Joking around

Okay, so today at work one of the guys who moved up who used to be in our department came over and said hi to everyone. Something was said about our boss going over to a location on the South Side of town (which is the nicer side of town) and they joked that he was going to get "drugs". Something was said about the north side of town being the "rougher neighborhoods" (which is true) and I said that when I first got a car at 16, I was not allowed to drive at night, past N1st and go on the North Side of town. (The North side of town is where all the drug deals take place). The guy I work with (who has said the things about me smoking weed, etc) said "Well that's because Amanda is racist." I said "no I'm not" and the guy who came to visit said "So you voted for McCain then?". It really offended me, and the guys acted like it was nothing. Later they kept bugging me about why I was mad, so I wrote them an email letting them know it had offended me. The jerk guy wrote me back and said that it was just a joke. I told him I wasn't trying to be rude, but that sometimes certain things upset people, no matter the intent. He wrote back a huffy email saying "fine, I'll never joke around with you again, you won't have to worry about being offended". Why do people do that? Why don't they just apologize and say "hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything other than a joke, but I'm sorry"? Why do they try to act like you are the one with the problem?
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I would say they act like you have the problem because they know they acted stupidly and don't want to admit it.
Why do people do that? Why don't they just apologize and say "hey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything other than a joke, but I'm sorry"? Why do they try to act like you are the one with the problem?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Because they are not mature enough to accept that they did something wrong and hurt somebody. They have to deflect that by putting it on you.
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It's their pride. They can't stand admitting they are wrong. Sometimes they even convince themselves that you are the one with the problem, not them. But you are not the one with the problem, and their "joking" was out of line. I think you handled the situation admirably and that they were to much into a "I'm right and you're wrong" attitude.
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I shouldn't take any of them seriously, one of them told me when I found out who had stolen my credit cards, that I should have visited her in jail and tried to be her mentor. He said I was a bad person for not doing that. He's EXTREMELY self-righteous.
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Amanda, don't let those pricks get to you...
"fine, I'll never joke around with you again, you won't have to worry about being offended"

Gah!! This is one of my biggest pet peeves- such a narcissistic and childish way to behave. It makes me want to flat-out throttle someone when I hear people saying this- whether it's directed towards me or anyone else.

I agree with the previous posters.. they were definitely out of line, and are most certainly pricks.
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Stop engaging them.

STOP.

They are asses, clearly. We all know this. So STOP ENGAGING THEM.

When they try to joke around and gossip with you? Cut them off. When they try to start giving you crap? Be firm and adult in telling them to knock it off.

That is very inappropriate in a workplace, and you need to STOP ENGAGING THEM.
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There are certain people at my workplace I don't engage with. Usually male dr/residents who like to stand around, joke, firt, tease. Some are very annoying, especially when I have work to do. So if I see them coming I walk the other way. Or if we're talking I don't discuss anything personal. Create boundaries. Distance yourself. They'll learn to respect you.
It just sucks because my boss is male, and I have 3 other male coworkers. And the boss joins in with them sometimes in the joking around (not about me, but just in general). They make me feel like I'm killing their good time when I say something, but hell, women and men are not the same, and they need to realize I'm not going to think the same things are funny.
You need to turn OFF that Southern Charm I'm sure you have in abundance!

Imagine those of us who are most caustic on this board when we disagree with someone. And channel our personalities. I'm totally serious - the way you talk, I bet you're VERY nice in person, and you just need to channel some mean!


In case anyone misunderstands - I do not think this is Amanda's fault. Nor do I think she should have to do this. However, she clearly works with children, so she needs to channel the stern schoolmarm to keep them in line!
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
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But at least the pews never attend yoga!
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lol @ NetG..
Yeah, that Southern charm, I can see that
I need to show you my don't f w/ me look...
It just sucks because my boss is male, and I have 3 other male coworkers. And the boss joins in with them sometimes in the joking around (not about me, but just in general). They make me feel like I'm killing their good time when I say something, but hell, women and men are not the same, and they need to realize I'm not going to think the same things are funny.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
i work with men too.

the one time (we're all pretty casual with one another) a couple of the guys mentioned they liked their women drugged out like lindsay lohan.

i said i understood. i liked my men so drunk they couldnt talk



they shuddup.

a lot of talk with men is bravado and shock value. dont let it get to you and feel free to tell them to "go to hell" (in so many words)
It just sucks because my boss is male, and I have 3 other male coworkers. And the boss joins in with them sometimes in the joking around (not about me, but just in general). They make me feel like I'm killing their good time when I say something, but hell, women and men are not the same, and they need to realize I'm not going to think the same things are funny.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
i work with men too.

the one time (we're all pretty casual with one another) a couple of the guys mentioned they liked their women drugged out like lindsay lohan.

i said i understood. i liked my men so drunk they couldnt talk



they shuddup.

a lot of talk with men is bravado and shock value. dont let it get to you and feel free to tell them to "go to hell" (in so many words)
Originally Posted by Sleigh
Well like yesterday, they think I'm "difficult" and I said I don't like living with a roommate, I'd rather get a one bedroom, and I was talking about renting a bigger place. One of the guys said for me to get a roommate and I said "eh, no". He kept ragging on me insinuating it was my problem and that I was disagreeable. I went back at him and said "I'd rather live by myself, than with my parents" because he still does. He shut up quick because all the other guys started laughing.
Well like yesterday, they think I'm "difficult" and I said I don't like living with a roommate, I'd rather get a one bedroom, and I was talking about renting a bigger place. One of the guys said for me to get a roommate and I said "eh, no". He kept ragging on me insinuating it was my problem and that I was disagreeable. I went back at him and said "I'd rather live by myself, than with my parents" because he still does. He shut up quick because all the other guys started laughing.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Dooooon't talk about your personal life with those losers!!!!!

Again - be the stern schoolmarm. Do not be their friend. Do not engage them. They are children, so treat them that way.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
Amanda, it sounds like these guys are a bunch of pills. Very difficult to deal with. Judging by some of the conversations you've had (esp the crazy credit card one) these people sound like it's hard to have any type of non-work conversation.

Maybe they are intimidated by you and that's why they give you such a hard time? I don't know why someone would give you a hard time for saying that you don't want a roomate.

If not too personal, what kind of work do you do? What kind of office is it?
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I'm thinking they're just pissed b/c you won't give them the time of day...
It sounds like they are giving you a hard time, but I'm not sure why. They're either jealous, sexist, so immature that they hate being around mature people (they may see mature people as a kill joy), or they like you. Not necessarily in a sexual way...but they like teasing you because it's fun to get a reaction out of you. I think once they realize you are not amused, it is their responsibility to back off. If they don't, then you may want to limit your discussions with them to work-related.
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