Single Black Females: The Epidemic


I was just making a joke though about converting and marrying Jewish though. But I do stand by the first post I made about opening up and looking at other races for black women. I mean I understand that it would be nice, but if a person can't find a suitable one..what are they to do just be single forever ? I would hope not. Why should they suffer when plenty of men in other races would be glad to have them.

Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
This is how I feel. In my case, I was preferring a muslim bangladeshi guy. Ha, there are not even that many in the U.S. And then to find that with a similar background and culture(raised in the west and liberal), forget it. There are a lot more for the younger kids, but in my age range, not so much. I cared more for the religion than the race though. I was not looking for guys, but I know my sister and friends were and had trouble when they limited themselves to the religion only. I went outside my culture and religion and don't regret it at all. I was not looking for a guy, wanted to be single longer, but it just happened and it's been great. If I limited myself to my preferences, I would definitely be single longer. I wouldn't mind it now, but I would in 5-10 years. I know women who do limit themselves and have been looking actively since their mid 20's and remain single into their mid 30's and complain how there are no men.
Heh, I went to school with plenty of Muslim Bengali men. My roommate is one himself.

This is how I feel. In my case, I was preferring a muslim bangladeshi guy. Ha, there are not even that many in the U.S. And then to find that with a similar background and culture(raised in the west and liberal), forget it. There are a lot more for the younger kids, but in my age range, not so much. I cared more for the religion than the race though. I was not looking for guys, but I know my sister and friends were and had trouble when they limited themselves to the religion only. I went outside my culture and religion and don't regret it at all. I was not looking for a guy, wanted to be single longer, but it just happened and it's been great. If I limited myself to my preferences, I would definitely be single longer. I wouldn't mind it now, but I would in 5-10 years. I know women who do limit themselves and have been looking actively since their mid 20's and remain single into their mid 30's and complain how there are no men.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I think we all have limits.. LOL! I guess I was just talking about race or ethnicity. As a Jew, I couldn't knowingly advocate a Jew going out of Judaism to find a mate under any circumstances. Nor would I seriously suggest a person come into Judaism to find a mate. I know in Islam a man can marry a Christian, Jew, or Sabian (I think it's called). But in Judaism.. our law stipulates we marry other Jews.

Having said that, outside the religious scope..I just think sometimes people sort of have all these high desires and expectations for a certain thing focus so much on that and miss out on true happiness. They get tunnel vision. I think on this subject.. certain black women that do limit themselves have no valid reason for limiting themselves. It's not a religious law for them to not marry black, it's not a moral issue for them to not marry black..they just prefer black. Which is fine but if you can't find a black guy you want..and you are ready to get married why in the world would you just be single forever simply because some black dude didn't catch your fancy.

And I am not suggesting anything is wrong with the idea of wanting a black man at all.... I personally prefer dark haired men (well I don't prefer any besides my hubster since I am married..but..you get it..LOL) but if I had met a nice guy that had lighter hair that was suitable.. I wouldn't toss him to the curb because he had light hair and I really like dark haired men. Just like I prefer a swarthy skin over white skin because I like the look of it better..but I wouldn't bypass a man with white skin just because he has white skin if he had everything else I wanted (if I was single and looking).
In the words of a late, great, very wise poet (Biggie Smalls), let us take a moment to consider the plight of the black man.

Considered a fool 'cause I dropped out of high school
Stereotypes of a black male misunderstood
And it's still all good
Yes, give em one more chance, ladies give em one more chance.



Sorry, I heard Juicy on the radio yesterday and it made me think of this thread, LOL.
Originally Posted by scrills
I'm not sure if you are joking Scrills.. but whether you are or aren't.. this made me wonder:

How many women in this thread would marry or even date a guy like Biggie Smalls though ?

Just curious.. and I know I am probably gonna get CLOBBERED about this because I know to a lot of people that are into rap believe he was so great at it and yada yada, but I don't get what was so great and wise about the guy.

He was a drug dealer, could rap, cheated on his wife, beat his girlfriend which was a side ho, got to be a star simply because he could rap, and got shot and killed because of the lifestyle he chose to live. He's wasn't in any plight. He grew up in a single family home yeah.. but he had a good mother that worked..plus he was smart and had been doing very well in school, but he chose not to apply himself in school and sell drugs instead.

Frankly I see his life as pathetic and tragic..a waste really.

I don't know... am I missing something ? Is he one of the black men that need to be given one more chance by black women and if so.. why ?

I hope this doesn't get me in hot water considering I am a half breed Jew that married a non-black Jew.
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
I was just joking. plus, the line about a uneducated black man being misunderstood is what made me think of this thread, not so Biggie himself.
I was looking for an article I read, but there is another reason why this article bothers me. There are men out there that meet the criteria for "IBM" (Ideal black man) and this ish goes to their head. They are lazy when it comes to dating because they are so used to being a hot commodity that the women they date seems to do all the work. Not only are they pissed at you for not breaking your neck to get with them, they never believe that you are sincerely not interested in superficial crap and you can genuinely like other things in life. They make comments like “Do you know how many other women would love to be with me?” or "what, you don't care what car I drive?" Listen, I don’t care what Ivy League, wall street job you have. Get it together.

Sorry for my rant. I know they aren’t all like that, but I have met some.
Scrills, I agree. It was terrible where I went to college and the ratio highly favored women (85% male, 15% women). The way some of the black men acted, you really would have thought it was the other way around.

Not everyone was like that (in fact, most were not), but there certainly were a few that clearly considered themselves commodities and acted as such ("entitled" is the best description for this). Never mind that I was doing the same thing, going to the same school, jumping through the same hoops--I'll pass.

One of the things that attracted me to my husband was that he wasn't full of himself.
my blog

Last edited by gemini; 01-04-2010 at 01:02 PM.
Heh, I went to school with plenty of Muslim Bengali men. My roommate is one himself.
Originally Posted by Saria
Yes, but you're from ny, right? Actually my ex (bengali muslim) is from ny too, I met him online. I live in Atlanta, not much here. There were a good bit at my college(15 or so) but they were all foreign students and had far too traditional values for me. Also, how much is plenty? It's still a small number overall, i bet.
I was looking for an article I read, but there is another reason why this article bothers me. There are men out there that meet the criteria for "IBM" (Ideal black man) and this ish goes to their head. They are lazy when it comes to dating because they are so used to being a hot commodity that the women they date seems to do all the work. Not only are they pissed at you for not breaking your neck to get with them, they never believe that you are sincerely not interested in superficial crap and you can genuinely like other things in life. They make comments like “Do you know how many other women would love to be with me?” or "what, you don't care what car I drive?" Listen, I don’t care what Ivy League, wall street job you have. Get it together.

Sorry for my rant. I know they aren’t all like that, but I have met some.
Originally Posted by scrills

OMG yes! (Girl, you are on a roll on this thread!) My bf talks that mess sometimes, too -- "well, we all know how y'all out number us by 8 million to one...so..."
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG


Are you referring to White or other nonBlack Jewish men? If so, in jest or not, I don't think that's being particularly sensitive to the issue.. If you mean Black Jewish men...I would think the same concerns about scarcity, etc. (only intensified a million fold) would apply.
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000
I had the same thought. Funnily enough, I was close friends with two white Jewish men - no intention of dating them due to religion issues, just really good friends - but both their mothers flipped out that they might even be tempted to date me because as a Black non-Jewish woman, I was not good enough and furthermore, even if I converted, our kids wouldn't be Jewish if we married.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Jews.. well practicing Jews want their children to marry Jews. To be honest, I wouldn't want my son to marry a non-Jewish woman either. I really don't care what race she is as long as she's a Jew and a Jew BEFORE they get married.


In their case, both were very secular Jews and their parents were not practising - but I do take your point in general.

I guess it doesn't seem foreign to me since I am Jewish and grew up that way. It's not a matter of you not being good enough per se..it's a matter of that marrying you would be an issue because you don't practice Judaism. And the chances of your children being raised Jewish would be less.


I felt the same way about marrying a Black man, and that's one of the issues on this thread, so I completely understand that opinion and don't have an issue with it. I was merely pointing out that (even if you were joking) marrying a Jew would be a whole other set of problems if you are a non-Black Jew.

But it's not accurate that your children wouldn't be Jewish if you had a proper Jewish conversion. The only children that wouldn't be Jewish are any children you may have had before the marriage. If you have kids with your Jewish husband after you have been properly converted..your kids are Jews.

Does that maybe depend how religious you are? Orthodox v. Conservative v. Reform? My friend I mentioned was Conservative and she had a friend who was adopted by a Jewish couple - they wanted a Jewish baby and got one. However, before the synagogue would do his Bar Mitzvah they traced the origins of the parents and it turned out his biological father's mother was a convert, so they would not do the Bar Mitzvah and he had to go to the Reform synagogue for it. Maybe that Rabbi was out to lunch - I don't know the official rule - but from the Jews I know, I always hear complaints when the men marry non-Jewish women, even if they convert before marriage.

My mom was black (well she's mixed but always identified as black) and she converted before even met my Dad. My father was born Jewish. My brother and I are absolutely Jews according to Jewish law.

I am not sure how familiar you are with the Tanakh (old testament if you are Christian) but do you know the story of Ruth ? She was not born Jewish..but all her children after her conversion were and are considered Jews.

Yep, I do know that story and that makes sense.


I was also close friends with a white Jewish female who attended a Jewish school, and when she attempted to bring me to a school dance just to meet her friends, the school refused to let me come because a Jewish boy might like me. i also recall once hearing a radio interview with a Jewish mother who said she'd rather her unmarried daughter marry a white non-Jew than a Black Jew, and rather her not marry at all than marry a Black Jew. So, not so sold on that idea (I realize there are exceptions and there are prejudices everywhere and these experiences are not indicative of all Jewish families, but I also don't think Jewish men are any particular better option compared to anyone else.)
Well I am glad you comprehend those incidents don't reflect on Jewish people as a whole but yes no Jewish parent that is practicing wants their child to marry a non-Jew. It's just like Christians don't want their children marrying non-Christians.

Yeah, or Blacks and non-Blacks, or any other group.

I was just making a joke though about converting and marrying Jewish though. But I do stand by the first post I made about opening up and looking at other races for black women. I mean I understand that it would be nice, but if a person can't find a suitable one..what are they to do just be single forever ? I would hope not. Why should they suffer when plenty of men in other races would be glad to have them.

I think it's debatable how glad they would really be.... but not everyone wants to date other races and that's fine too.

Also, if white men in general are such a great solution to Black womens' problems, then why didn't life get great for us right from the time the first slave ship left Africa and become absolutely peachy on the plantations?????
What does that have to do with Jews ? Who said white men are the general solution ? There are other groups of people to date besides black men and white men. There are Jews of various ethnic backgrounds..given I know most people think white when they hear the word Jew when it comes to color. And for the record, it wasn't Jews that enslaved blacks in America so I don't see what that has to do with us specifically.
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
That part was not about Jews but the general belief in these types of articles etc. seems to be that "Black women, Black men either don't want you or are useless, so go marry a white man." I know Jews are not responsible for slavery.
And I know there are Jews of various colours, but I did not think you were referring to Black Jews in the way your comment was worded, and it made me think of other posts/comments as above.
But it's all good.... no offence was taken here.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











what do jews do when they cant find a jewish person they like where they are or in their circle of friends they want to marry?

This is how I feel. In my case, I was preferring a muslim bangladeshi guy. Ha, there are not even that many in the U.S. And then to find that with a similar background and culture(raised in the west and liberal), forget it. There are a lot more for the younger kids, but in my age range, not so much. I cared more for the religion than the race though. I was not looking for guys, but I know my sister and friends were and had trouble when they limited themselves to the religion only. I went outside my culture and religion and don't regret it at all. I was not looking for a guy, wanted to be single longer, but it just happened and it's been great. If I limited myself to my preferences, I would definitely be single longer. I wouldn't mind it now, but I would in 5-10 years. I know women who do limit themselves and have been looking actively since their mid 20's and remain single into their mid 30's and complain how there are no men.
Originally Posted by Josephine
I think we all have limits.. LOL! I guess I was just talking about race or ethnicity. As a Jew, I couldn't knowingly advocate a Jew going out of Judaism to find a mate under any circumstances. Nor would I seriously suggest a person come into Judaism to find a mate. I know in Islam a man can marry a Christian, Jew, or Sabian (I think it's called). But in Judaism.. our law stipulates we marry other Jews.

Having said that, outside the religious scope..I just think sometimes people sort of have all these high desires and expectations for a certain thing focus so much on that and miss out on true happiness. They get tunnel vision. I think on this subject.. certain black women that do limit themselves have no valid reason for limiting themselves. It's not a religious law for them to not marry black, it's not a moral issue for them to not marry black..they just prefer black. Which is fine but if you can't find a black guy you want..and you are ready to get married why in the world would you just be single forever simply because some black dude didn't catch your fancy.

And I am not suggesting anything is wrong with the idea of wanting a black man at all.... I personally prefer dark haired men (well I don't prefer any besides my hubster since I am married..but..you get it..LOL) but if I had met a nice guy that had lighter hair that was suitable.. I wouldn't toss him to the curb because he had light hair and I really like dark haired men. Just like I prefer a swarthy skin over white skin because I like the look of it better..but I wouldn't bypass a man with white skin just because he has white skin if he had everything else I wanted (if I was single and looking).
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
To me, it very well can be a moral/values issue to marry Black and is certainly a political issue. It was/is for me. Anyone who doesn't think that there is a political dimension to the race of person a Black person marries... think things would be seen exactly the same way if President Obama's wife were white? If Tiger's wife were white? Or if she were Black and he had cheated on her with white women? Or if some of Tiger's women were Black? Just because it isn't in the Bible doesn't mean that it is not a very important issue to some of us.
Get used to me. Black, confident, cocky; my name, not yours; my religion, not yours; my goals, my own; get used to me. -Muhammad Ali











what do jews do when they cant find a jewish person they like where they are or in their circle of friends they want to marry?
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
I don't think that's something Reform Jews generally care about.

I think Americans think of Judaism as a major world religion, because Judaism is important to our society as the basis of the dominant religion. America is also home to a pretty high portion of the world's Jews. However, there aren't many Jews in the world. It's a minority religion. So many Jews worry about Judaism fading away, and I think it's a reasonable concern. A lot of people feel that if a Jew marries a non-Jew, it's likely that their children won't be practicing Jews. And that's where a lot of the concerns about marrying non-Jews come from.

Plus, Judaism originated as the religion of a particular nation/ethnic group, just as being Roman meant worshiping Roman gods, or being Egyptian meant worshiping Egyptian gods. Judaism still retains that history, in that Jewishness is passed from mother to child. Reform Jews believe that Judaism can also be passed through the father, but Conservative and Orthodox Jews don't accept that. So, if a Jewish man has children with a non-Jewish woman, man Jews won't accept their children as Jewish unless the children formally convert. So, Conservative and Orthodox Jews may worry about having non-Jewish grandchildren if their sons marry non-Jewish women.

Last edited by Eilonwy; 01-04-2010 at 04:55 PM.
No, heck growing up I had a pretty good amount of female Bengali friends. It comes with growing up in Astoria. Yeah, lots of Greek people, but I was surrounded by people from
all parts of Latin America and lots of people from Bangladesh and to a lesser extent, Pakistan. If I think about it, I'd say the vast majority of people I went to school with were immigrants or from immigrant families. I really can't think of anyone who went home and ate what would be considered typical American food, and whose families spoke English as a first language.

Does that maybe depend how religious you are? Orthodox v. Conservative v. Reform? My friend I mentioned was Conservative and she had a friend who was adopted by a Jewish couple - they wanted a Jewish baby and got one. However, before the synagogue would do his Bar Mitzvah they traced the origins of the parents and it turned out his biological father's mother was a convert, so they would not do the Bar Mitzvah and he had to go to the Reform synagogue for it. Maybe that Rabbi was out to lunch - I don't know the official rule - but from the Jews I know, I always hear complaints when the men marry non-Jewish women, even if they convert before marriage.
Originally Posted by Amneris
Well the official "rule" (lol) is if the woman converts before she gets married then her children are Jewish. Even if she's pregnant because in Judaism we consider the child part of the mom's body. So the child would definitely be Jewish. But any children she had before the marriage wouldn't be Jewish.

The issue with thee adopted child could be because they had no way of knowing when his biological mother actually converted and if she continued on the path of Judaism or what. So to be on the safe side they may have opted not to do his Bar Mitzvah. Orthodox Jews are VERY picky about conversions period.. so it doesn't suprise me in the least they didn't do the Bar Mitzvah.

Reform Judaism is much more laxed and allow this sort of thing so that is why they sent him there. But by traditional Jewish standards he wouldn't be considered a Jew by Orthodox and probably most if not all Conservatives. My family wasn't Reform..we were Conservative. But my mom underwent her conversion the Orthodox route before she met my Dad. She knew she would marry a Jew one day and she didn't want any questions about her children being non-Jews. Smart move if you ask me. LOL!

You most likely hear complaints because a lot Jews do have a problem when a person converts for the purpose of marrying another Jew. In some eyes, it seems very disingenuine (sp ?)..basically..that you aren't REALLY interested in being a Jew.. you just want to get married. I personally do not like that myself. Now if a person meets a Jew learns about Judaism and then wants to convert and happens to marry the person that got them interested in Judaism..then I don't take issue with it at all. I actually think that wonderful.

Having said that a lot of Jews get irritated with the notion because while Judaism itself can boast that the divorce rate is relatively low among practicing Jews the divorce rate is rather high among Jews and converts.

My friends and I just had a heated discussion about this very subject last weekend. All of them were Jews..and boy were some of them PISSED with how some Jews marry converts that do it like right before they marry. One gentleman even said he'd rather Jews not even go there with converts at all. I mentioned my mom was a convert but they all shot me down saying, "YOU ARE A JEW PERIOD.. YOUR MOM CONVERTED WAY BEFORE SHE EVEN MET YOUR DAD OR HAD YOU!" They basically told me I just was to compassionate on certain issues and my situation didn't count because my mom didn't convert because she met my Dad..she converted because she was serious about being a Jew.

I was like..sheesh.. I was just saying but they all were like "Shut up!" LOL! ..Jews can get rather heated when discussing this sort of thing.

But it's all good.... no offence was taken here.
I am glad because I really didn't mean any disrespect or rudeness. I honestly feel pretty dumb ass about the joke now.. I guess after having the conversation over the weekend with my friends about marrying converts.. I had it on my mind.
what do jews do when they cant find a jewish person they like where they are or in their circle of friends they want to marry?
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
Depends on if they are practicing or not. Non-practicing Jews probably marry a non-Jew..I guess.

In Orthodox circles they can see a Shadchan (Jewish matchmaker) with a system of Shidduch (matchmaking) in which they can get involved.

And in the Jewish community everyone is always trying to marry someone off anyway.. LOL! In many synagogues they have groups and get togethers for this very purpose. People are always trying to hook this one or that one up. So it's not that big of a problem for practicing Jews to meet someone to marry.

Marriage to practicing Jews is a mitvah (a commandment) and it's VERY serious. Basically, in our belief a man without a wife is incomplete and vice versa. We believe in the idea of soulmates. So people try pretty seriously to get married and other people try very hard to assist them to get married.
very interesting information ladies, thats for educating me. if a Jewish woman marries a non Jewish man are her children still considered Jews? Is this mainly an issue for Jewish men rather than Jewish woman (marrying non-Jews) because if the mother is Jewish the children will be too? Am i understanding ths right?

I think Americans think of Judaism as a major world religion, because Judaism is important to our society as the basis of the dominant religion. America is also home to a pretty high portion of the world's Jews. However, there aren't many Jews in the world. It's a minority religion. So many Jews worry about Judaism fading away, and I think it's a reasonable concern. A lot of people feel that if a Jew marries a non-Jew, it's likely that their children won't be practicing Jews. And that's where a lot of the concerns about marrying non-Jews come from.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I agree these are concerns and I do believe they are vaild.. but the idea behind it actually comes from Torah itself so to marry a non-Jew is to break Torah.

I think you are Jewish, right ? I think I read that on another thread sorry if I am mistaken..but if so I am sure you are already familiar with that concept from Torah itself rather than it just being because some Jews feel so and so way. The whole idea of not marrying a non-Jew because the children won't be raised Jewish and the people will turn to other gods is directly from Torah.

I am just saying this because I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and think Jews are doing it just because we don't like gentiles or think we are better. Because that is not the case...not suggesting you stated that..but I just wanted to make the point is all.
I agree these are concerns and I do believe they are vaild.. but the idea behind it actually comes from Torah itself so to marry a non-Jew is to break Torah.

I think you are Jewish, right?
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
Yes, I am Jewish. I wanted to supply the less-scriptural reasons that a Jew might be concerned about marrying a non-Jew. It's a concern that Jews may have even if they're not so worried about scripture.
very interesting information ladies, thats for educating me. if a Jewish woman marries a non Jewish man are her children still considered Jews? Is this mainly an issue for Jewish men rather than Jewish woman (marrying non-Jews) because if the mother is Jewish the children will be too? Am i understanding ths right?
Originally Posted by Aphro-Deeziac
No problem!

Yes, in traditional Judaism they would be considered Jews if a Jewish woman has children with a non-Jewish man. Status as Jew is matrilenial (sp ?) but tribal affliation is patrilineal (sp?)...

It's an issue within Judaism of marrying a non-Jews period because it is expressly forbidden to marry a non-Jew if you are male OR female in Torah. So a practicing Jew wouldn't marry a non-Jew at all..reguardless of gender.

So it's an issue for BOTH genders..but if a Jewish man marries a non-Jew..among Orthodox and Conservative circles his kid would be non-Jews. Why ? Because their mother is a gentile.

In more liberal movements like Reform, Liberal, and I believe Reconstructionism his kids would be considered Jewish. They are more laxed with their "rules". Basically if either parent is Jewish and they raise the kids Jewish.. to them.. they're Jewish.

In Karaite Judaism the lineage goes through the father so it's about the father being Jewish.. but they too forbid marriage between a Jew and non-Jew.

Your status as a Jew goes through the mom in traditional Judaism though hence why so many Jews parents get ansy if their son even looks at a non-Jewish woman.. LOL! Given, they get ansy if their daughter looks at a non-Jewish man too.

Last edited by Marah Mizrahi; 01-04-2010 at 06:20 PM. Reason: spelling is horrific.. sigh
I agree these are concerns and I do believe they are vaild.. but the idea behind it actually comes from Torah itself so to marry a non-Jew is to break Torah.

I think you are Jewish, right?
Originally Posted by Marah Mizrahi
Yes, I am Jewish. I wanted to supply the less-scriptural reasons that a Jew might be concerned about marrying a non-Jew. It's a concern that Jews may have even if they're not so worried about scripture.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
WHAT !!!!????! A Jew not concerned about Scripture ? LoL! I am kidding.

Your point is understood.

Trending Topics


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 05:53 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright 2011 NaturallyCurly.com