Mom Trouble

Does anyone else have mom trouble? Seriously my mother seems to think that by telling me about everyone under the sun I might have ever known who is either a)about to get engaged b) getting married or c) having a kid - it's going to magically cause me to run out, find the man of my dreams and miraculously have babies like yesterday. Half of the people she tells me about I couldn't give a flying fig about, I really don't care that they're pregnant, or they're shopping for wedding dresses, good for them! She lets me know last night that my cousin's mother doesn't call her anymore to talk about her grandkids because "she knows I want some". Boo freaking hoo woman. Even if I DID get married, it's, oh I don't know, MY body and MY life and I'll have kids when I'm damn good and ready, not whenever SHE thinks I should. Honestly all her nagging and little comments make me want to wait that much longer, honestly. I don't like being told what to do, or what other people think I should do, I usually do the opposite. And the woman who always told me to "never settle", "don't date anyone you wouldn't marry", etc is now saying I'm "too picky" and pretty much saying I should settle. (She even pushed the drug dealer ******* ex on me back when we were dating). I just want to tell her "Guess what woman, this has nothing to do with you. It's not all about whether you get to have grandkids or not". I honestly thought about lying and saying I got knocked up because I knew how much she wanted to have grandkids, but thought that might be a little harsh. Does anyone else's mother do this? I'm going to live my own life and I'm not going to settle and things will happen when they are supposed to. UGH!!!! Sorry to vent there but she's really pissing me off!
Banned
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 9,271
does you mom tell people about your lack of paragraphs?
does you mom tell people about your lack of paragraphs?
Originally Posted by zmanzzzz
Yep, that's why I don't make any.
Aw, give her a little slack. Maybe she just trying to relate to you on the only things you still have in common?

As for wanting grandkids, that's normal. Maybe just tell her - once you calm down, LOL - that her bugging you about it just makes you dig your heels in and certainly isn't going to make it happen any faster.
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This would drive me crazy.

I told my mom that it seemed as though if I achieved whatever goals she has set for me, she would always be replacing them with more. Her list of goals is endless. I said I don't want to live my life always feeling like it's never enough for her or for anyone.

She got the message and nags far less now. It probably helps that my two sisters have done a lot of the things she wants to see us all do — get married [and stay that way], have kids, buy a house, etc. That frees me up to be the "slacker."

Last edited by wild~hair; 02-10-2009 at 02:34 PM.
This is some pathological ish, man. I can't understand parents who put that carp.

Sorry, I'm not help, but I'm peeved on your behalf. Why can't people leave other's people's life choice the frank alone?!?
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
Don't you have a brother? Does she treat/nag him the same way?

If she really wants to love on kids/babies, maybe she could volunteer to hold babies in the NICU, or become a Big Sister.
This is some pathological ish, man. I can't understand parents who put that carp.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT
Say what?
<insert signature line here>
Don't you have a brother? Does she treat/nag him the same way?

If she really wants to love on kids/babies, maybe she could volunteer to hold babies in the NICU, or become a Big Sister.
Originally Posted by Sigi

Not to the same extent but she always tells me how she'd like him to get married. (He's 3 years younger than me). I honestly think it's because I'm the girl and I'm turning into an old maid (at least in her eyes). Because you know by my age she was married and had already had both me and my brother. She told me the other day that people of our generation are too independent to have relationships because we want to do our own stuff way too much and that causes problems. Whatever. If a guy does something that I don't think is right and I decide to break it off she always warns me about "burning bridges", etc. That's why I don't tell her when I have dates anymore, or anything about them, and you'd think that'd stop the nagging, NOPE!
My mom harps on me about different things. I just change the subject, if that that doesn't work, then I suddenly have something that came up and have to go.

I'm hoping it will work one of these days. If not, least I don't have to hear as much of it.
I hate when parents do that. Adult children do not owe their parents any grandchildren at all. You may need to just tell her straight out...nicely..."Mom, I'm leading my own life, and I don't owe you any grandchildren. Back off."

Maybe get her a puppy, or a kitten.
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
Don't you have a brother? Does she treat/nag him the same way?

If she really wants to love on kids/babies, maybe she could volunteer to hold babies in the NICU, or become a Big Sister.
Originally Posted by Sigi
I didn't read past this just yet, but had to respond to it......
Code:
gp all the fargin way..
Amanda...do what you want. My mom gave up after 10 years, then bam! Stay focused....stay focused...
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
This is some pathological ish, man. I can't understand parents who put that carp.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT
Say what?
Originally Posted by SpunkyCurls
lol
Code:
I thought I was the only one that said carp
How do you respond? My mom used to do that up until a few years ago. I just say nothing or 'yea ok' and basically ignore. Smiling helps too (usually I'm laughing at how ridiculous they sound, they as in it's my mom, aunts, cousins wives, etc). Eventually they stop because they get no reaction and frustrated.
This is some pathological ish, man. I can't understand parents who put that carp.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT
Say what?
Originally Posted by SpunkyCurls
lol
Code:
I thought I was the only one that said carp
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - The Nudist Poster
"put that carp"?
<insert signature line here>
I remember my Mom wanting me to be married and settled. What she really wanted was for me to be happy and fulfilled and for her that meant married to a "good" man and having some babies. Now that I have a daughter I kind of understand the way my Mom felt. She wanted to know I was going to be okay when she wasn't here any longer and while finding someone to marry doesn't guarantee that, sometimes it does mean that you have someone that's there for you when you need them. Especially when Mom and/or Dad are gone.

My Mom died when I was 28-long before I met my wonderful husband and had my precious daughter. And even though I know in my heart that she knows about them and is happy for me, I wish she could be here and know them on this physical level now.

So I guess I'm saying just enjoy the fact that your Mom is here and cares about you enough to want you to have a full wonderful life. One of my friends asked me the other day if she should drive to California to visit her Mom, who is starting to have some dementia issues and I told her that I would drive quite a way farther than California to see my Mom if I could. Enjoy her while you have her - when you have a Mom that cares you have something that you will never have again after your Mom is gone from here, in this life anyway. Just know on some deep level she probably just wants you to be happy and safe.
My mom has granny lust bad...which is really funny cuz she is a granny. She just wants a baby to play with.

I've started fending her off with jokey comebacks. One christmas we were watching Rudolph together and she turned to me and said in this cute voice "when are you gonna start giving me grandbabies to watch christmas specials with?" I told her I'd get her a Baby Alive for Christmas that would cry, eat, and poop and she could watch specials with it. She thought that was hilarious and now it's just become a joke between us. Just like how I tell her I'll find her a nice place in her old age that flips her over at least once a week. It is handy though to go tell her to play with her other grandchildren (who are grown or teenagers).

I had to talk to my step-mother about the unintended pressure she was exerting, the aura she gave off was that you had to have someone in your life to feel whole. She didn't mean to make me feel like that and is now more aware of the comments.

Oddly I do feel pressure on myself to have kids just because I want to before my grandparents get too old. I had my great grandfather around for most of my life and it was amazing. I want my kids to have that. Thankfully my Nana has great-nieces and nephews to satisfy the need for little ones to play with.
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043

Say what?
Originally Posted by SpunkyCurls
lol
Code:
I thought I was the only one that said carp
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - The Nudist Poster
"put that carp"?
Originally Posted by SpunkyCurls
I'm guessing put up w/ that carp.
My brain is always faster than my fingers...
Code:
And I'm pretty fast at typing...lol
This is some pathological ish, man. I can't understand parents who put that carp.
Originally Posted by MichelleBFT
Say what?
Originally Posted by SpunkyCurls
Ur... yeah, way to type, Michelle.

.... who pull that carp.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
My sister's MIL is like this, too. My poor sister and her husband are always rolling their eyes at her baby fever. We saw them over Christmas and she was making comments about how cute my daughter is and how she wanted sis and her hubs to have one soon. I think I just said she could play with my daughter instead. I didn't want to get in the middle of that one!

My mom has never been one to harp on babies, thankfully. She is interested in our lives, but she doesn't butt in.
"Maybe Lucy's right. Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you're the Charlie Browniest."--Linus, A Charlie Brown Christmas
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