Delete

delete
4, fine, low-medium density, low porosity





"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." - Confucius

Last edited by pulchri2dinous; 12-05-2009 at 05:48 PM.
Why would you even think about telling her she's crazy? So she doesn't want to have a kid herself, but wants to adopt. I don't see what's so awful or crazy about that.

Why don't you support her in whatever she decides?
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Why would you even think about telling her she's crazy? So she doesn't want to have a kid herself, but wants to adopt. I don't see what's so awful or crazy about that.

Why don't you support her in whatever she decides?
Originally Posted by PartyHair
I'm not saying I'm telling her anything, I just want to know how you all would react to that situation. I will edit my post.
4, fine, low-medium density, low porosity





"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." - Confucius
i think it's pretty wonderful when anyone who is willing and able to provide a happy, loving home to a child who needs one wants to adopt.
i think it's pretty wonderful when anyone who is willing and able to provide a happy, loving home to a child who needs one wants to adopt.
Originally Posted by *LC*
This.

And "I don't want to have a biological child but I want to adopt" ARE legitimate reasons not to have a biological child and to adopt a child.

I guess I don't understand your confusion about this. To me, she's made it clear why she doesn't want a biological child. I don't know why you are having a hard time understanding it.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I think it's perfectly fine to not want a biological child and to prefer to adopt, but from what you posted I get the feeling that she wants a biological child but fears passing on this trait. If this trait is a purely superficial one and not a health/developmental issue then I might be concerned. But I still wouldn't say anything. It's none of my business, it's nothing that's risking her life, and I'm not her therapist.

Seriously, what's the trait?
Eres o te haces?
I would say your friend has a good head on her shoulders and she'll make a wonderful, responsible parent. More power to her.

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
I'm nosey too...what's the trait she doesn't want to pass on?

I have no problem with people who don't want to reproduce. I think whether or not to have children, whether or not to adopt children, are all very personal decisions, and only the involved parties should be making those decisions.
Wondering about that "trait" as well. Is it a 'funny' shaped nose? Big teeth? Tiny teeth? Skin color? Or maybe something like depression or Bipolar?
aka Kay3B
It's a lazy eye
4, fine, low-medium density, low porosity





"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." - Confucius
I'd tell her I loved her and wish her all the luck in the world in finding the family she wants to be a part of.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place."
Stolen.
It's a lazy eye
Originally Posted by pulchri2dinous
Is she sure that can be passed on genetically. My mother had a lazy eye. Neither my brother nor I have one. Nor do my children.

Regardless of your friend's reason to adopt, I think it's a wonderful way to make a family. As the aunt to two adopted children, I love them to pieces.
3a/2c
Trader Joe's Tingle conditioner wash/ conditioner
AG re:coil, LALooks gel, John Frieda Secret Weapon
It's a lazy eye
Originally Posted by pulchri2dinous
Is she sure that can be passed on genetically. My mother had a lazy eye. Neither my brother nor I have one. Nor do my children.

Regardless of your friend's reason to adopt, I think it's a wonderful way to make a family. As the aunt to two adopted children, I love them to pieces.
Originally Posted by KurlyKae
Well, her mother has one and so does her mother's two children.
4, fine, low-medium density, low porosity





"When it is obvious that the goals cannot be reached, don't adjust the goals, adjust the action steps." - Confucius
My sister had a lazy eye as a child, they can correct that now, or "you grow out of it". Silly reason not to have a baby!
My sister had a lazy eye as a child, they can correct that now, or "you grow out of it". Silly reason not to have a baby!
Originally Posted by big hair 50
But it's STILL her reason. And to her it isn't silly.

It's a choice, people. HER choice.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rock on with your bad self.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Be excellent to each other. ~ Abraham Lincoln

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
She loves the idea of pregnancy and thinks it's something really exciting and fulfilling, but she also feels like if she does end up pregnant she may not love the baby the way a mother should (because of the way the baby looks). She feels like she may have some sort of resentment... hold it against the child etc.
Originally Posted by pulchri2dinous
Eh, my son has accommodative esotropia and I love him and he loves himself. He was diagnosed at 20 months. He wears contact lenses now. Not sure why she would hold it against the child unless she somehow thinks HER vision is her fault.

Anyway, there is no requirement to reproduce. If she prefers to adopt, good for her.

Incidentally, there's no history of this in our family so you never know!

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
What's a legitimate reason to adopt? I've always thought about adopting because I don't want to go through being pregnant and giving birth. I don't know or care how fertile I am. And I think adoption is a beautiful thing.
Totally up to her a/b having a biological child & I always support adoption. However, I wonder if she has thought a/b the fact that nobody is perfect & what if the child she adopts has a physical trait that isn't "perfect"? Would she be okay with that? Everyone has SOME imperfections: lazy eye, gap teeth, moles, large birth mark, etc. Before she has a child either biological or adopted- she should come to terms with that fact.
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.

"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock

"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
I wouldn't get too invested in the conversation just now. It sounds like she is neither in a relationship nor looking to have children at the moment. People say all kinds of things before they're actually IN the situation.

I'll adopt, having a baby hurts too much.
I'll adopt, having a baby ruins your body.
I'll adopt, after I've had a few "of my own."

I've heard versions of all of those.

Lots of things could happen. I would say let her talk, because it's obviously a subject that's important to her and whatever this physical trait is it is a big deal to her, but don't get really invested because in the end, most people DON'T adopt (and really, it's up to her and her partner anyway). It's a difficult process. It's expensive. It takes a long time. Infants are rare, older children often have issues. You don't just sign up and someone brings you a sparkly fresh baby.

I'm in favor of adoption, my brother and SIL are waiting for a child right now (although it's going to be a long wait, even though they're adopting from the over flowing foster care system, they will consider special needs, sibling groups, and children up to age nine). But it's not as easy as just saying, "oh, I think I'll just adopt."

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:05 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com