Can a married man be friends with a single woman?

Not sure how to set up a poll. My choices were going to be "Never, Yes or Depends".

Just wondering what everyone's opinion is. And why you feel that way.
As long as she's friends with both of them, yes.
As long as she's friends with both of them, yes.
Originally Posted by Hakim Nuraldin
I agree with this to a certain extent. But I have to say that I have single male friends (I'm a married woman myself). The majority of my male friends tend to be gay so it isn't an issue, but I do have a few hetero men in the mix. More often than not, they have interests that my husband doesn't or they belong to communities I'm a part of that my husband doesn't (i.e., theatre, meditation, etc.). I feel that I'm pretty sensitive when it comes to making sure no boundaries are ever crossed, however. As in, I usually hang out with them when I'm in a group, and I always invite my husband and let him know that he's welcome (and I generally tend to emphasize the "husband" part with the male friends to let 'em know I'm not interested in anything--I learned this from experience).
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I think if the man is already married when he becomes friends with the single woman, it can be suspect, especially if the single woman is not also friends with the man's wife.
I think if the man is already married when he becomes friends with the single woman, it can be suspect, especially if the single woman is not also friends with the man's wife.
Originally Posted by mrspoppers
I agree but if they become friends after marriage say through work or something, and they remain just friends, not doing anything the wife would consider cheating or wouldn't tolerate and the wife understands this then I don't see why not.
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Why not? Especially if the husband knew her before he got married. Her single status does not automatically make her a threat to the marriage. If the husband and the single woman both have innocent intentions then I don't see any problem at all. I would expect that since it is all innocent that the wife would also know the single woman, although she does not necessarily have to be friends with her.
not to be pollyanna but i think ideally a hubby and wife should be each others best friends BUT i think a single woman can be friends with a married man if:

- they were friends before the guy got married and neither had the desire to date the other for whatever reason
- they keep their relationship "open"....for example, i'm friends with married men but the most we do is go to lunch at work often with other people included, we don't do dinners and drinks, we don't talk on the phone in the evenings, send a bunch of text messages, i can post whatever i have to say on their fb page, there is nothing secret or private about the relationship
- the single woman keeps in mind the boundaries and respects the wife....for example, i ask about the wife, don't say or anything i wouldn't want a woman saying or doing to my husband (when i get one).
- the married man doesn't turn to the single woman friend for things he should be turning to his wife for such as help in making important decisions, flirting, etc.

i think it's hard for new married man/single woman friendships to form but they can happen through work or the gym or common interests the wife might not share or whatever....
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My husand has a girl friend that he's known since childhood. He's much closer friends with her than I am, and they get together, and so forth.

I have a few guy friends that I go out with periodically. One of them especially is one of my dearest friends. He and I go out alone together many times, I go over to his house to hang out. Our kids are friends. Etc. My husband and he know eachother, and are friendly, but aren't personal friends.

We have our couple friends, and we have single friends.

Me moreso than he, but only because he works too much to have a social life.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

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I think friends are fine, as long as it's not the go-out-all-night-together, long-weekend-away-together kind of friend.
Minneapolis, MN
I think friends are fine, as long as it's not the go-out-all-night-together, long-weekend-away-together kind of friend.
Originally Posted by Poodlehead


I could see that raising some eyebrows.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
I think friends are fine, as long as it's not the go-out-all-night-together, long-weekend-away-together kind of friend.
Originally Posted by Poodlehead


I could see that raising some eyebrows.
Originally Posted by Oregano (formerly babywavy)
Exactly!
Minneapolis, MN
Well, I think that if the friendship is exclusive (meaning that he spends a lot of one-on-one time with her and doesn't ever invite his wife), that is definitely suspect. The only people I do that with is my girlfriends!
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Well, I think that if the friendship is exclusive (meaning that he spends a lot of one-on-one time with her and doesn't ever invite his wife), that is definitely suspect. The only people I do that with is my girlfriends!
Originally Posted by PrettyMedusa


But why is it socially unacceptable to have that kind of friendship with the opposite sex?

I'm much closer to my boyfriend than I am any of my girlfriends. He knows me very well, and I him.

And actually, to start even MORE argument - he's an ex boyfriend. Ooooohhh. lol.


No, we're not together, our lives have taken us in different paths. I'm married with kids. He recently went through a divorce and is now seeing someone else.

We know a relationship between us would be much too dramatic, but we are like peas in a pod as friends.

My husband had some difficulties with getting used to it in the beginning, but over time he began to understand the relationshipl.
~ the artist formerly known as babywavy ~

Please excuse any typos. For the time being, we are blaming it on my computer.
not to be pollyanna but i think ideally a hubby and wife should be each others best friends BUT i think a single woman can be friends with a married man if:

- they were friends before the guy got married and neither had the desire to date the other for whatever reason
- they keep their relationship "open"....for example, i'm friends with married men but the most we do is go to lunch at work often with other people included, we don't do dinners and drinks, we don't talk on the phone in the evenings, send a bunch of text messages, i can post whatever i have to say on their fb page, there is nothing secret or private about the relationship
- the single woman keeps in mind the boundaries and respects the wife....for example, i ask about the wife, don't say or anything i wouldn't want a woman saying or doing to my husband (when i get one).
- the married man doesn't turn to the single woman friend for things he should be turning to his wife for such as help in making important decisions, flirting, etc.
Originally Posted by luvmylocs
I agree with this, especially bolded. Basically it's not a very close friendship.
Well, I think that if the friendship is exclusive (meaning that he spends a lot of one-on-one time with her and doesn't ever invite his wife), that is definitely suspect. The only people I do that with is my girlfriends!
Originally Posted by PrettyMedusa


But why is it socially unacceptable to have that kind of friendship with the opposite sex?

I'm much closer to my boyfriend than I am any of my girlfriends. He knows me very well, and I him.

And actually, to start even MORE argument - he's an ex boyfriend. Ooooohhh. lol.


No, we're not together, our lives have taken us in different paths. I'm married with kids. He recently went through a divorce and is now seeing someone else.

We know a relationship between us would be much too dramatic, but we are like peas in a pod as friends.

My husband had some difficulties with getting used to it in the beginning, but over time he began to understand the relationshipl.
Originally Posted by Oregano (formerly babywavy)
I DO have this kind of relationship with the opposite sex. My closest friend in the world is a man...but he's gay.

Honestly, I used to be fairly naive about this sort of thing. I've had lots of male friends in the past but my experience has always been that if we spend a lot of time together, he starts to assume that we're dating or that there is some kind of chemistry he should act on. This happened a lot when my husband and I were first dating. Aside from that, I think it generally makes my husband uncomfortable, and while I don't think he'd ever ask me to stop hanging out with a guy friend, I respect him enough so that I take those boundaries into account.
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Would not work for me...

Honestly, I used to be fairly naive about this sort of thing. I've had lots of male friends in the past but my experience has always been that if we spend a lot of time together, he starts to assume that we're dating or that there is some kind of chemistry he should act on. This happened a lot when my husband and I were first dating. Aside from that, I think it generally makes my husband uncomfortable, and while I don't think he'd ever ask me to stop hanging out with a guy friend, I respect him enough so that I take those boundaries into account.
Originally Posted by PrettyMedusa
I agree.
I don't get it. Just cos I have a hootchie means I can't have a guy friend? I don't sleep with nor do I want to sleep with my guy friends. If it was going to happen, it would have happened already. We have to stop thinking of people who share our gender as conspiring to steal the mens.
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not to be pollyanna but i think ideally a hubby and wife should be each others best friends BUT i think a single woman can be friends with a married man if:

- they were friends before the guy got married and neither had the desire to date the other for whatever reason
- they keep their relationship "open"....for example, i'm friends with married men but the most we do is go to lunch at work often with other people included, we don't do dinners and drinks, we don't talk on the phone in the evenings, send a bunch of text messages, i can post whatever i have to say on their fb page, there is nothing secret or private about the relationship
- the single woman keeps in mind the boundaries and respects the wife....for example, i ask about the wife, don't say or anything i wouldn't want a woman saying or doing to my husband (when i get one).
- the married man doesn't turn to the single woman friend for things he should be turning to his wife for such as help in making important decisions, flirting, etc.

i think it's hard for new married man/single woman friendships to form but they can happen through work or the gym or common interests the wife might not share or whatever....
Originally Posted by luvmylocs
I don't get why there are all these qualifiers. I am friends with several married men. I only met them after they were married because we're all in the same program which just started in June. Some of us are new to town and have left lots of friends behind. One of them lives upstairs and I'm friends with him and his wife. Another's wife is also in our field, but works about 30 miles away so I don't see her much but I knew her a while ago and respect her. I hang out with them individually and together. I had a half hour phone conversation with one two or three nights ago, I texted him to see if he wanted coffee/dinner while he was on call last night. I brought coffee/dinner for both of us and we ate together before my overnight shift - so I guess that qualifies as dinner. Another one of my friends' wives is out of town for the summer. We were the only two off from work the other night and we decided to do drinks. He suggested we open a couple beers at his place. We cooked and ate dinner and talked until...I went home and slept well before midnight. Watch out, I'm a little hussy hanging out with married men after work!
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