Go Back   CurlTalk > Life > Non-hair discussion

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-29-2009, 06:44 PM   #1
 
mrspoppers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 15,369
Default Quick Punctuation Question

Ok, grammarphiles, here's one for you. I should know this (I think I do) but I want to make sure I do it right. You know how it is when you look at something a million times until nothing looks right? That's where I am now.

I'm writing a recommendation for my old manager for Linked In. The names have been changed to protect the innocent. Here is what I have:
Quote:
Foug is a dynamic and passionate leader who, through honesty, integrity, and drive for success, continually motivated and inspired our team throughout a period of unprecedented industry volatility. Foug is also an articulate communicator and natural collaborator with an ability to build rapport and maintain strong partnerships with executives, coworkers, employees and clients. These skills give him the unique ability to translate his vision into strategic marketing plans that meet business needs.
My question is about the first sentence. Should I put commas after who and success (as-is) or should they be semi-colons? Or is there another way that I'm missing?

I'm posting this tonight. Thanks!
mrspoppers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 06:56 PM   #2
 
wild~hair's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 10,942
Default

Uh, is your old manager's name Doug?

No semi-colons. Honestly, I would rewrite that sentence. It's just a tricky one to follow, as-is.

Try:

Quote:
Foug is a dynamic and passionate leader. Through honesty, integrity, and a drive for success, s/he continually motivated and inspired our team throughout a period of unprecedented industry volatility.
Also, if you're going to use a serial comma here:

Quote:
Foug is a dynamic and passionate leader who, through honesty, integrity, and drive for success, continually motivated and inspired our team throughout a period of unprecedented industry volatility.
You should also use it here:

Quote:
Foug is also an articulate communicator and natural collaborator with an ability to build rapport and maintain strong partnerships with executives, coworkers, employees, and clients
I hope you can see those. I boldfaced them and made them red, but they still don't really stand out.
wild~hair is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 06:58 PM   #3
 
Befrizzled's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 4,829
Default

No semicolons. You could do long dashes, but I prefer the commas because it's still readable. But because I'm a punctuation geek ... you have a serial comma in that series, but you don't use one for "employees and clients." I don't think either way matters, just be consistent.

ETA: I see wild~hair beat me to it!
__________________
Under construction.

Last edited by Befrizzled; 09-29-2009 at 07:01 PM.
Befrizzled is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 07:02 PM   #4
 
gekko422's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 9,276
Default

Foug.



Never gets old...
__________________
Democracy is not a spectator sport.

You know why pandas are endangered? Cause pandas ain't got no game.

Jesus loves you, but I'm his favorite.
gekko422 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 07:12 PM   #5
 
mrspoppers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 15,369
Default

Thanks, ladies. I will rewrite as WH says and post the damn thing now. It was making my brain hurt.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gekko422 View Post
Foug.



Never gets old...
It really doesn't.
mrspoppers is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 09:00 PM   #6
 
Suburbanbushbabe's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 16,020
Default

Remove the comma between who and through
__________________
My blog - http://suburbanbushbabe.wordpress.com/
My FOTKI - http://whatsnew.fotki.com/suburbanbushbabe/


Playing with my hair is a hobby. Fluffy, fine natural 4a. Goal= Healthy, beautiful hair that retains its length.
Quote:
Hear that crash? It's me falling off the CG wagon.
Suburbanbushbabe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-29-2009, 09:16 PM   #7
Banned
 
Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
Default

comma before who not after...
WileE-Dead is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-30-2009, 12:44 AM   #8
 
mandyv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Posts: 7,981
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by wild~hair View Post
Foug is a dynamic and passionate leader. Through honesty, integrity, and a drive for success, s/he continually motivated and inspired our team throughout a period of unprecedented industry volatility.
Yes, I like this rewrite. Shorter sentences are better. I notice she put a comma between employees(,) and clients, which was the only thing I noticed.
__________________
3c
Poo: KBB shampoo bar or Shikai moisturizing shampoo
CoWash: VO5 kiwi
Cond: Robert Craig, Tresemme Natural, or Fekkai Shea Butter
Leave in/Styling: Grapeseed oil, KBB milk, KCCC, and Aveda Confixor
mandyv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-30-2009, 12:50 AM   #9
 
mrspoppers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 15,369
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by mandyv View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by wild~hair View Post
Foug is a dynamic and passionate leader. Through honesty, integrity, and a drive for success, s/he continually motivated and inspired our team throughout a period of unprecedented industry volatility.
Yes, I like this rewrite. Shorter sentences are better. I notice she put a comma between employees(,) and clients, which was the only thing I noticed.
Yep, I pretty much copied and pasted that. It almost said Foug on LinkedIn but I caught it just in time.
mrspoppers is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply
Trending Topics[-]hide

Thread Tools
Display Modes



Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:53 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com