Joking around

Amanda, it sounds like these guys are a bunch of pills. Very difficult to deal with. Judging by some of the conversations you've had (esp the crazy credit card one) these people sound like it's hard to have any type of non-work conversation.

Maybe they are intimidated by you and that's why they give you such a hard time? I don't know why someone would give you a hard time for saying that you don't want a roomate.

If not too personal, what kind of work do you do? What kind of office is it?
Originally Posted by ~TillyWave~
Well we work for a holding company that owns 10 banks, we audit/review a certain portion of loans from each of the banks and present reports, pretty much make sure they're doing their jobs right and not cutting corners. We also analyze the customers financial statements and see if they really can repay the loan, and if it looks like trouble, we flag it and the bank can set aside money in case of a loss. It's a training position to become a loan officer at one of the 10 banks.
The main one that pisses me off (he's the one behind the red eyes comments, the smoking weed, even insinuated I had a big butt one day - I'm a size 2) acts like he's free to give me his opinion on everything, even if I didn't ask for it. Like if I wear a red shirt, he'll say it matches my hair. If I go and get my hair cut and colored he'll say "not again" and act like I'm too frivolous, and he dates these real overdone looking girls that are too tan, too blonde, and just too fake. He'll say "I don't like your hair" or any other number of things. It's like he thinks the decisions I make about my personal appearance should be run by him or something, and it pisses me off. I'm not his g/f, I'm not his sister, I'm his coworker. The other two guys will back off, and only occasionally tease and I can tell that they don't mean anything bad by it. I can read people very well, and this guy it seems like he's trying to make me insecure. I know he thinks a lot of himself and I know he was Mr. Popular in school, but he still acts like that jerk ass from hs.

ETA: The other day someone was talking about Steinmart going out of business in our town, and I said I could hardly find things there to fit me (because alot of stuff is too big), and he piped in with "Maybe you should shop at Lane Bryant". And if I get mad he gets all stern acting and says "stop it, you know I was kidding".

Last edited by Amandacurls; 11-07-2008 at 11:54 AM.
It just sucks because my boss is male, and I have 3 other male coworkers. And the boss joins in with them sometimes in the joking around (not about me, but just in general). They make me feel like I'm killing their good time when I say something, but hell, women and men are not the same, and they need to realize I'm not going to think the same things are funny.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I agree with NetG. You just need to ignore them. And yea they can't joke around with you at all and you don't need to be buddy buddy with them since they are immature.
This guy just sounds like a total immature joke. I think I said before (or maybe I was just agreeing with another poster, ha) that he sounds like a schoolboy who pulls the pigtails of a girl he has a crush on. I agree that you should just ignore him- like, don't even aknowledge him when he makes his stupid remarks. It doesn't sound like he's going to grow up and change his behavior any time soon, the best you can do is not give him the reaction he's looking for.

And I hear ya about working with guys... I'm the only woman in my group. It can lead to awkward moments. One of my co-workers isn't always the most appropriate either, there have been times when my boss had to call him out for some of the things he's said (but they're rarely directed at me). Fortunately, there are a lot of other women working on my floor, so I'm not completely surrounded by guys!
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I've never commented on your previous threads about your co-workers' childish behaviour (although I have read them) so forgive me for butting in. Take NetG, Krazyblondegurl and Wiley's advice.

I've worked in several male-dominated environments so I can definitely sympathize/empathize with you:

1) Stop engaging w/ them:
It's obvious that whatever personal view you express is going to be turned against you, so why give 'em a stick to beat you with? If it's not work related, then keep your words few.

2) Don't let them get to you:
Some men (obviously the ones you work with) are still boys mentally, and all they want is attention. It does not matter whether it's positive or negative attention. It strokes their egos when you show emotion - be it humor or disgust - so they'll continue to say/do things to get a rise out of you. In a sick way, it gives them power over you, knowing that they can "play you" like that. So with that in mind, keep your emotions in check. Remember the old cliches "Keep a stiff upper lip", and "Be like a duck and let it roll off your back like water"? Yeah, do both.

3) Do your job, and do it well:
You aren't being paid to be their friend. You'll command more respect from them if you're the best at what you do. Personal conversation may help the day go by faster, but which would you rather have, personal banter with frustration OR keeping to yourself and maintaining mental peace?

4) Be "in control":
Say you're at your desk working and one of them approaches with a non-work related question or statement. Without looking up from your document/screen, hold up your index finger (as if to say "hold on a sec") and continue to view your document/screen for the next 5 or 10 seconds. After doing such, you can do 1 of 2 things:
a.) Without looking up, say "Uh.... yeah... you know what, I'm right in the middle of this project and really need to give it my full attention... maybe I'll catch up with you later..." (but never do, of course);
b.) OR, turn your head to them, but keep your eyes on the document/screen and then distractedly say, "Ummm... what?"
Making them wait for your response gives the signal that you'll answer them when it's convenient to YOU. Never giving them eye contact says that their presence/question really isn't that important to you. Starting your sentence with "uh" or "um" means you've paid no attention to what what they said. An added plus - NO one likes to repeat him/herself, so it's a very subtle way of getting right back under their skin. *snarky grin* This is one of my favorite methods of dealing w/ annoying people.

5) If at all possible, wear headphones and listen to music while you work. If those dudes make bothersome comments within earshot, well, they can't bug you if you can't hear them. Once they get a clue that you're not phased and/or ignoring them, they'll leave you alone.

Sorry for the dissertation, but I hope this helps. The above ladies already gave you the meat, I'm just adding some steak sauce.
It might be time for a new job.

Just saying...
Okay, this freaking JUST happened. I told my boss before I left that I was going to get my hair done as in colored. I get back and he asks the ******* coworker why my hair looks "drier" today. He turns to me and says "hey, what's with your hair, did you not use gel today". I asked him why my hair is a point of conversation and he flipped out. He said "I swear, I'm going to shoot myself" in frustration. I told him to go ahead, I was tired of his drama queen fits.
Why are you telling your boss that you are getting your hair colored?

They are so unprofessional...and you were worried about having another woman in the group? Perhaps having a second woman would level the field.

You have to show people how to treat you. You need to put some boundaries.
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
Why are you telling your boss that you are getting your hair colored?

They are so unprofessional...and you were worried about having another woman in the group? Perhaps having a second woman would level the field.

You have to show people how to treat you. You need to put some boundaries.
Originally Posted by Windflower
Because I left work for a hair appt.
You can't just say you have an appointment and that you need to leave early? Do you not have PTO? PTO can be used for any reason, and you don't have to give the reason why.
Life shrinks or expands according to one's courage. Anais Nin
This thread is interesting, because I work exclusively with women, and have for the last 5 years. I really, really miss working with men. But maybe it's just a 'grass is greener on the other side' thing.
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It must be a "grass is greener" thing. AmandaCurls, when I was new to this thread, I remember reading your posts about thinking female coworkers were catty and you were nervous that another female might work with you.
I guess your work environment used to be okay with these guys? or he's a new guy? or this is a different job?

Now, you probably wish there was another female in your job. Males can be jerks and they can be good coworkers. Females can be catty and they can be good coworkers. It all depends on the person.

You said it's one coworker in particular that's really bad about joking with you. Then, he's the one to minimize contact with.

I like the advice that vegas_curls gave.
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Well just to update, my boss called me in his office Friday and said he had noticed how it seemed like me and the jerk coworker were "at war" with one another. He said he was very close to coming down on that guy, but wanted to give me a chance to set boundaries on my own. He said that if I try and it doesn't work, he will step in, but he thinks I should try setting them myself first, and I agreed.

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