Update on the boyfriend situation - Page 3

CurliLocks · 03-13-2009, 10:58 AM

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Originally Posted by Sarahgrace

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To the bolded, while that might be true, it's been FOUR years and she deserves something more than just NO repsonse at all. I mean, even a "I got your letter, give me a few days..." or something like that.

Anyways, best of luck, Sarah.

That's how I'm feeling. So if I don't hear from him today, tomorrow I'm going and packing my **** up.

If the man is clear-minded enough to facebook and blog, then he is clear-minded enough to have the decency to tell me he's at least thinking about things.

I'm sorry to say, but IMHO you have your answer. If he cared for you but needed time and space, he would have told you so. His lack of any contact speaks for itself.

medussa · 03-13-2009, 11:00 AM

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Originally Posted by Sarahgrace

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Originally Posted by M2LR

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Originally Posted by ninja dog

He may not be playing games. He may honestly not know what he wants. But, you were clear in your terms, and sticking with that will allow you to retain control over what happens to you.

It's VERY hard to maintain boundaries and terms in these situations, but you did the right thing by setting them. If I had managed to be firmer in my limits, I wouldn't have had to go through what I did last fall. So, please, SG --- take care of yourself and stick to your guns.

The Cleveland Int'l Film Fest starts this weekend, doesn't it? Go see some movies!

To the bolded, while that might be true, it's been FOUR years and she deserves something more than just NO repsonse at all. I mean, even a "I got your letter, give me a few days..." or something like that.

Anyways, best of luck, Sarah.

That's how I'm feeling. So if I don't hear from him today, tomorrow I'm going and packing my **** up.

If the man is clear-minded enough to facebook and blog, then he is clear-minded enough to have the decency to tell me he's at least thinking about things.

The lack of response is his response. Go with your gut, Sarah.

Do you have someone that can go with you to pick up your stuff tomorrow? I'm thinking an extra set of hands and some moral support couldn't hurt. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

Josephine · 03-13-2009, 11:16 AM

I'm really sorry too.

nynaeve77 · 03-13-2009, 11:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medussa

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarahgrace

Quote:

Originally Posted by M2LR

To the bolded, while that might be true, it's been FOUR years and she deserves something more than just NO repsonse at all. I mean, even a "I got your letter, give me a few days..." or something like that.

Anyways, best of luck, Sarah.

That's how I'm feeling. So if I don't hear from him today, tomorrow I'm going and packing my **** up.

If the man is clear-minded enough to facebook and blog, then he is clear-minded enough to have the decency to tell me he's at least thinking about things.

The lack of response is his response. Go with your gut, Sarah.

Do you have someone that can go with you to pick up your stuff tomorrow? I'm thinking an extra set of hands and some moral support couldn't hurt. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

I agree with this. Having a friend or relative who can run interference, as it were, would probably help you a great deal. The other person can help keep your resolve strong and keep him away if he tries any manipulative stuff.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, but as you already know, it's better to find this out now than in another 4 years. Good luck to you!

journotraveler · 03-13-2009, 11:37 AM

i'm so sorry. i was hoping that he was taking the time to think things through. but i do agree that he should have contacted you to at least say that.

anger can be a handy emotion right now. use it to get through the next few days. and i do think it's wise to have a friend come along to help you pack up your stuff.

take good care of yourself. remember, you're the one in charge of your future, not him.

redcelticcurls · 03-13-2009, 11:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sarahgrace

Quote:

Originally Posted by M2LR

Quote:

Originally Posted by ninja dog

He may not be playing games. He may honestly not know what he wants. But, you were clear in your terms, and sticking with that will allow you to retain control over what happens to you.

It's VERY hard to maintain boundaries and terms in these situations, but you did the right thing by setting them. If I had managed to be firmer in my limits, I wouldn't have had to go through what I did last fall. So, please, SG --- take care of yourself and stick to your guns.

The Cleveland Int'l Film Fest starts this weekend, doesn't it? Go see some movies!

To the bolded, while that might be true, it's been FOUR years and she deserves something more than just NO repsonse at all. I mean, even a "I got your letter, give me a few days..." or something like that.

Anyways, best of luck, Sarah.

That's how I'm feeling. So if I don't hear from him today, tomorrow I'm going and packing my **** up.

If the man is clear-minded enough to facebook and blog, then he is clear-minded enough to have the decency to tell me he's at least thinking about things.

You already have your answer right there. It's probably a good idea to take someone with you so he may be less likely to feed you some sob story to make you take him back.

inheritedcurls · 03-13-2009, 02:20 PM

Just wanted to say that I agree with everyone on here. You are a gorgeous person and deserve way better.

Take a really good girlfriend or your mom with you to pack up your stuff.

luvmylocs · 03-13-2009, 04:38 PM

sometimes guys don't want to breakup because they want the option to come back. i've had that happen to me and it's hard. hopefully you won't even want him when he comes back. that's what has happened to me. hang in there, i know it's a tough time. one piece of advice, don't go to his facebook and/or blog every day seeing what he's doing. pretend he's dead. if you're not strong enough, "un-friend" him he'll never know then you can't see his profile and he can't see yours (depending on your settings). anyway, hugs and hang in there. try to see what your lessons are from this and mentally move forward.

CurlyHairedFarmer · 03-13-2009, 05:33 PM

I have been reading your threads and comments and such about this relationship...and I am very sorry for you.

Breaking up is never easy, no matter how clearly you see things.

Actions speak louder than words, I am a firm believer in that.

journotraveler · 03-14-2009, 03:41 PM

just checking in to see how you're doing. hang in there.

WileE-Dead · 03-14-2009, 03:49 PM

Thinking about you...we are here for you

CurliLocks · 03-14-2009, 04:32 PM

Sarah, how are you doing? Have you confronted him? I do hope you take someone along to make it easier for you.

I'm so sorry you are going through this. It is never easy, but better now than another 4 or 10 years from now. ((big hugs)) You deserve so much more.

Sigi · 03-14-2009, 07:03 PM

Thinking about you.

redcelticcurls · 03-14-2009, 10:28 PM

I'm thinking about you also. Friday an Saturday have come and gone, and I hoep you are getting by OK.

Scarlet · 03-15-2009, 07:43 AM

I went through something similar a few months ago (the difference being that I'm older than you).

If you find that, no matter how much you care for someone, your fundamental goals in a relationship are vastly different, there's very little you can do to make it work. Do you want to put your life on hold in the hopes that he someday may want what you want? What if that never happens? Where does that leave you?

The sad thing is, sometimes our hearts want things that realistically just aren't attainable. It hurts, and there will be times where you'll think of him. You may event think that you were too hasty in your decision and that maybel - if you gave it more time - things would change. When you're feeling lonely and sad, these thoughts are normal. However, in the long run, you'll come to recognize that you made the right decision.

On another note, I think that his total lack of response is telling in regards to his character and maturity. How can he make a commitment to you if he can't even acknowledge what you're feeling? You'e spent four years with him. At the LEAST he owes you that.

Josephine · 03-15-2009, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Scarlet

I went through something similar a few months ago (the difference being that I'm older than you).

If you find that, no matter how much you care for someone, your fundamental goals in a relationship are vastly different, there's very little you can do to make it work. Do you want to put your life on hold in the hopes that he someday may want what you want? What if that never happens? Where does that leave you?

The sad thing is, sometimes our hearts want things that realistically just aren't attainable. It hurts, and there will be times where you'll think of him. You may event think that you were too hasty in your decision and that maybel - if you gave it more time - things would change. When you're feeling lonely and sad, these thoughts are normal. However, in the long run, you'll come to recognize that you made the right decision.

Thank you so much for this post. I needed some of this advice too. I'm having these feelings lately.

Wiregirl · 03-15-2009, 03:08 PM

What's happening?

medussa · 03-15-2009, 04:34 PM

I'm not getting a good feeling about this. I think he might have persuaded her to stay with him.

More often than not, that's what happens. This breaking up ish is hard.

wild_sasparilla · 03-15-2009, 04:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by medussa

I'm not getting a good feeling about this. I think he might have persuaded her to stay with him.

More often than not, that's what happens. This breaking up ish is hard.

Sarahgrace, while I hope this isn't true, if it is, I hope you're not staying away thinking the women on this site will judge you harshly. We're all just thinking of you and hoping you're doing okay.

Saria · 03-15-2009, 04:42 PM

Yeah, it would be understandable. I think we all know just how hard it is to put into practice what we know in our heads to be right.