Update on the boyfriend situation

Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
Please do not let this guy string you along
I wish you the best...you will be okay
I don't want to be strung along. That's why this is torture. I mean, we've been together 4 years now. So how can this be that hard of a decision for him? He should know whether he wants a life with me or not.

I'm almost fired up enough to just drive over there and...I don't know. I've moved from sorrow to anger. And now I just want to know if he can really make a commitment and if he can't then I can start to move on.

Should I just go talk to him or should I wait for him to make the next move?

I think that if you talk to him that will give him more of a chance to be wishy washy with you. You have done that hardest part, now it's time to stick with it a bit.
I would still wait.

I really do wish you the best.
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
I think that if you talk to him that will give him more of a chance to be wishy washy with you. You have done that hardest part, now it's time to stick with it a bit.
I would still wait.

I really do wish you the best.
Originally Posted by violets
ITA..no doubt it's hard, but the ball is in his court...
I agree with Violets and Wile, Sarah. Just give it some time. Go see a movie or hang out a bookstore. Something to clear your mind and get you away from the phone.
Loose botticelli curls and waves
No silicones/no sulfates since March 2008
I agree with Violets and Wile, Sarah. Just give it some time. Go see a movie or hang out a bookstore. Something to clear your mind and get you away from the phone.
Originally Posted by LoloDSM
second that.

i see this as you having the upper hand. i know it doesn't seem that way, but you're on top. you can do what you want. if he can't or won't figure out what he wants and take your feelings seriously, YOU ARE STRONG ENOUGH to walk and leave him being indecisive.
*~*displaced yooper*~*
\m/ \m/

master quigley and queen ruby, my puppy loves <3
Honestly, if he hasn't made a firm comittment in all of this time, I doubt he will now unless it is under duress and not because he wants to. He's had the better end of it all this time. You help him, you help his kid, he still doesn't make a firm comittment.

Leave him and find a better partner; don't waste your youth on this unappreciative user. It's difficult, but you will be far better off in the long run.
Kiva! Microfinance works.

Med/Coarse, porous curly.
The hardest thing about all of this is that I want to be with him. What I want is to get married and have a wonderful life together. But I think my wants and his differ...and maybe no matter how much we love each other we'll never see eye to eye on certain issues.

I guess at this point, we need to figure out which issues we can live with for the rest of our lives and which ones are a deal breaker.
Originally Posted by Sarahgrace
Do NOT settle. You will find someone else that you can be with. To me it all ready sounds like your head has made it's decision, now you heart needs to follow.
Seriously, he hasn't responded to your letter and this is someone you've been with for four years, he shouldn't be doing this, IMO. His actions speak much louder than awritten or verbal response EVER will.
The hardest thing about all of this is that I want to be with him. What I want is to get married and have a wonderful life together. But I think my wants and his differ...and maybe no matter how much we love each other we'll never see eye to eye on certain issues.

I guess at this point, we need to figure out which issues we can live with for the rest of our lives and which ones are a deal breaker.
Originally Posted by Sarahgrace
Do NOT settle. You will find someone else that you can be with. To me it all ready sounds like your head has made it's decision, now you heart needs to follow.
Seriously, he hasn't responded to your letter and this is someone you've been with for four years, he shouldn't be doing this, IMO. His actions speak much louder than awritten or verbal response EVER will.
Originally Posted by M2LR
l
i agree
*~*displaced yooper*~*
\m/ \m/

master quigley and queen ruby, my puppy loves <3
If he can't decide to make a commitment after 4 years, then he really isn't that interested in commitment. Don't take it personally. It could be anyone. I know it hurts, but you are better off knowing this now & not wasting any more of your time on him. You're still young & it's time to move on. Look at the time you invested in him has a learning experience, not just wasted time. Yes, get angry, but don't contact him. He really isn't worth your time. You need to put him behind you and move on. You are so beautiful & such a nice person. You will probably find someone who will appreciate this about you. You need to concentrate on you and your needs & wants. Be selfish right now. Take care of you.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
So this is what I'm thinking: I told him in the letter that I was giving him a few days to think about things and what he wanted out of this relationship. I'm going to give him until Friday night. If he hasn't contacted me then it's over.

I will be fair and give him the time I said I would. Maybe he really is feeling like a sh*tface and is thinking about how he can make things right. That's what the optimist in me thinks. (My mom thinks he's game-playing which is probable true but for my sanity I'm going with the former theory.)

I've turned into one of those girls I hate. I never wanted to be here. But I know I'm going to be okay, no matter what.

So this is what I'm thinking: I told him in the letter that I was giving him a few days to think about things and what he wanted out of this relationship. I'm going to give him until Friday night. If he hasn't contacted me then it's over.

I will be fair and give him the time I said I would. Maybe he really is feeling like a sh*tface and is thinking about how he can make things right. That's what the optimist in me thinks. (My mom thinks he's game-playing which is probable true but for my sanity I'm going with the former theory.)

I've turned into one of those girls I hate. I never wanted to be here. But I know I'm going to be okay, no matter what.
Originally Posted by Sarahgrace
I know it sucks, but listen to your mom. I didn't when I was younger, and looking back...I really should have.

I think he's playing games too, and again, after four years, that just should NOT be happening. I don't know how old you guys are, but really, you will find someone that won't play games. You are a beautiful girl, I don't know you IRL, but you seem very nice on here. I know its hard, but I would cut my losses and move on. Don't waste one more day.
Banned
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
Honestly, if he hasn't made a firm comittment in all of this time, I doubt he will now unless it is under duress and not because he wants to. He's had the better end of it all this time. You help him, you help his kid, he still doesn't make a firm comittment.

Leave him and find a better partner; don't waste your youth on this unappreciative user. It's difficult, but you will be far better off in the long run.
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls
Couldn't agree more...
I have words for this schmuck...
Code:
but better keep them to myself...lol
Honestly, if he hasn't made a firm comittment in all of this time, I doubt he will now unless it is under duress and not because he wants to. He's had the better end of it all this time. You help him, you help his kid, he still doesn't make a firm comittment.

Leave him and find a better partner; don't waste your youth on this unappreciative user. It's difficult, but you will be far better off in the long run.
Originally Posted by redcelticcurls
If he can't decide to make a commitment after 4 years, then he really isn't that interested in commitment. Don't take it personally. It could be anyone. I know it hurts, but you are better off knowing this now & not wasting any more of your time on him. You're still young & it's time to move on. Look at the time you invested in him has a learning experience, not just wasted time. Yes, get angry, but don't contact him. He really isn't worth your time. You need to put him behind you and move on. You are so beautiful & such a nice person. You will probably find someone who will appreciate this about you. You need to concentrate on you and your needs & wants. Be selfish right now. Take care of you.
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
I wholeheartedly agree with the wisdom spoken by these two ladies.

I am sorry you are going through a rough time. Rough times are truly learning experiences from which we gain valuable insight on life and love. You will get through this and you will be stronger for it. You deserve better.
sorry, dp.

I am suffering from computer woes today, alot of connectivity troubles and wireless snafus!!

Last edited by misspam; 03-13-2009 at 07:25 AM. Reason: stupid computer!
So this is what I'm thinking: I told him in the letter that I was giving him a few days to think about things and what he wanted out of this relationship. I'm going to give him until Friday night. If he hasn't contacted me then it's over.

I will be fair and give him the time I said I would. Maybe he really is feeling like a sh*tface and is thinking about how he can make things right. That's what the optimist in me thinks. (My mom thinks he's game-playing which is probable true but for my sanity I'm going with the former theory.)

I've turned into one of those girls I hate. I never wanted to be here. But I know I'm going to be okay, no matter what.
Originally Posted by Sarahgrace
Stick to your guns. If he comes to you and says he still doesn't know, cut him loose. ITA with M2LR that your mom is right, he's wanting to see if you will cave and come running back. I can't stress enough how important it is for you to stick to your guns!
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
He may not be playing games. He may honestly not know what he wants. But, you were clear in your terms, and sticking with that will allow you to retain control over what happens to you.

It's VERY hard to maintain boundaries and terms in these situations, but you did the right thing by setting them. If I had managed to be firmer in my limits, I wouldn't have had to go through what I did last fall. So, please, SG --- take care of yourself and stick to your guns.

The Cleveland Int'l Film Fest starts this weekend, doesn't it? Go see some movies!

Last edited by ninja dog; 03-13-2009 at 09:25 AM. Reason: corrections from new keyboard errors
He may not be playing games. He may honestly not know what he wants. But, you were clear in your terms, and sticking with that will allow you to retain control over what happens to you.

It's VERY hard to maintain boundaries and terms in these situations, but you did the right thing by setting them. If I had managed to be firmer in my limits, I wouldn't have had to go through what I did last fall. So, please, SG --- take care of yourself and stick to your guns.

The Cleveland Int'l Film Fest starts this weekend, doesn't it? Go see some movies!
Originally Posted by ninja dog
To the bolded, while that might be true, it's been FOUR years and she deserves something more than just NO repsonse at all. I mean, even a "I got your letter, give me a few days..." or something like that.

Anyways, best of luck, Sarah.
He may not be playing games. He may honestly not know what he wants. But, you were clear in your terms, and sticking with that will allow you to retain control over what happens to you.

It's VERY hard to maintain boundaries and terms in these situations, but you did the right thing by setting them. If I had managed to be firmer in my limits, I wouldn't have had to go through what I did last fall. So, please, SG --- take care of yourself and stick to your guns.

The Cleveland Int'l Film Fest starts this weekend, doesn't it? Go see some movies!
Originally Posted by ninja dog
To the bolded, while that might be true, it's been FOUR years and she deserves something more than just NO repsonse at all. I mean, even a "I got your letter, give me a few days..." or something like that.

Anyways, best of luck, Sarah.
Originally Posted by M2LR
That's how I'm feeling. So if I don't hear from him today, tomorrow I'm going and packing my **** up.

If the man is clear-minded enough to facebook and blog, then he is clear-minded enough to have the decency to tell me he's at least thinking about things.

Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 15,533
I agree. I didn't realize he hadn't been in touch at all.

That's.....um, crummy.

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