love yourself first

This is so true. Although I am very shallow and like good looking men (handsome, pretty, it all works), if intelligence, personality and confidence aren't present, the looks are wasted in my view (unless I'm looking at GQ). I feel about the same for women although have known beautiful or stunning women to get over on their looks and not have to work as hard, being paid lots of attention socially and at work, etc.. But your other story about how beauty can affect personality tells that story well. And age does have a way of equalizing at least female beauty and male beauty too (think Redford). Best of all is beauty plus smarts, kindness, personality = the complete package.

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(taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)

Piglet

I've seen your pic and you are WRONG wrong wrong.

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katieheineken

A person's looks is very subjective. Someone who is average looking to one person can be beautiful to another. Who really decides what makes a person ugly, average or beautiful? Society? The media? I think there are more factors that go into a person's "beauty" than just their looks. My boyfriend, for example, would not be considered above average looking, but to me he's extremely attractive because of his personality.

Dancing Queen

I think anyone whose opinion I value won't care what I look like, because they'll know me well enough to look beneath the surface.

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Lotsawaves

I once dated a man who none of my friends or family thought was attractive at all. He was losing his hair, was overweight & had bad teeth. I found him to be the sexiest man I had ever dated. He had charisma. My friends thought I had lost my mind, but when he would walk into the room, my knees would go weak.

I also had a male friend who when I first met him thought his looks were below average. He was a chick magnet. I even found myself drawn to him after I was around him more. One day we went to lunch & he told me that women are attracted to men who are sexy & confident. Men are attracted to women who have these same qualities. He said a woman can be overweight & not that attractive, but it's the way she carries herself & in her actions. Men also like a woman who can laugh & has a positive attitude.

WileE-Dead

ITA
And I'm sure Cam would agree..

wanderlust

I definitely think that this is true of myself. I feel like if I am not extraordinary in most of the things that I do, then I am nothing and there is no point. This is something that I have recently learned of myself and is the one thing that holds me back from achieving my true potential because I am afraid of failure.

Back to the looks thing though, I KNOW that I am not beautiful, and no one other than my husband has ever told me that I am. I honestly think that I am on the high end of ugly. Most people would probably consider me average, but it really doesn’t matter. Since I am not beautiful, to me, average means nothing and I may as well be ugly, so that is what I consider myself. I don’t use this same standard when judging other people and when it comes to others, I definitely have a very broad standard for beauty and most of the people that I have met in my life fit into it (unless they have a nasty attitude). Somehow I cannot apply that same standard to myself. I try not to think about my looks and I don’t fish for compliments. If someone tells me that I am beautiful I assume they are lying and I think I’d be hurt if someone described me as average, although I think I’m ugly. I know…it’s strange and confusing.

kat180

While agree with what has been said- most people are average- very few people are what I would consider beautiful or ugly, and that different people find different looks attractive, I do have to say that saying 'you are average' to someone's face isn't particularly polite or kind. It is quite a dismissive word when it is said like that. Yes, most of us are just average, but each of us have something about us that is beautiful/attractive. A good friend, or simply a kind person wouldn't say to someone 'you're average' they would say, 'you have beautiful eyes' or a 'lovely face structure'. I cannot be around people who deliberately make people feel self conscience about themselves- we get enough of that from the media industry. Making people feel happy/special about themselves isn't hard to do- just a few little words will set someone on a high for the day.

So for me personally, yes, I would be a little upset if someone said that to me, even though I know I am no beauty. If you cannot find anything redeeming about someone- why comment on them at all?

SpunkyCurls

I wouldn't feel offended because not everyone is attracted to the same person/look (and thank goodness for that!) There will be people who think you are beautiful or love you for the entire package and there will be people who just aren't attracted to you.


It almost sounds like you're looking for acceptance from someone else or maybe there's more to the story in that you might want this person to like you?

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nadina

my thoughts exactly. to me that's a euphemism, for, hey, you're not cute. i don't get offended when someone tries to insult my looks though, i feel confident enough to brush it off for the most part. i totally laugh if someone calls me ugly, cause it's just not true.

TwoMoons

I wouldn't mind at all. I used to be called ugly in Junior High which is WAY worse than being considered average looking. It's weird how much confidence can turn someone seen as undesirable beautiful.

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nynaeve77

I think everyone wants to feel beautiful, even if most of us are average (after all, that's sort of the definition, isn't it?). I do think that most people have something beautiful about them (nice eyes, smile, hair, phyisique) and that it's nice to hear it every once in a while. I know I like to hear compliments (I try not to fish for them, but it happens from time to time). It's a nice boost to the day. I'm certainly not ugly, but I wouldn't say I'm conventionally beautiful, either. If someone told me to my face I was average, I would think that person was a little tactless.

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Boomygrrl

My first response is that I would be offended. Rationally, I know that "average looking" isn't bad at all. I don't think I'm all that beautiful...but I see "average" as ordinary and boring. I've been told I have a unique look about me...that I'm attractive but not that classic model attractive. I actually took that as a compliment. I like my eyes...to me, it's Choctaw (the shape).
I was raised thinking I was ugly. I had frizzy hair that I didn't know what to do with (until about 5 years ago), acne (even still), and I am lanky and clumsy.
Then somewhere in my late teens and especially in my twenties, I started to look better. Not great, but better.
I think I look my best the past few years (in my mid to late thirties) than I ever have!
So, I'm sensitive to criticism, even if I don't show it. So, yeah, I'd be offended with the "average looking" remark.

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lapushka

I agree with CE.

I think I'm average looking but I often thought that I was less than average looking. I wouldn't appreciate people pointing that out to me, no. I think it's rude to say that to someone, not to mention it can really mess with someone's self esteem.

Gemini13

Same here. I think of average as Plain Jane- I wouldn't be very happy to hear someone describe me that way.

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TK*

I wouldn't be offended if someone called me "average." They are entitled to their opinion, just like I would be entitled to my opinion of that guy...in this case, a man with serious distorted vision.

I think I'm beautiful so that's all that matters. I don't need anyone else to reaffirm it.

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lapushka

That's the spirit, TK*!

curladvocate

Average is relative to where you are at the time. In NYC I am average in Vermont I am exotic.

Keewee

Yes I am average...

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Speckla

I would not be offended because that's how I describe myself. I'm even a bit on the plain side.