Am I the only one that get's crapped on?

Well, I've only attended a grand total of two weddings in my life (I am NOT a wedding person) but I thought if you were invited to the wedding, you are also invited to the reception. Is it common to have a reception that is sort of exclusive? If so, how do you get around all the hurt feelings?

I will say that someone once showed me her wedding invitation after the invites got printed, and I thought she was GIVING me an invitation. Then she snatched it out of my hands and said it was just to look at, that I wasn't invited. Snit #1! Then I found out later that she invited other people from the same group, but not me. Snit to end all snits! Although I was OK with it (other than the wounded pride), because of not being a wedding person, but I still hate the people she did invite and they are on my list of people who will burn in hell even though it isn't their fault but really it is, because they made darn sure to let me know that they were "in" and I was crapped on.

Oh, and also, as long as I'm probing the wound, guess which martyr went to ballroom dance classes with this couple so that they could dance at their reception? And because they didn't want to go to the class alone. That's right. ME.
formerly Castella
(my dogs aren't snarly, my hair is)
Who invites people to the wedding and not the reception? I've heard it the other way around, but that just sounds tacky.
Originally Posted by LoloDSM
My friend did this. She was on a budget(got married during college). I thought it was tacky and really uncomfortable when another friend(who was invited to the wedding and not the reception) asked me if I knew anything about the reception.
Who invites people to the wedding and not the reception? I've heard it the other way around, but that just sounds tacky.
Originally Posted by LoloDSM
My friend did this. She was on a budget(got married during college). I thought it was tacky and really uncomfortable when another friend(who was invited to the wedding and not the reception) asked me if I knew anything about the reception.
Originally Posted by Josephine
It is tacky and just comes across as begging for gifts. There is really no good way to explain it away.
Given oso's badmouthing the husband on this thread, I'm not the least bit surprised she's not invited to the reception.

Let me guess - in the whole group of friends, you're the one with the big problem with him, and you make him uncomfortable?

Sounds to me like having you at the reception would be crapping on him, so your friend compromised and got him to agree to having you at their ceremony. Then you crapped on your friend by saying you wouldn't honor their marriage if you didn't get free food and a party, where you didn't get along with one of the guests of honor.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
Given oso's badmouthing the husband on this thread, I'm not the least bit surprised she's not invited to the reception.

Let me guess - in the whole group of friends, you're the one with the big problem with him, and you make him uncomfortable?

Sounds to me like having you at the reception would be crapping on him, so your friend compromised and got him to agree to having you at their ceremony. Then you crapped on your friend by saying you wouldn't honor their marriage if you didn't get free food and a party, where you didn't get along with one of the guests of honor.
Originally Posted by NetG
Yeah, there are two sides to everything, I just think we have a little snippet of the bigger picture here. As a rule I think inviting someone just to the wedding or just to the reception is tacky, but we don't know if the situation is like NetG said. Hmmm....maybe oso can let us have a little more insight, and also why this is the 2nd or however many time this has happened.
It's a rather old-fashioned practice that not everyone is invited to the reception. That's why a lot of pre-printed wedding invitations will say something like "reception immediately following the wedding", or will include a reception card with the invite. They are throwbacks to the old days. Back in the day, you weren't supposed to assume you were invited to the reception when you got a wedding invite, unless you also got the card, or the invite specifically said so.

It's not much practices today, but still...I have been invited to weddings where I wasn't invited to the reception. It was usually casual work friends. I didn't consider it being "crapped on". I considered it a cost-saving measure. Receptions are expensive and some people can only afford to have a limited number of people attend the party, but still want their acquaintences to come to the wedding part. I went, watched the ceremonies, gave my best wishes to the bride and groom, then went home. I gave a smaller gift than I would have if I had been invited to the reception.

I think you're being very ungracious, especially since you have an openly hostile relationship with the groom.
Given oso's badmouthing the husband on this thread, I'm not the least bit surprised she's not invited to the reception.

Let me guess - in the whole group of friends, you're the one with the big problem with him, and you make him uncomfortable?

Sounds to me like having you at the reception would be crapping on him, so your friend compromised and got him to agree to having you at their ceremony. Then you crapped on your friend by saying you wouldn't honor their marriage if you didn't get free food and a party, where you didn't get along with one of the guests of honor.
Originally Posted by NetG
Yeah, this sounds like what I was thinking, too. The bride probably did compromise to get you to the ceremony and I would probably try to be gracious about it and apologize for saying I wouldn't come. Since she is marrying this man, if she's that good of a friend to you, you're going to have to swallow your pride and make nice with him because he will hopefully be around her for many years and if you are so vocal about disliking him, you're going to be the only one not getting invited to their dinner parties, birthdays, anniversaries, kids' births, christenings, birthday parties and graduations.....

I agree that the big important moment at a wedding is (or should be) the ceremony, and it's an honour and a privilege to witness that, especially when specifically invited.

I do also understand that the reception is the fun time to cut loose and celebrate and that if you are the only one in a group of friends not invited to that, it hurts and makes you question the friendship, and you feel left out when everyone else is talking about it. I don't agree that the couple is necessarily expecting a gift, nor do you have to give one if you don't feel moved to do so.
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osocristie
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I'll ask again....what did she say when you told her you wouldn't be at the wedding if you weren't invited to the reception?
Originally Posted by Peppy
Why would the reception be more important than the wedding.

I want the whole event not just half of the events.
I think it is a bit odd getting invited to the wedding, and the showers and not the reception . I have never heard of that before, but dang that is good to know . The next time i get invited to one i am going to have to look at the invitation closer- not knowing that could be a big faux pas

osocristie I could understand being hurt by it, but there has to be more to it . i want to know details... how did she say it ? why? when ? what did she say when you said you weren't going to the wedding if you didn't get cake ? spill it girl .
Castella my dear you no doubt got crapped on that was harsh

national anthem for self-pity
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Honestly, I think you should just make it easy on yourself and just phase her and her husband out of your life.

There's just way to much drama in your life mama! You've got better friends and better things to do with your time then wait around for her to grant you permission to attend her wedding reception. I wouldn't beg. If she doesn't want you there, so be it.

Pettiness comes with a price and I'd be extremely surprised if she chose you over her new husband.
I just want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.
Tacky tacky!!! They are rude and your friend AND hubby both have issues. Him for being a schmuck and your friend for going along with him.

I wouldn't go to their wedding, showers, baby showers, house warmings, NADA!!!! You don't need my money, gifts or support, which it seems is what they really want by asking you to come to the shower.

You don't need that. You are too nice of a person for someone to walk over you like that. You don't need them, if anything they need you. She will need you once he really starts getting on her nerves, cause love is blind but marriage is an eye opener.

Just think of money that will be saved in your pocket from skipping out on their "blessed" events.
Lady Hasytal in the Land of Product in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

"Trust is knowing your SO would do the right thing in the face of strange vagina." Nej
[/B]
I don't think Osocristie is upset b/c she doesn't get a meal/free food at the party after the ceremony. She is upset b/c she is being left out of the celebration after the ceremony.

Yes, the actual wedding is the important part, but it's tacky to only invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception. In that case, don't invite the person to either.

I would be hurt if I was invited to the shower and other events, but not the party/celebration afterward the wedding.

That being said, I do agree with one of the above posters that said the invite to the ceremony only is probably a compromise between the bride and groom, given the groom's relationship with Osocristie.
I don't think Osocristie is upset b/c she doesn't get a meal/free food at the party after the ceremony. She is upset b/c she is being left out of the celebration after the ceremony.

Yes, the actual wedding is the important part, but it's tacky to only invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception. In that case, don't invite the person to either.
Originally Posted by Nessy
Exactly.
Healing Women - Please help.
If you feel that you are always being crapped on by your friends, then maybe you need new friends, or maybe you need to analyze yourself. Just words of wisdom, no snark intended.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
I'll ask again....what did she say when you told her you wouldn't be at the wedding if you weren't invited to the reception?
Originally Posted by Peppy
Why would the reception be more important than the wedding.

I want the whole event not just half of the events.
Originally Posted by osocristie
This doesn't even remotely answer Peppy's question. What did she say when you told her you wouldn't be at either one?
You said that this isn't the first time this has happened to you...I think you either need to evaluate your choice of friends, or perhaps they all have good/valid reasons that they keep doing this.
Why would the reception be more important than the wedding.

I want the whole event not just half of the events.
Originally Posted by osocristie
Oddly enough, this woman's wedding isn't about what you want. Clearly your relationship with the groom is horrid, so the fact that you would want to go to the wedding at all (which is NOT just a cool social event, it's ALSO a celebration of their relationship, which you don't seem to be a big fan of) is kind of a mystery to me.

Keep in mind that because of your horrid relationship with the groom, he probably didn't want you at the wedding at all, and your friend went to bat for you and compromised, inviting you to the ceremony but not the reception. (I do, also, wonder how you found out that you were only invited to one and not the other, and how the bride to be responded when you asked her about it, but since you've evaded those questions so far, I don't expect you to clarify.) If that's not good enough for you, then don't go. Accept that your good friend is in a partnership, and that means she has to consider someone else when she makes plans. Don't expect invitations to dinner parties as their house after they're married, either.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
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Maybe they don't want any drama at their wedding reception.
osocristie
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Given oso's badmouthing the husband on this thread, I'm not the least bit surprised she's not invited to the reception.

Let me guess - in the whole group of friends, you're the one with the big problem with him, and you make him uncomfortable?

Sounds to me like having you at the reception would be crapping on him, so your friend compromised and got him to agree to having you at their ceremony. Then you crapped on your friend by saying you wouldn't honor their marriage if you didn't get free food and a party, where you didn't get along with one of the guests of honor.
Originally Posted by NetG

I am sorry for badmouthing her husband to be. Can you help me with a nicer way to say that he is verbally abusive to me as well as her from no reason? He does that to most of her friends, that is why of the 60 people invited to her shower only 20 showed. Hmmm

And she is totally known for rolling up at other people's receptions with let's seeee.....6 people in tow and one gift! I have seen her and her family do it mutiple times. So yes, as many times as she has slept over at my house, ate my food, and rode in my car, I think it deserves a thank you by allowing me to attend her reception. But many of you have differing opinions, so I guess we agree to disagree.
If you feel that you are always being crapped on by your friends, then maybe you need new friends, or maybe you need to analyze yourself. Just words of wisdom, no snark intended.
Originally Posted by g-stringranny
g-stringranny was on a roll yesterday, imparting wisdom all over. I suggest you pay attention.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
osocristie
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Posts: n/a
Why would the reception be more important than the wedding.

I want the whole event not just half of the events.
Originally Posted by osocristie
Oddly enough, this woman's wedding isn't about what you want. Clearly your relationship with the groom is horrid, so the fact that you would want to go to the wedding at all (which is NOT just a cool social event, it's ALSO a celebration of their relationship, which you don't seem to be a big fan of) is kind of a mystery to me.

Keep in mind that because of your horrid relationship with the groom, he probably didn't want you at the wedding at all, and your friend went to bat for you and compromised, inviting you to the ceremony but not the reception. (I do, also, wonder how you found out that you were only invited to one and not the other, and how the bride to be responded when you asked her about it, but since you've evaded those questions so far, I don't expect you to clarify.) If that's not good enough for you, then don't go. Accept that your good friend is in a partnership, and that means she has to consider someone else when she makes plans. Don't expect invitations to dinner parties as their house after they're married, either.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

2 of our mutual friends called me to tell me that they were invited to the reception. The bride told me I was only invited to the ceremony with her own mouth. When I asked her about it (Like I said above) she asked me why I thought the reception was more important than the wedding ceremony.
I believe if I am invited to one, I should be invited to all.

Don't get me wrong, I am not a tyrant that is going to stand up in the middle of the dance floor and scream how much I hat the groom. Never that! You all have painted me out to be a monster. Ewwww. He and I just have words from time ti time, but I do have anough sense not to entertain his mess at a wedding. Duhh!!!!

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