Rhianna and Chris Brown dating again

In her own time, Rhianna and Chris will arrive at their own. I wasn't there so I can't judge either of them cause I really don't know what happened. But I really pray that this doesn't happen again.
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oh lawrd empressri, i only have love for you (as i'm a subscriber) so i will refrain from giving my opinion on your opinion.
I was watching Judge Judy (or similar) one time and a woman said her ex-husband was physically abusive and had slapped her. She was crying. He explained himself very matter-of-factly by saying, "I slapped her because she lied to me."
Originally Posted by Phoenix
On another board, we're discussing the latest Real World episode. The guys of the house ganged up on a few of the women and started yelling in their faces. One guy broke furniture in a rage and ripped the phone out of one woman's hand because he felt it was disrespectful that she would talk on the phone while he was trying to tell her what to do. A lot of people in the thread, and I mean a lot, were saying that when things get heated in a discussion, people get passionate, and of course they're going to yell and throw things. They were even justifying it by adding, "They live together" so these kinds of strong emotions will erupt. I was all . I guess a lot of people are getting abused at home so they've learned to justify stuff.
i was listening to a radio station here in atlanta and i tell you it almost brought me to tears. woman after woman called and took chris brown's side, with anger expressing support of chris because 'we don't know what happened in that car' and 'some women know how to push a man's buttons' or 'she needs to take responsibility for her part' or 'the media is being too tough on him.'
This just reminds me of how people acted when the tape of R Kelly peeing on a minor came out. Some people were like, "These girls today look really old. You never know how old they are. And they are fast-behind-kids. She's probably done that before." R Kelly PEED on a child and people still defend him and buy his music. Perhaps Chris Brown will find his "Step in the Name of Love" and all will be forgiven.
i was listening to a radio station here in atlanta and i tell you it almost brought me to tears. woman after woman called and took chris brown's side, with anger expressing support of chris because 'we don't know what happened in that car' and 'some women know how to push a man's buttons' or 'she needs to take responsibility for her part' or 'the media is being too tough on him.'

i can't understand it at all. then again, i remember how people supported mike tyson when he was charged of rape and how oj was supported when he murdered his wife. (<oh yes i did go there)
Originally Posted by frau
Good grief people! So its okay to hit as long as someone makes you mad?

The only reason to hit another is in the act of self defense. Period. Rihanna was the only one with busted lips and bruises. Chris is looking as suave as ever. I just don't think this was an act of self defense on his part.
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Last edited by afrosheenqueen; 03-03-2009 at 11:29 AM. Reason: spelling errors
In her own time, Rhianna and Chris will arrive at their own. I wasn't there so I can't judge either of them cause I really don't know what happened. But I really pray that this doesn't happen again.
Originally Posted by empressri

Neither were any of us. But I'm judging him any way. He whooped her ass. No matter what she may have done he gave her a beat down, which is just wrong. IF it turns out she hit him first, he could have just pushed her off. Hell, get her out of the car and leave her on foot, whatever. He has every right to defend himself. But, I don't recall seeing any pictures of him all bruised and beat up.

He's nothing but a punk. I hope she comes to her senses soon.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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In her own time, Rhianna and Chris will arrive at their own. I wasn't there so I can't judge either of them cause I really don't know what happened. But I really pray that this doesn't happen again.
Originally Posted by empressri
thats what i was thinking. but even before this situation, i didnt think that the relationship would last. at the very least, this whole thing should prove to be a learning experience for both of them.
i would have been more shocked if she did decide to leave him.
i dont think chris brown should be defended for any of his actions, because he was dead wrong but i really hate the double standard that some women use when it comes to getting physical. i dont believe anyone should put their hands on another person, period. its not okay for a man to hit a woman and its not okay for a woman to hit a man either.
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If we don't like how men are treating women in this day and age, then watch how you raise your sons. They are definitely a reflection of the type of men we see and have to deal with.

I understand why people took CB's side and Mike Tyson's. Reasons -

1. Violence is condoned by men and women. What women do you know wants a 'weak @ss man' that can't protect his family and beat some butt? To some 'protecting' your family entitles you to be violent when neccissary - but being 'neccissary' is sometimes relative. Violence is condoned when reasons are given such as 'well he was always angry and she should have known not to mess with him. Why would she push his buttons?'

2. Violence is a way to show your manhood and that's accepted by men, women, girls, and boys. It's actually starts in infancy.

3. Many violent men are those who don't know how or feel they can't share their feelings. They have problems with articulate verbal and written expressions. They can bark orders to the wife and kids, but can't say 'baby I gotta problem and I feel....' Men can't even keep journals. I mentioned this to guy today and he said 'what punk@ss man do you know keeps journals?'

4. In the black community, there is this bull'ish going around that there ain't enough men for the women, so the 'few' we have must be protected from authority (police and the justice system) and certain chaos. The women are seemingly forever in competition with another women for a man. You might have even heard some folks say 'well Rianna must have done something wrong. If CB was my man, that never would have happened to me. I still love some CB.' Right there is competition, lowered female worth compared to a man, and blaming the woman for the problem. I guess this happens in white communities too but I don't know if they (WW) are fighting over a suppose lack of men.

5. Some women are used to violence. I have seen and heard women egg men on 'what up? You cain't hit a woman? Yo *ss is a punk! PUNK!' and she hittin him all upside his head.

If a woman hits man, he should not hit back. He should leave her butt. A man that shows the restraint and respect not to hit a woman does not need a woman that hits him.

Last edited by Vagabond Davotchka; 03-03-2009 at 01:12 PM.
If a woman hits man, he should not hit back. He should leave her butt. A man that shows the restraint and respect not to hit a woman does not need a woman that hits him.
Originally Posted by Vagabond Davotchka
I agree with this. I also do see your point about wanting a man who can defend you or himself, I know I do. I've dated guys that all they could talk about was fighting and that was definitely annoying. I know that my parents encouraged my brother to walk away from a fight, and not start one, but if it started my dad told him to finish it, but they also told him never to hit girls, ever........who knows!
You know...I noticed something in this and the other CB/Rihanna thread (the CNN one) and its been sorta bugging me since I noticed it. I know I'm about to piss a WHOLE buncha folks off...but here goes.

Is it just me, or does it seem like the women that have admitted to being in an abusive relationship in the past(physical/mental/SO or Parental) seem to be the ones being most critical of Rihanna's misguided decision (yes i agree that it is a misguided decision) to resume her relationship with CB. I find it espically interesting because the majority of those that have talked about thier personal experiences have also mentioned that they too went back to thier abuser for whatever reasons.

Now we all know the stats associated with abuse, that it takes a woman up to seven failed attempts before she sucessfully leaves her abuser, and i dunno, i guess it struck me as odd that the women that have been in her shoes so to speak, seem to have the least compassion for where she is (or maybe they are expressing that compassion in a different way than I expected).

I dunno...just my ramblings...feel free to comment if u wish.
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You know...I noticed something in this and the other CB/Rihanna thread (the CNN one) and its been sorta bugging me since I noticed it. I know I'm about to piss a WHOLE buncha folks off...but here goes.

Is it just me, or does it seem like the women that have admitted to being in an abusive relationship in the past(physical/mental/SO or Parental) seem to be the ones being most critical of Rihanna's misguided decision (yes i agree that it is a misguided decision) to resume her relationship with CB. I find it espically interesting because the majority of those that have talked about thier personal experiences have also mentioned that they too went back to thier abuser for whatever reasons.

Now we all know the stats associated with abuse, that it takes a woman up to seven failed attempts before she sucessfully leaves her abuser, and i dunno, i guess it struck me as odd that the women that have been in her shoes so to speak, seem to have the least compassion for where she is (or maybe they are expressing that compassion in a different way than I expected).

I dunno...just my ramblings...feel free to comment if u wish.
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown
i see your point and i think there is a truth to it. having a personal experience that allows me to relate to her makes me less sympathetic per se, because i know that she is making the choice to stay. i cant feel bad for someone who chooses to stay, just like i never felt bad for myself for choosing to stay. ri ri and chris brown dont have any kids together. theyre both rich so its not like there is financial dependence. she has the entire world backing her up and supporting her, so im not sure what there is to be even more sympathetic about. i think alot of folks who have dealt with foul relationships say, "i cant believe i was such a dummy to put up with all that." and if you can say that about yourself, its a whole lot easier to say that about someone else! or at least thats how i feel about it. someone is probably going to post what im trying to say alot more eloquently and much more clear so when they do, i'll let you know.
That was pretty good, Subbrock. I think that sums up my feelings at least.

Now, I did have 2 people tell me I was stupid or I got what I deserved (I assume for not breaking it off sooner) after the fact though, which made me feel even more stupid. They were men in both instances.
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You know...I noticed something in this and the other CB/Rihanna thread (the CNN one) and its been sorta bugging me since I noticed it. I know I'm about to piss a WHOLE buncha folks off...but here goes.

Is it just me, or does it seem like the women that have admitted to being in an abusive relationship in the past(physical/mental/SO or Parental) seem to be the ones being most critical of Rihanna's misguided decision (yes i agree that it is a misguided decision) to resume her relationship with CB. I find it espically interesting because the majority of those that have talked about thier personal experiences have also mentioned that they too went back to thier abuser for whatever reasons.

Now we all know the stats associated with abuse, that it takes a woman up to seven failed attempts before she sucessfully leaves her abuser, and i dunno, i guess it struck me as odd that the women that have been in her shoes so to speak, seem to have the least compassion for where she is (or maybe they are expressing that compassion in a different way than I expected).

I dunno...just my ramblings...feel free to comment if u wish.
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown
i see your point and i think there is a truth to it. having a personal experience that allows me to relate to her makes me less sympathetic per se, because i know that she is making the choice to stay. i cant feel bad for someone who chooses to stay, just like i never felt bad for myself for choosing to stay. ri ri and chris brown dont have any kids together. theyre both rich so its not like there is financial dependence. she has the entire world backing her up and supporting her, so im not sure what there is to be even more sympathetic about. i think alot of folks who have dealt with foul relationships say, "i cant believe i was such a dummy to put up with all that." and if you can say that about yourself, its a whole lot easier to say that about someone else! or at least thats how i feel about it. someone is probably going to post what im trying to say alot more eloquently and much more clear so when they do, i'll let you know.
Originally Posted by subbrock
that's exactly what I'm getting at. It's almost like people that have been there have this "well she's got no excuse why she's still with him" vibe they are giving off...but obviously, going back to the abuser has little to do with finances, kids, and all the other "excuses" that folks that have been there have made for themselves that she isn't allowed (i know that sounds HELLA judgemental but follow my logic here).
I see it as a self esteem issue and that has little to do with wealth, beauty, or support. If you think u ain't ****....well nothing but some expensive a$$ therapy cures that.

Also, i would expect that a woman that has been there would understand the deep emotional and mental distress and issues that go along with the situation. I mean if it were that easy to leave your abuser, there wouldn't be so many women living in this situation on a daily basis. Not ALL of them have kids that they worry about feeding...Not all of them are "dependant" on thier abusers. A LOT of them are "beautiful" women...and the majority of them are HELLA smart.

I dunno, its almost like because she is rihanna, folks expect her to be "superwoman" and do something that they themselves admit that they could not do immediately (leave her abuser). And, I think that the sentiment that I bolded above, scares me a JUST as much as the folks that are backing up CB and excusing his actions. Because if she can't even get empathy from women that have been in her shoes....well dayum.
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Is it just me, or does it seem like the women that have admitted to being in an abusive relationship in the past(physical/mental/SO or Parental) seem to be the ones being most critical of Rihanna's misguided decision (yes i agree that it is a misguided decision) to resume her relationship with CB. I find it espically interesting because the majority of those that have talked about thier personal experiences have also mentioned that they too went back to thier abuser for whatever reasons.
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown
I don't know about the others, but I have more compassion for her. Yes, she has money, fame, whatever she wants. But she has no self esteem. Without that, the rest is just stuff. Maybe she doesn't feel she deserves or can get a better man than this jerk. People calling her stupid and putting the blame on her don't help either, it just reinforces her feelings of worthlessness.
Location: Chicago

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
Malcolm X
I think the one thing that everyone needs to remember is that these people are human. No matter what they do in their lives, whether it be win a million grammy's, oscars, whatever, they are still human. No, that doesn't excuse anything that Chris Brown did. But, calling her stupid for going back with him isn't going to help her at all. We don't know what is going on inside of her. We don't know what kind of emotional battle she has to deal with. We don't know what kind of "mind-games" he is playing on her to for her to get back with him, if that is the case. This is their private life. Everything that has been in the media has been speculation. Neither side has come out and really, truthfully said what really happened. You may say, a blind may could see what happened. But, none of us were there. None of us should be so quick to judge either one of them. We should hope that both of them are getting the help that they both need and deserve. For him, hopefully he is in some kind of abuse counseling or something. Who knows what would work. I can't say because I have never come from that type of background. But, I have been through some emotional abuse and I know it is not so easily to get over someone that you have invested your emotions in so easily. So, let's hope they are getting the help they need and not be so quick to judge.

that's exactly what I'm getting at. It's almost like people that have been there have this "well she's got no excuse why she's still with him" vibe they are giving off...but obviously, going back to the abuser has little to do with finances, kids, and all the other "excuses" that folks that have been there have made for themselves that she isn't allowed (i know that sounds HELLA judgemental but follow my logic here).
I see it as a self esteem issue and that has little to do with wealth, beauty, or support. If you think u ain't ****....well nothing but some expensive a$$ therapy cures that.

Also, i would expect that a woman that has been there would understand the deep emotional and mental distress and issues that go along with the situation. I mean if it were that easy to leave your abuser, there wouldn't be so many women living in this situation on a daily basis. Not ALL of them have kids that they worry about feeding...Not all of them are "dependant" on thier abusers. A LOT of them are "beautiful" women...and the majority of them are HELLA smart.

I dunno, its almost like because she is rihanna, folks expect her to be "superwoman" and do something that they themselves admit that they could not do immediately (leave her abuser). And, I think that the sentiment that I bolded above, scares me a JUST as much as the folks that are backing up CB and excusing his actions. Because if she can't even get empathy from women that have been in her shoes....well dayum.
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown
but alot of times going back to the abuser does have everything to do with being dependent in some way on that person. as we all know, its very common for abusers to alienate and control the abusee (is that a word?) whether its through finances, children, or not having a support system. those are the easiest ways to control a person, in my opinion.
i dont expect her to be superwoman, and thats why i said earlier i would have been more surprised if she didnt go back to him. also, for me its not about not empathizing with her, but im certainly not going to lose sleep over the situation. id be more likely to lose sleep over the average joe who doesnt have the luxury of having resources to leave immediately.

also, for what its worth, i dont consider chris brown an abuser at the moment. he committed an act of abuse, but it seems as if it is an isolated incident (unless i missed a report stating otherwise). i think thats what makes me hopeful for both of them and that this will continue to be an isolated incident. *definitely not supporting chris brown, dont get it twisted*
Is it just me, or does it seem like the women that have admitted to being in an abusive relationship in the past(physical/mental/SO or Parental) seem to be the ones being most critical of Rihanna's misguided decision (yes i agree that it is a misguided decision) to resume her relationship with CB. I find it espically interesting because the majority of those that have talked about thier personal experiences have also mentioned that they too went back to thier abuser for whatever reasons.
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown
I don't know about the others, but I have more compassion for her. Yes, she has money, fame, whatever she wants. But she has no self esteem. Without that, the rest is just stuff. Maybe she doesn't feel she deserves or can get a better man than this jerk. People calling her stupid and putting the blame on her don't help either, it just reinforces her feelings of worthlessness.
Originally Posted by YolyC
How do we know that? An assumption because she went back to him?
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Is it just me, or does it seem like the women that have admitted to being in an abusive relationship in the past(physical/mental/SO or Parental) seem to be the ones being most critical of Rihanna's misguided decision (yes i agree that it is a misguided decision) to resume her relationship with CB. I find it espically interesting because the majority of those that have talked about thier personal experiences have also mentioned that they too went back to thier abuser for whatever reasons.
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown
I don't know about the others, but I have more compassion for her. Yes, she has money, fame, whatever she wants. But she has no self esteem. Without that, the rest is just stuff. Maybe she doesn't feel she deserves or can get a better man than this jerk. People calling her stupid and putting the blame on her don't help either, it just reinforces her feelings of worthlessness.
Originally Posted by YolyC
How do we know that? An assumption because she went back to him?
Originally Posted by Phoenix

Maybe I'm projecting That was my reason for going back with someone who treated me like ish when at the time we had no kids or shared responsibilities.

Why would someone who has high self esteem,who knows she deserves a person who treats her better, put up with abuse? I don't think she would.
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~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
Malcolm X

Last edited by YolyC; 03-03-2009 at 09:18 PM.
Yeah maybe. Idk... Maybe she just loves him and sees it as a mistake. Idk
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oh lawrd empressri, i only have love for you (as i'm a subscriber) so i will refrain from giving my opinion on your opinion.
Originally Posted by frau

lmao i didn't necessarily mean arrive at their own TOGETHER. i mean arrive at their own where they won't find themselves in a situation like this, be it them together or with someone else. if you get to a point in a relationship where someone wants to scream at you or put their hands on you, it's time for a break.

but for their situation, i wasn't there and things still are iffy to me, so don't say much about that.
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Good to see some speaking out against whats happened...

Usher blasts Brown

The arraignment for R&B singer Chris Brown is set for Thursday, reports Perez Hilton. Brown allegedly assaulted girlfriend and Grammy-winning R&B singer Rihanna , 21, on Feb. 8. While the two were reportedly in Miami working on reconciling, R&B singer Usher had some thoughts on photos featuring Brown whooping it up in Miami on Jet Skis. During an appearance on music producer/rapper Jermanine Dupri's "Living the Life" series, Usher , 30, reportedly said he was a "little disappointed" by the pictures. "After the other photo (Rihanna's bruised face posted by TMZ last month), c'mon, Chris, have a little bit of remorse, man. The man's on Jet Skis? Like, just relaxing in Miami?"
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