cmb4314

Back to the original question..

How lightly carved was it? Is the finish gone, or is it just dented? Pine is really soft. I had a pine desk in my room as a kid, and when I did my homework on it just the pushing from my pencil would dent the wood on the desk and you could read what I just wrote after picking up the paper.

CurlyHairedFarmer

I read a few replies stating how physical punishment, such as spanking, will need to further negative behavior and the childs well being and such.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I grew up in a time where spanking was considered appropriate and child abuse would not be yelled. In fact, it was the fear of a spanking that made me behave.

I grew up perfectly fine as did my sister.

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CGNYC

Well I grew up without a carseat and my parents cut the seatbelts out of the car and I'm not dead, but that doesn't mean I don't use a carseat.

I'm not saying every child who was ever spanked is a victim of abuse and will grow up to hate his or her parents. I was spanked, I'm fine. I get along with my parents. I just think there are other things besides spanking and the way spanking is viewed now, a child can not help but absorb that and see it as abuse.

Not spanking isn't the same as not doing ANYTHING, it's just doing other stuff besides hitting your kid.

And if you could go back in the acrhives a few years, before I had kids, I was well in favor of spanking. Having had a child and done some research, I'm not a fan.

Amneris

I also grew up with harsh physical punishment (much worse than just spankings) and myself and all my siblings are successful, able to sustain relationships and independent, but I wouldn't say that that means that physical punishment is OK. I also behaved out of fear of "licks", but I don't think that is the best way to get a child to behave. They should behave because they understand why certain behaviours are desirable and beneficial to them and their relationships and goals. I don't hold it against my parents since that was the time and culture they knew, but I do not want my son to fear me and I will not spank or physically discipline him. There are other options.

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Amneris

And the oldest is 14. I think even for people who spank, 14 is pushing it - they're physically almost adult at that point and self-esteem is at a low and I think physical punishment could be terribly harmful to the parent-child relationship especially at that age. I remember the last time I was physically disciplined, I was 15 or 16, and that time hurt far more than any of the others - I think my parents themselves realized that and stopped after that.

Also, I would question a confession obtained under duress like that. I don't think it encourages truth-telling because it is the right thing to do. And likely they lied in the first place because they were scared of harsh punishment, so what does this accomplish?

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afrosheenqueen

These were my thoughts as well. Even in law I've read about people confessing to crimes they didn't commit because of interrogations techniques such as the one described by the OP.

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OBB

I also grew up in a tough/disciplinary household. but as some has postd earlier every situation is different and every child is different. spanking cant be used as a main deterant. although i wouldnt have the kids kneel in front of me im not going to condemn her for her methods. for me kids should only kneel when they are going to church. the last time i had someone kneel in front of me for being a "bad" girl was my ex-girlfriend

hennabrain

i was also alarmed by the kneeling part. the whacking-on-the-hand-to-extract-a-confession part made me cringe but the kneeling part ... wow.

i'm not a messed-up person. i do ok in life. but my parents did similar stuff to me and honestly, it scars. they put me through humiliating scenes, interrogated me and found lots of creative ways to hit me and destroy my self-esteem without leaving incriminating marks or broken bones. it was all very clever and i never ended up in foster care.

our relationship sucks, to this day.

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RedCatWaves

I think it's been proven many times that torture begets false confessions. (I believe John McCain has said that he falsely confessed to crimes he didn't commit when he was a POW...just to make the pain stop.)

I know I falsely confessed when I was a child...because my older brother was going to beat the tar out of me if I didn't take the fall for something he actually did, and I knew he would beat me worse than my parents usually did. Younger children are especially vulnerable to this. All sorts of schemes get cooked up in those shared rooms of childhood.

Aphro-Deeziac

Thanks for all the replies. I thought Id give you an update.

lmao it was the little one. She and I talked this morning. I asked her why it took so long to confess and didnt she feel bad her sisters were suffering. She said she felt a little bad but she wasnt ready to confess yet (she gansta). When I asked why she only wrote their names, she said she was VERY ANGRY, lmao (she's a therapists kid). She said they picked on her all the time and she didnt feel my methods of handling it were effective (my words not hers lol). Sw we gonna have a family meeting tonight to address it. Dont feel bad though cause she runs her mouth like a CHAMP and she aint by any means.


The truth is never punished in my house even if the behavior deserves to be. Knowing the truth and having them tell it is more important. Which is why I was at a loss with this considering its not something they usually do. This is actually the first time she wouldnt come clean.

It was cool reading everyones perspective. There are quite a few things I let go but lying and destoying things out of anger isnt one of them. Providing therapy for kids and familiesf who let this stuff get out of hand has taught me a lot. Dont sweat the small stuff and stay on behaviors that could become problems later on.

I wont even address spanking. lol. Folks feel the way the feel for a variety of reasons and thats cool tool

Thanks ladies.

OBB

sorry double post

OBB

i had your back and you call me a lady?

NetG

I do have issues with spanking intended to cause pain.

As (most of) you know, I'm not a parent. The kids I'm around most of the time are kids I would NEVER EVER think it acceptable to spank. They have had very tough situations, have abandonment issues, etc. I don't imagine I would ever spank my hypothetical future kids, though I don't know. But I wouldn't judge another parent for it, assuming it was not intended to hurt.

To me hitting a child in anger is NEVER acceptable, because it is never acceptable to strike another person when angry. EVER. To me that's only acceptable in self-defense. And teaching a kid it's ok to hit someone smaller and weaker when mad... no, I disagree on that one!


(Now, we did always hit each other's hands for swearing. It was NOT a painful hit, and if we caught our dad swearing, we got to hit his hand, too. It was a reminder of "you're not supposed to do that!")

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Cynaminbear

You guys make me blush, and thank you. But, I'm only human and I'm definitely not a perfect mom and I've made some serious mistakes. Ask my kids.

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