He did it (long)

Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
again.

Tonight at 5:00, my fiance called me and ended our engagement. We've been together 3.5 years, engaged for 6 months.

I can't say he hasn't done this before. We were apart for three months in our first year together as a result. In the past, a reason has always ultimately emerged: he's hurt, or he's angry. We have seen a counselor, and many issues have been resolved, or at least improved. I've been proud of his --and our--progress. Especially his.

He insists this time is different (he's said that before, too). This was the weekend when he was going to talk with his wealthy family about assisting us with buying a house (I don't earn enough for a mortgage loan, and it recently emerged that his credit isn't tip top, although that's from carelessness, not overspending). He's very ashamed about having to admit to his self-made success of a father that he has bad credit.

So, although I gave him no ultimatums, and would have been willing to work out an alternative (such as renting a house, instead), he announced today, out of the blue, that he does not love me anymore. When we met to talk, he removed the engagement ring from my finger. He did not say goodbye to our pets (who adore him). He was stunned when I refused his offer to remain friends.

He did not discuss his plan with the counselor in advance. Because of a clerical mistake, his last appointment did not take place. He did not wish to wait for his upcoming appointment before taking action.

He's never had a relationship as long as ours. His college girlfriend refused his proposal of marriage. He has health problems, and has recently begun having episodes of depression (which I worried were because he wasn't happy with our relationship, and asked him about, and to which I received a firm denial as me or us being the cause, every time). He is in his late 30's; I am close to his age.

I accept that this has happened, but this person was my partner. We've been planning our future. I'm shocked, and very scared about the loneliness I will feel.

Help.
I'm so sorry.

{{{hugs}}}
Oh geez. I'm so sorry for you, especially as you didn't see it coming. I hope you'll be ok, I really do.

[[[hug]]]
Band Geek to the Core.
Geometry Ain't My Thing. XD

http://public.fotki.com/MagicMarkers92/
Pass: Qtip
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
he removed the engagement ring from my finger.

wow...just wow....

We are here for you. I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this. Time will make it better. (((hugs)))
I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.
.

Last edited by wireyfireyringletz; 11-13-2008 at 01:57 PM.
I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.
Originally Posted by violets

I second these thoughts. Relationships shouldn't be so much work, and I think years from now you'll actually be thanking your lucky stars that it ended before you got deeply embroiled with a house and kids together. I hope the shock and lonliness eases for you soon.
I'm so sorry. How dare he take the engagement ring off your finger. You are so much better without him, tho' I'm sure you don't realize that right now. If you had of married him, you would have probably been on a roller coaster ride that wouldn't have been fun. You are actually lucky he broke it off. Hang in there, sweetie, and do everything to get your mind off of him. Do everything for you right now. Be selfish. He doesn't deserve you. Keep telling yourself that.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry.

In the past, a reason has always ultimately emerged: he's hurt, or he's angry.
That seems like an awful lot of heartache and stress to have to deal with on your part every time he does that.

(((hugs)))
http://unpavedpath.blogspot.com/
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Thank you.

It just....it just hurts so much right now.
Definitely it hurts! There are so many of us who have been there & we do understand. It's in our past, but it is in your present & you will have to endure this. I assure you that you will look back on this as a blessing that you didn't get more involved. i know that doesn't help you now. You have to go thru the grieving process. Just know that many of us have been there & we will be there for you. ((HUGS))
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
Oh how awful for you. *hugs* You must be feeling terrible right now. I second what has already been said. He sounds like he has problems. It's not you, it's him, and some time from now, you will meet someone wonderful. For now, be kind to yourself and I'm here if you want to talk.
Yes, my tail is naturally curly.
No, it was NOT me who cried 'wee wee wee wee wee' all the way home.
he removed the engagement ring from my finger.

wow...just wow....

We are here for you. I'm sorry you are dealing w/ this. Time will make it better. (((hugs)))
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl
ITA. I'm sorry, Ninja.
So sorry for you. *HUGS*

Like others have said, it seems he may have some longstanding emotional issues that in the long run probably would have meant the demise of your marriage.

Take care of yourself during these trying times.
Current Products: CJ Products: CF, DF, CT, SG, AFG, CIAB AND CK is back!
Current Experiment: S&C by D

Curl Fix and Daily Fix are my HGs


Sulphate and cone free since July 2007

wavy/curly fine texture/medium porosity/medium-low density

http://public.fotki.com/whatsercurl/

PW: wavycurly

Seek not to change the world. Rather seek to change your mind about the world.
ninja, as you're one of my favorite people on this forum, i really feel for you. i'm so sorry this is happening. i hope you will be able to rise above this.
*~*displaced yooper*~*
\m/ \m/

master quigley and queen ruby, my puppy loves <3
Ugh, what a pile of suck. I'm so sorry.

I went through something similar almost 5 years ago now. My SO of over 5 years suddenly announced that he was leaving, and that was that. It's such a rug-pulled-from-under-you feeling.

If this time is for real, and he really is gone, all I can say it that it does get better. Not for a while, but it does... you move on and then one day you realize you truly are better off, probably way better off. If you lived together, moving out of the home you shared will help tremendously. A change of scenery can do wonders.

I am so glad my ex left me when he did. At the time, I thought I was going to die, but if that's what I had to go through to get to where I am now, it was truly the best thing for me.

Hug your beasts, and allow yourself to be sad right now.
The best revenge is living well. The second best revenge is fire ants.
I am sorry.
Perhaps when you walk away from it all you will realize it was for the best.
I know you are scared about loneliness but it is better than being in a bad relationship.
Originally Posted by violets

ITA. {{{Hugs}}}
Location: Chicago

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
Malcolm X

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 11:24 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com