Nice Guys Finish...

OBB · 09-15-2009, 02:26 PM

do nice guys finish last? ive been described as a nice guy...to a fault sometimes. i take pride in this because i believe you can never be too nice. but alot of men cringe when they get this compliment. its the death knell when it comes to the dating scene.

why do jerks, abusers, players, convicts etc. get second, third or numerous chances when a "nice" man cant even get one. do women find nice men boring? is it the drama? whats the attraction?

note that im not talking about all females. and im not lamenting about myself. im just curious because i do hear alot stories of women being attracted to bad boys.

PartyHair · 09-15-2009, 02:30 PM

My husband's a nice guy and he married me, so I'd say he finished first.

I've never really been attracted to the bad boy type.

Curlyminx · 09-15-2009, 02:41 PM

I don't think nice guys finish last. I actually think that they may start off slower, but I'm pretty sure that they are the winners.

How often have I heard: all the good ones are taken?

I think that its just a matter of looking for what suits you. (gy)

Drama can beget drama. Cluelessness can beget cluelessness. etc etc.

I think that the people who say that they like bad boys/people are just people who either enjoy drama or just don't have the self-esteem to demand more for themselves (like a non-bad person).

Josephine · 09-15-2009, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PartyHair

I've never really been attracted to the bad boy type.

Me neither. I'm not sure bad guys finish first most of the time. The women that continuously take them back usually have issues. I wouldn't call that finishing first.

RedCatWaves · 09-15-2009, 02:59 PM

My husband is the nicest guy ever. Very honest and caring and has high morals. Everyone likes him. He's very successful, both in business and romantically...he got me. I almost didn't go on a second date with him, because I thought he was too nice. I was used to dating bad-boys and being treated badly. He was persistent and won me over.

CurliLocks · 09-15-2009, 03:07 PM

Yes, you ARE a nice guy, and don't you ever change.

I think that the right woman (women) will appreciate a nice man, and if she doesn't, she isn't worth it! Not a nice woman.

My husband is a nice guy, everyone loves him. And like the others said, he finished First Place with me!

Hang in there. Does this mean things are not going well with your GF? Or is this just a general question? Hope so!

alacurl · 09-15-2009, 03:08 PM

Another nice guy fan here!

My DH is one of the most kind and decent people I've ever known, and I am so thankful I found him.

I think bad boys are the ones who finish last. I've never considered one as an SO.

curlygirlyme · 09-15-2009, 03:13 PM

I hope this doesn't offend the OP or anyone else but many of the nice guys I know tend to let women walk all over them like a doormat and the women in their lives take advantage of it. I don't know if you have this problem but I think the nice guys I know need to respect themselves if they want women t do the same. They shouldn't allow women to toy with them or keep the hanging by a thread.

Curlyminx · 09-15-2009, 03:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlygirlyme

I hope this doesn't offend the OP or anyone else but many of the nice guys I know tend to let women walk all over them like a doormat and the women in their lives take advantage of it. I don't know if you have this problem but I think the nice guys I know need to respect themselves if they want women t do the same. They shouldn't allow women to toy with them or keep the hanging by a thread.

A weak person lets another treat them like a doormat. Not a good person. There is a difference.

They may be good, but it is their lack of self-esteem that lets people treat them like crap. That isn't a good quality. Even in a good person.

rudeechick · 09-15-2009, 03:30 PM

Bad boys get dysfunctional co-dependant girls.

Nice guys get nice girls.

alacurl · 09-15-2009, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlyminx

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlygirlyme

I hope this doesn't offend the OP or anyone else but many of the nice guys I know tend to let women walk all over them like a doormat and the women in their lives take advantage of it. I don't know if you have this problem but I think the nice guys I know need to respect themselves if they want women t do the same. They shouldn't allow women to toy with them or keep the hanging by a thread.

A weak person lets another treat them like a doormat. Not a good person. There is a difference.

ITA. Good/nice does not mean weak. My DH is so not a "doormat," LOL.

geeky · 09-15-2009, 03:44 PM

I think genuinely nice guys do just fine. Some women look for drama when dating, it is probably more prevalent among young ones.

I did come across the concept of Nice Guys (tm) while reading about something or other. I think it is interesting. Here are a few explanations:

http://moderateleft.com/?p=5044
http://moderateleft.com/?p=3763

and finally in comic form:
http://xkcd.com/513/

It does ring true for me. Nice Guys (tm) do tend to finish last, as they should, because they are douches.

misspam · 09-15-2009, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlyminx

A weak person lets another treat them like a doormat. Not a good person. There is a difference.

They may be good, but it is their lack of self-esteem that lets people treat them like crap. That isn't a good quality. Even in a good person.

I agree.

My hubby is a nice guy, but he certainly is NO doormat. Women have no respect for a doormat, so they will, ahem.....walk all over them.

CurliLocks · 09-15-2009, 04:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Curlyminx

Quote:

Originally Posted by curlygirlyme

I hope this doesn't offend the OP or anyone else but many of the nice guys I know tend to let women walk all over them like a doormat and the women in their lives take advantage of it. I don't know if you have this problem but I think the nice guys I know need to respect themselves if they want women t do the same. They shouldn't allow women to toy with them or keep the hanging by a thread.

A weak person lets another treat them like a doormat. Not a good person. There is a difference.

They may be good, but it is their lack of self-esteem that lets people treat them like crap. That isn't a good quality. Even in a good person.

Agreed. My sister was a doormat for many years, and she is a nice person. Now she has gained confidence and is nice but NOT a doormat. And she found the right one who adores her.

DH is definitely not a doormat either, and neither am I--both nice people!

TK* · 09-15-2009, 04:49 PM

Definitely a self-esteem thing. Women with low esteem will want guys who treat them like sh1t. I was once one of those girls. In fact, I was soooo messed up, I tried sabotaging my relationship with my current SO because he was "too nice" and was "confusing me." If the guy wasn't beating the sh1t outta me or was verbally abusive, I assumed he didn't love me, lol.

Women who date bad boys realize how wonderful nice guys are only after they've grown up. Don't waste your time on those immature women. Not worth the time.

Nice guys rule!

ETA: Geeky, the comic was awesome!

likethegum · 09-15-2009, 04:52 PM

I think that nice guys don't finish last, though they sometimes think they do. A lot of nice guys want to help or 'fix' people with problems, often subconsciously. This is part of what makes them nice guys, they want to help people! Unfortunately, the women that have deep-seated problems, especially abuse survivors, tend to gravitate to the bad guys. That's just human nature, we re-traumatize ourselves. Anyway, this makes it seem as though all of the women that a nice guy is attracted to end up going for bad guys. The best advice I ever heard about this was 'If you always find yourself attracted to the wrong people, then maybe your picker is broken. (this goes for guys as well as girls) Try going for someone who doesn't seem quite so exciting and attractive, as they will likely be a better match' Now before people get all upset, I need to clarify. This statement does not refer to looks or body size in any way. The 'attractive and exciting' part is referring to personalities, and the way some of us unerringly choose mates that are unsuitable. And, it's surprising how well it works. It doesn't mean that you should 'settle' for someone you don't like, just that you should bypass the guy or gal who makes your head spin at first meeting, if you have a tendency toward picking the bad ones.

I used to choose bad guys, or addicts, without fail. Guess what, I'm an abuse survivor, so that's no surprise! When I started going for guys who seemed just a little less thrilling, I started finding the good guys. I'm ridiculously in love with my SO, and I wouldn't trade him for the world. If I hadn't been aware of this tendency, and had just trusted my instinct, I wouldn't be with him, I would be with another bad guy. My picker was broken when I was a kid, and I know I can't trust it.

AG. · 09-15-2009, 05:29 PM

No. Only immature women are attracted to bad guys.

.

shorticurlz · 09-15-2009, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rudeechick

Bad boys get dysfunctional co-dependant girls.

Nice guys get nice girls.

Yep yep yep, its really only the skanky messed up girls who go for bad boys, if you are looking for a nice girl to date then be nice yourself. I am also married to a nice guy and have absolutely no attraction to

Quote:

jerks, abusers, players, convicts etc

PixieCurl · 09-15-2009, 06:40 PM

My husband is nice, but he's a lot of other things too and when I first met him I never would have described him by saying "He's a nice guy" (again, not because he wasn't nice, but because there were many other character traits that more define who he is). I think the problem is "nice" is sometimes used to describe a guy who doesn't have much else going for him or is otherwise boring.

Fluffy4eva · 09-16-2009, 06:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PixieCurl

I think the problem is "nice" is sometimes used to describe a guy who doesn't have much else going for him or is otherwise boring.

Seconded!

The key is to not be "too nice to risk making a joke" ;o) a bit of banter is fun!

Its the surrounding elements (IMO) that make a man attractive or not-so-much. Ive been attracted to both "nice guys" and "bad boys" alike, but it was nothing to do with "levels of niceness".... I dated them because they are funny (both nice guys and bad boys can be funny) intelligent (again, nice guys, bad boys..) and they had a chemistry that simply called to my own.

I do know of girls who confess to being attracted to bad boys but I actually have to conclude from those experiences that a LOT of those girls only say that because they feel its expected of them... maybe it makes them sound like they too are "bad girls" and that sound sexy to them ;o) ....but they never keep the bad boys around for long, and ive actually been watching one of them - my best mate - mope after a cliched "nice guy" with the highest of morals and gentlemanly manners for bloody weeks now...! lol

Anyway, in conclusion... I like nice guys... any single nice guys on here have a penchant for poofy dishevelled blondes with mild-to-moderate neurosis'...? ;o)