4 Feminists - Not His Name, Not his 'Mrs. Mister'

Oh, for the record, I hyphenated. I would have preferred to keep my name but my husband tends to be a traditionalist at least on paper (though inside he has the squishy center of a feminist freak), so I compromised.
Originally Posted by geeky

Did he hyphenate as well or did you think of asking him to? My current bf and I got into an argument, he was a bit offended at first that I wouldn't change my name (if we would get there) and said is sorta traditional on some of these things too but liberal at the same time. I was actually quite offended and upset that he had a problem with it..the last 2 serious guys I've been with didn't even expect a name change(I'm used to more liberal feminist dudes). I wonder if he would change to a hyphenated name though if I did..(not that I will but just wondering since to me that's a real compromise).
Originally Posted by Josephine
I didn't ask him to. I did ask him to consider how he would feel if it was expected to suddenly give up his name. The way I look at it his name is his business, and it no way reflects his actual feelings for me. So I don't care if he changes it or not. My name is my business, on the other hand. And I did what I was comfortable doing.
Originally Posted by geeky

Ok thanks, so your name is his business since he placed so some importance on you having his name. I guess you are the more flexible openminded one.
I'll let Mrs. Hubby's last name slide, if they do not know otherwise.

But for me, Mrs. Hubbys First and Last Name. That just pisses me off. It makes NO sense to me. There might be a chance that I changed my last name, but there is no way in Hades that I changed my FIRST. I swear I just want to throw away mail addressed that way: Christmas cards, Wedding invites....
Originally Posted by Trenell
Mrs. Hisfirstname Hislastname doesn't imply that you changed you first name. It implies that you are the wife of so and so and that your name (either first or last), your identity is so insignificant it does not bear any mention whatsoever. Your only status and role in life is the wife of so and so. Which is even worse, IMO. That makes my blood boil.

.
Originally Posted by geeky
I was being silly ie. You know what my first name is and that aint it. Why call me that?


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Did he hyphenate as well or did you think of asking him to? My current bf and I got into an argument, he was a bit offended at first that I wouldn't change my name (if we would get there) and said is sorta traditional on some of these things too but liberal at the same time. I was actually quite offended and upset that he had a problem with it..the last 2 serious guys I've been with didn't even expect a name change(I'm used to more liberal feminist dudes). I wonder if he would change to a hyphenated name though if I did..(not that I will but just wondering since to me that's a real compromise).
Originally Posted by Josephine
I didn't ask him to. I did ask him to consider how he would feel if it was expected to suddenly give up his name. The way I look at it his name is his business, and it no way reflects his actual feelings for me. So I don't care if he changes it or not. My name is my business, on the other hand. And I did what I was comfortable doing.
Originally Posted by geeky

Ok thanks, so your name is his business since he placed so some importance on you having his name. I guess you are the more flexible openminded one.
Originally Posted by Josephine
My name is not his business, but I chose to compromise since I did not have an issue with taking his name, just with giving up my own. That's mawwiage. But yes, I am the more flexible, openminded one.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
I had a hard time changing my name. My husband would have been fine either way. It was something I chose to do. His was the more unique name so that figured into it (and for purely shallow reasons it's French sounding and goes better with my French first name). If my name was the less common one, I probably would not have changed it.

I kept my original last name as a middle name.

Last edited by gemini; 03-12-2009 at 10:15 AM.
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My name is not his business, but I chose to compromise since I did not have an issue with taking his name, just with giving up my own. That's mawwiage. But yes, I am the more flexible, openminded one.
Originally Posted by geeky

Ahhh the M word.....I know I know... well to my defense I have an issue taking someone else's name but other than that, I can be quite stubborn..I wonder if me and M will ever mix..hehe.
I was always teased or given a weird look when I had to tell people my last name, so I couldn't wait to get it changed. I loved my father and the name suited him, but it just didn't suit me. I'm not particularly fond of my husbands last name, and he isn't close to his father or that side of his family, so I kinda wish we would've made up a new name. But I just took his name- less hassle.
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Last edited by lacunaCoils; 03-12-2009 at 10:33 AM.

Ahhh the M word.....I know I know... well to my defense I have an issue taking someone else's name but other than that, I can be quite stubborn..I wonder if me and M will ever mix..hehe.
Originally Posted by Josephine
That's fine, though. You know what is important to you, and you should by all means stick with that.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
I kept my name because it's super cool: Martini. There was never any question about my changing it. My full name is also my business name, my website url, email address and I had it for 29 years before I got married, so I was a bit attached. I met Jane Fonda once and she actually asked me if it was my real name. :^)

I do get a little annoyed when people address stuff to me as if I had my husband's name and it sucks to pick up packages for him at the post office. I always have to bring his passport.
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i was just so damn happy to be married before the baby was born that I ran to change my name.
I kept my name because it's super cool: Martini. There was never any question about my changing it.
Originally Posted by spacegirl
Oh yes, Martini is a keeper! In fact, we are in no way related and I'm not planning on marrying you but I wouldn't mind taking your last name anyway.
I kept my name because it's super cool: Martini. There was never any question about my changing it.
Originally Posted by spacegirl
Oh yes, Martini is a keeper! In fact, we are in no way related and I'm not planning on marrying you but I wouldn't mind taking your last name anyway.
Originally Posted by CGNYC
:^D
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I kept my name because it's super cool: Martini. There was never any question about my changing it.
Originally Posted by spacegirl
Oh yes, Martini is a keeper! In fact, we are in no way related and I'm not planning on marrying you but I wouldn't mind taking your last name anyway.
Originally Posted by CGNYC
I'll take it and add 'AnRossi' to it.
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Posts: 41,043
I kept my name because it's super cool: Martini. There was never any question about my changing it. My full name is also my business name, my website url, email address and I had it for 29 years before I got married, so I was a bit attached. I met Jane Fonda once and she actually asked me if it was my real name. :^)

I do get a little annoyed when people address stuff to me as if I had my husband's name and it sucks to pick up packages for him at the post office. I always have to bring his passport.
Originally Posted by spacegirl
Martini is verah
Code:
I know some folks w/ that name...
That's the same feeling I had about it - that 'maiden' means 'virgin' and that why it didn't feel right. But some Wiccan literature I read said that 'maiden' just means 'young woman' and does not neccessarily mean 'virgin.' So if if it means 'young woman' then when you become married you're an 'old crone?'

j/k.
Partially.

Guess I'll have to make up my own mind about that.
Originally Posted by Vagabond Davotchka
I thought it was maiden (virgin/pre-fertile), matron (married woman/fertile), crone (post-menopausal).
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I'm a crone.

crone
n : an ugly evil-looking old woman
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
That's the same feeling I had about it - that 'maiden' means 'virgin' and that why it didn't feel right. But some Wiccan literature I read said that 'maiden' just means 'young woman' and does not neccessarily mean 'virgin.' So if if it means 'young woman' then when you become married you're an 'old crone?'

j/k.
Partially.

Guess I'll have to make up my own mind about that.
Originally Posted by Vagabond Davotchka
I thought it was maiden (virgin/pre-fertile), matron (married woman/fertile), crone (post-menopausal).
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I'm a crone.

crone
n : an ugly evil-looking old woman
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
Lotsa - If you are what a crone looks like, can I be one too?

Seriously, you are very attractive!
Crone has gotten a bad name, but it's just part of the normal phases of a woman's life. It comes from the old pagan goddess trinity...maid, matron, crone. It appeared in many cultures, way before christianity.
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I thought it was maiden (virgin/pre-fertile), matron (married woman/fertile), crone (post-menopausal).
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I'm a crone.

crone
n : an ugly evil-looking old woman
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
Lotsa - If you are what a crone looks like, can I be one too?

Seriously, you are very attractive!
Originally Posted by misspam
ita
Misspam/Wile.....I love you ladies.
From Michael Berg:

Every person has a unique connection to the Creator that can never be extinguished, and every person has a great soul that can manifest important things in our world. To make a person feel less than they are because of something inside themselves, be it faith, race, or sexual orientation, is the greatest sin of all."
I'm a crone.

crone
n : an ugly evil-looking old woman
Originally Posted by Lotsawaves
OED seems to agree with you, in terms of first written usage. But I think it may be a word that took on a negative meaning over time because it's associated with women. There was a time when you'd also be a mistress!

Last edited by Eilonwy; 03-13-2009 at 09:01 AM.
I kept my last name originally. Then, after my son was born we had issues with the hospital since the baby always gets the mom's last name. They would not change his hospital records for about a month, until I had physical proof of his name, and it was a hassel for DH to come and see him..

DS and I both have our names...

first name, middle name, my maiden name, DH's last name

we use my maiden name as a second middle name

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