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Old 02-16-2009, 04:00 PM   #1
 
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Default "Kill Your Enemies With Kindness"

How many of you kill your enemies with kindness? Why do you choose to deal with them that way? How do you deal with them in this way (like specific situations)?

I also feel it's the best way to deal with your enemies, unfortunately I have trouble getting past my vindictive nature to fight fire with fire.
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Old 02-16-2009, 04:22 PM   #2
 
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Ideally, I would love to be ever-so-kind to enemies, so as not to let them know they have hurt me, but, alas, my emotions usually don't allow me too. It's only after the passage of time that I am able to hide my passion.

For instance, when my ex-husband cheated on me, and then married the woman he was cheating with, I wasn't able to control the emotions enough to give her the time of day. Now...after the passage of years, I am able to be nothing but kind and friendly to her...even though I still think she's the epitome of pond scum (good christian my ash).
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Old 02-16-2009, 04:23 PM   #3
 
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I don't really have "enemies." Enemies are a waste of time.

I have people that I avoid, but that's about it.
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Old 02-16-2009, 04:27 PM   #4
 
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As long as they are neutralized and not a threat to me I don't care how it's done.
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Old 02-16-2009, 04:32 PM   #5
 
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I don't really have any enemies, but I imagine it would take me a while to get to this point if I did. I tend to hold grudges for a long time (healthy, I know!). I'm also the passive-aggressive type.
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Old 02-16-2009, 04:33 PM   #6
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Suburbanbushbabe View Post
As long as they are neutralized and not a threat to me I don't care how it's done.

+1


I try to be nice to even the people who piss me off, but it's tough. Somehow, it comes out laced with an edge of sarcasm. Can't imagine how that happens.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:08 PM   #7
 
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A few years ago, I made a sexual harassment claim against a former (married) boss. The investigator determined my claim was founded. The harasser then spread nasty rumors about me. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I still run into him occasionally. I smile and say hi to him. I figure that my life is good. I love my husband. I have a happy, healthy baby. Obviously the harasser is lacking something in his life, so on some level, I pity him.

Plus, karma is a b*tch. The world is round and he'll get his. No need for me to interfere.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:18 PM   #8
 
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Originally Posted by LoloDSM View Post
A few years ago, I made a sexual harassment claim against a former (married) boss. The investigator determined my claim was founded. The harasser then spread nasty rumors about me. It was one of the worst experiences of my life.

I still run into him occasionally. I smile and say hi to him. I figure that my life is good. I love my husband. I have a happy, healthy baby. Obviously the harasser is lacking something in his life, so on some level, I pity him.

Plus, karma is a b*tch. The world is round and he'll get his. No need for me to interfere.
It's so nice you see things that way.
I wish I could believe in karma.

I'm not one to get to the point where I hate anyone. I tend to let go of bad feelings towards another person eventually, but before I do, I am not someone who can do cruel things to someone else to spite them. I find purposely hurting someone else actually hurts me more. It's like I tell people: I'm the one who has to live with myself.
Having said that, I also can't really take being around those people.
And I admit, maybe I do show them kindness in an attempt to make them think. Unfortunately, most people aren't that self-aware to even notice.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:24 PM   #9
 
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I become so apathetic and deadened towards people that have wronged me, I don't show kindness, malice, nothing. I'm just flat and use the token phrases of how are you, how's the family, etc. I just don't care.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:42 PM   #10
 
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Great approach, and I can use it...up to a point.
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:48 PM   #11
 
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I do it on occasion. I mainly do it with people who do stuff purposely to try and get a rise out of me. If me being perky, nice and happy makes them madder, then it just fills me with giggles!
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Old 02-16-2009, 06:54 PM   #12
 
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I've acquired the skill recently. I found that it is easier to laugh at them and move on than it is to get all angry. When they do something to make you angry they're hoping to get you angry too, I rarely give people what they want especially when they are annoying me or I don't like them, unless they invade my personal space. Angry people (aka haters) are only happy when people are as miserable as they are, I refuse to let people I don't like ruin my day. A hater's job is to hate and my job is to give them something to hate about. If I get mad at them then I am slacking on my job.
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Old 02-17-2009, 07:51 AM   #13
 
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I don't have enemies, but I do try to "take the high road" with people I don't care for or have disagreements with or who I feel are mistreating me. I'll avoid them when I can and when I can't, I will make a point of being civil - not phony-nice, but as nice as I can stand to be and still be sincere.
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:36 AM   #14
 
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I don't have enemies. It would never get that far for me. If I don't like someone, that person usually becomes invisible to me. So, it would be more like, "kill your enemies with indifference."
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:45 AM   #15
 
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I'm working on this, actually. I don't use it socially - I just avoid the person. At work, however, I have to work with some difficult people who just have difficult personalities or who are deeply unhappy in their lives/careers and feel the need to take it out on the rest of us. I've found killing them with kindness the most effective way to make sure that my patients get what they need.
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Old 02-17-2009, 09:10 AM   #16
 
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To me hating someone and being bitter is going to get you nowhere. I know that's easier said than done but it's the truth. Many people think the opposite of love is hate, but it isn't, it's indifference. I pretend not to know them, I don't see them, they aren't there, they don't matter. If I am in a situation where I HAVE to deal with them, I am direct, short and to the point, not friendly, not cordial, I treat it as a business interaction and move on. For a long time I held grudges against certain people I went to hs with who were so unnecessarily mean to me for God knows what reason and now I pretend I don't remember them if they come up and talk to me. I don't care if they know I'm doing it on purpose, and my memory is EXCELLENT but I say "Oh, it's been so long!" And then "have to go".
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Old 02-17-2009, 11:56 AM   #17
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wild~hair View Post
I don't really have "enemies." Enemies are a waste of time.

I have people that I avoid, but that's about it.
Same here.
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Old 02-17-2009, 12:38 PM   #18
 
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It's not that I have enemies, exactly, I just tend to hold grudges. I have been trying really hard to let things go, lately, and not let them get to me.

Killing my MIL with kindness has been working great. Our visits go so much better when I focus on all things positive, instead of all things negative. I found as my attitude changed toward her, it seems like hers as change toward me. She will actually talk to me on the phone instead of asking, "Is my son there?" Really, I need to do that much more often.
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Old 02-17-2009, 12:45 PM   #19
 
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I don't have enemies, but I don't believe in lowering myself to another's level...so yes, I do believe in killing with kindness. I have too many other things going on in life to put all my time and energy into seeking revenge or to constantly fight with others. Generally speaking, if someone wrongs me, I try my best to let it go. I need to worry first about how I conduct myself and less about how others conduct themselves.
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Old 02-19-2009, 07:09 PM   #20
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CocoaCoily View Post
I don't have enemies. It would never get that far for me. If I don't like someone, that person usually becomes invisible to me. So, it would be more like, "kill your enemies with indifference."
That's how I am.
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