Question

Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls

What is it that you're looking for? An excuse to mope around and be pouty? If you're not feeling cheery, you can still be cordial and personable to people.

I just find people who describe themselves as "moody" to be immature and pouty. My 16 year old is pouty, but I expect that from a teenager. I don't expect poutiness from an adult. I expect adults to pull up their big-girl/boy panties and get on with life.
Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls

What is it that you're looking for? An excuse to mope around and be pouty? If you're not feeling cheery, you can still be cordial and personable to people.

I just find people who describe themselves as "moody" to be immature and pouty. My 16 year old is pouty, but I expect that from a teenager. I don't expect poutiness from an adult. I expect adults to pull up their big-girl/boy panties and get on with life.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I don't mope around and pout, if I'm not feeling great, or not having a great day I'm a little quieter, but other than that nothing is different. Some days I just feel like being quiet, not talking as much. I'm still just as nice nice, but I just don't understand why people say "why are you so quiet today? Are you in a bad mood? Why are you in a bad mood? Come on snap out of it".
I find that if I'm in a quiet mood and people keep asking me why I'm quiet, the best response is to smile and say, "I don't really have anything to say today." That has always worked for me.

I do think that you have to kinda check your bad day at the door when you're at work/out in public and save the broodiness for your own private time. It's not to say your feelings aren't valid, but it's not other people's problem that you're having a bad day. Some days, you just have to grin and bear it, to be a little cliche!
"Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas
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amandacurls, i think i know what you're talking about, and i think there is a double standard. pretty young women are expected to look happy, attractive, and outgoing all the time, rather than showing a normal range of human emotions.

i think your face should reflect how you feel - if you feel thoughtful or preoccupied, there is no reason you should have to try to look like a cheerleader.

and please don't think you have to feign ecstasy all the time to get a guy. guys don't like drama, true, but the smart ones are attracted to real people with real lives, not plastic clone women.
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Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls

What is it that you're looking for? An excuse to mope around and be pouty? If you're not feeling cheery, you can still be cordial and personable to people.

I just find people who describe themselves as "moody" to be immature and pouty. My 16 year old is pouty, but I expect that from a teenager. I don't expect poutiness from an adult. I expect adults to pull up their big-girl/boy panties and get on with life.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I don't mope around and pout, if I'm not feeling great, or not having a great day I'm a little quieter, but other than that nothing is different. Some days I just feel like being quiet, not talking as much. I'm still just as nice nice, but I just don't understand why people say "why are you so quiet today? Are you in a bad mood? Why are you in a bad mood? Come on snap out of it".
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
There are some days that I am quieter than others, and nothing specifically is wrong. You will find as you get older that when adults ask you what's wrong and you say, "Nothing..." they will leave it at that and move on.
Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls

What is it that you're looking for? An excuse to mope around and be pouty? If you're not feeling cheery, you can still be cordial and personable to people.

I just find people who describe themselves as "moody" to be immature and pouty. My 16 year old is pouty, but I expect that from a teenager. I don't expect poutiness from an adult. I expect adults to pull up their big-girl/boy panties and get on with life.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I don't mope around and pout, if I'm not feeling great, or not having a great day I'm a little quieter, but other than that nothing is different. Some days I just feel like being quiet, not talking as much. I'm still just as nice nice, but I just don't understand why people say "why are you so quiet today? Are you in a bad mood? Why are you in a bad mood? Come on snap out of it".
Originally Posted by Amandacurls

See...I would take that to mean not that I was mopey when I'm feeling quiet, but rather maybe I act too giddy when I'm feeling happy, especially if people are saying this to you in a work environment. When I'm working, I want to be taken seriously, not counted upon to be the work cheerleader. Not to say that people shouldn't have fun at work, but there are some people that seem to have too much fun and are too bubbly and aren't taken seriously as a result.
Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I can't stand the chipper cheerleader type and I'm super snarky. Its who I am, and everyone else can take it or leave it. Being myself made it so that I was able to find a person with my same outlook and my same sense of humor.

I'm not saying I'm not nice or polite, but unless it has to do with work/money, I don't do fake.
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Okay, let me start this by saying, I've never been a "puppies and rainbows" all the time kind of person. I'm not one of those that's eternally in a good mood. I'm not always an optimist, but not always a pessimist either, I think of myself as more of a "realist". I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow. I feel like I'm like everyone else, I have some bad moods, some good moods, some blah middle of the road moods.

Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people. To me that's like putting up a false front. Granted I don't advocate yelling and treating people like crap if you're in a bad mood, but I feel if someone's having a bad day they shouldn't be made to feel they have to be in a good mood or they're "too moody". Does anyone else feel this way? I don't feel I should have to mask my emotions just to be acceptable. In all honesty I usually keep it to myself, but I feel like people want me to be all "sunshine and rainbows" all the time, and that's just not me. I'm happy most of the time, just not "cheery". I don't know, maybe this is just me, have any of you ever felt the same?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I can't stand the chipper cheerleader type and I'm super snarky. Its who I am, and everyone else can take it or leave it. Being myself made it so that I was able to find a person with my same outlook and my same sense of humor.

I'm not saying I'm not nice or polite, but unless it has to do with work/money, I don't do fake.
Originally Posted by riotkitty
I'm with you. I'm a little sarcastic and snarky at times and I couldn't do the whole "chipper cheerleader" thing without feeling fake or stupid.

There are two guys I work with that cannot be serious, I think. They are constantly talking to each other across the room in these weird voices, they send dirty emails and talk all day long. If I'm in a more talkative mood I'll sometimes join the conversation, but if I'm not I'll just work.
Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I'd advise not believing anything you read about what all guys supposedly like or don't like. Those types of articles are pretty much always bogus. The right guy will like you just as you are, sarcasm and silence and all.

I would think being around someone who's endlessly cheerful and just LOVES everything could become annoying after a while, but that's just me possibly being a jerk.
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Also I've read stuff about dating/relationships that says women should be pretty much always in a good mood and act like nothing phases them, because guys don't like "moody" people.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I'd advise not believing anything you read about what all guys supposedly like or don't like. Those types of articles are pretty much always bogus. The right guy will like you just as you are, sarcasm and silence and all.

I would think being around someone who's endlessly cheerful and just LOVES everything could become annoying after a while, but that's just me possibly being a jerk.
Originally Posted by utopiastars
I think it honestly depends on the person; some people really are just naturally cheery and others are fake-happy. I find people who are cheerful by default to be really refreshing to be around, because I can tend to get really cranky and they lift my spirits. The fakey people make me want to punch them, because they're usually trying to get something from you (I'm looking at you, Mary Kay lady from my old work!)
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To be honest, from what you've posted about regarding your co-workers, I think it sounds like you work with a lot of immature guys who still want to act like teenagers. If they constantly act goofy and unprofessional, I can see how even being in a normal mood can seem strange to them. So I would not take much of what they say regarding your moods or your relationship prospects to heart.


Most of the time when I've know guys who break up with women because they are "too moody," it's much more than just having regular, normal, human moods. Usually, it's someone who turns on them for no real reason, makes a huge deal out of little things, throws temper tantrums, pouts, holds grudges, etc. A few of my female friends have broken up with guys for being like that, too, so it's not just a woman thing! From what you've posted, though, it does not seem like you're "too moody" or anything close to it - more like you're a normal human being who's trying to be more mature and professional but feels strange because you're in an environment where you're surrounded by goofy, immature guys who won't grow up.

Last edited by badgercurls; 08-19-2008 at 01:33 PM.
I work with in a primarily male field and that has never happened to me, Amandacurls. Even in a casual setting, I have not heard that men want women to be happy all the time. That is unrealistic and I doubt healthy, mature men would expect that.

Moody implies to me unpredictable mood swings that are triggered by any and everything. If I met someone like this, it is not that I would want him to be happy all the time but not so influenced by external happenings. Frankly, it is annoying and I avoid people like that. Same goes for excessive complainers.
To be honest, from what you've posted about regarding your co-workers, I think it sounds like you work with a lot of immature guys who still want to act like teenagers. If they constantly act goofy and unprofessional, I can see how even being in a normal mood can seem strange to them. So I would not take much of what they say regarding your moods or your relationship prospects to heart.
Originally Posted by badgercurls

I hope you don't take this the wrong way. I agree with the above. But I would also add:

Just from your previous posts, it sounds like you "act goofy and unprofessional" with them sometimes. If that is true, and if there are days when you don't, it probably makes them think you're in a bad mood since you aren't joining in and are acting professional. You did say in this thread that they send dirty emails, talk in weird voices and chat all day and that sometimes you join in.

My advice would be to start being more professional around them so that they'll respect you more.

If I'm way off base, just ignore me.
I find sometimes that some people (mainly guys) look down on that and act like I should always be in an eternal good mood because it's easier for them somehow.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I've never met anyone like this. And I wouldn't want to be friends with people like that either. If I'm in a bad mood I don't take it out on other people but I won't be as friendly and I might avoid people in general. I'm not in a bad mood very often though.

Last edited by Josephine; 08-19-2008 at 02:15 PM.
I used to get the "Smile!" comment from men all the time when I was in my late teens and 20s. Whenever someone would say this to me, I would just scowl even more at them.

The depression rate in women is double the rate for men and I think the topic of this thread is a huge part of the reason why. If you are never "allowed" to express your anger or sadness in a socially accepted way, it turns inward and becomes a mental imbalance.

I'm not saying you're depressed, Amandacurls, but these things all run along a continuum.

If a man acts like this, he's perceived as brooding and perhaps even more intelligent. If a woman does it, it's a real problem that requires a solution.

I know I often turn topics into feminist issues like this, but on this one I really feel it's a legitimate connection, a deeply personal one for me and something I don't take lightly.

Anyway, as I matured, I became less angry and sad a person. Know how? I expressed my emotions, regardless of what society had to say about it. I'm still not chipper or cheerleader-y, but I'm far less moody and sarcastic than I was. And I get less crap for my attitude. [Not that I really give a rip.]

But I really think people — people IRL and people in this thread — who tell others to "buck up" can shove it, quite frankly. It actually does anger me to see that kind of advice, because I know the damage it can do to a person who adopts that approach.
I used to get the "Smile!" comment from men all the time when I was in my late teens and 20s. Whenever someone would say this to me, I would just scowl even more at them.

The depression rate in women is double the rate for men and I think the topic of this thread is a huge part of the reason why. If you are never "allowed" to express your anger or sadness in a socially accepted way, it turns inward and becomes a mental imbalance.

I'm not saying you're depressed, Amandacurls, but these things all run along a continuum.

If a man acts like this, he's perceived as brooding and perhaps even more intelligent. If a woman does it, it's a real problem that requires a solution.

I know I often turn topics into feminist issues like this, but on this one I really feel it's a legitimate connection, a deeply personal one for me and something I don't take lightly.

Anyway, as I matured, I became less angry and sad a person. Know how? I expressed my emotions, regardless of what society had to say about it. I'm still not chipper or cheerleader-y, but I'm far less moody and sarcastic than I was. And I get less crap for my attitude. [Not that I really give a rip.]

But I really think people people IRL and people in this thread who tell others to "buck up" can shove it, quite frankly. It actually does anger me to see that kind of advice, because I know the damage it can do to a person who adopts that approach.
Originally Posted by wild~hair
Very interesting perspective.

I was *really* depressed after my parents split up, and some other things which were bigger problems. It was males who managed to get me to talk about it and deal with the issues. I know it's typical to say men won't talk about their feelings, but I think typically men express their feelings at the time they feel them, which can be far healthier. At least, I learned a healthy way to express my feelings from men. Women are always ready to talk about feelings, because they do it so little, ultimately, while men really are talking about their feelings all the time.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
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But at least the pews never attend yoga!
I used to get the "Smile!" comment from men all the time when I was in my late teens and 20s. Whenever someone would say this to me, I would just scowl even more at them.
Originally Posted by wild~hair
I always used to get this and sometimes still do. I think I have a 'natural' frown on my face. Sometimes I try to change that so that I seem more friendly and approachable(probably one of the reasons I don't have many friends). Almost all my coworkers thought I was unfriendly and and some thought I was just mean when they first met me.
I know it's typical to say men won't talk about their feelings, but I think typically men express their feelings at the time they feel them, which can be far healthier. At least, I learned a healthy way to express my feelings from men. Women are always ready to talk about feelings, because they do it so little, ultimately, while men really are talking about their feelings all the time.
Originally Posted by NetG
I think this is great. It's also 180 degrees opposite from my experience!

ETA: I just realized how cryptic a response this is, given my earlier comments.

I haven't found men to be particularly adept at expressing their emotions in general. But I have found that society readily supports them expressing their anger, whereas in women it is frowned upon.

Last edited by wild~hair; 08-19-2008 at 03:29 PM.
I always used to get this and sometimes still do. I think I have a 'natural' frown on my face. Sometimes I try to change that so that I seem more friendly and approachable(probably one of the reasons I don't have many friends). Almost all my coworkers thought I was unfriendly and and some thought I was just mean when they first met me.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I definitely naturally look unapproachable and unfriendly. As I'm getting older, my smiles are starting to show on my face by default. Being happy and smiling a lot is finally starting to pay off! Yes!
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!

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