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Old 01-22-2009, 07:25 PM   #1
 
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Default Found a guy who is perfect for me

Or so I thought.

For a few months now I have dating this wonderful guy. He is handsome, intelligent, responsible, caring, funny, etc and he thinks the same of me. We do the same things (that is how we met) and get along effortlessly. I started to fall for him. Up until a few weeks ago we never had much of physical contact (keeping it casual). Then I kissed him and basically felt nothing. It was as if he was holding his lips tense the entire time. Horrible. He seemed to think it was great and wanted to try again.

I am not sure if it is because he is a bad kisser or we do not have "chemistry." I am going to give it one more go and if I still feel nothing I am going to have to give him the dreaded, "can we be friends?" talk. I could not date a bad kisser because kissing is important to me.

Anyone have the same experience?
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:34 PM   #2
 
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Are you the first person he's kissed, maybe?
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:37 PM   #3
 
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good that you're giving it another chance, maybe he had the first kiss jitters?
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:37 PM   #4
 
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First kisses aren't always great. I say give it another go and see if he relaxes.

However, there's no reason to force it or pretend something's there if it's not so feel free to move on if it's not working out.
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:39 PM   #5
 
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Seriously, some guys just don't know how to kiss. Try to teach him & if it doesn't change, then you will know.
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:41 PM   #6
 
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Originally Posted by chicagocurly78 View Post
Are you the first person he's kissed, maybe?
Ha! No. He is almost 40 and divorced (I am in my late 20s never married).

It sucks when everything else works except chemistry. I have disappeared on a lot of people because they were bad kissers, but he is so great in other ways I want to give him a second chance.
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Old 01-22-2009, 07:47 PM   #7
 
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No. Give up a "great" guy because of bad chemistry? Great guys are too hard to find. Plus, chemistry isn't only in a kiss.
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Old 01-22-2009, 08:01 PM   #8
 
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I'd give it a few more tries.
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Old 01-22-2009, 08:04 PM   #9
 
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definitely give it a few more tries.

My current BF hadn't dated in awhile when we first met, and the first kiss was more than a little stiff. It took some time, but he loosened up eventually and now everything's fine Would definitely say we have chemistry, though the first handful of kisses led me to think otherwise at first.

Maybe try talking about it. Maybe not in literal terms, but talking about past experiences might open things up enough to get things out and allow him to relax.
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Old 01-23-2009, 06:12 AM   #10
 
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Absolutely give it a few more tries. Not every couple has automatic physical chemistry, sometimes two people need to sort of settle in together before things will heat up.

If this had been a first date and the kiss was lousy, I'd probably say move on. But you're emotionally invested in this guy, and I really think you should give it more of a shot before you bail.
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Old 01-23-2009, 10:51 AM   #11
 
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Kissing is a skill that can be taught. Do you have chemistry for him in other ways? I know kissing is a big deal for you, but it doesn't mean there's no chemistry there...or maybe it does. I just don't want you to rule out what might be an otherwise great man, just because he's a bad kisser. Give it a few tries...but then before giving up, if he's still a bad kisser, maybe you can tell him what you like...communication is important. Men can be clueless.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:05 AM   #12
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Eh, kissing is overrated
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give dude a chance...
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:22 AM   #13
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iara View Post
Or so I thought.

For a few months now I have dating this wonderful guy. He is handsome, intelligent, responsible, caring, funny, etc and he thinks the same of me. We do the same things (that is how we met) and get along effortlessly. I started to fall for him. Up until a few weeks ago we never had much of physical contact (keeping it casual). Then I kissed him and basically felt nothing. It was as if he was holding his lips tense the entire time. Horrible. He seemed to think it was great and wanted to try again.
Naturally there is no chemistry if he is holding his lips tense. To me it sounds like he may not be interested in a physical relationship. I wouldn't give up yet, but I would cosider that possibility.

ETA: You did say he seemed to think it was great. I don't know, that part confuses me. I just find it strange that people can date for months without even kissing.

Last edited by sdc; 01-23-2009 at 11:24 AM.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:26 AM   #14
 
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I wouldn't give up. I was a former bad kisser and most of the reason behind it was that I was so nervous and trying so hard to NOT be a bad kisser (if that makes any sense).
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:47 AM   #15
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sdc View Post
ETA: You did say he seemed to think it was great. I don't know, that part confuses me. I just find it strange that people can date for months without even kissing.
I was casually dating a lot of people at one time. Some I kissed and some not. With him, we never had the opportunity until recently.

WileE, blasphemy! So far it has been 98 percent accurate predicting the next step. Only once has a guy been a great kisser and not great with other things. He was young.

Gemini, you may have a point.

Now that I think about it, his kiss reminded me of a guy who was holding back because he ate garlic earlier and was afraid I would taste it but wanted to kiss me all the same. He brushed his teeth that night and it was all good.

I am going to try again.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:48 AM   #16
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Unlike the storybook kisses you see in the movies, in real life, not every first kiss is magical, lol. Try again! And like boomy said, kissing can be taught, it's a learned skill, not a gift. And everyone has different preferences for kissing. I had to tell my bf what I liked. *shrugs*

If the liplocking thing isn't turning you on, the fairest thing you can do is tell him. Simply say, "I don't like when your lips are all tense like that. I like wet sloppy kisses" (you get the idea).

Don't give up! At least try a couple of more times. Good luck.
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Old 01-23-2009, 11:52 AM   #17
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT View Post
If this had been a first date and the kiss was lousy, I'd probably say move on. But you're emotionally invested in this guy, and I really think you should give it more of a shot before you bail.
I agree. Good luck!
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Old 01-24-2009, 06:16 AM   #18
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we are missing some important info here: are you attracted to him?

I can't tell from the wording of the original post if you are attracted to him. it seems like that would make a big difference.
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Old 01-25-2009, 08:03 PM   #19
 
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Old 01-25-2009, 08:14 PM   #20
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