Did your family approve of your SO?


See that's another thing about him, he is a hard worker, and he's been at the same job for over 6 years. Practically all of my exes were job jumpers, they were here for a little while and never stayed at any one job for more than a year or so.

Oh, and one thing I'd like to point out, my mother LOVED the verbally abusive, drug dealer ex I used to post about. Go figure!
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Really, what did she love about him? Talk about job jumping..my ex it was not even a year, try a few months and quit whenever he felt like it. Borrowed money from friends and then eventually me just for the basics. Too bad though because he was perfect in other ways and my mom didn't know about his financial situation but still didn't like him.
Did your family approve/not approve your SO at first? Did you let it affect your decision or did you make your own decision?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
My father refused to accept him. (Mom had passed away before then.) When I told him that we'd gotten engaged, he told "it's him or me." Stupid man. He not only didn't attend the wedding, but apparently made threats regarding it beforehand (Aunt wouldn't tell me what he threatened, but it was serious enough for her to contact some relatives who were cops, and have them on alert during the wedding.) I never spoke to him again.

BTW, my mother's mom did the same kind of krap before EACH of her five children's weddings. You'd think since he witnessed the pain that caused for my mother and her siblings, he might have known better.

What was his problem with DH? His is "Jewish." He actually isn't, though his last name is a common Jewish name. (Judism as religion goes back two generations in his family, DH was born and raised Christian, though not RC, like my family.)

Regardless, that was just an excuse. My father was way out of line, and never tried to get to know DH at all. Every one else thought and still feels he's great. We've been married nearly 20 years, and have a good life together. Another BTW, 5 years later, my brother got engaged to a girl that is Irish Catholic, like our family. He didn't like her, either, so I'm told. He died before their wedding, so only he knows how he would have handled that.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae
Cuz his name is Jewish?? Wow. Was he as anti-DH when you were just dating?
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It's hard to tell with mine. They like him, but you have to understand - my mother is old-school. I am her only unmarried child, I am the youngest, and I am female. She's been trying to marry me off since I was 19, I swear, and I'm 45 now. Basically, the issue is that anyone is fine as far as my mother is concerned. Really. Losers, morons, guys we're related to by marriage (and no I'm not kidding - she suggested I pursue BOTH of my sister-in-laws brothers), guys I have nothing in common with and don't really like - all suitable husbands in her eyes.

Don't get me wrong, I know I'm making it sound like my mother doesn't care if I'm happy. She does - but this is a generational thing. She grew up during the depression, during a time when a very young girl would marry whatever single man could provide for her, and if you didn't love him, it was okay - you would "learn to love him." She just doesn't see the point of staying single until you meet the right one. Being married and with someone - anyone - is okay in her book. I know she loves me, but basically anyone who is male and breathing is considered suitable husband material. She's of that generation where marriage equals happiness, so she doesn't see this as settling or just marrying anyone for the sake of being married.

Now, that much being said, they do adore my boyfriend. He's one of those guys where there's nothing not to love. He treats me like gold, we're totally compatible, he's cute as hell, he's gainfully employed, owns his own home - they love him, so that's fine. For someone of my generation, like my sister, those are the things that matter - that he's not just some jerk who happens to have a pulse. But for my mother, the fact that I've got a guy is all that matters. That he's kind, good to me, and that we love each other are just bonuses to her, when they really should be the only things considered as important.
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My mom liked him, my dad thought he needed to have more hobbies like hunting and fishing (since that's what my dad does and he was looking to have that in commin with a son in law).

My mom in fact told me just last night how much she likes him...he makes her laugh. Usually at MY expense, but hey.
My hubby is from another country, and at first I got some weird questions from some family members, but once they met him they fell in love with him. Now, half of my family did not approve for religious reasons. You see, I got involved in this religion that I abandoned some time before I met DH, but since I was baptized, Iím ďstuckĒ with it in a way. They didnít even show up to the wedding. I didnít mind because for one I knew that was going to happen and for another, it saved me a lot of money.

Some of the religious ones did show up though, and they are the ones I care the most about anyway and they love me unconditionally. The others can go jump in a lake!
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No they didn't. And lo and behold they were right. After 18 years I figured it out too.
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Mom says he's the most normal guy I've brought home. lol. Dad said he's "ok" (which coming from him is pretty good). Dad will warm up to him this summer once he realizes he'll have someone to sail with who he won't have to constantly bark orders to.

All in all though, I'm somewhere in the middle when it comes to what my parents think. If they REALLY don't like a guy, I have to wonder why... and I probably wouldn't stay with him long. They don't have to LOVE him, but acceptance is necessary
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I would ignore your mother especially since she never met him.

In the future, I would not tell her anything.
Originally Posted by iara
I'm not going to in the future, it's so ridiculous. She hasn't made me doubt my decision to date him, it's just annoying that she can't be happy for me.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
If you are happy, why do you feel a need for her to be happy for you? People don't have a duty to participate in other people's happiness!

I agree with the previous posts about listening to and sorting through the reasons your family/friends might disapprove, and working through the superficial and the more substantial stuff. It's not always that our family are simply interfering; part of being in a family is looking out for one another.

And even if the reason your family and SO don't get along turns out to be something you consider BS, then so what? Just be happy they think you deserve more and try not to take their own predilections personally. Not everyone is going to like each other in this life, and the fact that your family don't have the close relationship you have w/your SO means they're gonna be a lot more detached in their assessment of him.

I can see where your mom is coming from, Amandacurls. Even if her standards differ from her own life, that just sounds like the maternal instinct of wanting the best (better than she got) for her child. You might be just like her in the future!
My mother and stepdad LOVE my boyfriend. They send him birthday cards...and actually this weekend we're invited to attend my stepdad's birthday party. I'll get to introduce my boyfriend to my entire family for the first time. :-) My boyfriend is such a nice guy, I doubt there are too many people who don't like him.

Hehe, quite the opposite from me, though. I'm a biyach. His mother HATES me, lol.
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it wasnt so much about approval as it was that he wasnt the person they would have chosen me to be with (and for good reason). but i can honestly say, theyre part of the reason we're still together. when i was ready to throw in the towel they told me to suck it up and work things out.
By the time I met my husband, my mom and oldest sister had passed away. But as far as my dad and remaining sister go, they instantly loved him. {My dad went so far as throwing his hands up in the air (thus making the touchdown sign) when DH asked for my hand in marriage.}
Nope. Caused a lot of grief when they found out about my relationship with him. Now, they realize that we're in it for the long haul and have pretty much just accepted it. He's kind of the elephant in the room that no one talks about but the situation is lightyears better than it previously was.
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My family absolutely LOVED my boyfriend when I brought him home. They defend him even when I get upset with him! I think they might like him more than me
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Nope. Caused a lot of grief when they found out about my relationship with him. Now, they realize that we're in it for the long haul and have pretty much just accepted it. He's kind of the elephant in the room that no one talks about but the situation is lightyears better than it previously was.
Originally Posted by helloitsio
Do you know why they don't like him? (I am NOSY and I know it, so you can tell me to mind my own business if you want.)
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Nope. Caused a lot of grief when they found out about my relationship with him. Now, they realize that we're in it for the long haul and have pretty much just accepted it. He's kind of the elephant in the room that no one talks about but the situation is lightyears better than it previously was.
Originally Posted by helloitsio
Do you know why they don't like him? (I am NOSY and I know it, so you can tell me to mind my own business if you want.)
Originally Posted by PartyHair
Yea I was actually wondering too. I think my choice will probably end up that way too..my family is sorta close minded.
Nope. Caused a lot of grief when they found out about my relationship with him. Now, they realize that we're in it for the long haul and have pretty much just accepted it. He's kind of the elephant in the room that no one talks about but the situation is lightyears better than it previously was.
Originally Posted by helloitsio
Do you know why they don't like him? (I am NOSY and I know it, so you can tell me to mind my own business if you want.)
Originally Posted by PartyHair
Yea I was actually wondering too. I think my choice will probably end up that way too..my family is sorta close minded.
Originally Posted by Josephine
Actually, yes. I'm sure I'll catch sh*t for this but when we met (we're coworkers) he was married. He's in the last stage of his divorce right now and we're expecting to have things finalized by early summer.
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Amanda, I would think your mom would be happy for you...good grief! But I do know what you mean.

I think hubby was the first guy that everyone did like, even tho some digs are still made & we've been together *gasp* 20 years.. It's all good

As for the tats..no one knows & boy I know they'd ish if they did!
Did your family approve/not approve your SO at first? Did you let it affect your decision or did you make your own decision?
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
My father refused to accept him. (Mom had passed away before then.) When I told him that we'd gotten engaged, he told "it's him or me." Stupid man. He not only didn't attend the wedding, but apparently made threats regarding it beforehand (Aunt wouldn't tell me what he threatened, but it was serious enough for her to contact some relatives who were cops, and have them on alert during the wedding.) I never spoke to him again.

BTW, my mother's mom did the same kind of krap before EACH of her five children's weddings. You'd think since he witnessed the pain that caused for my mother and her siblings, he might have known better.

What was his problem with DH? His is "Jewish." He actually isn't, though his last name is a common Jewish name. (Judism as religion goes back two generations in his family, DH was born and raised Christian, though not RC, like my family.)

Regardless, that was just an excuse. My father was way out of line, and never tried to get to know DH at all. Every one else thought and still feels he's great. We've been married nearly 20 years, and have a good life together. Another BTW, 5 years later, my brother got engaged to a girl that is Irish Catholic, like our family. He didn't like her, either, so I'm told. He died before their wedding, so only he knows how he would have handled that.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae
Cuz his name is Jewish?? Wow. Was he as anti-DH when you were just dating?
Originally Posted by Phoenix
Yes. My grandmother eventually came around, with each of her kids, so I guess I thought he would, but he didn't. I also didn't beg him to do so, maybe my mother and her siblings were more proactive about that. I just couldn't stomach him, what he said, what he did. How my brother and I turned out okay, with him raising us alone from the ages of 11 and 13, I don't know.

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