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Old 04-07-2009, 12:04 PM   #1
 
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Default No, I am NOT pregnant, thank you for asking though

OK so I'm feeling really terrible and what little self esteem I had that was in the toilet has now been flushed away .
Twice in the past three weeks now I have been asked if I was pregnant. I know that only dumb people who don't know any better usually ask these types of questions, but today one of my co-workers who I consider a friend asked me. She apologized but I basically defended her and said it was OK, she wasn't the first to ask, and that NO I'm not pregnant, I'm just a little overweight right now.
Stress has been getting the best of me and I've been putting on a lot of belly weight lately. I started a low carb diet a few days ago with my husband but it doesn't help that in the meantime I just want to crawl into a hole and die! While I personally don't think I'm that overweight, I am developing an unhealthy image of myself and couldn't feel more ugly and unattractive (doesn't help that AF is on her way to town). Anyway, I guess I don't really have a question, just wanted to vent and hopefully get some support, this place is always so good for that.
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Old 04-07-2009, 12:51 PM   #2
 
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What is wrong with people?? Unless I knew someone was pregnant I would not be commenting. Gaining weight sucks as it is but to have some people who lost their brain filter ask that kind of question is awful. Take care of yourself and good luck on the eating healthy!
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:02 PM   #3
 
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I know how you're feeling. I've put on some weight since going back to school. Sometime last year, I was wearing a baby doll style top at work, which, I know, don't help you not look pregnant, and someone came up to me, put their hand on my stomach, and said, "What's this?" I DIED. And promptly threw away that shirt.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:08 PM   #4
 
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What is wrong with people?? Unless I knew someone was pregnant I would not be commenting. Gaining weight sucks as it is but to have some people who lost their brain filter ask that kind of question is awful. Take care of yourself and good luck on the eating healthy!
Everything xcptnl said! Good god, what's with people? Who would ask that?

At an old job of mine, my two bosses (a man and a woman) used to travel internationally since we handled international licensing. They went to a conference in France where they finally met a client of ours from Israel, this woman named Mary. Although they had a business relationship with her for about seven years, they'd never met her since they'd never gone to Israel, and she'd never come to NY.

So they get back, and I'm hanging out in Ladyboss' office with the two of them. She mentions, "Oh, we finally met Mary!" I said, "Oh, cool! She seems nice - what's she like in person?"

Ladyboss crosses her arms and says to Guyboss, "Bob, tell Lisa what Mary is like in person!" He blushes RED and goes, "NO! I'm not telling her!" I go, "What? What happened?" Ladyboss repeats, "Go on, Bob. I think you should really tell Lisa what it was like when you met Mary! I think she'd really be interested!" And he's just glaring at her, like a look of death.

And I go, "What did you do? You have to tell me!" He finally admits - "Well, when we were finally introduced face to face, I asked her when her baby was due." And all of a sudden, I got it. I said, "Uhhh... can I assume from the way this story is going that Mary's NOT pregnant?" He very shame-facedly said, "Nooo, she's not."

I was just all over him - "Oh my god! What is with you? How on earth can you say that to someone you've never met? How can you just assume that she's pregnant? And even if you think so, you never, ever say that!" Between the two of us, we made him feel about 20 times worse - I'll bet he never did that again!
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:08 PM   #5
 
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I had two people ask me within a month or so of each other last year if I was pregnant. I said, "No, just fat," but it really hurt my feelings. I would never ask anybody that question unless I knew for sure they were pregnant.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:15 PM   #6
 
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I lost my mind once and asked someone this. I was in high school. My business English teacher always dressed very conservatively with structured dresses that usually included a big thick belt cinched around her. All of a sudden she started wearing long flowing skirts and stuff. I'm such an idiot!! I asked her when she was due... IN CLASS NO LESS!!!

I was stupid and will never do something like that again.

Why couldn't it have been in elementary school or something when I decided that the taste of my foot was good... Not a senior in high school!!!

I'm still terribly sorry to my teacher for asking.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:32 PM   #7
 
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When my youngest was 16 months old a guy selling meat out of his truck (ew) told me the baby would like steak. Despite insisting I wasn't pregnant he wouldn't leave it alone. Grr.

I know it sucks, but don't let the stupid people get you down.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:41 PM   #8
 
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I've always heard that one should avoid the topics of sex, politics, or religion in a casual setting, sometimes even in an "intimate" (no pun intended) setting. But I think pregnancy should be added to that list... Ask a woman if she's pregnant when she's not, and you're not in for a treat, and comment on the pregnancy of someone who in fact IS pregnant, and you won't be in for something especially pleasant either... If they already feel the size of a house, why bring it up again? Point is, that really sucks crazycurl21, and I hope that they're asked something rather insulting in the near future.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:41 PM   #9
 
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I had two people ask me within a month or so of each other last year if I was pregnant. I said, "No, just fat," but it really hurt my feelings. I would never ask anybody that question unless I knew for sure they were pregnant.
Sometimes I don't think people realize how much a silly question like that can affect someone else. I don't even think I realized it until it happened to me (TWICE!). My whole day is seriously ruined. I really just want my hubby to buy me some flowers, but when I told him about it, to make matters not any better his response was "good thing we're on a diet then huh?"
*sigh*
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:44 PM   #10
 
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i have so been there... and it sucks.

i was getting this from folks at a time when my husband and i were actively trying to conceive. between the stress and the fertility meds, i had a bit of a bloated belly. i was amazed at the number of people, men and women, who felt perfectly justified asking me when the baby was due. i particularly loved this one: "when are we due?"

one woman was a repeat offender. the last time she asked me, i actually was pregnant. (but the pregnancy didn't stick.) i told her off: "don't you *ever* ask me that question ever again." she actually wrote me a letter apologizing for her intrusiveness.

the good news is that once you eliminate the stress, you must likely will eliminate the buddha belly, too. when i get rid of the stress in my life, the excess poundage around my middle melted away. and so did the nasty, intrusive questions.

hang in there. i know how hurtful this can be.
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Old 04-07-2009, 01:58 PM   #11
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mrspoppers View Post
I had two people ask me within a month or so of each other last year if I was pregnant. I said, "No, just fat," but it really hurt my feelings. I would never ask anybody that question unless I knew for sure they were pregnant.
Sometimes I don't think people realize how much a silly question like that can affect someone else. I don't even think I realized it until it happened to me (TWICE!). My whole day is seriously ruined. I really just want my hubby to buy me some flowers, but when I told him about it, to make matters not any better his response was "good thing we're on a diet then huh?"
*sigh*
Awww, I'm sorry. Husbands can be really stupid sometimes. I think in this case it's because men don't have the same issues with their weight. If they're fat, it just means they eat too much. It doesn't mean they're worthless and unattractive.

There's no reason why you can't buy yourself flowers or a new pair of shoes.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:08 PM   #12
 
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Originally Posted by crazycurlz21 View Post
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Originally Posted by mrspoppers View Post
I had two people ask me within a month or so of each other last year if I was pregnant. I said, "No, just fat," but it really hurt my feelings. I would never ask anybody that question unless I knew for sure they were pregnant.
Sometimes I don't think people realize how much a silly question like that can affect someone else. I don't even think I realized it until it happened to me (TWICE!). My whole day is seriously ruined. I really just want my hubby to buy me some flowers, but when I told him about it, to make matters not any better his response was "good thing we're on a diet then huh?"
*sigh*
Awww, I'm sorry. Husbands can be really stupid sometimes. I think in this case it's because men don't have the same issues with their weight. If they're fat, it just means they eat too much. It doesn't mean they're worthless and unattractive.

There's no reason why you can't buy yourself flowers or a new pair of shoes.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:15 PM   #13
 
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I vote you get new shoes AND a piece of jewelry.

I have been asked that once or twice, when I wasn't pregnant. The worst was just after my first son was born, and my hairdresser, whom I used to see every 4 weeks because my hair was short, asked me "when is your baby due again?", and he was already 4 weeks old. I had thought I was almost back to normal, and the fact that she thought I was 9 months pregnant just cut me to the quick.

People are stupid.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:19 PM   #14
 
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See, y'all just need to be more uniformly overweight, like me. I'm all about the evenly-spaced flab.
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Old 04-07-2009, 02:42 PM   #15
 
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You girls are all so great!
Thanks for making me realize that I'm not the first, nor will I be the last person this will ever happen to. Some of the stories that relate are equally if not more harsh.
I guess it's just part of life to have to accept the fact that we will never escape the company of idiots with big mouths.
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:51 PM   #16
 
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When my youngest was 16 months old a guy selling meat out of his truck (ew) told me the baby would like steak.
You know, I think Cary Grant's character tells a butcher something like that in Bringing Up Baby. ("Baby" is the name of a pet leopard.)
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Old 04-07-2009, 06:22 PM   #17
 
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I thought everbody knew not to ask this question. Oy.
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Old 04-07-2009, 10:54 PM   #18
 
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I remember someone once asked me, "So, is it a boy or a girl?" I was mortified, because you have to be at least 5 months or so to know the answer to that question, and I wasn't pregnant!
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:10 PM   #19
 
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ive had it happen to me thrice (i love that word). the first time was when i was younger, way skinnier, and just happened to be wearing a baby doll top. the second time was literally a day or two after being released from the hospital after giving birth and i can admit i did still look pregnant. the last time was a few months ago when i was at work and i refused to lift a heavy table. the mother of the company owner was standing next to me and said, "oh youre expecting?" she was as sweet as can be, but in retrospect maybe she was telling me to get over there and help.

the "are you pregnant/when are you due/are you expecting" question is almost as equally offensive as "oh my goodness you look horrible! are you sick?" when youre not sick. ive gotten that one too many times to count on days when i wear little to no makeup.
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:30 PM   #20
 
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I am so sorry you are going through this..Some people just dont think before they talk..Things will get better I promise sweetie ...Try and do some things that make YOU feel better about YOU..*Go out with supportive girlfriends* Get a mani/pedi ....Have fun just being you!!!!
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