Allerian

So, I've been dating someone for over a month now and really like him. I am one of those weirdos who is 25 and up until recently never been kissed. And, to be honset I was little taken aback. And I'm not sure what I am supposed to be feeling. When he kissed me, it felt similar to when he touches me (warmth/tingly) but 1000x times more intense. There was this element where I felt like I could lose control and I think that might be what's bothering me. I like to be in control. But I definately want to kiss him and I can tell he wants it to. How can I get over this? Has anyone else experienced this? I know he won't let things go to far because we are both of the same camp that you should wait to have sex before marriage. And, he has made it very clear that he doesn't want me to feel rushed in any of this.

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rainshower

^^ what motivates one to kiss if not those sensations?

i think kissing should be tingly and warm and erotic and intimate. if kissing becomes something that you have to overthink and that has to be approached with reason and control, i'd rather not engage in it at all.

ETA: however, if you know that you don't want to participate in premarital sex and that you may not have the fortitude to stop at just kissing, maybe handholding should be your level of physical touching. that is, unless he has a hand fetish ... then all bets are off! ha!

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RedCatWaves

Sounds like good chemistry to me. You're supposed to feel like that.

Good luck staying in control. Maybe you ought to get married soon.

MichelleBFT

Ok, I'm married. It's been about ten years since my last First Kiss. I love my husband and I have a wonderful marriage-- but a first kiss is like nothing else. A first kiss SHOULD be intense and amazing and electric.

I assume you want to get over the feeling of losing control, NOT lose the feeling of electricity and excitement? That's where trust comes in. You trust yourself and you trust him and it's okay to feel lightheaded and needy because you know you're safe.

If you're looking to lose the feeling of electricity and excitement, the only advice I can offer is to find someone you don't like as much.

Excuse me if this is too personal, but you're not going to have premarital sex, what about other physical expressions of love, short of intercourse? I know many people view oral sex as a no-no prior to marriage as well, are you in that camp? What about heavy petting? There's a lot of fun that can be had short of intercourse. I'm just curious as to what your view of "too far" is, other than intercourse.

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Saria

I thought you were going to say that after all the waiting for that first kiss it wasn't good. You should feel great that your first kiss was amazing!
If you're worried about things moving too fast, I think it would help to keep your dates with him in fairly public places until you feel like you're more in control of yourself.

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