Am I the only one that get's crapped on?

osocristie
Guest
Posts: n/a
Basically,

I have been left out of yet another GOOD FRIEND'S wedding reception. She and I have been tight for at least 4 years. I have found out that she has invited all of our mutual friends to the reception and not me. Mind you we just hung out last Saturday and had a great time. I do know that her future husband and i don't get along very well, but come on! I told her that I am not going to the wedding if I can't attend the reception.

I feel like I am too nice and people end up using me really bad then crapping on me in the end. I am sick of it!!!

Please tell me that i am not the only one!
I think maybe you two have different definitions of a "good friend". She doesn't sound like a very good friend to me.

ETA: What did she say when you told her you wouldn't be at the wedding if you weren't invited to the reception? What was her reasoning?
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
I think it's the husband's doing, but your friend made the choice to give in to him.

I've seen things like this happen to people before. It's not just you. Also, I think it's the people who do it; it's always so hard to know who's going to make choices like this. And people get freaky about spending at receptions.

I agree with boycotting the wedding, although your friendship will likely fail as a result. Either way, you should let your next get-together come from her. If there is to be one, and you want one, that is.
How can someone invite you to the wedding and not the reception? Did they send separate invitations or what? Every wedding I've ever been to has been if you are invited to the wedding, you're invited to the reception. IMO it's poor form to ask someone to come for the wedding but then not allow them to go to the reception.
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
No. I don't let this kind of ish happen.
I'm sorry you're dealing w/ such a lame 'friend'.
okay edited...i thought you were upset that you weren't in the wedding not that you didn't get an invite to the reception. sorry. that's whack. i agree don't go to the wedding if you're not good enough to get an invite to the reception. but another trend i've noticed is people not allowing you to bring a date and yo uhave to go solo. maybe they are trying to cut costs but still get gifts...sorry disregard my previous message.
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i'm more relaxed being natural

Last edited by luvmylocs; 08-18-2008 at 01:43 PM.
Who invites people to the wedding and not the reception? I've heard it the other way around, but that just sounds tacky.
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just my thoughts...please don't be offended.

(1) if you and the future hubby don't get along why would you want to be in the wedding? that would seem awkward/uncomfortable. perhaps she wanted you in the wedding but he didn't. whose opinion do you think she's going to be more concerned about?

(2) being in weddings is EXPENSIVE. if you're not super close to the person and if they didn't ask you to be in the wedding you might want to consider that a blessing. buy a nice gift, go to the ceremony and reception and have a good time and leave it at that. you'll save hundreds and a lot of stress....

(3) why is it important to you to be in peoples weddings? weddings these days are such a production i don't think it means anything to be in or for that matter not be in someones wedding. is there a deeper issue? if you're hanging with this person and their friend in a more intimate setting that would mean much more to me. is this person even having a big wedding party? my good friend had only her sister in her wedding, didn't mean she didn't have friends but i thought that was really special.

(4) if you feel close enough to this girl to be in her wedding why would you not go if you're not in the wedding party? that seems like a very extreme and selfish response to not getting something you want. maybe keep quiet until you figure out what you want to do before saying what you will and won't do. the bride doesn't need extra stress and is it really worth losing a friendship over one day?

(5) don't take it personal. i'm sure other girls weren't asked to be in the wedding....

hang in there. i know your feelings might be hurt but believe me, in the big picture of life not being asked to be in someones wedding will hardly seem like a blip on the radar a year from now....
Originally Posted by luvmylocs
I don't think her post was about being in the wedding. She was invited to the wedding, but not the reception, correct me if I'm wrong.
Basically,

I have been left out of yet another GOOD FRIEND'S wedding reception. She and I have been tight for at least 4 years. I have found out that she has invited all of our mutual friends to the reception and not me. Mind you we just hung out last Saturday and had a great time. I do know that her future husband and i don't get along very well, but come on! I told her that I am not going to the wedding if I can't attend the reception.

I feel like I am too nice and people end up using me really bad then crapping on me in the end. I am sick of it!!!

Please tell me that i am not the only one!
Originally Posted by osocristie
The bolded makes me raise my eyebrows. The latter part... if someone who I was friends with told me they wouldn't go to my wedding unless they got to go to the party, I'd wonder about how much they actually cared about me. Afterall, the important part of the wedding is the actual WEDDING, not the party. If you haven't got any interest in the actual wedding if not for the party, then how much do you care about her?

And the former, if you have a problem with her intended and you've let it be known, I'm particularly surprised she would want you at her wedding, period. If you're not there to support them, then what's the point?

Sounds to me like Peppy is right on: the two of you have different definitions of what it is to be a Good Friend to someone.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
LoloDSM
Who invites people to the wedding and not the reception? I've heard it the other way around, but that just sounds tacky.
Almost like inviting them to dinner while dictating the menu yourself, and then asking them to pay for it.

Which has happened to me. In France. By another American.

Last edited by ninja dog; 08-18-2008 at 01:46 PM. Reason: add quote
you're right. i corrected my post above

just my thoughts...please don't be offended.

(1) if you and the future hubby don't get along why would you want to be in the wedding? that would seem awkward/uncomfortable. perhaps she wanted you in the wedding but he didn't. whose opinion do you think she's going to be more concerned about?

(2) being in weddings is EXPENSIVE. if you're not super close to the person and if they didn't ask you to be in the wedding you might want to consider that a blessing. buy a nice gift, go to the ceremony and reception and have a good time and leave it at that. you'll save hundreds and a lot of stress....

(3) why is it important to you to be in peoples weddings? weddings these days are such a production i don't think it means anything to be in or for that matter not be in someones wedding. is there a deeper issue? if you're hanging with this person and their friend in a more intimate setting that would mean much more to me. is this person even having a big wedding party? my good friend had only her sister in her wedding, didn't mean she didn't have friends but i thought that was really special.

(4) if you feel close enough to this girl to be in her wedding why would you not go if you're not in the wedding party? that seems like a very extreme and selfish response to not getting something you want. maybe keep quiet until you figure out what you want to do before saying what you will and won't do. the bride doesn't need extra stress and is it really worth losing a friendship over one day?

(5) don't take it personal. i'm sure other girls weren't asked to be in the wedding....

hang in there. i know your feelings might be hurt but believe me, in the big picture of life not being asked to be in someones wedding will hardly seem like a blip on the radar a year from now....
Originally Posted by luvmylocs
I don't think her post was about being in the wedding. She was invited to the wedding, but not the reception, correct me if I'm wrong.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
a dreamy pisces
please recycle, it matters...
i change lives...through fitness
i'm more relaxed being natural
How can someone invite you to the wedding and not the reception? Did they send separate invitations or what? Every wedding I've ever been to has been if you are invited to the wedding, you're invited to the reception. IMO it's poor form to ask someone to come for the wedding but then not allow them to go to the reception.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Most weddings I've been haven't been a separate invitation, necessarily, but have included a separate piece within the invitation's envelope about the reception. Be it a line at the bottom of the invitation, "Reception will follow immediately after ceremony" or a separate information card. Some receptions are held hours, even days after the ceremony, and not always are the same people invited.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
How can someone invite you to the wedding and not the reception? Did they send separate invitations or what? Every wedding I've ever been to has been if you are invited to the wedding, you're invited to the reception. IMO it's poor form to ask someone to come for the wedding but then not allow them to go to the reception.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Most weddings I've been haven't been a separate invitation, necessarily, but have included a separate piece within the invitation's envelope about the reception. Be it a line at the bottom of the invitation, "Reception will follow immediately after ceremony" or a separate information card. Some receptions are held hours, even days after the ceremony, and not always are the same people invited.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT
IDK, to me that would just seem like wanting a gift, but not having to invite the person, which is wrong. I've been invited to someone's wedding shower, but not their wedding, which I also find extremely tacky.
osocristie
Guest
Posts: n/a
Basically,

I have been left out of yet another GOOD FRIEND'S wedding reception. She and I have been tight for at least 4 years. I have found out that she has invited all of our mutual friends to the reception and not me. Mind you we just hung out last Saturday and had a great time. I do know that her future husband and i don't get along very well, but come on! I told her that I am not going to the wedding if I can't attend the reception.

I feel like I am too nice and people end up using me really bad then crapping on me in the end. I am sick of it!!!

Please tell me that i am not the only one!
Originally Posted by osocristie
The bolded makes me raise my eyebrows. The latter part... if someone who I was friends with told me they wouldn't go to my wedding unless they got to go to the party, I'd wonder about how much they actually cared about me. Afterall, the important part of the wedding is the actual WEDDING, not the party. If you haven't got any interest in the actual wedding if not for the party, then how much do you care about her?

And the former, if you have a problem with her intended and you've let it be known, I'm particularly surprised she would want you at her wedding, period. If you're not there to support them, then what's the point?

Sounds to me like Peppy is right on: the two of you have different definitions of what it is to be a Good Friend to someone.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

Her hubby to be feels like he has to attack me with words everytime we go out. I stopped going out with them as much so that I would avoid being attacked by him. She stands up for him when he belittles her in front of people. He is really mean and acts bipolar if you ask me. I spoke to her about this and she seems to act like she doen't know what is going on. But like I said, we still are cool. I feel like the reception is the culmination of the wedding ceremony. She want's my gifts (I was invited to the showers), but she doen't want me to eat their food. Our mutual friends that were invited have known her a short time than she and I have. One of the girls and her husband, she talked about like a dog calling her ugly and saying that she had bad breath, but that same bad breath, ugly girl will be enjoying a meal at the reception. i don't get it!!!
I'll ask again....what did she say when you told her you wouldn't be at the wedding if you weren't invited to the reception?
Basically,

I have been left out of yet another GOOD FRIEND'S wedding reception. She and I have been tight for at least 4 years. I have found out that she has invited all of our mutual friends to the reception and not me. Mind you we just hung out last Saturday and had a great time. I do know that her future husband and i don't get along very well, but come on! I told her that I am not going to the wedding if I can't attend the reception.

I feel like I am too nice and people end up using me really bad then crapping on me in the end. I am sick of it!!!

Please tell me that i am not the only one!
Originally Posted by osocristie
The bolded makes me raise my eyebrows. The latter part... if someone who I was friends with told me they wouldn't go to my wedding unless they got to go to the party, I'd wonder about how much they actually cared about me. Afterall, the important part of the wedding is the actual WEDDING, not the party. If you haven't got any interest in the actual wedding if not for the party, then how much do you care about her?

And the former, if you have a problem with her intended and you've let it be known, I'm particularly surprised she would want you at her wedding, period. If you're not there to support them, then what's the point?

Sounds to me like Peppy is right on: the two of you have different definitions of what it is to be a Good Friend to someone.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

Her hubby to be feels like he has to attack me with words everytime we go out. I stopped going out with them as much so that I would avoid being attacked by him. She stands up for him when he belittles her in front of people. He is really mean and acts bipolar if you ask me. I spoke to her about this and she seems to act like she doen't know what is going on. But like I said, we still are cool. I feel like the reception is the culmination of the wedding ceremony. She want's my gifts (I was invited to the showers), but she doen't want me to eat their food. Our mutual friends that were invited have known her a short time than she and I have. One of the girls and her husband, she talked about like a dog calling her ugly and saying that she had bad breath, but that same bad breath, ugly girl will be enjoying a meal at the reception. i don't get it!!!
Originally Posted by osocristie
How do you know you're not invited, did she tell you that you were only invited to the wedding or did you not get info about the reception with your invitation?
This all sounds a bit odd to me.
Basically,

I have been left out of yet another GOOD FRIEND'S wedding reception. She and I have been tight for at least 4 years. I have found out that she has invited all of our mutual friends to the reception and not me. Mind you we just hung out last Saturday and had a great time. I do know that her future husband and i don't get along very well, but come on! I told her that I am not going to the wedding if I can't attend the reception.

I feel like I am too nice and people end up using me really bad then crapping on me in the end. I am sick of it!!!

Please tell me that i am not the only one!
Originally Posted by osocristie
Another good friend? What happened with the previous friend that also did this? Did you get along with the husband?

I am guessing that it does have lot to do with him, but at the same time, if someone were to tell me that they "wouldn't" attend my wedding if they weren't invited to the reception, I'd be a little put off too.
Does seem kind of tacky on her part to only invite you; but I am curious what she said, "Um, you can only come to the wedding...not the reception..." And likewise, what Peppy said, how did she react to your comment that you wouldn't go to the wedding?
I don't think I really get it?

You only want to go to the wedding if you can have a meal afterwards? Honestly, you're sounding like the one who is "crapping" on their "friend"

You don't have to give them a gift if you really don't want. Don't go to the shower and just go to the ceremony. No one ever "has" to bring a gift.
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It sounds like Oso told her friend she wouldn't go to the wedding after she realized she wasn't invited to the reception...?

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