my story...long

well i want to share my story since you girls are like family and sharing may help in my healing, i hope.

around march i connected with a guy that i'd met last november. he's twice divorced, no kids but i thought he seemed nice and we had things in common. we'd talked off and on. dated a little but nothing physical. there wasn't anything wrong but things never really stuck, until march. we started dating and things were intense and nice. the "issue" that seemed to keep coming up was that he'd sort of pull away and not talk seemingly over nothing. this happened several times. when we'd reconnect he'd say he wasn't sure i wasn't into him, that i cared enough. it was frustrating but i stuck with him and did grow to care for him a lot. things went at a super fast pace and we were involved in a sexual relationship. that part of the relationship was intense but the issue of him getting upset about things (like me not sending him a text message every morning when i got to work) persisted. i felt like he'd drink and get upset over nothing. he felt like he could handle his drinking because he never missed work or he could drive but i felt like he would get extremely angry especially when drinking. when i brought it up to him and in counseling, he dismissed it. anyway, there was one time where we had sex that we weren't careful and i became pregnant. this happened in april and by the time i took the pregnancy test and found out in may, he was not speaking to me (again). of course after i took the test i called him. he was happy, always wanted kids. we started up again even though i felt that if it weren't for the pregnancy we'd be through after that last "breakup".

for the next 4 months there was so much up and down. so much stress. so many tears. i never felt really connected with my baby but i began to be happy and want the baby even though we weren't married and i was nervous about how my boss would take the news. well there were times while i was pregnant that he would not talk to me because he was upset. the last major time being around 4th of july. i got sick with somenella and it was bad but the baby was fine afterwards. we saw an ultrasound and everything was okay. the first trimester testing was all good. we talked after the 4th and he seemed to really get it. he talked to his parents. i'd gone to a counselor that i've seen off an on and i felt stronger. so we got back together and i thought that was it. things would be better. well last weekend (starting thurs) he got upset again. it lead to him being upset on friday and a whole series of very bad things happening over the weekend. again we weren't talking.

on wed i went to the dr. for my 16 week prenatal appt (i was 17 weeks) the dr. couldn't find my baby's heartbeat. my baby had passed away. i called and told the guy. he was shocked. he offered to come to the drs office but i was so devastated and i didn't want him there. i felt like he was partly responsible. i truly felt that all the stress from the previous weekend contributed to the baby's demise even though they say stress doesn't cause infant mortality.

because of how far along i was i ended up having to have labor induced. it was the longest day of my life but it also gave me time for healing and to come to terms with everything throughout the day. time that i wouldn't have had they done that procedure that is similar to a dnc which would have been over in 30 mins. my nurses were wonderful, angels really. i got a memory box with some wonderful things in it. labor wasn't very difficult cause i had lots of meds and the baby was small. i had no complications and my uterus went back down in size right away. they said i could try to get pregnant again in 6-8 weeks. my regular ob/gyn was there to deliver the baby and he was great. the baby's umbilical cord was too thin. it was normal from the placenta towards the baby but from the babies navel out it got very thin (like a rope that shredded but was still attached) and the baby couldn't get the nutrients he needed. my mother saw the baby, i didn't want to look. she said he seemed fine, he was intact and looked beautiful. it's something random and there's nothing that could have been done differently but i still think the stress i was under didn't help me or the baby. the baby was a boy just like i always thought.

i realize that if i hadn't gotten pregnant i would have never seen just how insensitive and cold he could be towards me. he didn't call me at all on thurs (the day after i found out). he called at 1 am fri morning but i didn't hear the phone, i was asleep in the hospital. they started the induction process at 12:30 am. i delivered the baby at 6:22 pm. my parents were the ones that were with me. even though we were all sad my parents said i should be relieved that i don't have to have him in my life. now i can make a clean break from all this. i just feel so devastated. i lost my baby, the relationship. i just feel so, well i can't explain it....but bad. i just want to live a happy life and not be down forever about this. i've been through so much with guys that i've been with and now this. i know everything happens for a reason but this is such a tough life lesson. i'm tired of drama. i just need some real sunshine in my life. i truly hope that i can heal and recover and meet a great guy and have happy and healthy babies, it's what i've always wanted.
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Last edited by luvmylocs; 08-17-2008 at 12:09 PM.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
i'm so sorry.. {{{hugs}}}


i'll be thinking of you..
Ah, it all makes sense now. Goldy is the puppet master!
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Wow, girl, I'm so sorry. I had no idea. (((major hugs))) PM/email me anytime, 'k?

Last edited by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl; 08-16-2008 at 05:57 PM.
I had no idea! I'm so very sorry for your loss. Your in my prayers.


ETA: Okay. I read this again and started to cry. Your right Luvmylocs and that at times we are like family. I remember you mentioning him in passing and I cheered for your relationship. Now I'm so sad for its demise and the loss of your baby. Thank you for sharing something so extremely painful with us so you don't have to go through it alone.
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Last edited by afrosheenqueen; 08-17-2008 at 12:04 AM.
I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you find strength and solace in this difficult time... remember that all things in our lives happen for a reason, and this will make you a better and stronger person. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry for everything you have suffered recently. You and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers.


"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -- Theodor Seuss Geisel
Wow I am so sorry, but keep strong, you have your family just stay strong..
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Wow I can't even imagine what you're going through now. I'm so sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts!
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I'm so sorry.... You've been through an awful lot in just a few months and your hormones are fluctuating like crazy - you're likely to experience all sorts of conflicting emotions. Give yourself some time to grieve and heal at your own pace. Be well.
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I am so sorry to hear this. I hope you find some peace and have time to heal.
May you be granted peace and healing. My thoughts are with you, your baby, and your family.
(((hugs))) I'm so sorry you're going through this.
There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
I'm so sorry for your loss and all you've been through. I'm very glad your mom and dad are so supportive of you. Talk to them, lean on them and let them love you.
< member since 2006. No idea where 1969 came from.
My heart goes out to you, for all you've been going through. I am so sorry about your child. Please take time and give yourself space to grieve your loss.
formerly Castella
(my dogs aren't snarly, my hair is)
i am so, so sorry to hear this. what another poster said about your hormones wrecking havoc is true--it's going to exacerbate the pain you are feeling right now. but know that you will get through this. you will always miss your baby, but the pain will get better with time.

losing the pregnancy and your relationship is an awful lot of loss to experience at the same time. your parents sound very loving, so lean on them.

you will love again! there are good men out there who know how to give and receive love.

be kind to yourself.

sending you a hug.
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Oh, hon. I am so sorry. I can't imagine how painful it must be to lose a baby and then to have to deliver. My heart goes out to you. And then to have to deal with the loss of a relationship on top of it? I am so sorry.

I'm glad your parents are there for you right now. Please be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, both for the loss of your baby and the relationship. I hope that the ex leaves you alone and allows you to heal. You're in my thoughts. I hope you find happiness and peace in the future.
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So much to process at once.

Having a miscarriage is tragic and life altering to begin with but outside a stable relationship it must be truly devestating.

Take care of yourself and accept the strength and support your parents have to give you.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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