I need wedding advise!!

I am having a huge dilemma deciding how and who I should invite to my wedding this summer from work.
I work in a large school with a teaching staff of about 40. I am a special education teacher and do part time administrative duties so I work very closely with every teacher in our school. However, there is no way I can afford to invite everyone to the supper. I socialize outside of school with about 5 - 10 teachers so I was thinking that I would invite them to the supper plus the rest of the administration. So that would be 15 people from the staff.

I feel really bad because those 15 people have cousins/sisters/brothers on the teaching staff who I also respect greatly, but just simply did not make it to my list of people who I would truely miss if they were not at my wedding. I feel kind of weird for only inviting half the staff.

However, I was thinking that I would invited everyone to the ceremony and the dance from the staff. Is this okay to still do since I am just selecting a few for the supper or do you think this is going to cause hurt feelings? Am I going about this the wrong way? And what do I say to others when they ask why so and so is going to the supper and not them? I really do value everyone I work with and want to limit hurt feelings, but I just don't know the best way to go about it.

My other question is should I invited spouses, etc? I really don't know most peoples significant others from my staff? Do I invite them or just create an invitation for staff only? I am so confused about weddings and the work place.

Any suggestions, or opinions would be greatly appreciated!
My understanding of the etiquette is that you invite the people you socialize with (anyone you'd continue to be friends with if you left your job), and your direct supervisor, and that's it.

Don't play the "If I invite PersonA then I have to invite PersonB!!!" game because it's expensive and a waste of everyone's time. People you aren't really friends with will know you invited them because you felt obligated, so don't bother. It's not worth the plate. Invite the people you actually want to share your day with, and forget everyone else.
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Personally I think it's fine to only invite the people you socialize with to the wedding.

I've worked in offices where I was not invited to a co-worker's wedding and didn't think twice about it. I knew that the people who were invited from work were much more friendly with the bride/groom than I was. It was always a non issue.

The only time this might be an issue is if you want to invite three people in a department of four. Then I would feel sort of bad leaving one person out, but that's not your situation.

And yes you have to invite spouses. You do not however have to invite unmarried people with a date if you don't want to, unless they are engaged.
If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
Personally I think it's fine to only invite the people you socialize with to the wedding.

I've worked in offices where I was not invited to a co-worker's wedding and didn't think twice about it. I knew that the people who were invited from work were much more friendly with the bride/groom than I was. It was always a non issue.

The only time this might be an issue is if you want to invite three people in a department of four. Then I would feel sort of bad leaving one person out, but that's not your situation.

And yes you have to invite spouses. You do not however have to invite unmarried people with a date if you don't want to, unless they are engaged.
Originally Posted by Jenny C
Ditto to this. Also, I wouldn't invite anyone to the ceremony if they're not invited to the reception.
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I had a friend invited our whole church (4500+ people) to his wedding, had a cake and punch reception immediately following, and then a private dinner later that evening. It worked out fine.
If you decide to invite everyone, put a copy of your invitation on the bulletin board in the teacher's lounge or office instead of mailing individual invites.
For those that you invite to the dinner, send an invitation and denote that the reception is private and by invitation only. You may also want to mention the circumstances to them so that they do not talk to the other teachers about it.
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Personally I think it's fine to only invite the people you socialize with to the wedding.

I've worked in offices where I was not invited to a co-worker's wedding and didn't think twice about it. I knew that the people who were invited from work were much more friendly with the bride/groom than I was. It was always a non issue.

The only time this might be an issue is if you want to invite three people in a department of four. Then I would feel sort of bad leaving one person out, but that's not your situation.

And yes you have to invite spouses. You do not however have to invite unmarried people with a date if you don't want to, unless they are engaged.
Originally Posted by Jenny C
Ditto to this. Also, I wouldn't invite anyone to the ceremony if they're not invited to the reception.
Originally Posted by Gemini13
I agree with both of these ^ answers. I was invited to a work wedding where only the bosses were invited to the dinner. All the rest of us were invited to the wedding and dance. #1 we all felt obligated to go since the bosses would be there; #2 we had to figure out how to kill 3 hours between the ceremony and the dance; and #3 everyone felt like they'd only been asked for the gifts we had to bring.

I'm NOT saying you are doing that, only that the whole thing was weird for us and we'd have rather not been invited at all since we were obviously second-string.

Most importantly invite who you want. It's YOUR day.
< member since 2006. No idea where 1969 came from.
Thanks for the advise!!!
I really like the idea of posting the invitation in the staff lounge. That way it is a bit more informal and people won't feel obligated to come or to bring gifts etc. I really don't want people to think they have to come or feel obligated (especially since it is over summer holidays), but I know there are several people who would like to be a part of that special day and since we are having a live band and midnight lunch I would still like some of those people who I am friends with to come out and party. Especially since most of the grandparents, etc will be in bed by that point.

So my plan is to invite everyone out to the wedding, dance and midnight lunch at work through an informal invitation and then just keep the supper to really close friends and family. (Hopefully that way we are under 100 people for the supper.) Since we both play on sports teams I think we might invite the teams out to just the evening part and if they would like to come to the ceremony they are welcome to that too. Lol, I mostly want to get some good use out of the band!

Am I on the right track? Or is this still a big no no? I think that doing up the invitation list has been the hardest part of the wedding, especially dealing with people who want to be at the wedding, but I never intended to invite. I am kind of at the point where I welcome anyone to the dance cause that only changes the budget by $100 to $200 dollars, but the supper is where the extra couple thousand can come in pretty quick.
Your wedding sound really fun; can I come?
Seriously, it's your wedding. Do whatever you want. But don't invite people because they want to come and listen to the band. Invite them because you enjoy their company and you want them to be a part of your special day.
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"Never forget, justice is what love looks like in public." ~ Cornel West

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