I'm getting a roommate. Have any advice?

mandyv · 02-09-2009, 05:24 PM

It's been, like, 25 years since I've had a roommate because raising my son (22) doesn't count. I had one live-in bf for 2 years in all that time, and now finances force me to have a friend move in short term, 3 to 6 months we agreed. I'm in a pretty nice 2 bedroom apt with a view and lots of privacy, but it's a small apt.

Do you have any experiences you can share on what we should talk about up front? I'd really appreciate it. I'm really not looking forward to this but at the same time I'm really grateful she's here to help me with the rent. My work has slowed down and she just got laid off. She's a lawyer & getting decent unemployment but still.... she's really messy..... Plus she talks a lot and is kind of pushy, but all that doesn't matter

I'm pushy too, but I want to make this 3-6 mos as comfortable and fair as possible.

What should we talk about up front? I'm not sure how to approach buying tp and coffee filters because I don't usually shop in bulk. Maybe I should.... Thanks for any advice. ANd wish me luck.

MichelleBFT · 02-09-2009, 05:33 PM

Promise each other that if you have an issue with your roommate (you or her) that you will bring it directly to her when it comes up, rather than stew about it and get pissy about other ish.

And mean it. Near about every roommate I've ever head has promised me that they'd bring issues to my attention, and near about every roommate has NOT followed through on that promise. Perhaps they thought whatever their issue was with me was something that should have been obvious, but if I was doing it, clearly it wasn't obvious to me.

It's only fair to give a roommate the benefit of the doubt, and assume that whatever it is that's bugging you about her is something she has no idea is annoying.

Good luck!!

pooks1213 · 02-09-2009, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

Promise each other that if you have an issue with your roommate (you or her) that you will bring it directly to her when it comes up, rather than stew about it and get pissy about other ish.

And mean it. Near about every roommate I've ever head has promised me that they'd bring issues to my attention, and near about every roommate has NOT followed through on that promise. Perhaps they thought whatever their issue was with me was something that should have been obvious, but if I was doing it, clearly it wasn't obvious to me.

It's only fair to give a roommate the benefit of the doubt, and assume that whatever it is that's bugging you about her is something she has no idea is annoying.

Good luck!!

ITA! Also, I've ALWAYS had money problems with roommates...it never failed I ALWAYS got screwed when it came to the money....the last room mate I had, we signed a 'contract' stating that so and so is responsible for this and vice versa. I even got it notarized just to be on the safe side.

rileyb · 02-09-2009, 05:47 PM

Have a discussion about various topics before your move about expectations from each other on issues that can cause conflict like cleaning, groceries, shared spaces, sharing products, utilities, overnight guests, noise, borrowing items - and then type up any 'house rules' in an email and send it as a recap. You'd be surprised how often verbal conversations are perceived differently by different people. It also defuses the situation a little if you can say, hey remember our discussion, I thought we decided on xyz.

mrspoppers · 02-09-2009, 05:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rileyb

Have a discussion about various topics before your move about expectations from each other on issues that can cause conflict like cleaning, groceries, shared spaces, sharing products, utilities, overnight guests, noise, borrowing items - and then type up any 'house rules' in an email and send it as a recap. You'd be surprised how often verbal conversations are perceived differently by different people. It also defuses the situation a little if you can say, hey remember our discussion, I thought we decided on xyz.

I agree. Set the ground rules before she moves in and make sure you both stick to them.

mandyv · 02-09-2009, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rileyb

Have a discussion about various topics before your move about expectations from each other on issues that can cause conflict like cleaning, groceries, shared spaces, sharing products, utilities, overnight guests, noise, borrowing items - and then type up any 'house rules' in an email and send it as a recap.

This is very helpful. I'll make it into a list. This is exactly the kind of thing we need to address. Fortunately, it's only temporary but I want to stay friends after it's over. The danger is she really likes my apt but we've agreed on 6 months, which helps us both $$-wise.

I've already suggested we make a list of 3-5 topics for discussion to understand, so hopefully it'll go smoothly.

In two months I'll be back here, Do you know what my roommate did TODAY?!?