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Old 09-26-2009, 12:00 PM   #1
 
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Default I need advice

The grand ole age of 27 is coming up in a few months. I still live at home with my parents. (I know, yick)

I'm suffocating at home. I need a major change in my life soon before I go crazy. I work 2 part-time jobs. I'm thinking of getting a 3rd to see if I can make enough to move out. But my 2nd job basically revolves around when college is in session. So I don't know what I'd do to supplement that income when it's not coming in.

Everyday I'm sad. Almost everday I'm arguing with my mother. Everday I'm more and more depressed when I see the lives my friends have and I don't have that. I still have to answer to my mother for anything and everything I do. There's all these things I'm not allowed to do and places I'm not allowed to go. For goodness sake if I'm out with my father he still wants to hold my hand when we cross the street. AAAH!!! My mother is suspicious about EVERYTHING which is not much since I'm not allowed to do much. What gives? I've never done drugs, never gotten drunk, have never snuck around with a boyfriend or done something illegal. Goodness gracious. I've lived in the same building all my life. I'm bored with my neighborhood, my routine, my life, everything. I need a major change in my life before I explode.
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Old 09-26-2009, 12:17 PM   #2
 
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Get a roommate and move in together. Soon. Then set boundaries with your mother. She'll probably want to enforce her rules even when you're out of the house, if she's like my mom.
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Old 09-26-2009, 12:22 PM   #3
 
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Get a roommate and move in together. Soon. Then set boundaries with your mother. She'll probably want to enforce her rules even when you're out of the house, if she's like my mom.
I've been thinking about this for a while even though the idea of having a roommate is not my favorite. Anyway, how do you go about finding an acceptable roommate? Where would I look?
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Old 09-26-2009, 12:37 PM   #4
 
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Among friends not strangers.
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Old 09-26-2009, 01:25 PM   #5
 
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Get a roommate and rent an apartment. Rent a small "room" somewhere if you don't want to share a residence. I'd do almost anything not to live with my parents at 27.
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Old 09-26-2009, 02:42 PM   #6
 
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I'm sure that would have been my parents if I had lived with them at that age.

Get a roommate or rent a room. Look in the paper.
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Old 09-26-2009, 04:25 PM   #7
 
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By the sound of your post you know what you have to do already but are too afraid to do it.
Its not that hard. If I can survive moving out of home at 16, then I'm sure you'll find a way at 27.
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Old 09-26-2009, 04:28 PM   #8
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You def need to get out..g/l
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Old 09-26-2009, 05:02 PM   #9
 
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I'm with everyone else - find a room to rent, or an efficiency apartment, or a roommate.

My first no-roommate apartment was a tiny little efficiency in a somewhat sketchy part of St. Louis. It was literally one room, with a wall that separated the bathroom. The "kitchen" was a mini bar-sized fridge, a microwave and a single heating element - no oven! BUT. It was mine, all mine, all by myself, and I did love it.
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Old 09-26-2009, 08:20 PM   #10
 
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By the sound of your post you know what you have to do already but are too afraid to do it.
Its not that hard. If I can survive moving out of home at 16, then I'm sure you'll find a way at 27.
Yes. I think I'm just nervous because I don't know what I can afford or where and I'm afraid that I'll end up in a hole in the wall in a sketchy part of NY and I don't want that. While I'm not looking for luxury, I want to be in a safe neighborhood. And I'm also nervous about being able to stand up to my parents if they try to hold me back. I want to make sure that if I do this I will be able to stand on my own two feet and not have to move back home at all.
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:05 PM   #11
 
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My first apt was teeny tiny over a garage. I was able to live there for free while I worked for the family as a baby sitter a couple of hours in the morning and a couple of hours in the evening, and sometimes on Sat nights, but not too often.

I was able to fit in a couple of other jobs as well as go to school. Try to keep an open mind, and maybe something will come along.

Maybe an extended house sitting position would work out. That would give you the opportunity to save for a little bit.

I was scared to death to tell my mother I was moving, but it was for the best. She was very controlling, and it was just easier to do what she told me, instead of what I wanted. She still has difficulty believing I can actully make an intelligent decision without her "help".

Good luck, I really hope you will be able to work something out.
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Old 09-26-2009, 09:21 PM   #12
 
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I understand completely about wanting to live in a safe neighborhood in NY. But I understand rents are down. have you investigated?

It's not the total end of the world if you move out and then have to move back in - for a while! Unless your parents are the type to rub it in. You will have to make the break sooner or later and 27 certainly sounds like it's time. There are roommate services - I know some women who found that worked out very well for them.

Draw up a plan with all the steps involved. Then take the first step - even if it's just looking at a college bulletin board to see if anyone is looking for a roommate. Let us know how it goes.
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Old 09-26-2009, 10:58 PM   #13
 
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Definately whateveryone else said about renting.

But before you make that step, please work out a budget based on some rent prices you find. Work out how much bills would cost and food/gas etc. Then when you have that number, make sure you have at least 2 months worth of that amount saved up before you move out. You need to account for job loss or unforseen expenses. It's a good peace of mind to know you have a couple of months of security while you job hunt etc.
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Old 09-27-2009, 05:39 AM   #14
 
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Definately whateveryone else said about renting.

But before you make that step, please work out a budget based on some rent prices you find. Work out how much bills would cost and food/gas etc. Then when you have that number, make sure you have at least 2 months worth of that amount saved up before you move out. You need to account for job loss or unforseen expenses. It's a good peace of mind to know you have a couple of months of security while you job hunt etc.
Excellent advice!
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Old 09-27-2009, 10:58 AM   #15
 
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Thanks.
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Old 09-28-2009, 01:21 AM   #16
 
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I feel your pain. I'm turning 25 in a couple of months and am finally moving out! I'm a New Yorker, too, so I know how hard it is to find an affordable place. Plus having a kitchen is vital to me, so I knew if I moved out I had to have one and just couldn't do without. So, no matter how much people tried to tell me to go for a studio or a single room, I couldn't accept that. I also did not want a roommate. I wanted a place of my own, or to move in with a friend. Thankfully my friend found himself needing to move out and I am finally able to do so as well! Having dealt with roommates I didn't know while I attended school, I was not about go through that again. So, I definitely agree on having a friend as your roommate instead of a stranger.

With my student loan debt and my fairly low-paying career, it has taken me a while.
It can feel like you're just never going to get out, but just remind yourself that there are legitimate reasons why you haven't been able to. I think American culture is so behind the idea that people must move out as soon as possible that it doesn't take into account that sometimes it's not a very realistic idea. Times have changed and finances don't always make this possible, at least not in places like New York.
The important thing is to know that you're moving towards something, a goal, even if at times it feels like you're stuck. As I said, I know how depressing it can be, as I wondered if I'd ever get out. But I think you're well-prepared and will get out of your rut no problem.

I haven't even moved out and already I feel my relationship with my mother has improved (absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that). I expect the same will happen for you.
I wish you luck in finding something and hope you feel better about your life soon.
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Old 09-28-2009, 06:28 AM   #17
 
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I feel your pain. I'm turning 25 in a couple of months and am finally moving out! I'm a New Yorker, too, so I know how hard it is to find an affordable place. Plus having a kitchen is vital to me, so I knew if I moved out I had to have one and just couldn't do without. So, no matter how much people tried to tell me to go for a studio or a single room, I couldn't accept that. I also did not want a roommate. I wanted a place of my own, or to move in with a friend. Thankfully my friend found himself needing to move out and I am finally able to do so as well! Having dealt with roommates I didn't know while I attended school, I was not about go through that again. So, I definitely agree on having a friend as your roommate instead of a stranger.

With my student loan debt and my fairly low-paying career, it has taken me a while.
It can feel like you're just never going to get out, but just remind yourself that there are legitimate reasons why you haven't been able to. I think American culture is so behind the idea that people must move out as soon as possible that it doesn't take into account that sometimes it's not a very realistic idea. Times have changed and finances don't always make this possible, at least not in places like New York.
The important thing is to know that you're moving towards something, a goal, even if at times it feels like you're stuck. As I said, I know how depressing it can be, as I wondered if I'd ever get out. But I think you're well-prepared and will get out of your rut no problem.

I haven't even moved out and already I feel my relationship with my mother has improved (absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that). I expect the same will happen for you.
I wish you luck in finding something and hope you feel better about your life soon.
To the first bolded: everything in life is a choice. If you want to move out of your parents' house bad enough, you make that choice. You do without. Your situation at home obviously wasn't that bad, or you would have sacrificed a kitchen and/or gotten a roommate. I don't agree with people saying they "can't afford to move out" when they really mean "they can't afford to move into a nice one-bedroom in an upscale neighborhood".

To the second bolded: I think what's "not a realistic idea" is the sense of entitlement many people in our generation (I'm 2 have. It's like we feel entitled to a great job, and a nice full-ammenity apartment the day we graduate college. That's what's not realistic! But moving out, even into a little shoebox in a basement with no kitchen and 2 roommates IS realistic, and it counts as moving out on your own.
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Old 09-28-2009, 07:23 AM   #18
 
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as annoying as the thought of a roomate is (possibly a third roomate as well), think about how LESS annoying it will be in comparison to ur mom!! we all love our parents, but enough is enough! if i were living at home, my life would also be this way.

let people know you are looking for an apt and look online. while i was desperately trying to move out, i went on craigslist and looked at some apts. i also went on apartmentguide.com to look at options as well. i know friends who have gotten GREAT apts in the lower east side for INCREDIBLE prices!! someone who knew someone who was leaving the city and wanted to sublease. stories like that DO EXIST!!! Seriously, if you have FB, put a status message saying looking for a roomate. maybe an acquaintance is also thinking about moving out, and not sure how it will work and reading ur message might give them that push. u dont have to be BFFs with ur roomates. u really just want someone responsible, with a job, hopefully not too much of a slob, and hopefully with some furniture!!! u can do it!

g/l!
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Old 09-28-2009, 08:08 AM   #19
 
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I'm 27 and living back with my parents post-divorce. I have gotten no child support (he doesn't work) and I spend near $800/month on daycare. I WISH I could move in with roommates, but it's hard to find someone who wants a life with kids (if they don't have them) and I don't know anyone who has kids and similar parenting style as I do that needs to room.
My life with my parents isn't bad, but as soon as daycare costs are no longer an issue, I will purchase a place. It's all temporary. That's my mantra.
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Old 09-28-2009, 09:15 AM   #20
 
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Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Saria View Post
I feel your pain. I'm turning 25 in a couple of months and am finally moving out! I'm a New Yorker, too, so I know how hard it is to find an affordable place. Plus having a kitchen is vital to me, so I knew if I moved out I had to have one and just couldn't do without. So, no matter how much people tried to tell me to go for a studio or a single room, I couldn't accept that. I also did not want a roommate. I wanted a place of my own, or to move in with a friend. Thankfully my friend found himself needing to move out and I am finally able to do so as well! Having dealt with roommates I didn't know while I attended school, I was not about go through that again. So, I definitely agree on having a friend as your roommate instead of a stranger.

With my student loan debt and my fairly low-paying career, it has taken me a while.
It can feel like you're just never going to get out, but just remind yourself that there are legitimate reasons why you haven't been able to. I think American culture is so behind the idea that people must move out as soon as possible that it doesn't take into account that sometimes it's not a very realistic idea. Times have changed and finances don't always make this possible, at least not in places like New York.
The important thing is to know that you're moving towards something, a goal, even if at times it feels like you're stuck. As I said, I know how depressing it can be, as I wondered if I'd ever get out. But I think you're well-prepared and will get out of your rut no problem.

I haven't even moved out and already I feel my relationship with my mother has improved (absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that). I expect the same will happen for you.
I wish you luck in finding something and hope you feel better about your life soon.
To the first bolded: everything in life is a choice. If you want to move out of your parents' house bad enough, you make that choice. You do without. Your situation at home obviously wasn't that bad, or you would have sacrificed a kitchen and/or gotten a roommate. I don't agree with people saying they "can't afford to move out" when they really mean "they can't afford to move into a nice one-bedroom in an upscale neighborhood".

To the second bolded: I think what's "not a realistic idea" is the sense of entitlement many people in our generation (I'm 2 have. It's like we feel entitled to a great job, and a nice full-ammenity apartment the day we graduate college. That's what's not realistic! But moving out, even into a little shoebox in a basement with no kitchen and 2 roommates IS realistic, and it counts as moving out on your own.
I agree with this. If my parents were placing restrictions on me like that, I'd rather live with a stranger as a roommate. I've never known my roommates in college before moving in. Sometimes it sucks but they don't tell you what to do or restrict you and that's worth it. Can you find roommates through your school? There should be a newsgroup or ads for people looking for roomates. There are also roommate finding websites that match people of similar interests.
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