Spinoff: When Do You Dicide The Relationship Isn't Going Anywhere...

I say 6 months. If you have been together 6 months & he isn't talking about it going further, then why stick around? I think it is so sad that there are women staying in relationships for years & there is no commitment from their partner. I've been there & will never waste my time again.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
I think it depends on the age and life experience of the lovers. In 20s, 6 months isn't very long. By mid 30's and up, I do think that 6 months of steady dating is long enough to tell if there is a real match. By about then you should be discussing being exclusively physical with only one another and intentions, etc.. So, for the older set, I would agree with 6 months (or even 9 months) as the time for that sort of talk. I was strung out on some unobtainable guy for over a decade though, so I understand how people get caught up, men and women. Thankfully, I've been able to move past him now. Just haven't found the right match yet. As you know, I'm still looking (sort of).
"Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people."

"I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then we live with that decision."
- Eleanor Roosevelt (both quotes)

(taking a break from posting starting late august 2009)
nm - someone was angry last night.

Last edited by meryn; 02-02-2009 at 03:24 PM.
To me, dating is like a job...you get a 90 day probation period where I get to see if I even LIKE you or not. But by around 6 mos, you SHOULD know what direction things are going in!
People will always do what they want to do...no matter what you say!
I agree, it has a lot to do with age. Still though, even at a young age there has to be SOME kind of commitment prior to 6 months for me to stick around. Then again though, I'm not the 'casual dating' type. I do much better in an actual relationship, personally.

But if there wasn't any mention of love by 6 months, I'd be concerned. 3 months is also a good marker for me. After 3 months of exclusive dating, i'm usually able to tell if it's going to work out or not. lol, 3 months is plenty of time to get bored...
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I've never cared if my relationships go anywhere as long as I was enjoying myself.
nm - someone was angry last night.
Originally Posted by meryn
Who was angry?
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
What Cymp said.
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

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nm - someone was angry last night.
Originally Posted by meryn
Who was angry?
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
meryn?
I don't know either. I hope she didn't think it was me and I hope she isn't angry.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
I decided it about 19 year ago...right after I said "I do".
http://community.webshots.com/user/burtburt69
I say 6 months. If you have been together 6 months & he isn't talking about it going further, then why stick around?
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
Six months? You don't even know each other after six months. You sort of do but I think it takes at least a good eight months to really know somebody and begin to know if you're compatible. If a guy was pressuring me after six months to know if we're for keeps, I'd tell him he's obviously not for me. I'd say a year and a half to two years before ultimatums are fair.

The only commitment I wanted from my guy (pretty early on) was that he wasn't sleeping wtih anybody else. Actually he volunteered and suggested that and I promised the same, and that was enough for the first year. Now that we're just beginning our second year (after a bumpy first year), we're just beginning to talk about more long-term plans. He's 45 and I'm a little older but I never admit to it.
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I think it depends on the age and life experience of the lovers. In 20s, 6 months isn't very long. By mid 30's and up, I do think that 6 months of steady dating is long enough to tell if there is a real match. By about then you should be discussing being exclusively physical with only one another and intentions, etc.. So, for the older set, I would agree with 6 months (or even 9 months) as the time for that sort of talk. I was strung out on some unobtainable guy for over a decade though, so I understand how people get caught up, men and women. Thankfully, I've been able to move past him now. Just haven't found the right match yet. As you know, I'm still looking (sort of).
Originally Posted by curls on holiday
Only if I only get physical with him six months in...with the potential for disease, I want as little risk as possible.
OMG, LOOK!!

...It's a siggie.
nm - someone was angry last night.
Originally Posted by meryn
Who was angry?
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
meryn?
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - The Nudist Poster
I was angry and mouthy. Nothing against anyone - except a really good bottle of cabernet.
When things are heading in the right direction, they feel right from the very beginning and stay that way.

If you are questioning at 6 months weather its going anywhere, its probably not heading anywhere.

At 3 months you should have a pretty good idea that things are progressing. If not, then the next 3 are to confirm that is not going anywhere.
{ Sometimes I wish I would had followed my own advice in the past} lalalalalaaa

Last edited by violets; 02-03-2009 at 09:39 PM.
When things are heading in the right direction, they feel right from the very beginning and stay that way.

If you are questioning at 6 months weather its going anywhere, its probably not heading anywhere.

At 3 months you should have a pretty good idea that things are progressing. If not, then the next 3 are to confirm that is not going anywhere.
{ Sometimes I wish I would had followed my own advice in the past} lalalalalaaa
Originally Posted by violets
lol, i think you've just described my entire dating history in 2 paragraphs...
CG/Mod CG (soap bars) since 8/12/08
CO wash/Cond: Kathymack & Flowermoon Castille soap bars, V05 Chamomile Tea, Suave Ocean Breeze, Biolage Conditioning Balm
Styling loves: DIFFUSING! CK, KCNT, KCCC, FOTE (on dry hair only), Re:coil, Proclaim gel
Not sure about: Boots, Tweek, KBB Milk, DMHJ
HATE: plopping, FOTE on wet hair, BRHG
When things are heading in the right direction, they feel right from the very beginning and stay that way.

If you are questioning at 6 months weather its going anywhere, its probably not heading anywhere.

At 3 months you should have a pretty good idea that things are progressing. If not, then the next 3 are to confirm that is not going anywhere.
{ Sometimes I wish I would had followed my own advice in the past} lalalalalaaa
Originally Posted by violets
lol, i think you've just described my entire dating history in 2 paragraphs...
Originally Posted by MimsTX
Ditto.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and warn myself of the stupid things that I'm about to do.

Last edited by Hakim Nuraldin; 04-20-2009 at 05:32 PM. Reason: punctuation
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
When things are heading in the right direction, they feel right from the very beginning and stay that way.

If you are questioning at 6 months weather its going anywhere, its probably not heading anywhere.

At 3 months you should have a pretty good idea that things are progressing. If not, then the next 3 are to confirm that is not going anywhere.
{ Sometimes I wish I would had followed my own advice in the past} lalalalalaaa
Originally Posted by violets
lol, i think you've just described my entire dating history in 2 paragraphs...
Originally Posted by MimsTX
Ditto.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and warn myself of the stupid things that I'm about to do.
Originally Posted by Hakim Nuraldin
Oh! Heavens Yes! Me tooooooooo.
I've found in the past that any time I thought a relationship had potential, six months was the magic time when suddenly I saw why we wouldn't work.

Doesn't mean the relationships *ended* at 6 months. But it's when warning signs started to appear. It's as if best behavior can't last longer than 6 months and you start to see the true person, if that person has been pretending to be someone he isn't.


In all fairness, I am *not* the easiest person to get along with, and I think 6 months is when guys start to see I won't change and suddenly be a different person, too.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
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I've found in the past that any time I thought a relationship had potential, six months was the magic time when suddenly I saw why we wouldn't work.

Doesn't mean the relationships *ended* at 6 months. But it's when warning signs started to appear. It's as if best behavior can't last longer than 6 months and you start to see the true person, if that person has been pretending to be someone he isn't.


In all fairness, I am *not* the easiest person to get along with, and I think 6 months is when guys start to see I won't change and suddenly be a different person, too.
Originally Posted by NetG
what was for dinner tonight?

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