it off. Hang in there, sweetie, and do everything to get your mind off of him. Do everything for you right now. Be selfish. He doesn't deserve you. Keep telling yourself that.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:40 PM   #9
 
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Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.

Quote:
In the past, a reason has always ultimately emerged: he's hurt, or he's angry.
That seems like an awful lot of heartache and stress to have to deal with on your part every time he does that.

(((hugs)))
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:46 PM   #10
 
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I'm so sorry.
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Old 08-15-2008, 11:50 PM   #11
 
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Thank you.

It just....it just hurts so much right now.
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Old 08-16-2008, 12:29 AM   #12
 
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Definitely it hurts! There are so many of us who have been there & we do understand. It's in our past, but it is in your present & you will have to endure this. I assure you that you will look back on this as a blessing that you didn't get more involved. i know that doesn't help you now. You have to go thru the grieving process. Just know that many of us have been there & we will be there for you. ((HUGS))
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Old 08-16-2008, 04:20 AM   #13
 
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Oh how awful for you. *hugs* You must be feeling terrible right now. I second what has already been said. He sounds like he has problems. It's not you, it's him, and some time from now, you will meet someone wonderful. For now, be kind to yourself and I'm here if you want to talk.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:04 AM   #14
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl View Post
Quote:
he removed the engagement ring from my finger.

wow...just wow....

We are here for you. I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this. Time will make it better. (((hugs)))
ITA. I'm sorry, Ninja.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:12 AM   #15
 
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So sorry for you. *HUGS*

Like others have said, it seems he may have some longstanding emotional issues that in the long run probably would have meant the demise of your marriage.

Take care of yourself during these trying times.
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Old 08-16-2008, 06:14 AM   #16
 
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ninja, as you're one of my favorite people on this forum, i really feel for you. i'm so sorry this is happening. i hope you will be able to rise above this.
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Old 08-16-2008, 07:43 AM   #17
 
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I'm so sorry. Breakups suck.
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Old 08-16-2008, 07:56 AM   #18
 
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I'm so sorry he did this to you.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:08 AM   #19
 
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Ugh, what a pile of suck. I'm so sorry.

I went through something similar almost 5 years ago now. My SO of over 5 years suddenly announced that he was leaving, and that was that. It's such a rug-pulled-from-under-you feeling.

If this time is for real, and he really is gone, all I can say it that it does get better. Not for a while, but it does... you move on and then one day you realize you truly are better off, probably way better off. If you lived together, moving out of the home you shared will help tremendously. A change of scenery can do wonders.

I am so glad my ex left me when he did. At the time, I thought I was going to die, but if that's what I had to go through to get to where I am now, it was truly the best thing for me.

Hug your beasts, and allow yourself to be sad right now.
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Old 08-16-2008, 08:11 AM   #20
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by violets View Post
I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.

ITA. {{{Hugs}}}
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