Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-17-2008, 12:58 PM   #21
 
The New Black's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 13,683
Default

I can't believe the paper published it, if it's real....
The New Black is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 01:07 PM   #22
 
redcelticcurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 14,014
Send a message via Yahoo to redcelticcurls
Default

I can think of a couple of people who deserve that kind of obit.

I have to agree that it's more honest than the false positive eulogies for people.
__________________
Kiva! Microfinance works.

Med/Coarse, porous curly.
redcelticcurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 01:33 PM   #23
 
Wiregirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 1,752
Default

I love it, just wish I had the balls to write this for my father when died.
Wiregirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 02:46 PM   #24
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,454
Default

Is it me? I didn't find it to be that bad...more sad for the her and the family. From the reactions, I thought it was going to be really really mean and unflattering.

I wonder if she was just too tired (if I counted correctly, she had 9 children) and if it was part of her generation that she couldn't show her emotions.
__________________
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
Zinnia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 02:56 PM   #25
 
The New Black's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 13,683
Default

Windflower...it was really mean and unflattering...I thought
The New Black is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 03:19 PM   #26
 
Kaia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 10,262
Default

Wow, sad. But yeah, I do think some people deserve that. If writing this publicly helps the family heal, then it's worth it. I didn't think it was mean. And to those saying you can't believe that someone went through life doing nothing positive, the obit does say they may think back on the few good times as well.
__________________
*Poster formerly known as Bailey422*

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. ~ George Carlin
Kaia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 03:21 PM   #27
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 10,088
Default

I could honestly see myself writing something similar about my mother. Not as an obit to publish, but as something personal to get my feelings out.
internetchick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 03:25 PM   #28
need_hair_repair
Guest
 
Posts: n/a
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by internetchick View Post
I could honestly see myself writing something similar about my mother. Not as an obit to publish, but as something personal to get my feelings out.

This is exactly what I was thinking and how I feel.
  Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 04:32 PM   #29
 
Eilonwy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 12,124
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Elicia View Post
see i don't believe she could have been all bad there had to be someone somewhere that she made a positive impact (however brief) on . How is it possible to walk through life without leaving at least one positive print .
i think that obituary is more telling about the people in her life than her life .
It's pretty common for people who are abused to focus on the few nice or neutral things that their abusers do. This allows the abused people to be in denial about their situation. I think it's healthy that whoever wrote this isn't stuck in that trap.

I think that what it tells about the person who wrote this is that he or she is breathing a huge sigh of relief, and is hoping to see some changes in the family.
Eilonwy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 04:53 PM   #30
 
midgi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,818
Default

My mom would write a similar obituary for her dad. I'd call him my "grandfather" but I've never met him and as far as I'm concerned he doesn't exist. The stories she told me about her childhood make it real easy for me to write such a disturbed man off.
__________________
I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
midgi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 05:40 PM   #31
 
Amneris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 25,108
Default

I don't think that that should have been written and it doesn't speak well for the writer/s, regardless of what went on. If they couldn't manage to say anything nice, then they shouldn't have said anything at all (no obituary, or else just give her name, date of passing, names of children and grandchildren and say "no funeral will be held and no flowers please." That would have made the same point without dragging your family's name through the mud.)

I don't doubt that this person hurt a lot of people, but for their own healing, it might be good to try and find the speck of good in her that had to have been there. Also, regardless of what happened, she is their mother/grandmother, and in my opinion, you should always honour your parents and grandparents - they were given to you and you have no others. Yes, I know that there are parents who abuse and neglect their children, and I don't mean that you should pretend that they are great parents or great people, but you also don't have to stoop to their level.
__________________
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Amneris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 05:50 PM   #32
 
LoloDSM's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 3,770
Default

That left me speechless and in awe. Wow. If this helps the family with their healing process, God bless them. I am not remotely offended by this. As someone who survived an abusive relationship, I know how cathartic it is to be open what happened.
__________________
Loose botticelli curls and waves
No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
LoloDSM is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 05:54 PM   #33
 
CurlsWannaHaveFun's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,761
Default

Damn.

I don't know if anyone is familiar with Orson Scott Card, sci-fi fantasy writer. He wrote a book called Speaker for the Dead where a chararcter begins going around and "speaking" and individual's truth after their death to the community and family, warts and all so that they can come to peace and better understanding of the person, either beloved or hated, and inspires others throughout the galaxy to do so as well. I think this lady needs one. No one is that grief inducing I suspect without a fair bit of her own grief behind it.
__________________
4a with 3c patches/LOIS daughter O/S spongy fine, natural since 1999

Perfection is not attainable. But if we chase perfection, we can catch excellence.
- Vince Lombardi
CurlsWannaHaveFun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 06:02 PM   #34
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 5,499
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amneris View Post
I don't think that that should have been written and it doesn't speak well for the writer/s, regardless of what went on. If they couldn't manage to say anything nice, then they shouldn't have said anything at all (no obituary, or else just give her name, date of passing, names of children and grandchildren and say "no funeral will be held and no flowers please." That would have made the same point without dragging your family's name through the mud.)

I don't doubt that this person hurt a lot of people, but for their own healing, it might be good to try and find the speck of good in her that had to have been there. Also, regardless of what happened, she is their mother/grandmother, and in my opinion, you should always honour your parents and grandparents - they were given to you and you have no others. Yes, I know that there are parents who abuse and neglect their children, and I don't mean that you should pretend that they are great parents or great people, but you also don't have to stoop to their level.

ITA with your entire post.
__________________
Location: Chicago

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
Malcolm X
YolyC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 06:04 PM   #35
 
legends's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 4,092
Default

My immediate reaction to reading that was sadness for that woman's children. I know people with horrible parents who still feel the need to defend them, so how bad must she have been for her family to publicly trash her like that. No, it's probably not the classiest thing to do, but if it allows them to reach some closure, then they should go right ahead and let it out. Maybe they never felt they can do that while she was alive, and she's dead...she can't be hurt by it anyway.
__________________
Eres o te haces?
legends is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 06:07 PM   #36
 
KindredGhost1983's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,324
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amneris View Post
I don't think that that should have been written and it doesn't speak well for the writer/s, regardless of what went on. If they couldn't manage to say anything nice, then they shouldn't have said anything at all (no obituary, or else just give her name, date of passing, names of children and grandchildren and say "no funeral will be held and no flowers please." That would have made the same point without dragging your family's name through the mud.)

I don't doubt that this person hurt a lot of people, but for their own healing, it might be good to try and find the speck of good in her that had to have been there. Also, regardless of what happened, she is their mother/grandmother, and in my opinion, you should always honour your parents and grandparents - they were given to you and you have no others. Yes, I know that there are parents who abuse and neglect their children, and I don't mean that you should pretend that they are great parents or great people, but you also don't have to stoop to their level.
I completely agree with this portion of your post. Granted I don't know the situation or what this family went through. And maybe it's just my own grief speaking on this. But I would give anything to have my mother spend the same amount of years on this planet that this woman did...despite her faults
__________________
Curlies add me on myspace!

www.myspace.com/agilruth
KindredGhost1983 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 06:12 PM   #37
 
midgi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,818
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amneris View Post
I don't think that that should have been written and it doesn't speak well for the writer/s, regardless of what went on. If they couldn't manage to say anything nice, then they shouldn't have said anything at all (no obituary, or else just give her name, date of passing, names of children and grandchildren and say "no funeral will be held and no flowers please." That would have made the same point without dragging your family's name through the mud.)

I don't doubt that this person hurt a lot of people, but for their own healing, it might be good to try and find the speck of good in her that had to have been there. Also, regardless of what happened, she is their mother/grandmother, and in my opinion, you should always honour your parents and grandparents - they were given to you and you have no others. Yes, I know that there are parents who abuse and neglect their children, and I don't mean that you should pretend that they are great parents or great people, but you also don't have to stoop to their level.
Yea, I guess it wasn't a very classy thing to do. That said, there is evil in this world that most of us will never even begin to understand and I'm sure that the words written in the obituary-- as hateful as they are-- don't even begin to appease the individual who wrote them.
__________________
I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
midgi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 06:55 PM   #38
 
automaticflowers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 4,311
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Amneris View Post
Also, regardless of what happened, she is their mother/grandmother, and in my opinion, you should always honour your parents and grandparents - they were given to you and you have no others. Yes, I know that there are parents who abuse and neglect their children, and I don't mean that you should pretend that they are great parents or great people, but you also don't have to stoop to their level.
I have to disagree... I actually feel bad for the family of the woman who died. She must have done some terrible things for them to sign off on such an obit.

Lots of people have children when they shouldn't. Why should they be given consideration when they didn't show any themselves; just because they used their reproductive organs?

Some people are toxic and evil, and don't deserve to be remembered in a positive light. If she was really that bad, I think they honored her enough if they all didn't leave her to spend her last years alone.
automaticflowers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 07:04 PM   #39
 
KindredGhost1983's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,324
Default

Starting to change my tune here....

I projected a bit in my last post. I can't imagine wanting someone who hurt/killed one of my family members to be remembered in a positive light.
__________________
Curlies add me on myspace!

www.myspace.com/agilruth
KindredGhost1983 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2008, 07:22 PM   #40
 
Peppy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Posts: 8,559
Default

When I click on the link, I get:

You may have reached a URL that is invalid. Please click here to go to our homepage.

Can someone copy and paste or paraphrase?
Peppy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Trending Topics[-]hide

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:56 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com