I need advice

I feel your pain. I'm turning 25 in a couple of months and am finally moving out! I'm a New Yorker, too, so I know how hard it is to find an affordable place. Plus having a kitchen is vital to me, so I knew if I moved out I had to have one and just couldn't do without. So, no matter how much people tried to tell me to go for a studio or a single room, I couldn't accept that. I also did not want a roommate. I wanted a place of my own, or to move in with a friend. Thankfully my friend found himself needing to move out and I am finally able to do so as well! Having dealt with roommates I didn't know while I attended school, I was not about go through that again. So, I definitely agree on having a friend as your roommate instead of a stranger.

With my student loan debt and my fairly low-paying career, it has taken me a while.
It can feel like you're just never going to get out, but just remind yourself that there are legitimate reasons why you haven't been able to. I think American culture is so behind the idea that people must move out as soon as possible that it doesn't take into account that sometimes it's not a very realistic idea. Times have changed and finances don't always make this possible, at least not in places like New York.
The important thing is to know that you're moving towards something, a goal, even if at times it feels like you're stuck. As I said, I know how depressing it can be, as I wondered if I'd ever get out. But I think you're well-prepared and will get out of your rut no problem.

I haven't even moved out and already I feel my relationship with my mother has improved (absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that). I expect the same will happen for you.
I wish you luck in finding something and hope you feel better about your life soon.
Originally Posted by Saria
To the first bolded: everything in life is a choice. If you want to move out of your parents' house bad enough, you make that choice. You do without. Your situation at home obviously wasn't that bad, or you would have sacrificed a kitchen and/or gotten a roommate. I don't agree with people saying they "can't afford to move out" when they really mean "they can't afford to move into a nice one-bedroom in an upscale neighborhood".

To the second bolded: I think what's "not a realistic idea" is the sense of entitlement many people in our generation (I'm 2 have. It's like we feel entitled to a great job, and a nice full-ammenity apartment the day we graduate college. That's what's not realistic! But moving out, even into a little shoebox in a basement with no kitchen and 2 roommates IS realistic, and it counts as moving out on your own.
Originally Posted by Who Me?


This is true.

It's always been difficult to get an adult life going, and always will be, so the "times" or "economy" argument is just BS. If you want something bad enough, you can do it. You might have to give up something...comfy central air conditioning, flat-screen TV, big gourmet kitchen...but you really don't need all that to live an independent life.
If you really and truly cannot swing college tuition plus rent in a decent neighborhood, can't you just change the arrangement you have with your parents? You are an adult! Why can't you negotiate some freedoms? I can understand that they would not want you throwing raves and wild orgies in their house. But surely there is a middle ground between that and how you are living now.

(Of course, I agree w/ everyone else -- the best option is for you to move out ASAP.)
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I agree with Who Me? and RCW. I don't think people HAVE to move out of their parents' house as young as possible, but if they're miserable there then they need to make sacrifices and concessions. I lived with my parents for about 6 months after college but it was great - I treated them with respect and they treated me like an adult. Had it been awful, I would have made sacrifices to move out sooner - not just complained about it.
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
It does suck being at home when you are ready to move out. I was lucky in that when I was ready to go, I had the means to do it.

Start socking away your money and consider what's most important to you. When you do make the move, it might not be your ultimate dream home or living situation, but it could be a stepping stone to your next home. Maybe you don't want a room mate, but based on your priorities and your means you'd be willing to go the room mate route temporarily until you can afford a place of your own. You just have to take the time to really think it through and decide what you can afford and what you can handle at this point in your life, and honestly, if you can find it in your heart to work things out with your mom - come to some kind of understanding with her. Living at home awhile longer is still an option for you.

When I was in my first apartment, my friend and neighbor spotted an ad for a room mate. It sounded like a great deal so we went and had a look, just for fun. It was a beautiful home, nicely furnished and the other room mates were five hunky firemen. I was a single mom at the time or else I would've given it serious consideration. So, keep your eyes and mind open to the possibilities.
3a/medium texture/normal porosity
One thing to consider is that if you can find someone who has an apt already and is looking for a roommate, you'll probably only need bedroom furniture. Most likely the person already living there has a sofa, table, etc.

I agree with the others that you make sacrifices if you want to move out. My first apt was a 5th floor walk up and I had two roommates - and the sense of freedom I felt was great. It actually never occurred to me to live at home until I could afford my dream apt - I thought everybody knew their first apt was supposed to be less than ideal.
If you got nothing to bring to the table - don't even bother sitting down.
Point one:
Seeing as how work involves cooking the same things on a daily basis, which I may love cooking, but are still things I have to make all the time, it is that important to me to be able to do what I love for the simple love of it, not as a way to earn my paycheck. So no, a place without a kitchen will never be a realistic opition. That does not mean I was expecting my dream apartment.
And again, if you'd had the experiences that I had with strangers as roommates, you wouldn't put yourself through that again.

Secondly, next time you or anyone wants to make an assumption about my supposed sense of entitlement, perhaps you should know what you're talking about first. I posted in another thread how if I tallied up my monthly loan payments (about $500) with rent (NYC) and utilities, without even accounting for other expenses, I would not have been able to afford anything for a while. Even now that I earn more assuming I were doing it on my own, I'd basically have nothing left over.
I doubt very much that your chosen field pays as little out of the gate as mine does, so please keep your uninformed assumptions to yourself. And if you wan to get an idea, go to craigslist and see how much a lot of people are offering for experienced (not new) cooks.

Last edited by Saria; 09-28-2009 at 11:48 AM.
Saria, I think her point was more that IF living with your parents was so bad, you'd be willing to live without a kitchen for a while, or with a roommate. Extreme example, but if your dad was beating you or something equally awful, I'm sure you'd rather live ANYWHERE but with them.

On a side note, it seems a lot of NYC area curlies are feeling stuck because of the high rents. Have any of you considered moving to a lower cost-of-living area?
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
I guess I worded my post wrong because a few of you think I am in college. I am not in college. I've already graduated college. My 2nd job is working with a college professor and so when she's not teaching, like summers and winter break there is no work for me so I don't have that money coming in.
"When you are not afraid to fall, that's when you fly the highest"


"You shouldnt let random people who dont love you , arent there to help you with a flat tire, or there to fix you soup when your tummy hurts dictate your choices in life."
On a side note, it seems a lot of NYC area curlies are feeling stuck because of the high rents. Have any of you considered moving to a lower cost-of-living area?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
I don't drive so I'd have to live somewhere where there is public transportation close by. I have been looking into some areas of Jersey that have transportation.
"When you are not afraid to fall, that's when you fly the highest"


"You shouldnt let random people who dont love you , arent there to help you with a flat tire, or there to fix you soup when your tummy hurts dictate your choices in life."
i know friends who have gotten GREAT apts in the lower east side for INCREDIBLE prices!!

g/l!
Originally Posted by burgundy_locks
For around how much?
"When you are not afraid to fall, that's when you fly the highest"


"You shouldnt let random people who dont love you , arent there to help you with a flat tire, or there to fix you soup when your tummy hurts dictate your choices in life."
Saria, I think her point was more that IF living with your parents was so bad, you'd be willing to live without a kitchen for a while, or with a roommate. Extreme example, but if your dad was beating you or something equally awful, I'm sure you'd rather live ANYWHERE but with them.

On a side note, it seems a lot of NYC area curlies are feeling stuck because of the high rents. Have any of you considered moving to a lower cost-of-living area?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
I suppose, but that is not the case the OP is making. And I simply believe it is outdated and out of touch to assume people should be able to move out at 18 or even straight out of school. It's also insensitive to assume that if you (GY) are not exactly well off, that there can't be people who are even lower on the income bracket than you who cannot live in what you might still consider modest conditions.
Or to assume that somehow those who realize that moving just anywhere, in any conditions, might lead to more unhappiness, and decide to wait are entitled dreamers who want everything without paying dues.
Yeah, I must have thought I'd be making tons of money on the food network when I picked my career.

As for moving away, I looked into it a couple of times, and Vermont seemed a good option as it was much cheaper and a friend's friend is a chef who could teach me quite a bit. However, moving away leads to many considerations, among them something as simple as transportation. I've used public transportation my whole life and I know a place like Vermont wouldn't be the same. Not to mention that while I was in school and lived off-campus, I got to witness the cost of heating (included in NYC rents) in another state. It was insanely high and would have driven my rent up quite a bit. That's assuming I would have gotten paid as much as I currently make. Plus NY has tons of foodservice jobs should I find myself unemployed.
i know friends who have gotten GREAT apts in the lower east side for INCREDIBLE prices!!

g/l!
Originally Posted by burgundy_locks
For around how much?
Originally Posted by noelani
Have you looked into Queens? I'm an Astoria resident and will be moving to Sunnyside. Good trains and good neighborhoods (Sunnyside is cheaper). Hell, I would have proposed a curly meeting if I'd known another NYC curly was looking for a place!
i know friends who have gotten GREAT apts in the lower east side for INCREDIBLE prices!!

g/l!
Originally Posted by burgundy_locks
For around how much?
Originally Posted by noelani
Have you looked into Queens? I'm an Astoria resident and will be moving to Sunnyside. Good trains and good neighborhoods (Sunnyside is cheaper). Hell, I would have proposed a curly meeting if I'd known another NYC curly was looking for a place!
Originally Posted by Saria
I'm looking anywhere. Shoot I'm even considering Staten Island. lol If I don't find a roommate I'm just going to have to tough it out till I land a full-time job. Even though I have a degree I don't make much an hour so living alone I think would be out of the question right now. I just have to keep grinding. Continue to apply to as many jobs as possible and since I want to ultimately one day have my own at home business I'm starting work on that too. Who knows maybe that'll go somewhere soon.

As much as my situation sucks right now, there are people who have it worse. Everyday I see homeless people.
"When you are not afraid to fall, that's when you fly the highest"


"You shouldnt let random people who dont love you , arent there to help you with a flat tire, or there to fix you soup when your tummy hurts dictate your choices in life."
On a side note, it seems a lot of NYC area curlies are feeling stuck because of the high rents. Have any of you considered moving to a lower cost-of-living area?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
I don't drive so I'd have to live somewhere where there is public transportation close by. I have been looking into some areas of Jersey that have transportation.
Originally Posted by noelani
Learn to drive. Why not?
No MAS.

I am the new Black.

"Hope the Mail are saving space tomorrow for Samantha Brick's reaction piece on the reactions to her piece about the reactions to her piece." ~ Tweet reposted by Rou.

http://www.youtube.com/user/Kimshi4242

http://www.tumblr.com/blog/kimshi4242
i know friends who have gotten GREAT apts in the lower east side for INCREDIBLE prices!!

g/l!
Originally Posted by burgundy_locks
For around how much?
Originally Posted by noelani
a lot of these people are subleasing from people who have lived in these apartments for years. the original renters have left the LES and are living in bigger homes. so this means the majority of apts are rent controlled. my parents about an apt in Qnz n left my bro the rent controlled apts. he pays in the 600- 700 range. my home girl is also paying that range, and a guy friend lives in the Ave (Ave C and 10th) and i think he's paying 700- 800 but he has a 2 bedroom and has a roomate.

again, these apartments are not apartments that were listed anywhere. they heard from a friend of an uncle of an aunt or a brother, etc, that they were moving and wanted to sublease. so let people know ur looking. post a msg on FB. look on craigslist.

keep us posted. sending u positive vibessss
para los gustos se hicieron los colores

i has no hair type? (medium, f-iii), normal porosity, LOW elasticity.
CG journey began 2/8/09 - 4-08-09.. and then mod cg 4/14/09 -... 03/02/10- Barely CG but I like CG products
wash with Low Poo or Poo
condition with GVP Conditioning Balm or CJ BC Daily, Loreal Color Vive for Color Treated Hair Thats Normal
Leave ins- Garnier S&S; Marrakesh oil
style with - Ohm SHP; KCCC- BRHG or Boots- KCCC- BRHG; CIAB; CCCC
Protein- GVP Joico K-Pak
Play with ACV
http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/abo/1397703722.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/brx/abo/1397696181.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/abo/1397624968.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/abo/1397615874.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/abo/1397522782.html
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/abo/1397380735.html

these are just a couple places i saw under $800. u should try to visit them.
para los gustos se hicieron los colores

i has no hair type? (medium, f-iii), normal porosity, LOW elasticity.
CG journey began 2/8/09 - 4-08-09.. and then mod cg 4/14/09 -... 03/02/10- Barely CG but I like CG products
wash with Low Poo or Poo
condition with GVP Conditioning Balm or CJ BC Daily, Loreal Color Vive for Color Treated Hair Thats Normal
Leave ins- Garnier S&S; Marrakesh oil
style with - Ohm SHP; KCCC- BRHG or Boots- KCCC- BRHG; CIAB; CCCC
Protein- GVP Joico K-Pak
Play with ACV
On a side note, it seems a lot of NYC area curlies are feeling stuck because of the high rents. Have any of you considered moving to a lower cost-of-living area?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
I don't drive so I'd have to live somewhere where there is public transportation close by. I have been looking into some areas of Jersey that have transportation.
Originally Posted by noelani
Learn to drive. Why not?
Originally Posted by Phoenix
That's what I had to do when I moved into my first apartment in Staten Island. When I was living in Brooklyn I never needed a car. It's another expense but it will liberate you and give you so many more options of where you can live and work.
3a/medium texture/normal porosity

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:34 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com