So, how's the libido? - Page 2

Trenell · 02-25-2009, 01:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

I find it suspect when men say that condoms cause a loss of erection or feeling. Smells a lot like they don't want to deal with birth control. Not cool.

I meant to say something about that as well. you should say "So instead of dealing with your loss of some feeling, you rather me be pumped with chemicals. mmmkay"

MichelleBFT · 02-25-2009, 01:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trenell

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

I find it suspect when men say that condoms cause a loss of erection or feeling. Smells a lot like they don't want to deal with birth control. Not cool.

I meant to say something about that as well. you should say "So instead of dealing with your loss of some feeling, you rather me be pumped with chemicals. mmmkay"

Dah. Personally, hormonal birth control compeltely kills my drive. And it makes me crabby to boot. So not only do I not want to get groiny, but I'm not exactly sunshine and puppies to be around the rest of the time. THAT doesn't do much for my sex appeal.

Josephine · 02-25-2009, 02:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trenell

For me sex+no orgasm=no go I'll let it slide a few times, but it would really really REALLY annoy me.

I can't agree more. It's only happened a few times to me and most of those times I was not happy at all.

cympreni · 02-25-2009, 02:04 PM

DH used to have trouble maintaining with a condom when we first switched. But he got used to it. Nowadays his only problem with condoms is having to stop and get them on, which isn't too fun for me either. He has complained a few times about that, but it's usually followed by him mentioning a vasectomy.

MichelleBFT · 02-25-2009, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cympreni

DH used to have trouble maintaining with a condom when we first switched. But he got used to it. Nowadays his only problem with condoms is having to stop and get them on, which isn't too fun for me either. He has complained a few times about that, but it's usually followed by him mentioning a vasectomy.

Indeed, can be a pain if they're not right there. The getting it on part isn't bad (kind of fun, in fact) but stopping and getting it, particularly if it isn't in the same room, is a PITA.

cympreni · 02-25-2009, 02:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

Quote:

Originally Posted by cympreni

DH used to have trouble maintaining with a condom when we first switched. But he got used to it. Nowadays his only problem with condoms is having to stop and get them on, which isn't too fun for me either. He has complained a few times about that, but it's usually followed by him mentioning a vasectomy.

Indeed, can be a pain if they're not right there. The getting it on part isn't bad (kind of fun, in fact) but stopping and getting it, particularly if it isn't in the same room, is a PITA.

Or worse yet, at the store. My youngest recently discovered them in our nightstand. He thought they were balloons. . . .

MichelleBFT · 02-25-2009, 02:30 PM

Ah!! No good, no good at all.

We bought a very large quantity not too long ago. They're all kept in the same place, though, so while running out isn't likely to be an issue, if we're getting frisky in a room other than the bedroom, there has to be a pause in play, as it were.

geeky · 02-25-2009, 02:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MichelleBFT

You're pretty normal, IMO. People have given you some great suggestions here. Indeed, sometimes just getting started is enough to get the engine going, and just because you don't orgasm from penetration doesn't mean you can't get other stimulation while you're having intercourse. Multitask! Of course this is easier in some positions than in others.

And if you don't masturbate, and don't know how to get yourself there, you're doing yourself and your marriage a huge disservice. Figure out how to double click your own mouse and if he can't get it done, do it yourself. I can't imagine how you expect him to do it if you can't. Neither of your are broken, but I do think there's probably some hang ups (both yours and his) that are putting some road blocks up for you. I find it suspect when men say that condoms cause a loss of erection or feeling. Smells a lot like they don't want to deal with birth control. Not cool.

I totally agree.
It's perfectly normal for a woman to not have an orgasm just from penetration. There are a million things you can do together besides vaginal penetration that are really fun for all parties involved. I don't understand why people think those are just foreplay or just for when you can't do penetration.

As far as dildos, I guess some men are threatened by them. But like pp's have said, they are probably not for you. You need a vibrator. They have wee ones in cute shapes like dolhpins and bunny rabbits, to be extra non-threatening. Let your husband try using it on you, either during sex or not. And definitely do a lot of self exploration, both with and without toys.

As far as the condoms leading to loss of erection, I undrestand that happens to lots of men. But I don't think it's realistic to expect a guy to be all fired up, stop and put ona comdom and just pick up where he left off. If he loses his erection, surely you can think of ways to help him get it back. It's not like it's gone forever. You can practice putting condoms on him with your mouth.

LilyWaves · 02-25-2009, 03:16 PM

Yes, it was the silver bullets that came with the ring...two of them (and they were great); and clitoral stimulation isn't the problem, for either of us. But for some reason, penetration + clitoral stimulation at the same time doesn't have a happy ending...it's like I have to fully concentrate to orgasm and something inside of me prevents me from doing so. I guess it really isn't a big deal as long as the job gets done, if not during intercourse but rather before or after. The main issue is wanting intimacy (intercourse or foreplay) in the first place. It's the loss of desire and sexual attraction that's the main issue. I think he's a handsome guy but when I look at him I don't want to rip his clothes off, and 10 years ago when we first got together, that's all I wanted to do. I'm sure it's me...whether a hormonal imbalance or something else I'm unaware of.

MichelleBFT · 02-25-2009, 04:51 PM

I don't think it's so serious as a hormonal imbalance. You may be mellowing as you get older, but if you're not happy with your libido, try masturbating. Watch some porn to get yourself moving. The more you play, the more you'll WANT to play.

RedCatWaves · 02-25-2009, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cympreni

My youngest recently discovered them in our nightstand. He thought they were balloons. . . .

[guano]

When I worked for Planned Parenthood, I used to get our condoms free...all colors. Our then-toddler daughter found them one time and said "ooooo....pretties". Afer that, we called them "pretties".

[/guano]

RedCatWaves · 02-25-2009, 05:17 PM

To the OP...

I suggest a little porn and some masturbation, either alone, or mutual. It can work wonders if you work it into your bedroom repetoire.

Birth control pills are a libido-killer for many women. And I agree with the sentiment...the more I get, the more I want...so having sex a little more often can help too, even if you aren't always in the mood at first.

wild~hair · 02-25-2009, 05:29 PM

Agree with those who said no orgasm = no go. I mean, it happens, but if it's a regular thing, what's the point?

wild~hair · 02-25-2009, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rainshower

i, on the other hand, can push my anger aside to get a good one in, and then resume my anger.

Code:

i'm a freak.

*guano over*

You saved the best for last, hehe

Zinnia · 02-25-2009, 06:34 PM

this may help...a foreplay map from Dr. Laura Berman who was on Oprah. It was quite interesting, and seemed to help the couple. The husband had the zones wrong for his wife and she had the wrong for him.

bushyhead · 02-25-2009, 08:25 PM

I was on Yaz for awhile and had zero sex drive. I've been on a few different pills throughout the years and Yaz was by far the worst for me in terms of killing my libido. I couldn't have cared less if I ever had sex again and I also didn't feel any sort of physical attraction to my husband or any other guy, which was very concerning.

I absolutely blame it on the pill. I went off hormonal birth control a few months ago and things are definitely better. I'm still not in the mood as often as my husband (and I don't think I'll ever be), but I definitely feel desire again where there was none before, and I feel a physical attraction toward him again. We're not trying to get pregnant yet, so I've been charting and I am loving the freedom of not having to deal with contraceptive devices or medication.

eche428 · 02-25-2009, 08:52 PM

I have to agree with what others here have said. When I was on hormonal birth control I had no sex drive. None. ZERO. ZIP. ZILCH. We were both miserable. I tried every single type of hormonal birth control out there and they all were BAD BAD BAD for me.

I stopped hormonal birth control and within a few weeks my sex drive was back. DH didn't really like condoms either so we tried different types and eventually tried the female condom. They are WEIRD looking but work just as well if used according to the directions as male condoms. Plus they are FUN FUN FUN to put in. We used them for quite a long while 'til DH decided to get a vasectomy.

Everyone has given you great advice here. I definitely think you should talk to your Gynecologist about options for birth control and see if what you are using is effecting your sex drive. You two do not have to be going through this. your doctor can help.

LilyWaves · 02-27-2009, 09:36 AM

Thanks everyone; you guys have given me a lot to think about. I'm a little afraid to give up the Yaz in favor of another type of contraception because of my vanity. So I guess it's either clear skin or enjoyable sex? This shouldn't be a hard decision but this is the first time I've had good skin since I was 12 years old. I guess I can't have everything!

CurlyHairedFarmer · 02-27-2009, 10:06 AM

Try a different low dose BC pill. I am on a low dose and definitely do not suffer from low libido. I also used to have the most horrible skin and now its fine.