size 8 to size 14...sigh

rainshower's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,000

sometimes i want to gorge on a half-gallon of chocolate icecream drenched in chocolate syrup with a ton of mini chocolate chips poured on top and then push my husband down the stairs for not answering a question fast enough for me.

ok. what's your therapist's phone number?
Originally Posted by rainshower
What do you need the therapists number for? Aren't those normal feelings?
Originally Posted by 2happy
i'm normal! thank God! now how do i convince my husband who is still in traction?
"Dogs stink too, but I like dog stink." ~ rileyb
@kcc give me a frigging break. i said i didn't like her weight gain didn't hit her over the head with a pot.
Originally Posted by frau
oh ok that makes it much better. Obviously no harm done since you didn't physically hit her.
Originally Posted by kcc
Words hurt far more than physical hitting ever could. Emotional bruises can last for a lifetime.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Exactly, Amanda. I wish Frau could understand that point, especially since this is her own daughter.
And you know, I'm really not totally sold on the sandwich idea. They're kind of traditional, I know I said that, don't question me about that, but they aren't really all that chic, you know? --fig jam
oh ok that makes it much better. Obviously no harm done since you didn't physically hit her.
Originally Posted by kcc
Words hurt far more than physical hitting ever could. Emotional bruises can last for a lifetime.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Exactly, Amanda. I wish Frau could understand that point, especially since this is her own daughter.
Originally Posted by kcc
ITA. Disappointment from a parent can be crippling.
< member since 2006. No idea where 1969 came from.
When I started college, I gained the freshman 15 and then some. I think by the end of the year, I gained about 20 lbs. It happens. High caloric food available at ALL times, not sleeping right, long nights studying(and eating), stress, etc ALL contribute. IT HAPPENS. And really, being a size 14 isn't the end of the world. LOL!

Please be careful that you aren't projecting whatever issues you have with weight onto her(if you indeed have any). But remembering all of your postings concerning weight since I've been a member, I'm more inclined to think there are issues.

My situation is somewhat the opposite. I was pretty healthy when I started undergrad(I'm just slightly smaller now than I was then). Then I gained, and no one said a thing. Not even my mother. No one questioned my health. Being overweight was acceptable because alot of my family is overweight(not my mom though, who is quite slim at 60). But as soon as I actually started paying attention to the crap I was eating(after about 5 years post struggling with weight gain), I was bombarded with the "you're too skinny comments" from her and other people.

Even THOSE comments affect you. They affect me more because of the implication that I'm NOT healthy. That there are issues. Then you start questioning whether something is wrong when really, it's not you with the issue. I have a clean bill of health, and that's most important to me than anyone else's problems with me or how I look. BUT.....those comments stick with you. Especially when they come from people you love.

I'm sure she knows she's gained weight. It's okay to voice your concern, but weight issues and health in general is such a touchy topic. If she's unhappy, she'll work on it on her own. You can't make her. She'll make the changes necessary when she's ready.
A wonderful mix of coils, curls, corkscrews, and kinks.

http://s211.photobucket.com/albums/bb133/shyygirl_2007/
PW: curlyhair

I have a blog now. Follow meeeee!

http://naturalurbanista.blogspot.com/

"You see, when it comes to language competence, a true patriot must hit that sweet spot between "job-stealing immigrant" and "liberal elitist." ~Eilonwy

Wanna have access to the top names in fashion and luxury at up to 70% off retail? Sure you do. http://tinyurl.com/3yxneol

DC metro area
[quote=curls on holiday;701703
Is she cardiovascularly fit? Can she walk up 5 flights of steps without wanting to pass out? [/quote]



A bit extreme...
Is that extreme? for her age? The first time I went through grad school, I walked briskly up 6 flights of stairs a day. I could feel it, but I didn't feel like passing out and I wasn't winded.

Nowadays....everything gets harder when you age!
formerly Castella
(my dogs aren't snarly, my hair is)
Instead of making Frau feel bad for posting her "disappointment" with her daughter's changing size, I just want to ask what she is doing to be a positive role model for her daughter's health? I think she is in college and I'm not sure if she is in the same city as Frau but do they walk together and eat healthy foods together? I remember when my mom basically told me I was getting too fat and all she did was give me an exercise tape and told me she wasn't buying me clothes in a larger size. She didn't exercise with me or even help me change my eating habits. A little help would have went a long way...
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Words hurt far more than physical hitting ever could. Emotional bruises can last for a lifetime.
I disagree. They both suck, about equally.

My father was my weight critic. I'm very hard on myself about my figure as a result. And I may even get more lipo, too (stomach, flanks, etc.), as means of reducing what I can't get rid of despite diet and exercise. Everyone who said that the criticism doesn't go away is right.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Oh, and ex's family was very weight conscious, and critical of two sisters-in-law who weren't thin. I feel lucky to have escaped those standards.
Instead of making Frau feel bad for posting her "disappointment" with her daughter's changing size, I just want to ask what she is doing to be a positive role model for her daughter's health? I think she is in college and I'm not sure if she is in the same city as Frau but do they walk together and eat healthy foods together? I remember when my mom basically told me I was getting too fat and all she did was give me an exercise tape and told me she wasn't buying me clothes in a larger size. She didn't exercise with me or even help me change my eating habits. A little help would have went a long way...
Originally Posted by sariroo

That was the absolute BEST thing my mom ever did for me. Joined Weight Watchers right alongside with me, despite the fact that she was 5'3 and 120 (far from overweight). It really made it more of a 'joint' effort and that kind of support goes a LONG way towards being successful when it comes to losing weight.
CG/Mod CG (soap bars) since 8/12/08
CO wash/Cond: Kathymack & Flowermoon Castille soap bars, V05 Chamomile Tea, Suave Ocean Breeze, Biolage Conditioning Balm
Styling loves: DIFFUSING! CK, KCNT, KCCC, FOTE (on dry hair only), Re:coil, Proclaim gel
Not sure about: Boots, Tweek, KBB Milk, DMHJ
HATE: plopping, FOTE on wet hair, BRHG
well i don't recall ever using the word disappointment.
also, i'm discussing it here with you (not with my sisters or mom or her dad) but online where i can discuss it freely.
i never said i talked to her about it. i've already explained that i don't discuss it with her simply because i know it can be hurtful to her. i became more sensitive to that issue thanks to writing about it here.
this is an outlet for me. i appreciate the advice and even the criticism. i just think some of you are reading more into what i've written and are incorrect with your assumptions.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
Fair enough, Frau. You're entitled to vent.
Im going to post up my perspective. Im 20 and going back for my second year of college. I have gained weight since starting- Im not happy about it, but its relatively normal in this situation. For one thing its the first time we get to live and eat how we like without our parents nagging us- a lot of students will eat crap food-because they can, and because they cant cook, and dont have the time and energy to cook healthy meals. Students go out most nights, even if your not a big drinker, the regular drinks, snack food and late nights affect your health. On top of that there's stress etc from work load. So yeah students can pile on the pounds, its something everyone needs to work through on their own, its called growing up and learning what you can and cant do in life.

Give your daughter a break. What's wrong with being a size 14? Does that automatically make a person ugly? Unworthy? From the sounds of things your concerned about your daughters looks, not her health - she may well be a little unhealthy if she has gained some weight, but thats nothing that cant be fixed with some caring support. Im sorry if I sound really angry about this but I am, I've had to put up with snide, nasty comments from my own mother about my weight and I cannot tell you how badly it affects me. Im a 14 (size 16 top because I am naturally larger on top-always was even when I was a petite 11yr old), I've never felt comfortable with my body and now I'm larger its even worse.

Your daughter may be healthy and completely happy with her looks, size 14 or not, thats something to be proud of in her. If she is unhappy that support her in losing a little weight, if she wants your help-but don't be the one to make her uncomfortable in her own skin. There are plenty of people in this world who will do that, her mother shouldn't be one of them.
well i don't recall ever using the word disappointment.
also, i'm discussing it here with you (not with my sisters or mom or her dad) but online where i can discuss it freely.
i never said i talked to her about it. i've already explained that i don't discuss it with her simply because i know it can be hurtful to her. i became more sensitive to that issue thanks to writing about it here.
this is an outlet for me. i appreciate the advice and even the criticism. i just think some of you are reading more into what i've written and are incorrect with your assumptions.
Originally Posted by frau
Oh, your right, you were misquoted early on in this thread. It wasn't you who used the word disappointed but I picked it up from another poster. Sorry.
< member since 2006. No idea where 1969 came from.
So, if you're not disappointed, why the sad face and the "sigh" in the title?
frau, I think you post this stuff so you can sit back and watch the sparks fly. I know you do have some weird hang ups about weight and no doubt you don't like having a fat kid. The earliest post I remember about your daughter was when she was 14 and you were all put out that she wouldn't let you watch her change clothes - so I'm guessing you're not hiding your opinions from her all that well. At the time, I just thought you needed some BOUNDARIES. I still think so.

But I also think there's a lot of baiting going on, so all of you who are about to get really invested and all worked up about this...there may be better ways to use your time.
Frau, your disappointment is very much implied with the sigh and the sad face. While you might not actually say it to your daughter, you don't seem to be understanding that you she can probably pick up on it.
Frau - I hate thinking about the 'normal' life struggles my daughter is going to face, and even the ones that are preventable. She is a perfect size and wishes she was smaller. I think most women are like that from teen years up. We know that most likely, she (your daughter) will not be happy when she is bigger. Kudos if that's not the case, but more than likely, it will be. I think it's one of those things that she may have to deal with and figure out on her own. Yes, if anybody I knew went from an 8 to a 14 in a very short time, without having just quit smoking, getting divorced, etc, I would be worried. Go ahead and gently feel her out. Maybe she should go to the doctor. Maybe it's all fine. Either way, she is fully aware of her weight gain, and unless and until she asks for your help, I think your screwed and will have to stay out of it.
Setting good examples is really all you can do at this point. And maybe if she doesn't feel pressure or judgment from you, she will come to you sooner rather than later.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or hump it.....Piss on it and walk away.
Location - WI
So...she recently went from an 8 to a 14. So, does that mean that all these years you've been tormenting her about being overweight, she was actually size 8 or smaller?!?!?
Maybe she should go to the doctor. Maybe it's all fine.
Maybe she just got out from under her mother, who is unhealthily obsessed with her weight.

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:06 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com