size 8 to size 14...sigh

Oy vey...someday you need to figure out that it's her body, not yours. Not everyone can be a size 8, and it's probably a bit insulting to all the normal size 14's out there that you find it so disgusting that anyone could be that size. People come in all shapes and sizes. I hope someday you can love your daughter for who she is, not what you want her to be. It must suck to be so disappointed about something so trivial.
i can't help it. who am i going to express myself to? i'm kind of just like this about it
i can't help it. who am i going to express myself to? i'm kind of just like this about it
Originally Posted by frau
Frau - I mean this in the nicest possible way (really!): A therapist.
It must suck to be so disappointed about something so trivial.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I can see how badly it would suck from the daughter's side as well.

I grew up with my mom constantly pointing out how she was compared to "Twiggy" by her friends. I was compared to Marilyn Monroe, and told by my friends, "Hey if it were the 50's, you'd be a sex symbol. Women back then had more curves." Thank you and **** you.

Frau, you really need to accept her for who she is, inside and out. She might totally end up hating herself because of the vibes that you're sending out, and that will do so much more damage to her spirit than a few extra pounds will.

Argh. .
Seriously, a therapist, a journal, a confidential friend.
Trying to find some sanity as I work on my master's in nursing...
Speckla
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i can't help it. who am i going to express myself to? i'm kind of just like this about it
Originally Posted by frau
I'm probably missing something along the way, but I'm sure you're more concerned with her health and the reasons *why* she's gained the weight rather than just the size itself. 8-14 is small to normal size range but a lot to go up in a short time period.
Not everyone can be a size 8, and it's probably a bit insulting to all the normal size 14's out there that you find it so disgusting that anyone could be that size.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
oh my! i don't mean that at all! i see fit women all the time that size. they are gorgeous, they play on the school soccer team. i think i see it more as her not being disciplined and not caring....oh, well nevermind. i just needed to say it somehow. sorry...
She may feel pressure to be thin and so she eats because food is comforting. As long as she's healthy and happy, does it really matter?
not me but you know who.
i'm not complaining i'm just saying.
Originally Posted by frau
Why are you so concerned with her being thin? As long as she is healthy and happy, she is fine. And even if she is not let her figure it out on her own.

She may sense your disappointment with her size and that could make her eat more. If she has an unhealthy attitude about food and her size that was probably learned in the home. Just saying.
Originally Posted by iara
ITA. I don't even know the full story behind all this, but as someone who's battled her weight her entire life, take it from me: knowing there are people disappointed/disgusted/frustrated by my weight NEVER helped me lose it. In fact, having someone say it (or even think it.. if you think people can't tell, think again) only made me want to eat more.

Be supportive... and if you're genuinely concerned about her weight, bring it up in a constructive way. Maybe you can do things with her, like join Weight Watchers or a gym so it's clear that you don't think SHE specifically has this issue that's 'beneath' you, but that you just want to help her be happy and healthy. And that you're wanting the same for yourself.
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It must suck to be so disappointed about something so trivial.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I can see how badly it would suck from the daughter's side as well.

I grew up with my mom constantly pointing out how she was compared to "Twiggy" by her friends. I was compared to Marilyn Monroe, and told by my friends, "Hey if it were the 50's, you'd be a sex symbol. Women back then had more curves." Thank you and **** you.

Frau, you really need to accept her for who she is, inside and out. She might totally end up hating herself because of the vibes that you're sending out, and that will do so much more damage to her spirit than a few extra pounds will.

Argh. .
Originally Posted by M2LR
lol..yeah, fark them...I love MM!
Twiggy? :Puke:
wth, you guys are my therapists!
i can't help it. who am i going to express myself to? i'm kind of just like this about it
Originally Posted by frau
I'm probably missing something along the way, but I'm sure you're more concerned with her health and the reasons *why* she's gained the weight rather than just the size itself. 8-14 is small to normal size range but a lot to go up in a short time period.
Originally Posted by Speckla
From the previous posts on this subject, I don't think that's the case at all.

I can't believe this has been posted yet again. I feel so sorry for Frau's daughter.
Speckla
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Not everyone can be a size 8, and it's probably a bit insulting to all the normal size 14's out there that you find it so disgusting that anyone could be that size.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
oh my! i don't mean that at all! i see fit women all the time that size. they are gorgeous, they play on the school soccer team. i think i see it more as her not being disciplined and not caring....oh, well nevermind. i just needed to say it somehow. sorry...
Originally Posted by frau
Well, Frau, you said it, it's out in the open, and well, no taking it back but don't beat yourself up over this. It's obviously you love your daughter and want her to be healthy. She has to be the one to do something about her weight if she wants to. Gaining weight doesn't mean you're undisciplined. It means you simply need bigger pants. <--- that's not making a joke either. Just be there for her, love her, and support her but don't mention weight. It can backfire and drive her away.
It must suck to be so disappointed about something so trivial.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I can see how badly it would suck from the daughter's side as well.

I grew up with my mom constantly pointing out how she was compared to "Twiggy" by her friends. I was compared to Marilyn Monroe, and told by my friends, "Hey if it were the 50's, you'd be a sex symbol. Women back then had more curves." Thank you and **** you.

Frau, you really need to accept her for who she is, inside and out. She might totally end up hating herself because of the vibes that you're sending out, and that will do so much more damage to her spirit than a few extra pounds will.

Argh. .
Originally Posted by M2LR
My sister grew up with something similar--a totally petite mom who had a larger framed, long legged, daughter with a "big behind" (my mother's term). With long feet and hair that she didn't know how to manage outside of cutting it into a short afro.

I am actually surprised my sister turned out okay after all of that. My shape was more agreeable with my mom, I suppose, though my sister informed me that she said I could afford to lose 5 pounds after I started college. The weight gain was from working out and becoming more muscular. Oh, and maturing from an 18 YO to a 20 something.

It has been YEARS since then and stuff like that sticks with you forever. If you are disappointed, keep it to yourself. When people gain weight, they are the FIRST to know. They don't need someone informing them that they've gained a few pounds and they don't need someone being "disappointed" over it on their behalf.
It must suck to be so disappointed about something so trivial.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I can see how badly it would suck from the daughter's side as well.

I grew up with my mom constantly pointing out how she was compared to "Twiggy" by her friends. I was compared to Marilyn Monroe, and told by my friends, "Hey if it were the 50's, you'd be a sex symbol. Women back then had more curves." Thank you and **** you.

Frau, you really need to accept her for who she is, inside and out. She might totally end up hating herself because of the vibes that you're sending out, and that will do so much more damage to her spirit than a few extra pounds will.

Argh. .
Originally Posted by M2LR
lol..yeah, fark them...I love MM!
Twiggy? :Puke:
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl
Oh, I love MM too, but at that younger age, I didn't need to hear that. I wanted to be Twiggy, too...like my mom. She was the same-sex parent that I looked up to and stuff, you know? Ugh.
This whole thing just pisses me off. I obivously need to stay out of this thread.
i can't help it. who am i going to express myself to? i'm kind of just like this about it
Originally Posted by frau
Frau - I mean this in the nicest possible way (really!): A therapist.
Originally Posted by goldilocks777
I couldn't agree more. This is YOUR problem, and not hers.

I had a grandmother like this, and I was made victim to the same thought process and criticism. Thin at all costs. Have willpower. Self control. Care about your figure. Well, I got some willpower, and boy, did I learn to care. And I have lifelong health issues to show for it, since my body didn't react well to starving so I could please her. But hey, I had willpower and self control. And at least now my heart meds work... most of the time.

Did I mention the rest of my family often overate to spite her? Starving, emotional overeating... NOTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM THINKING LIKE THIS. Period.
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It must suck to be so disappointed about something so trivial.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I can see how badly it would suck from the daughter's side as well.

I grew up with my mom constantly pointing out how she was compared to "Twiggy" by her friends. I was compared to Marilyn Monroe, and told by my friends, "Hey if it were the 50's, you'd be a sex symbol. Women back then had more curves." Thank you and **** you.

Frau, you really need to accept her for who she is, inside and out. She might totally end up hating herself because of the vibes that you're sending out, and that will do so much more damage to her spirit than a few extra pounds will.

Argh. .
Originally Posted by M2LR
My sister grew up with something similar--a totally petite mom who had a larger framed, long legged, daughter with a "big behind" (my mother's term). With long feet and hair that she didn't know how to manage outside of cutting it into a short afro.
Originally Posted by gemini
Totally, and yes, although I deleted that portion of your post, it DOES stay with you for a LONG time.

My mom was model thin with blue eyes and blonde hair.

I was short, built like my German grandmother, with frizzy/curly ash brown hair and hazel eyes. Oh, and TONS of freckles on alabaster white skin. Oh yeah, I tried for years to be like her, wreaked much havoc on my body and my brain, and sometimes it still hurts. I am 32...I should totally be over this by now.
i can't help it. who am i going to express myself to? i'm kind of just like this about it
Originally Posted by frau
I'm probably missing something along the way, but I'm sure you're more concerned with her health and the reasons *why* she's gained the weight rather than just the size itself. 8-14 is small to normal size range but a lot to go up in a short time period.
Originally Posted by Speckla
I am being presumptuous about this but I do not think that is the case.

I also think, just going by what she posted, that Frau has an unhealthy approach to eating and food and it is probably learned by her daughter.

It is sad all around.
wth, you guys are my therapists!
Originally Posted by frau
Honestly, frau, you have some deep-seated weight issues. Even if you're not saying it TO your daughter, I have no doubt in my mind she knows you're disapproving.

Telling us isn't going to help you get over whatever is going on inside you that makes it such an issue. You need to see a REAL therapist, so you don't pass on those issues to your daughter.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
You gotta let her do her thing frau. OBVIOUSLY, you can't control it or her. She may struggle, but you don't want to make it worse.
I know it's hard (impossible) to not worry about everything with our kids, but you have to pick your battles. This isn't one of them.
Good luck.
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