How to deal with a REALLY painful break up?

meds
No MAS.

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to be honest, i don't think i was over Drew until last weekend with Cameron. and it will be YEARS before i am completely over Drew. if i'm really lucky, 6 more months of madly passionate sex with Cam will have me saying "drew who"...

Originally Posted by rouquinne


In my heart and thoughts, A.
Originally Posted by meryn
Couldn't respond to the PM, rou.
You deserve nothing less.

xxoo, me.
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,530
I find the best way is to cry it out then start to organize your life to keep busy. Clean/organize your living space. Set out some health, fitness and life goals. Find something to look forward too.

Get back into a routine that doesn't involve him. Change the ring tone on your cell phone so that when it rings it doesn't remind you of him. Hide reminders. Call friends/family and confess you are sad and need help getting through it.

Another thing that has helped me before is to make a list of what you don't want in a boyfriend. One that includes all the bad or negative stuff he did. Only start the sentences with " I really want a boyfriend who... "For examples
I really want a boyfriend who never calls on time
I really want a boyfriend who leaves my apartment messy.
I really want a boyfriend who breaks my heart.
Sounds silly but reading it when you miss him will remind you of all the things you won't miss about him and all the things that you really don't want in your next boyfriend.
Originally Posted by Eternitycurls

This is fantastic advice, IMO.
To me, breakups happen for a reason.

Having people who truly love you and ALWAYS will around makes it better.


I remember my most painful breakup - we had been discussing possible wedding venues, and time of year, etc. It was very serious. But when we broke up, I told one of my friends I hadn't seen in a while and she responded "I can't get there until the weekend, but if you need me there, I'll go book a ticket now."

That was when I realized he never truly loved me. He wouldn't have been there for me like that when I needed him, but this friend I hadn't seen in a long time would have, because she truly did love me.

It just made it so easier to realize how much energy I had for the people who DID love me, now that it wasn't being sucked up by someone who didn't.

Just realize what you have around you, and be grateful for it.

Like everyone else, I'm really sorry you're hurting. It stinks, but hopefully you'll come out better on the other end for it.
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Cry. alot. and cry again. letting all your hurt and emotions out is a lot healthier and more healing them holding them in.

you'll then stop crying and realize it's not worth crying over anymore and go on with your life.
thanks you guys for all the advice......im usually a very happy person, but this has been one of the hardest times in my life.......and that's saying an awful lot..............................i just hope i made the right choice...i would hate myself if i found out later i was making a huge mistake
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im sorry youre hurting. break ups suck. but they do happen for the reason, no matter what side of the break up youre on.

i think what speckla said was right on target.
Cry. alot. and cry again. letting all your hurt and emotions out is a lot healthier and more healing them holding them in.

you'll then stop crying and realize it's not worth crying over anymore and go on with your life.
allow yourself to feel whatever you need to feel for as long as it takes.
meds
Originally Posted by Phoenix
Really?

Nice.
^^^when Mr. R left me, i was on anti-depressants and had to take sleeping pills for the better part of 6 months - it was that bad.

the fact that i haven't had to do that with everything that went on over the past year is pretty amazing to me. it shows i've made some progress as a person.
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^^^when Mr. R left me, i was on anti-depressants and had to take sleeping pills for the better part of 6 months - it was that bad.

the fact that i haven't had to do that with everything that went on over the past year is pretty amazing to me. it shows i've made some progress as a person.
Originally Posted by rouquinne
I don't doubt that meds help in many different situations.

I was more alluding to the irony of the person who posted it, her current and past posts/threads regarding relationships and dating, and how she once was in a magazine talking about how she went off of her meds.
oh....

i miss so much skipping so many threads...

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thanks you guys for all the advice......im usually a very happy person, but this has been one of the hardest times in my life.......and that's saying an awful lot..............................i just hope i made the right choice...i would hate myself if i found out later i was making a huge mistake
Originally Posted by egyptiancurls89
I know this won't make the doubt go away, but I say that if you felt strongly enough to make this choice, it was and is absolutely the right one. The mistake would have been not to act on your feelings.
OMG, LOOK!!

...It's a siggie.
Sorry to hear about your breakout...

Did you break up with the older guy?
Originally Posted by Windflower

yep
Originally Posted by egyptiancurls89
Want a different older guy? At worst, you could laugh at me.
http://community.webshots.com/user/burtburt69
Sorry to hear about your breakout...

Did you break up with the older guy?
Originally Posted by Windflower

yep
Originally Posted by egyptiancurls89
Want a different older guy? At worst, you could laugh at me.
Originally Posted by Burt

hahaha! i just read this!! i was re reading this post coz i do that from time to time for all the advice i was given...a lot of it helps.....anyway that's really generous of you lol....and hilarious
3B~Fine, porus, and really long
HG's~Plopping and Homemade FSG!! Thank you BB
Proud To Be Egyptian!
"Your head is like a crown on you.
It is as beautiful as Mount Carmel.
Your hair is as smooth as purple silk.
I am captured by your flowing curls."
Song of Solomon 7:5 (NIRV)
My grandmother always said "the best way to get over a man is to get under another."

Not the best advice, however, I can see where she was coming from. You have to distract yourself.
Originally Posted by meryn
to be honest, i don't think i was over Drew until last weekend with Cameron. and it will be YEARS before i am completely over Drew. if i'm really lucky, 6 more months of madly passionate sex with Cam will have me saying "drew who"...

Originally Posted by rouquinne
I'm hoping the same about my ex .
My grandmother always said "the best way to get over a man is to get under another."

Not the best advice, however, I can see where she was coming from. You have to distract yourself.
Originally Posted by meryn
to be honest, i don't think i was over Drew until last weekend with Cameron. and it will be YEARS before i am completely over Drew. if i'm really lucky, 6 more months of madly passionate sex with Cam will have me saying "drew who"...

Originally Posted by rouquinne
I'm hoping the same about my ex .
Originally Posted by Josephine
josephine did you and your bf recently break up? this was a relatively new relationship right? hugs and i hope you're okay....

it's hard...the advice here is great and has helped me when i've gone through a breakup.

my guy friend says every breakup gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to be with. when i think of it that way i'm grateful for the experience and can move on peacefully.
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I am so sorry that you are feeling this way. This is how I dealt with the end of a long term relationship... First, I stayed busy. I learned quite a few home improvement skills from tiling to how to use power tools and went to work on my house. Demolition with a sledge hammer was better than any medication on the market.

I don't know if you garden, but digging in the dirt is also a great help. Mowing is still therapy for me. Getting drunk with my girlfriends for a night out wasn't so much help. I just had a big headache the next day. I sincerely hope you feel better soon.
Mod CG since April of 2007.
i'm going through one right now...my love of many years...its painful for both of us because of how its happening...we came to a consensus that while we utterly and completely love each other, we cant live together anymore, right now (because of a number of things that just cannot be fixed)...its very painful.....i think we are both still hanging on...some days i want it all over and done with, just want all the pain all at once and be done with it... some days i am so devastated at the thought of us not kissing each other good night...

I dunno, hopefully this limbo will be over very soon.

I'm good during the days because i'm working, but the nights and some weekends- if i'm not going out- are the worst

to be honest, i don't think i was over Drew until last weekend with Cameron. and it will be YEARS before i am completely over Drew. if i'm really lucky, 6 more months of madly passionate sex with Cam will have me saying "drew who"...

Originally Posted by rouquinne
I'm hoping the same about my ex .
Originally Posted by Josephine
josephine did you and your bf recently break up? this was a relatively new relationship right? hugs and i hope you're okay....

it's hard...the advice here is great and has helped me when i've gone through a breakup.

my guy friend says every breakup gets you one step closer to the person you're supposed to be with. when i think of it that way i'm grateful for the experience and can move on peacefully.
Originally Posted by luvmylocs
No very old relationship..technically we broke up (for the 5th time I think) over a year ago..he moved back to nyc but I saw him once after that(when I was going through some really bad health problems he was there for me) and we've been talking on the phone up until last December. He was my first love..met him 12 years ago. Dated 5 years, and then on and off for another 5. He's a great person and honestly don't think I'll ever get the same love and connection from anyone else. He is the most unselfish person I've ever met. I'll always love him but we just didn't fit in other ways and he was irresponsible financially(that part of him was lazy and selfish). I'm dating someone new and in love (first time loving someone since him) so it's a bit wierd for me. My ex spoiled me too much so it's kind of hard to forget him. I stopped talking to him in December when I met my current bf but I found in January that he had also met someone and is in love and it crushed my heart (even though I know I did the same). I talked to him once after that, and it was wierd for the both of us..I still dont' see my future w/out him..especially the thought of a wedding day or giving birth w/out him ..so I'm hoping time will fix this..Anyhow..sorry for guanoing...


One thing that did help(the initial pain) was going to the gym very regularly and I know this is bad..but getting buzzed and happy on the weekends.

Last edited by Josephine; 04-09-2009 at 04:55 PM.
I also went through a really awful breakup about a year and a half ago. Here are some of my top tips:

-Cry. Don't be afraid to do it, because it REALLY helps!

-Write in a journal. It may sound cliche, but writing helps your feelings escape. Sometimes I'll look back in my journal now and I just can't believe how much it helped and how much I've grown as a person since then!

-Go out with friends! Though it's probably the last thing you want to do right now, it will help get your mind off the endless cycle it's running on right now.

-EXERCISE. I truly can't stress this enough. I pretty much stopped taking care of myself for a few months after the breakup and in turn, gained about 10 pounds and felt even worse. The exercise helps your endorphins going AND will help you feel hot again

I hope these help. At the time of my breakup, I really thought I would never ever be happy again but the truth is that time really does heal a broken heart. Usually, time is the ONLY thing that will heal things. I frequently speak with my ex now as friends, but only after long months of not speaking with him when I was letting time take care of my broken heart.

Feel better. Hope this helps...
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