Did your family approve of your SO?

Did your family approve/not approve your SO at first? Did you let it affect your decision or did you make your own decision?
They thought it was weird that he wasn't from around here. They didn't know his family. Even the guys I have dated from out of town, they knew their familes. And, he was raised in "the city". They think anyone from larger cities has no common sense. They love him now and think he is sharp as a tack, but at first they were nice but unsure.
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
Happily, my family loved Felix from the first day they met him.

His family? Not so happy about me, at first. "Why can't he date a nice Hispanic girl?" But they got over it pretty quickly.
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Rock on with your bad self.

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Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

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Nope, not at all. They tried to do many things to break us up and it has affected my relationship with every single one of my family members. I made my own decision about my relationship and my life and he's now my husband.
The question would be why they don't like him. If they have legitimate objections, like he's jobless and has been for a while, treats people poorly and has other character flaws, then listen. If it's just preferences then listen, evaluate, and do what you feel is best.



My family didn't know we were getting married for a couple of months! They didn't express any thoughts on him as a person until I got pregnant before the wedding. Then they wanted us to wait and some other thoughts came out.
We married anyway. They were wrong and have since come around in their thinking, but it hasn't helped his relationship with them. He doesn't hate them, but I think he remembers the early years and has a hard time moving on.
There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
I didn't bother to ask.
My family members never told me if they disapproved of an SO. They felt that I was an adult and they should stay out of it (mind you, I never brought any rogue home).

I disapproved of a sibling's choice in spouse because of red flags I could see from each of them. I voiced my opinion once to both of them. They ignored my advice and are now paying for their mistake.

That said, I would listen openly to my family (and friends) if they notice a red flag that I did not. I will not listen if they give me a superficial reason.
You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks


Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21

I'm seeing this guy I really like, and he is so nice to me, he's great, mature, etc. My mother (yep her again) doesn't approve of how we met (at a club) but yet she met my dad the same way, she isn't excited that he didn't go to college, I couldn't care less. She doesn't really like his job, and he has a 2 year old son which she's not that jazzed about. I haven't even told her he has tattoos!!! I just don't know when she became such a snob, she doesn't have a college degree, neither does my dad. It just bugs me when she asks sarcastic questions about him, or tells me I should marry a doctor, because she doesn't know him. All my friends that have met him overwhelmingly approve. I just think if she met him and saw how he treated me she would change her mind, but for some reason she thinks he's beneath me. I don't think that, at all. It makes me mad she won't reserve judgment until she meets him.

Last edited by Amandacurls; 03-05-2009 at 09:52 AM. Reason: I put he asks sarcastic questions instead of she, but I'm sure you get the idea.
I didn't bother to ask.
Originally Posted by cympreni
We didn't ask his family either, but it was clear they wondered what the hell he was doing with me. We were in our late 30s so we weren't looking for approval or validation but it was perfectly clear that I wouldn't've been their first choice for their son.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
My family loves my husband. In the past, with other guys I've dated, there's been varied reactions...from love, to indifference, to outright hate.
I still dated whomever I wanted to date. I'm not a rebellious kind of person, for the most part, but I pretty much didn't listen to my family, as we often have different viewpoints on things. They were SOOO right about one guy that I dated for several years. He was so wrong for me. So wrong. I wasn't ready to listen to them and at that time of my life, I was very angry at my family.
I'm not angry at them, except for one of my brothers but that's a whole 'nother topic. I value what they say, but I still am going to do what I'm going to do.
Luckily, we're all in an agreement about my husband. He's got them fooled, and I got his family fooled too. LOL
That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.


3a/3b
I'm seeing this guy I really like, and he is so nice to me, he's great, mature, etc. My mother (yep her again) doesn't approve of how we met (at a club) but yet she met my dad the same way, she isn't excited that he didn't go to college, I couldn't care less. She doesn't really like his job, and he has a 2 year old son which she's not that jazzed about. I haven't even told her he has tattoos!!! I just don't know when she became such a snob, she doesn't have a college degree, neither does my dad. It just bugs me when he asks sarcastic questions about him, or tells me I should marry a doctor, because she doesn't know him. All my friends that have met him overwhelmingly approve. I just think if she met him and saw how he treated me she would change her mind, but for some reason she thinks he's beneath me. I don't think that, at all. It makes me mad she won't reserve judgment until she meets him.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I would ignore your mother especially since she never met him.

In the future, I would not tell her anything.
You cannot invite someone to your house in the Hamptons and when she arrives, not let her stay. Tacky. Very Tacky. ~ East Village hipster.

People in Ward Three disdain three things: cleavage, hunting and dumb people who are richer than they are. ~ David Brooks


Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it. ~Armaments 2:9-21

I didn't bother to ask.
Originally Posted by cympreni
We didn't ask his family either, but it was clear they wondered what the hell he was doing with me. We were in our late 30s so we weren't looking for approval or validation but it was perfectly clear that I wouldn't've been their first choice for their son.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I didn't ask either, she just asks sarcastic questions and I can tell by the tone of her voice. I point blank asked her what her deal was and she was like "I don't know". It bugs! I think her objections are all superficial.
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The first time my BF met my grandmother, it was at Easter dinner at her house. Now, she hated facial hair on men, and would always complain since all the guys my sister and I dated had facial hair. So I was waiting for criticism.

Well, when she told him "Eat more," he said "Okay," and he did. She adored him. She never mentioned his beard. Afterwards she told me, "He's a good eater." There could be no higher praise from Nana!
I didn't bother to ask.
Originally Posted by cympreni
We didn't ask his family either, but it was clear they wondered what the hell he was doing with me. We were in our late 30s so we weren't looking for approval or validation but it was perfectly clear that I wouldn't've been their first choice for their son.
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I didn't ask either, she just asks sarcastic questions and I can tell by the tone of her voice. I point blank asked her what her deal was and she was like "I don't know". It bugs! I think her objections are all superficial.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
Stop entertaining her.
The first time my BF met my grandmother, it was at Easter dinner at her house. Now, she hated facial hair on men, and would always complain since all the guys my sister and I dated had facial hair. So I was waiting for criticism.

Well, when she told him "Eat more," he said "Okay," and he did. She adored him. She never mentioned his beard. Afterwards she told me, "He's a good eater." There could be no higher praise from Nana!
Originally Posted by SuZenGuide
oh my god that's adorable.

Amanda, don't listen to your mother. You already know she's not the best influence when it comes to your love life (basing this on other things I've seen you say about the way she harps on you for being single). If you're happy, be happy. She'll come around eventually.

She could completely change her mind once she meets him, too.
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Amandacurls, from what you just posted, your mother hasn't even met him yet. I'd encourage you to take what she has to say into consideration, but then do what you want to do. Is dating someone with a college education important to YOU? Do you find his job to be somehow immoral (against your values) or somehow he is settling into doing something a lot less than he is capable of (like he's an underachiever)? If you answer yes to either, maybe your mother has a point. If you answer no, then look at it as your mother has her own preferences. Tell her you appreciate her point of view, but you need to do what you feel is right. Him having a 2 year old child...that isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but the circumstances behind that might be. Is he widowed? If not, what happened between him and his ex? Is he a responsible parent that interacts with his child often? These are questions to ask yourself.
That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.


3a/3b
I'm seeing this guy I really like, and he is so nice to me, he's great, mature, etc. My mother (yep her again) doesn't approve of how we met (at a club) but yet she met my dad the same way, she isn't excited that he didn't go to college, I couldn't care less. She doesn't really like his job, and he has a 2 year old son which she's not that jazzed about. I haven't even told her he has tattoos!!! I just don't know when she became such a snob, she doesn't have a college degree, neither does my dad. It just bugs me when he asks sarcastic questions about him, or tells me I should marry a doctor, because she doesn't know him. All my friends that have met him overwhelmingly approve. I just think if she met him and saw how he treated me she would change her mind, but for some reason she thinks he's beneath me. I don't think that, at all. It makes me mad she won't reserve judgment until she meets him.
Originally Posted by Amandacurls
I would ignore your mother especially since she never met him.

In the future, I would not tell her anything.
Originally Posted by iara
I'm not going to in the future, it's so ridiculous. She hasn't made me doubt my decision to date him, it's just annoying that she can't be happy for me.
Next time, don't tell your mother about people you're dating until you've been dating him for like a year or more. Really.
My mom used to give all sorts of judgements...and I decided that I wouldn't come clean with who I date until it was a very serious relationship. I would just let her think I'm dating around or that the relationship wasn't that serious. That helped some.
Now, my mother has come a long way. But in the past, in order to have some independence, I just didn't let her into my world as much.
That's right, I said it! I wear scrunchies!!

I am a sulfate washing, cone slabbing, curly lovin' s.o.b. The CG police haven't caught me yet.


3a/3b
No. He's older, has a kid and an ex, and he's not the same religion. She does think he's a good guy and treats me well, but that's about where it ends. She doesn't approve of the relationship at all.
Under construction.
Amandacurls, from what you just posted, your mother hasn't even met him yet. I'd encourage you to take what she has to say into consideration, but then do what you want to do. Is dating someone with a college education important to YOU? Do you find his job to be somehow immoral (against your values) or somehow he is settling into doing something a lot less than he is capable of (like he's an underachiever)? If you answer yes to either, maybe your mother has a point. If you answer no, then look at it as your mother has her own preferences. Tell her you appreciate her point of view, but you need to do what you feel is right. Him having a 2 year old child...that isn't a bad thing in and of itself, but the circumstances behind that might be. Is he widowed? If not, what happened between him and his ex? Is he a responsible parent that interacts with his child often? These are questions to ask yourself.
Originally Posted by Boomygrrl
It's not important to me that a man has a college education and no, his job does not bother me, it's nothing to really object to. And his son, he spends time with whenever he can, he is all about him, the most telling thing to me is that he and his ex never had to go to court over custody, they worked it out themselves. They were never married, but they were together for 2 and half years. I have no problems with any of it. He is a good man.

Last edited by Amandacurls; 03-05-2009 at 10:01 AM.

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