Pregnant. Not married. NOT ME!!!

I'm not pregnant!! But I sometimes wonder how the families of women who get pregnant sans marriage react. It's not the shocker nowadays that it used to be...

Has anyone gone through this? How did your parents, his parents and anyone else you care about react to the news?

Was it no big deal to them? Did they freak? "Encourage" a shotgun wedding?
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Speckla
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We'd been engaged for two and a half years and had been planning our wedding for six months when I found out two weeks before my wedding that I was pregnant. My aunt freaked out and didn't talk to me for two days. She wanted me to go stay with my sister - I said, "I'm getting married." "But people will know when you start to show and you've only been married a few months." She didn't want me to ruin our family's reputation or have the neighbors talking about me.
We'd been engaged for two and a half years and had been planning our wedding for six months when I found out two weeks before my wedding that I was pregnant. My aunt freaked out and didn't talk to me for two days. She wanted me to go stay with my sister - I said, "I'm getting married." "But people will know when you start to show and you've only been married a few months." She didn't want me to ruin our family's reputation or have the neighbors talking about me.
Originally Posted by Speckla
We'd been engaged for two and a half years and had been planning our wedding for six months when I found out two weeks before my wedding that I was pregnant. My aunt freaked out and didn't talk to me for two days. She wanted me to go stay with my sister - I said, "I'm getting married." "But people will know when you start to show and you've only been married a few months." She didn't want me to ruin our family's reputation or have the neighbors talking about me.
Originally Posted by Speckla
Good grief, with that long of an engagement?! Regardless of how ridiculous I feel it is to be all up-in-arms about it in the first place, anyone who mattered would understand that you weren't gonna stick to hand-holding during all that time, and why care about people who don't matter? Your aunt sounds like she has internalized a lot...unfortunately, it seems most people have.
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Speckla
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We'd been engaged for two and a half years and had been planning our wedding for six months when I found out two weeks before my wedding that I was pregnant. My aunt freaked out and didn't talk to me for two days. She wanted me to go stay with my sister - I said, "I'm getting married." "But people will know when you start to show and you've only been married a few months." She didn't want me to ruin our family's reputation or have the neighbors talking about me.
Originally Posted by Speckla
Originally Posted by chicagocurly78
Yeah, I know, huh? She's the one who tried to talk my husband out of marrying me because she said he was too good for me.
This happened to my brother and his ex. Neither family encouraged marriage. We were all rather glad when they broke up for good. They weren't very good for each other. We consider her to be very much a part of our family despite their relationship status. Her family, never liked my brother, I doubt marriage would have changed that. But he's still welcome there.

Personally I'm against marriage just because there's a baby. If you were headed in that direction fine. But if that's the only reason, it's a recipe for a disaster IMO. Parents being together is always best, but it's not necessary.
I'm living in sin with child and SO. The only person(s) upset were my mom's Aunt and my Grandmother (a wee bit), but they've met SO and truly enjoy R.

My friends tease me about not wanting to marry, but don't judge me for it. I've come to think it's just not that big of a deal any more, ha, maybe Hollywood/Madonna made it okay to have children out of wedlock.

To each his own. Why do you ask?
2b/3a.
^^^I was on someone's fotki and she'd mentioned she was pregnant at her wedding. I've wondered before (not about her specifically) and viewing her fotki prompted the question.
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

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i was pregnant (6 months) when i wobbled down the isle. My folks and his were happy for us, due to health reasons I was told i couldnt have children. I wasnt embarrased but I did want to be married by the time the baby was born.
Oh yeah. I nearly forgot. I was apparently pregnant when I got married. I didn't know it at the time though. Our families wouldn't have cared either way though. There has been a lot of divorces in both our families. So I'd imagine they'd care more about marrying for the right reasons rather then what other's would think.
My parents were disappointed, but seeing that I was 16 at the time, it was understandable.

If I got pregnant now at an unmarried 39, my Mother would be ecstatic to have another grandchild.
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My little brother's girlfriend got pregnant after they had been dating about 3 years.
They got married before the baby was born and have been married almost 20 years.
My mom and dad were upset at first,but it blew over pretty quickly.

My niece(different brother's kid)had a baby 2 1/2 years ago,she and the baby daddy are getting married this August.
My brother and SIL-heck our entire family were ok with it-her fiance is a great guy,they both are ( recent)college grads and both working great jobs with lots of family support.
HIS family took a little longer to get on board but by the time the baby was born,they were thrilled.

I am into genealogy and while researching both my and my husband's family tree,found numerous cases of out of wedlock babies,or pregnant brides.
It really isn't anything new.
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Last edited by Mar; 03-15-2009 at 07:14 PM.
I was 2-3 months pregnant when I got married. We got married THEN because I was pregnant. I knew he was someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And truth be told, I needed the medical insurance. Had it been with one of my flings, I wouldn't have. My parents were fine. My mom was very happy actually. I was 31 she didnt think she'd ever be a grandmother. His parents were shocked, but not upset.

Now I don't really understand people who TRY to get pregnant with someone before marriage.


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Last edited by Trenell; 03-15-2009 at 07:28 PM.
Still have many relatives who are instinctively old-school about it, but they get over it quickly and overall it's not a big deal. When my mom told my grandmother that my (30 years old, financially secure, in a committed relationship) sister was pregnant, her reaction was, "Oh, how wonderful, I'm finally going to have a great-grandchild! When is she getting married?" and that's about it. One of my aunts *****es about it, but her marriage issues are so legendary that no one takes her opinions on the subject seriously. (We think "Misery loves company" is her reason for insisting on the importance of marriage.)

Most of my family are pretty practical about this subject. They're much more likely to criticize the married women with deadbeat/******* husbands getting pregnant than the single women who can handle their business.
Eres o te haces?
When I got pg 4 months before the wedding, my husband's family congratulated us. His sister had gotten pg at 14 so this didn't shock him. He'd also had a girlfriend get pg.
My parents, on the other hand, ugh. I didn't tell them. They figured it out, though they thought I was pg for a lot longer due to weight gain. They pressured me to wait a year to get married along with moving back to live with them. Along with other wedding issues, we almost moved the wedding date up a month just to get it over with. We didn't and I was exactly 20 weeks when we got married.
Friends of mine have had daughters get pg as teens. They were reeling, shocked, didn't know what to think or do. Then they got used to the idea, adjusted to the new norm of their family life, and celebrated the baby's birth.
There's no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold so he turned up the sun.
My grandma has semi-jokingly told me to go try to get pregnant so she can have great-grandchildren, telling me that it's ok if I don't have a man I want to marry, because I can take care of a kid on my own.

While that's true, I hope to find a man I want to spend the rest of my life with, and if not I hope the kids I have are adopted, not mine by birth. I think I'd care more than anyone else in my family - but I realized when I was about 24 that if I got pregnant out of wedlock I *could* deal with it, I'd be a good mother whether with a man or not, and that I'd still be happy about it.
The pews never miss a sermon but that doesn't get them one step closer to Heaven.
-Speckla

But at least the pews never attend yoga!
It seems to skip a generation in my family.

My great-grandparents got married in February and my grandfather was born in August of the same year.

My grandparents had my dad 2 years after they were married.

My parents got married in September and I was born in February.

Hubby and I were married 2 years before Emma was born.

From what I understand from my dad (take this with a grain of salt), when he and my mother told her parents, her father accused him of raping her. Good times.
God doesn't give special kids to special parents. He takes ordinary, imperfect people, and gifts them with his greatest treasures. And therein, he creates special parents.

I'm old-fashioned. I think a couple should be married (preferably to each other), when they have children. So, an out-of-wedlock child would not be acceptable for *me*. I'd prefer the same for my kids too...although I realize I can't control everything they'll do as adults.

I don't care what other people do.
We got engaged (this is my ex) the same weekend I got pregnant with my first son. I was not planning on getting pregnant so soon. Originally, we were going to keep the same plans and get married after the baby was born (he would have been 6 months old) but the planning was such a headache, we moved the date up. I was just over 20 weeks. I kind of wish I had waited, I probably would have bailed on the wedding, but whatever, if that had happened, I might not have had my daughter 4 years later.

My second son was unplanned in that we weren't planning to have a baby although we knew that it could happen (although I did have an appt to have an IUD put in a couple of weeks after I got pg). I don't want to get married again even though we're in a much better place relationshipwise than we've been before. At this point, I don't care what people think, we love each other and its working like this.
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I'm not pregnant!! But I sometimes wonder how the families of women who get pregnant sans marriage react. It's not the shocker nowadays that it used to be...

Has anyone gone through this? How did your parents, his parents and anyone else you care about react to the news?

Was it no big deal to them? Did they freak? "Encourage" a shotgun wedding?
Originally Posted by Phoenix
my close friend was pregnant and unmarried with her first child. she and the father were on and off again (mostly off) for almost a decade after that. when they tried to make a go of marriage and building a life together, they found out they were having another baby. she wasn't thrilled, but the wedding plans were underway, she wouldn't be showing at the wedding, both children had the same father, and the baby would be born to married parents.

her mother, however, who was optimistic that they were going to become a family unit after all of those years, and who was paying for the reception, took back her offer to cover the wedding expenses when she found out they were pregnant. my girlfriend was livid. they didn't talk for a few months after that.

my mother wouldn't have been thrilled if we had done things out of order (relationship, living together, baby, marriage), but i don't think she would have been vindictive like my friend's mother was.

having said that, i agree with marriage first then parenthood. that's the order that my husband and i chose, and it has made the progression of things fairly easy for our family unit.
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