I think it's perfectly fine to not want a biological child and to prefer to adopt, but from what you posted I get the feeling that she wants a biological child but fears passing on this trait. If this trait is a purely superficial one and not a health/developmental issue then I might be concerned. But I still wouldn't say anything. It's none of my business, it's nothing that's risking her life, and I'm not her therapist.
I'm nosey too...what's the trait she doesn't want to pass on?
I have no problem with people who don't want to reproduce. I think whether or not to have children, whether or not to adopt children, are all very personal decisions, and only the involved parties should be making those decisions.
I'd tell her I loved her and wish her all the luck in the world in finding the family she wants to be a part of.
"And politically correct is the worst term, not just because it’s dismissive, but because it narrows down the whole social justice spectrum to this idea that it’s about being polite instead of about dismantling the oppressive social structure of power.
Fun Fact: When you actively avoid being “PC,” you’re not being forward-thinking or unique. You’re buying into systems of oppression that have existed since before you were even born, and you’re keeping those systems in place." Stolen.
She loves the idea of pregnancy and thinks it's something really exciting and fulfilling, but she also feels like if she does end up pregnant she may not love the baby the way a mother should (because of the way the baby looks). She feels like she may have some sort of resentment... hold it against the child etc.
Eh, my son has accommodative esotropia and I love him and he loves himself. He was diagnosed at 20 months. He wears contact lenses now. Not sure why she would hold it against the child unless she somehow thinks HER vision is her fault.
Anyway, there is no requirement to reproduce. If she prefers to adopt, good for her.
Incidentally, there's no history of this in our family so you never know!
I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.
What's a legitimate reason to adopt? I've always thought about adopting because I don't want to go through being pregnant and giving birth. I don't know or care how fertile I am. And I think adoption is a beautiful thing.
Totally up to her a/b having a biological child & I always support adoption. However, I wonder if she has thought a/b the fact that nobody is perfect & what if the child she adopts has a physical trait that isn't "perfect"? Would she be okay with that? Everyone has SOME imperfections: lazy eye, gap teeth, moles, large birth mark, etc. Before she has a child either biological or adopted- she should come to terms with that fact.
A closed mind is a wonderful thing to lose.
"...you could have a turd on your head and no one would notice."~Subbrock
"I had an imaginary puppy, but my grandpa ate him."~Bailey
I wouldn't get too invested in the conversation just now. It sounds like she is neither in a relationship nor looking to have children at the moment. People say all kinds of things before they're actually IN the situation.
I'll adopt, having a baby hurts too much.
I'll adopt, having a baby ruins your body.
I'll adopt, after I've had a few "of my own."
I've heard versions of all of those.
Lots of things could happen. I would say let her talk, because it's obviously a subject that's important to her and whatever this physical trait is it is a big deal to her, but don't get really invested because in the end, most people DON'T adopt (and really, it's up to her and her partner anyway). It's a difficult process. It's expensive. It takes a long time. Infants are rare, older children often have issues. You don't just sign up and someone brings you a sparkly fresh baby.
I'm in favor of adoption, my brother and SIL are waiting for a child right now (although it's going to be a long wait, even though they're adopting from the over flowing foster care system, they will consider special needs, sibling groups, and children up to age nine). But it's not as easy as just saying, "oh, I think I'll just adopt."