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View Poll Results: If your SO revealed s/he had an STD, would you stay?
Yeah, sure...so many treatment options nowadays. 3 5.56%
No! You're kidding, right? 12 22.22%
I don't know...it would depend on so many things. 18 33.33%
Maybe...It would depend on which STD. 19 35.19%
Other 2 3.70%
Voters: 54. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-13-2009, 03:02 PM   #1
 
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Default If your newish SO revealed s/he currently has an STD, would you stay? go?

I know what some of you will say... Phoenix! On top of everything else, now this?! I would've already been gone! But this isn't about my SO... Just hypothetically and let's say the rest of the relationship is good.

Stay? Go?
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Old 02-13-2009, 03:06 PM   #2
 
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HAD? Are they disease free, now? I'd be ok. ish happens sometimes.
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Old 02-13-2009, 03:29 PM   #3
 
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Hell, no. Honestly, I wouldn't leave it up to them to tell me anyway. Testing is a must!

A lot of people who would refuse to be with someone that copped to having somethin are the same people that would be with someone w/o testing. I don't see much of a difference between the two. I mean, if you use a condom w/someone who you *know* has gonorrhea you're not more likely to get it than if you don't know whether they have it or not.

If they had something curable in the past and they were 100% disease free, no that wouldn't be an issue.
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Old 02-13-2009, 03:37 PM   #4
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It depends.
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Old 02-13-2009, 03:59 PM   #5
 
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it depends. What std? How long ago, etc etc.
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:49 PM   #6
 
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it depends. What std? How long ago, etc etc.
Yes, and what's "newish?" Are we talking like a month into it, 3 months into it, 6 months, etc.
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:50 PM   #7
 
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Hell, no. Honestly, I wouldn't leave it up to them to tell me anyway. Testing is a must!

A lot of people who would refuse to be with someone that copped to having somethin are the same people that would be with someone w/o testing. I don't see much of a difference between the two. I mean, if you use a condom w/someone who you *know* has gonorrhea you're not more likely to get it than if you don't know whether they have it or not.

If they had something curable in the past and they were 100% disease free, no that wouldn't be an issue.
Actually, statistically you are MUCH more likely to get an STD from a known infection than from an untested/status unknown partner.
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:51 PM   #8
 
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The OP title says "had" as in past tense. If that's the case, it wouldn't be an issue...unless there's a story behind it that would scare me off.
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Old 02-13-2009, 04:59 PM   #9
 
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it depends. What std? How long ago, etc etc.
Exactly. There are a lot of factors, it's a very "it depends" sort of answer.
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:14 PM   #10
 
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It depends on a LOT of things for me. If it was a 'minor' STD (think HPV), I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker. Something major like herpes or AIDS or the like (the 'incurables') would be harder. Still, if I really loved someone... I dunno. Maybe I could live with it. That being said, if it's a 'newish' relationship, that kind of love would be pretty rare...

ugh. definitely a 'i don't know' question. Someone with an STD doesn't deserve to be sad and lonely just because of a past mistake that damn near everyone else has probably made as well. *shrug* not necessarily, anyways.
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:18 PM   #11
 
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It depends on a LOT of things for me. If it was a 'minor' STD (think HPV), I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker. Something major like herpes or AIDS or the like (the 'incurables') would be harder. Still, if I really loved someone... I dunno. Maybe I could live with it. That being said, if it's a 'newish' relationship, that kind of love would be pretty rare...

ugh. definitely a 'i don't know' question. Someone with an STD doesn't deserve to be sad and lonely just because of a past mistake that damn near everyone else has probably made as well. *shrug* not necessarily, anyways.
While I know what you mean...HPV isn't "curable" either, and it can become a major problem if the woman who gets it gets cancer.
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:33 PM   #12
 
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I said "other" because it depends on a lot of things. If it was long ago and it's now cured, no harm, no foul. Many people are STD-free only because of luck, not necessarily because they have lived a chaste life or always practiced safe sex. On the other hand, there are people who have STDs because they are in what they thought was a committed relationship that really isn't.

If the person revealed they currently have an STD after we've had sex, I'm gone. Condoms do not offer 100% protection and there are certain STDs that condoms only provide minimal protection from.

Between those two extremes is a lot of gray area and it depends on the situation.
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Old 02-13-2009, 05:56 PM   #13
 
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newcurly: I did not mean any untested partner period, I meant someone who had the disease and just was not tested compared to someone who was aware of their status. My point is I wouldn't want to take an unnecessary risk whether I was aware of it or not.

I think the reason the OP's use of "had" in the title is causing confusion is because this language does not have a very defined conditional tense. I think she means if they told you they currently had one, though.

If she was referring to the past wouldn't she have said, "If your newish SO revealed s/he had had an STD, would you stay?" Phoenix, it would really help if you popped into the thread and clarified. It could be that your wording is skewing the responses.
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:03 PM   #14
 
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Originally Posted by mrspoppers View Post
I said "other" because it depends on a lot of things. If it was long ago and it's now cured, no harm, no foul. Many people are STD-free only because of luck, not necessarily because they have lived a chaste life or always practiced safe sex. On the other hand, there are people who have STDs because they are in what they thought was a committed relationship that really isn't.

If the person revealed they currently have an STD after we've had sex, I'm gone. Condoms do not offer 100% protection and there are certain STDs that condoms only provide minimal protection from.
I agree w/all this especially the bolded; I know of people in each of those categories. But even if the person was not at fault and just unlucky and betrayed in terms of how they contracted the disease, I still would not be up for exposing myself to that kind of risk.

And it's amazing how many people truly believe a condom will protect them against everything. I've even heard people say that birth control will do the job; and people are against sex education in schools!

Condoms don't protect you from herpes or from HPV, the latter being the cause of all cervical cancers.
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:08 PM   #15
 
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MimsTX View Post
It depends on a LOT of things for me. If it was a 'minor' STD (think HPV), I don't think it's necessarily a deal breaker. Something major like herpes or AIDS or the like (the 'incurables') would be harder. Still, if I really loved someone... I dunno. Maybe I could live with it. That being said, if it's a 'newish' relationship, that kind of love would be pretty rare...

ugh. definitely a 'i don't know' question. Someone with an STD doesn't deserve to be sad and lonely just because of a past mistake that damn near everyone else has probably made as well. *shrug* not necessarily, anyways.
While I know what you mean...HPV isn't "curable" either, and it can become a major problem if the woman who gets it gets cancer.
Yes, but if a guy KNOWS he has HPV it's because he has the wart-causing variety. Those strains of HPV typically don't cause cervical dysplasia. So if a guy has the "dangerous" kind of HPV...he probably doesn't know he has it!
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:17 PM   #16
 
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Well, if he told me after we had sex, absolutely not!
Otherwise, I'd like to think that I'd give a guy a chance, but at the same time, it's kind of scary to me to be in that situation, so I'm not sure. I'd have to really love the guy to be okay with it.
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Old 02-13-2009, 06:17 PM   #17
 
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Two primary deciding factors: One, is it treatable and in remission? What's my likelihood of contracting it? And two, had we had any contact in which I could have contracted it before he told me, presuming he already knew? THAT would be a dealbreaker for me.
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:16 PM   #18
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jeamaria View Post
newcurly: I did not mean any untested partner period, I meant someone who had the disease and just was not tested compared to someone who was aware of their status. My point is I wouldn't want to take an unnecessary risk whether I was aware of it or not.

I think the reason the OP's use of "had" in the title is causing confusion is because this language does not have a very defined conditional tense. I think she means if they told you they currently had one, though.

If she was referring to the past wouldn't she have said, "If your newish SO revealed s/he had had an STD, would you stay?" Phoenix, it would really help if you popped into the thread and clarified. It could be that your wording is skewing the responses.
Exactly. Seemed so clear to me...
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:18 PM   #19
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Phoenix View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by jeamaria View Post
newcurly: I did not mean any untested partner period, I meant someone who had the disease and just was not tested compared to someone who was aware of their status. My point is I wouldn't want to take an unnecessary risk whether I was aware of it or not.

I think the reason the OP's use of "had" in the title is causing confusion is because this language does not have a very defined conditional tense. I think she means if they told you they currently had one, though.

If she was referring to the past wouldn't she have said, "If your newish SO revealed s/he had had an STD, would you stay?" Phoenix, it would really help if you popped into the thread and clarified. It could be that your wording is skewing the responses.
Exactly. Seemed so clear to me...
I got what you meant . . . no worries.
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Old 02-13-2009, 08:28 PM   #20
 
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Agree testing is a must. It depends on the person and on the STD.

Quote:
The OP title says "had" as in past tense. If that's the case, it wouldn't be an issue...unless there's a story behind it that would scare me off.
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