Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-19-2009, 07:03 PM   #1
 
SarcasmIsBeauty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,588
Default Advice on how to help a friend.

I have a friend who is a little overweight for her height and she has issues with how she looks. She has been to a nutritionist before (but in my opinion not a good one) and has tried dieting but she doesn't like the diets she has been put on/doesn't get fulfilled by the food she eats on the diets.

I was talking to her today and she told me she was going to starve herself until Oct 17th by only drinking water . I'm trying to talk her out of it and give her the little advice I can, though it probably doesn't mean anything to her because I'm a stick figure and she has told me something along the lines that it's easy for me to say certain things about dieting because I don't have to worry about that.... Any who she still lets me try to help her or at least talk to me about it and I just don't know what to do or say, it really makes me sad that she wants to resort to such extremes. She says shes scared to eat because she doesn't know how to eat in moderation, that she'll eat until she throws up & if she stops before that point she'll just find something else until she feels that way. She says she has a real problem, I'm glad she realizes it but she hasn't gotten help and I know it's embarrassing for her or she's ashamed of it but I want her to get help and would like to help her in any way I can. Do any of you have advice or can point me in the right direction to helping her help herself?

TIA
__________________
Turtles: omg please don't put that in your moo moo

Nej: too late... moo moo has been infiltrated.
SarcasmIsBeauty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:06 PM   #2
 
RedCatWaves's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 31,616
Default

Sounds like your friend really likes food. I can identify with that. A low-carb diet is really the only diet that will satisfy a food lover, because there's no deprivation or starvation. You really can eat all that you want, as long as it's low-carb/no-carb, and still lose weight. Quickly too. Eat weight and still eat bacon...best diet ever.

Get her the South Beach Diet book or Atkins. It'll help her.
RedCatWaves is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:09 PM   #3
 
CurlyHairedFarmer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 3,021
Send a message via AIM to CurlyHairedFarmer
Default

I had a friend like that who really benefited from Weight Watchers because once she learned what she could eat more of, she was better off.

South Beach works for many people as well.
__________________
3a with some 2c thrown in
http://public.fotki.com/CurlyHairedFarmer/
pw: cow

Currently Loving:
Shampoo: CJ Gentle Cleansing Shampoo, Giovanni 50:50

Conditioners - CJ Strengthening, CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, CJ Smoothing, CJ Rehab, CJ Curl Fix

Leave-in: CJ Beauticurls Leave-in

Deep Conditioner: CJ Hibiscus and Banana Deep Fix

Stylers -CJ Curl Queen, CJ CCCC Lite, CJ CIAB, CJ Pattern Pusha, Paul Mitchell Sculpting Foam, Mop-C Curl Defining Cream, BRHG, KCCC
CurlyHairedFarmer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:19 PM   #4
 
empressri's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 4,810
Default

Sounds like counseling would help immensely as well.
__________________
Lady Hasytal in the Land of Product in the Order of the Curly Crusaders

"Trust is knowing your SO would do the right thing in the face of strange vagina." Nej
[/B]
empressri is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:20 PM   #5
 
2poodles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 2,477
Default

I like South Beach, too. I'm down 20 pounds so far - 5 more to go.

Your friend's situation may be a bit more extreme. I've heard good things about over-eaters anonymous, too. Apparently they're run somewhat like AA... You can find information about them here.
__________________
2Poodles Southeast PA
fine, med porosity, normal elasticity
Currently using the following 2 - 3 x/week:
Living Proof Perfect Hair Day suphate-free Poo, cone-free CO and styling treatment, plus KCCC

2poodles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:25 PM   #6
 
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 571
Default

.

Last edited by cakj99; 04-27-2010 at 09:25 PM.
cakj99 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:32 PM   #7
 
SarcasmIsBeauty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,588
Default

Thank you for the advice I'm definitely going to pass on this information.

Quote:
Originally Posted by *LC* View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by empressri View Post
Sounds like counseling would help immensely as well.
this. and has she considered any form of exercise? it helps to burn some of those calories she's taking in. i'm sure she could find some cardio activity she enjoys, there are lots to choose from.
She has tried to work out before but says she's traumatized by what happened our freshman year (we are seniors now) because of what some idiot guy said to her (I don't know what he said though). I loathe the gym but when we lived on the same dorm sophomore year I would go with her. She lives on the downtown dorm now and I still live in the uptown dorms so its harder now. She also says that she has no energy to work out whether she eats or not. I have told her to screw the gym and work out in the privacy of her own room.

She also takes diet pills from time to time which I always highly discourage her from because its just a stupid gimmick.

I've told her about getting counseling before but she's never commented on whether or not she will or wants to.
__________________
Turtles: omg please don't put that in your moo moo

Nej: too late... moo moo has been infiltrated.
SarcasmIsBeauty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 07:51 PM   #8
 
CurlyHairedFarmer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 3,021
Send a message via AIM to CurlyHairedFarmer
Default

Honestly, it sounds like she isn't putting forth much effort. She has to want to change bad enough for it to happen.

Exercising is vital.
__________________
3a with some 2c thrown in
http://public.fotki.com/CurlyHairedFarmer/
pw: cow

Currently Loving:
Shampoo: CJ Gentle Cleansing Shampoo, Giovanni 50:50

Conditioners - CJ Strengthening, CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, CJ Smoothing, CJ Rehab, CJ Curl Fix

Leave-in: CJ Beauticurls Leave-in

Deep Conditioner: CJ Hibiscus and Banana Deep Fix

Stylers -CJ Curl Queen, CJ CCCC Lite, CJ CIAB, CJ Pattern Pusha, Paul Mitchell Sculpting Foam, Mop-C Curl Defining Cream, BRHG, KCCC
CurlyHairedFarmer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 08:11 PM   #9
 
roseannadana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Posts: 8,683
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by SarcasmIsBeauty View Post
I have a friend who is a little overweight for her height and she has issues with how she looks.
She needs counseling. I wonder if she's really overweight or if she just has an image problem? Lots of women complain about how they look but they are actually at a healthy weight. If she's comparing herself to you (an admitted stick figure) she may be perfectly normal.
__________________

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
roseannadana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 08:36 PM   #10
 
MichelleBFT's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 4,734
Default

Exercising is absolutely vital. So is not overeating. You'd think that was obvious... but it wasn't.

I've had to lose a good chunk of weight before, and I tried just exercising and not mucking with my diet, and got nowhere. Ultimately I had to figure out what I was eating (answer: too much, and the wrong stuff) and figure out how to fix it.

The key for me was figuring out how to eat what I wanted-- not having to give up anything I loved. Sparkpeople.com was a huge, huge help for me. It gave me the tools to sort out what I was eating, what I should be eating, how much I should be eating and how much I should be working out. It put everything in perspective and I got things under control.
__________________
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
MichelleBFT is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 09:20 PM   #11
 
SarcasmIsBeauty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,588
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by roseannadana View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by SarcasmIsBeauty View Post
I have a friend who is a little overweight for her height and she has issues with how she looks.
She needs counseling. I wonder if she's really overweight or if she just has an image problem? Lots of women complain about how they look but they are actually at a healthy weight. If she's comparing herself to you (an admitted stick figure) she may be perfectly normal.
She is over weight for her height and the image issues have resulted from the weight thing. I think she's 5'4 and weighs more than 140. I don't think she compares herself to me (I know you said if), she just seems unhappy with the weight she is now and the comments people make whether intended to be mean or not. I just feel that maybe if she sees that I care and has some positive vibes around her she might be more motivated and make better decisions as stupid/naive as that may sound...
__________________
Turtles: omg please don't put that in your moo moo

Nej: too late... moo moo has been infiltrated.
SarcasmIsBeauty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 09:44 PM   #12
 
subbrock's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 9,312
Send a message via AIM to subbrock
Default

why dont you diet/exercise with your friend?

i have a friend who has had gastric bypass and is still overweight. when she started weight watchers, i joined with her. we would work out together as well. ive never been overweight, i hate dieting and execrise, but it was great to be able to support my friend.
subbrock is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 10:03 PM   #13
 
Befrizzled's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 4,829
Default

Her issues go beyond not being able to stick to a diet or not having found the right diet for her. She absolutely needs counseling. She has a disordered relationship with food, and she's headed down a very, very bad path. It's a very real problem, and unfortunately, an all-too-common one; she's not alone, nor should she be embarrassed. Can you offer to help her make an appointment and offer to go with her to the counseling center as moral support?

She needs to know that things don't have to be this hard, and she can have a healthy relationship with food -- and with herself -- but resorting to extremes are going to get her nowhere, fast. Food is just the symptom here; she needs to work on things on the inside, and counseling will help her get through this and come out healthier, emotionally and physically.
__________________
Under construction.
Befrizzled is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-19-2009, 10:34 PM   #14
 
SarcasmIsBeauty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,588
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by subbrock View Post
why dont you diet/exercise with your friend?

i have a friend who has had gastric bypass and is still overweight. when she started weight watchers, i joined with her. we would work out together as well. ive never been overweight, i hate dieting and execrise, but it was great to be able to support my friend.
I used to exercise with her when we lived on the same dorm, but she lives on a dorm that's closer to downtown and I am on the uptown dorm and we have pretty busy schedules so we haven't been able to. As far as dieting, I don't diet, I happen to be underweight (though not by choice, like my hair its natural lol) but when I do eat with her I try to be health conscientious and join her in healthy meals.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Befrizzled View Post
Her issues go beyond not being able to stick to a diet or not having found the right diet for her. She absolutely needs counseling. She has a disordered relationship with food, and she's headed down a very, very bad path. It's a very real problem, and unfortunately, an all-too-common one; she's not alone, nor should she be embarrassed. Can you offer to help her make an appointment and offer to go with her to the counseling center as moral support?

She needs to know that things don't have to be this hard, and she can have a healthy relationship with food -- and with herself -- but resorting to extremes are going to get her nowhere, fast. Food is just the symptom here; she needs to work on things on the inside, and counseling will help her get through this and come out healthier, emotionally and physically.
I have suggested counseling to her but she has yet to go down that route so I'm hoping with the advice I'm getting here I can give her more pointers and encouragement so that she will go out and get counseling. If need be I will go with her if that is what she needs and wants, I certainly wouldn't mind. I just don't want her going down that destructive path any further than she has already gone.
__________________
Turtles: omg please don't put that in your moo moo

Nej: too late... moo moo has been infiltrated.
SarcasmIsBeauty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 01:02 AM   #15
 
Nappy_curly_crown's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 4,147
Send a message via Yahoo to Nappy_curly_crown
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by CurlyHairedFarmer View Post
Honestly, it sounds like she isn't putting forth much effort. She has to want to change bad enough for it to happen.

Exercising is vital.
Whatever you do...don't say or give your friend any advice like this. Honestly this is one of the WORST things you could say to someone that is honestly struggling with thier weight and/or has an unhealthy relationship with food. Advice like this is counter productive and leads people to think that loosing weight is easy if you just try harder. WTF, the girl is attempting to starve herself and this was the best you could come up with to say?
__________________
Wanna talk products? Come Join us here!
http://www.facebook.com/PlatinumPJ

Extremely thick, kinky curls/coils that have a mind of thier own!!!!
_____________________________
I like my men and my hair....KINKY!!!!
_____________________________
Wanna save $10 off your next purchase at vitacost.com? Use my referal code (click the link)!



Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter
Nappy_curly_crown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 05:07 AM   #16
 
CurlyHairedFarmer's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 3,021
Send a message via AIM to CurlyHairedFarmer
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nappy_curly_crown View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by CurlyHairedFarmer View Post
Honestly, it sounds like she isn't putting forth much effort. She has to want to change bad enough for it to happen.

Exercising is vital.
Whatever you do...don't say or give your friend any advice like this. Honestly this is one of the WORST things you could say to someone that is honestly struggling with thier weight and/or has an unhealthy relationship with food. Advice like this is counter productive and leads people to think that loosing weight is easy if you just try harder. WTF, the girl is attempting to starve herself and this was the best you could come up with to say?
Oh relax. I never said to say this to her friend. I was responding to the fact that she doesn't want to exercise or get counseling.
__________________
3a with some 2c thrown in
http://public.fotki.com/CurlyHairedFarmer/
pw: cow

Currently Loving:
Shampoo: CJ Gentle Cleansing Shampoo, Giovanni 50:50

Conditioners - CJ Strengthening, CJ Beauticurls Argan and Olive Oil, CJ Smoothing, CJ Rehab, CJ Curl Fix

Leave-in: CJ Beauticurls Leave-in

Deep Conditioner: CJ Hibiscus and Banana Deep Fix

Stylers -CJ Curl Queen, CJ CCCC Lite, CJ CIAB, CJ Pattern Pusha, Paul Mitchell Sculpting Foam, Mop-C Curl Defining Cream, BRHG, KCCC
CurlyHairedFarmer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 05:28 AM   #17
 
The New Black's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 13,725
Default

Overeater's Anonymous.

Also do some Net research on the detriments of starvation diets. I once did the Master cleanse and lost several pounds...then I gained it back seemingly overnight.
__________________
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/kimshi4242
The New Black is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-20-2009, 10:55 AM   #18
 
Eternitycurls's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 337
Default

I like the South Beach diet too. After the first couple of days it is easy and the results happen fast so it may be easier for her to stick to it.

If you really want to help her and she won't go to counselling then make time in your schedule to go shopping with her to help her get healthy food and exercise with her.

It sounds like she is desperate to lose weight but too self conscious to put herself out there and let strangers (at gym, counselling etc) see her. What about just her family doctor?
Eternitycurls is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-21-2009, 10:24 AM   #19
 
Munchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 6,872
Default

Counseling helped me with my disordered relationship with food and body image issues.
__________________

Munchy is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:09 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com