Update on the boyfriend situation

A while ago, I posted on here about my boyfriend and whether or not he would ever marry me. Conveniently, I had a lot of other personal stuff as well as school stuff come up so I have procrastinated talking to him.

This morning I found the final straw. I'm not going to discuss it here because so many women have different opinions from mine and I don't want to argue the validity of my feelings.

So the letter has been written, asking him what he wants. He's either in, all in, or we're done. I'm staying with someone to give him the space to decided what he wants. The letter basically states that forever is a very long time and we're only 4 years into it. We're never going to get there if he keeps acting like this.

I was going to do this in person but I don't want to crumble in front of him. This is the strongest/weakest I've ever felt and I don't want him to talk me into staying.

So I just wanted to update everyone. My stomach hurts and I'm sad. Luckily I have 3 papers I have to write so I have a distraction.

Good Luck. Whichever way things go, I hope you find your happiness.
Location: Chicago

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"If you don't stand for something you will fall for anything."
Malcolm X
I hope this works out for you. Regardless of the outcome, you'll be stronger for going through it. Good luck.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
I've been wondering how you were doing.

I agree that you can't afford to live in the dark any longer and I'm not about to sit here and bash you about how you feel and how you handled things.

I wish you all the best. I know you're hurting.
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Don't forget, other curlies in Cleveland are here for you
Good luck, I hope it goes well for you.
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Good luck, Sarah! It sounded like you were in a tough situation, and I'm glad you stood up for yourself.
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I hope things work out for your true best interests.
You will be better off, one way or the other, for having taken that step.
Best of luck and keep us posted.

(((hugs)))

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Good for you - what you did took guts.

I hope you find happiness. Having an answer one way or the other will be a relief. I hope you get the answer you want, but even if you don't, you'll be OK.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











Stick to your convictions and you will, ultimately, be fine. My personal belief is that gd puts us exactly where we are supposed to be. If and when you need to move on you will do so when you are ready. Stay strong, if it doesnt work out he wasnt the right one.

Peace
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Good girl, I'm proud, Hang in there!
Good Luck! I'm so proud of you for lookign for answers. I dont know all the details of what went on..but you'd be surprised how many women have been stuck in relationships or marriages for YEARS because they would rather be in the dark.
I agree with Amneris. it takes guts and you are / or should be mentally prepared to take it any answer that he gives you.
And you'll be alright even with things dont turn out the way you wish them to be. Just think of it as God has better plans for you. i had the hardest time when i broke up but eventually i got used to the pain and slowly the pain will faded away.

Take care

Guano
You're very pretty!
I was known as O d d i s e y ~
Thank you to everyone for the well wishes. I'm going on 24 and haven't heard from him yet. I don't know how long things like this take. The knots in my stomach get tighter with each passing hour.

I'm beginning to think that since he hasn't decided yet that we're going to break up. I mean, if someone is The One wouldn't you respond immediately to work things out???

waiting can be so hard. i don't think you can read anything into his lack of response just yet. people take their own time, especially if it's something very serious and life-altering.

i also think that, as hard as it is, you have to keep the focus on what *you* want, not what he's doing. it's very hard, especially when you're hurting, but you've got to keep in mind what you want out of this relationship, and why you wrote the letter. don't give away your power. if you don't get the answer you're hoping for, it will hurt in the short term, yes.

but in the long term, you win, because you are free to pursue--and find--the right relationship for you.
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Thank you to everyone for the well wishes. I'm going on 24 and haven't heard from him yet. I don't know how long things like this take. The knots in my stomach get tighter with each passing hour.

I'm beginning to think that since he hasn't decided yet that we're going to break up. I mean, if someone is The One wouldn't you respond immediately to work things out???
Originally Posted by Sarahgrace
Please don't take this wrong...but don't let HIM decide if you're going to break up. A relationship is the BOTH of you, not one making the decision and the other sticking around. If you aren't happy, and this was indeed the final straw, then YOU make the decision and end it. I know that you might be willing to stick around and keep trying, but if he isn't...then you take that ball and put it in your court. Easier said than done, I know, and I know how much you're hurting and how difficult this is.

I do hope it all works out for you.

Guano: one of the most difficult things I ever did (to this day) was breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years. Very hard, I knew that it was never going to go anywhere, etc. But all the same...and I still think about him and "what if" and all of that. But at the same time, where I am is not where I would have been had I stayed with him.
Thank you to everyone for the well wishes. I'm going on 24 and haven't heard from him yet. I don't know how long things like this take. The knots in my stomach get tighter with each passing hour.

I'm beginning to think that since he hasn't decided yet that we're going to break up. I mean, if someone is The One wouldn't you respond immediately to work things out???
Originally Posted by Sarahgrace
Please don't take this wrong...but don't let HIM decide if you're going to break up. A relationship is the BOTH of you, not one making the decision and the other sticking around. If you aren't happy, and this was indeed the final straw, then YOU make the decision and end it. I know that you might be willing to stick around and keep trying, but if he isn't...then you take that ball and put it in your court. Easier said than done, I know, and I know how much you're hurting and how difficult this is.

I do hope it all works out for you.

Guano: one of the most difficult things I ever did (to this day) was breaking up with my boyfriend of 4 years. Very hard, I knew that it was never going to go anywhere, etc. But all the same...and I still think about him and "what if" and all of that. But at the same time, where I am is not where I would have been had I stayed with him.
Originally Posted by M2LR
+1

I was with someone for almost 6 years and neither of us could admit it wasn't going anywhere. When we decided to break up I felt devastated. 6mos later he decided he had made a mistake. Although I wasn't over him, I made the decision not to go back. Best decision I've ever made.

Sometimes the worst times in your life are the catalyst for better times. So no matter what happens in this, you will be fine.
<insert signature line here>
The hardest thing about all of this is that I want to be with him. What I want is to get married and have a wonderful life together. But I think my wants and his differ...and maybe no matter how much we love each other we'll never see eye to eye on certain issues.

I guess at this point, we need to figure out which issues we can live with for the rest of our lives and which ones are a deal breaker.

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