View Poll Results: What should be my standard response when old men hit on me?
"Your receding hairline tells me you're too old" 1 4.55%
"I think I've met your daughter; she's about my age" 12 54.55%
"**** off, you're disgusting!" 1 4.55%
"How about next week? I'm in the middle of a herpes outbreak, but it should clear up by then" (no offense to people with herpes!) 8 36.36%
Voters: 22. You may not vote on this poll

Pick DOWN lines: Please help!

If you say "No Thanks" and the guy still harrasses you, I think you should just say something along the lines of "I said NO and I meant NO now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" and get progressively louder so people around can see what is going on. You can be forceful without commenting on their age or appearance. Really the age and receding hairline are not the issue - the inappropriate behavior is, so you should address that.
Originally Posted by geeky
ITA! They should be mature enough at that age to know when the attention isn't wanted. It's sad that they act like they don't.
Originally Posted by colomunky
Some men take eye contact and any verbal response as license to keep talking to you. that's why I don't look them in the eye and I generally don't respond.

I know its rude, but it's usually effective.
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
None of the above.

You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.
Originally Posted by Peppy
I agree.

None of the above.

You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.
Originally Posted by Peppy
I agree.
Originally Posted by Kurlee
Sometimes. Some people don't take a hint, and if you are afraid of what they may try, rudeness is sometimes necessary, IMO.
i agree that rudeness probably isn't necessary. there's a balance between being passive and being agressive. it's called being assertive.

if someone were harassing me in this way, i would just say, in a very serious, resonant and firm (no-nonsense) voice, 'i'm not interested, now leave me alone,' and walk away (or keep walking, whatever).

i disagree with whoever told the poster to moderate her behavior or whatever; talk about 'blaming the victim' mentality. i'm sure she's likely not done anything to warrant these advances, it's the men who are out of line and should moderate their behavior. sheesh.

m
coarse, thick 3a
modified cg







Based on a lot of the replies I've gotten, I seem to have created a false impression of myself. I am not a man-hating psycho. I am not normally a rude person. I've just found there are certain situations that I tend to encounter where this sort of response is, in fact, the best course of action. And I've tried a *lot* of different ways of reacting. That's all I'm saying.


Anyway, I just edited the first post to include this, but I wanted to be sure that people who'd already replied read this. I think I wasn't making myself clear.

I'd *really* like to clarify that I'm talking about guys who are being lewd to begin with. If a man sits down at my table uninvited and says, "Now you look like a girl with experience. You kids these days," while leering at me and trying to play footsie, I am going to be a little miffed. I'm not freaking out about harmless flirting.

And yes, I will "curse out" a sleazy guy if I'm walking in a deserted place and he's following me and making threats, and there are no stores to duck into. All the better if that person "thinks I'm crazy," as one person commented. This is the type of situation I was talking about. I'd always try to just walk faster, thinking that these people were looking for a response. But that always exacerbated the situation. I spoke to a girl I knew whose mom worked in mental health, and she said that the best thing to do is to turn and face the person, act very aggressive, and *then* walk faster. As long as it's not a situation where running the heck away is in order, this is what I do. And it works.
i disagree with whoever told the poster to moderate her behavior or whatever; talk about 'blaming the victim' mentality. i'm sure she's likely not done anything to warrant these advances, it's the men who are out of line and should moderate their behavior. sheesh.
Originally Posted by mayim
What I'm talking about is not "blaming the victim". Try thinking about it in a non-sexual situation. For example, I live in a big city. I also went to college in a big city. I come across multiple homeless people every day. Sometimes they ask me for money or say something, sometimes they don't. But they never get too pushy or annoying or difficult to deal with at all. However, whenever I have a friend from a non-big city come visit, or people's midwestern parents would come for the weekend in college, the homeless people would act slightly different towards them, and situations would escalate into very uncomfortable ones. The homeless people could tell who they could really target and harass and who they couldn't. Not because they know you, or recognize you, or how you dress, etc., but because of the vibe you are giving out.

I believe it is the same thing with creepy agressive men who like to hit on girls. They know who they can target and who they can't. They can sense it, from whatever vibe you are putting out there. I've noticed (in real life and on the boards also) that there are certain women who complain about all the extreme creepy aggressive men who are hitting on them all the time, and other women could be in pretty much the same exact situation and not even notice or not be at all perturbed that there was a man trying to hit on them and the situation never progresses at all. So go ahead and accuse me of "blaming the victim" all you want, but I believe the woman herself has a LOT to do with how the situation goes, no matter how much she will deny it. And it has nothing to do with how the woman is dressed or how pretty she is.

Note: I'm not talking about serious situations where there is an attacker and a victim. I am talking about being hit on by creepy agressive men.
"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!" -BART SIMPSON
No offense to anyone, but I hate the fact that so many people seem to think that you have to be a "nice girl" in the face of this kind of disrespect. Being rude might save you from a life threatening situation! Who knows what kind of psychos are running around telling young girls the same type of thing. This kind of BS ain't no freakin compliment. Do whatever it takes to let them know you ain't havin' it.

"Could you leave me alone please?"

"Mister, I just asked you to leave me alone."

You are not obliged to be polite. Too many girls are too nice about this, which is why these slimeballs do this ****.

"Don't play me...I'm over 30, and I don't smoke weed"
-Prince

I understand your point. The flip side is that a rude answer might tip some psycho over the top and make him come after you.

But your answers "Leave me alone please" are firm, direct and leave no room for misunderstanding. I would go that route (but I wouldn't make comments about the pathetic size of his organ).
No offense to anyone, but I hate the fact that so many people seem to think that you have to be a "nice girl" in the face of this kind of disrespect. Being rude might save you from a life threatening situation! Who knows what kind of psychos are running around telling young girls the same type of thing. This kind of BS ain't no freakin compliment. Do whatever it takes to let them know you ain't havin' it.

"Could you leave me alone please?"

"Mister, I just asked you to leave me alone."

You are not obliged to be polite. Too many girls are too nice about this, which is why these slimeballs do this &%$@#!.

Originally Posted by j'adore
ITA.
There is no need to be polite. I wouldn't be overly aggressive either.
I like the firm, "leave me alone " answer.
There is a HUGE difference in asking someone firmly to leave you alone or telling them you are not interested and screaming and cursing or making fun of their hairline or penis size.
No offense to anyone, but I hate the fact that so many people seem to think that you have to be a "nice girl" in the face of this kind of disrespect. Being rude might save you from a life threatening situation! Who knows what kind of psychos are running around telling young girls the same type of thing. This kind of BS ain't no freakin compliment. Do whatever it takes to let them know you ain't havin' it.

"Could you leave me alone please?"

"Mister, I just asked you to leave me alone."

You are not obliged to be polite. Too many girls are too nice about this, which is why these slimeballs do this &%$@#!.

Originally Posted by j'adore
ITA.
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell
There is a HUGE difference in asking someone firmly to leave you alone or telling them you are not interested and screaming and cursing or making fun of their hairline or penis size.
Originally Posted by smoke in your eyes
ITA!
There is a HUGE difference in asking someone firmly to leave you alone or telling them you are not interested and screaming and cursing or making fun of their hairline or penis size.
Originally Posted by smoke in your eyes
I totally agree. You don't have to be polite and nice. Be assertive, be firm, be as loud as you need to be and tell them to leave you the hell alone. But personal insults are not necessary.
To Trenell, MizKerri and geeky:
I pray none of you ever has to live in a communist state.

Geeky is my hero. She's the true badass. The badass who doesn't even need to be a badass. There aren't enough O's in cool to describe her.
i disagree with whoever told the poster to moderate her behavior or whatever; talk about 'blaming the victim' mentality. i'm sure she's likely not done anything to warrant these advances, it's the men who are out of line and should moderate their behavior. sheesh.
Originally Posted by mayim
What I'm talking about is not "blaming the victim". Try thinking about it in a non-sexual situation. For example, I live in a big city. I also went to college in a big city. I come across multiple homeless people every day. Sometimes they ask me for money or say something, sometimes they don't. But they never get too pushy or annoying or difficult to deal with at all. However, whenever I have a friend from a non-big city come visit, or people's midwestern parents would come for the weekend in college, the homeless people would act slightly different towards them, and situations would escalate into very uncomfortable ones. The homeless people could tell who they could really target and harass and who they couldn't. Not because they know you, or recognize you, or how you dress, etc., but because of the vibe you are giving out.

I believe it is the same thing with creepy agressive men who like to hit on girls. They know who they can target and who they can't. They can sense it, from whatever vibe you are putting out there. I've noticed (in real life and on the boards also) that there are certain women who complain about all the extreme creepy aggressive men who are hitting on them all the time, and other women could be in pretty much the same exact situation and not even notice or not be at all perturbed that there was a man trying to hit on them and the situation never progresses at all. So go ahead and accuse me of "blaming the victim" all you want, but I believe the woman herself has a LOT to do with how the situation goes, no matter how much she will deny it. And it has nothing to do with how the woman is dressed or how pretty she is.

Note: I'm not talking about serious situations where there is an attacker and a victim. I am talking about being hit on by creepy agressive men.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
If you are talking about the vibes a person puts out as being the cause of someone else's behavior towards them, then that is blaming the victim. And it's dangerous thinking because if someone thinks their behavior can affect potential volatile situations, they can end up ignoring the real signals the other person is projecting (read Gavin DeBecker's "The Gift of Fear"). You may feel you are cool with the homeless folks. But guess what? They see you every day so you're nothing new. On the other hand, new faces mean fresh prospects. That's all it is -- has nothing to do with the "approachee's" behavior. No matter what "vibe" a woman is putting out, she has every right to repel unacceptable behavior directed towards her in any way that is effective.
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No matter what "vibe" a woman is putting out, she has every right to repel unacceptable behavior directed towards her in any way that is effective.
Originally Posted by Karenmc3
Exactly. Self-preservation is paramount over some sexual deviant's poor wittle feelings.
http://unpavedpath.blogspot.com/
I NEVER mentioned "making fun of the size of someone's organ"!!! What in the world! All I meant is that sometimes, when someone is being lewd and in my space, but isn't actually threatening, I will respond like someone who is somewhat annoyed. Because I am. I don't owe politeness to people who are disrespectful toward me, and I don't need to fake politeness to people who are not going to attack me or anything. That is all I meant. I don't understand why people are writing these things about me.

I deeply regret posting this thread. It's really gotten away from what I actually wrote. I wish I could delete it. I'd appreciate it if people stopped posting on it and let it die. But *please* realize that what many of you seem to be inferring about me IS NOT TRUE. It's really embarrassing and hurtful.
Eilonwy, I'm sorry this thread didn't go the way you'd hoped, but that's pretty much what happens when you open it up for discussion on a public forum where people have all sorts of conflicting viewpoints.

I think this thread is good for women to read who may not know how to properly respond in those kinds of situations, so I'm glad you posted it. Even if they don't find the answers they're looking for here, hopefully it has inspired some women to at least think about it and maybe do some research.
http://unpavedpath.blogspot.com/
i disagree with whoever told the poster to moderate her behavior or whatever; talk about 'blaming the victim' mentality. i'm sure she's likely not done anything to warrant these advances, it's the men who are out of line and should moderate their behavior. sheesh.
Originally Posted by mayim
What I'm talking about is not "blaming the victim". Try thinking about it in a non-sexual situation. For example, I live in a big city. I also went to college in a big city. I come across multiple homeless people every day. Sometimes they ask me for money or say something, sometimes they don't. But they never get too pushy or annoying or difficult to deal with at all. However, whenever I have a friend from a non-big city come visit, or people's midwestern parents would come for the weekend in college, the homeless people would act slightly different towards them, and situations would escalate into very uncomfortable ones. The homeless people could tell who they could really target and harass and who they couldn't. Not because they know you, or recognize you, or how you dress, etc., but because of the vibe you are giving out.

I believe it is the same thing with creepy agressive men who like to hit on girls. They know who they can target and who they can't. They can sense it, from whatever vibe you are putting out there. I've noticed (in real life and on the boards also) that there are certain women who complain about all the extreme creepy aggressive men who are hitting on them all the time, and other women could be in pretty much the same exact situation and not even notice or not be at all perturbed that there was a man trying to hit on them and the situation never progresses at all. So go ahead and accuse me of "blaming the victim" all you want, but I believe the woman herself has a LOT to do with how the situation goes, no matter how much she will deny it. And it has nothing to do with how the woman is dressed or how pretty she is.

Note: I'm not talking about serious situations where there is an attacker and a victim. I am talking about being hit on by creepy agressive men.
Originally Posted by Who Me?
I also disagree with this. There are men that just hit on anything that walks by. I've even had men tell me that it's better to hit on many women because it ups their chances of finding someone that is responsive. A lot of the time it has nothing to do with the attire or vibe from the woman. Even if it did, there would be no way to know what specific vibe the losers are picking up anyway, so you could change your whole personality and they'd still say the same crappy lines. I do the assertive thing and head it off as the try to approach me by giving eye contact and talking over them as I walk away. But yeah, a lot of the time I'd really like to kick them in the balls.
Eilonwy, I'm sorry this thread didn't go the way you'd hoped, but that's pretty much what happens when you open it up for discussion on a public forum where people have all sorts of conflicting viewpoints.
Originally Posted by utopiastars
I totally understand and accept that. I just didn't expect people to misconstrue what I wrote to the point of practically putting words in my mouth and saying things about me that border on being insulting. I'm talking about the comments that were directed at *me*, and not so much at what I'd written. It's not that it didn't go the way I'd hoped. Of course it's just a message board and I don't take it too seriously. But I like posting on these boads, and I'd really hate for other posters to view me this way.
I NEVER mentioned "making fun of the size of someone's organ"!!! What in the world! All I meant is that sometimes, when someone is being lewd and in my space, but isn't actually threatening, I will respond like someone who is somewhat annoyed. Because I am. I don't owe politeness to people who are disrespectful toward me, and I don't need to fake politeness to people who are not going to attack me or anything. That is all I meant. I don't understand why people are writing these things about me.

I deeply regret posting this thread. It's really gotten away from what I actually wrote. I wish I could delete it. I'd appreciate it if people stopped posting on it and let it die. But *please* realize that what many of you seem to be inferring about me IS NOT TRUE. It's really embarrassing and hurtful.
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I don't think there is anything wrong with what you originally posted. Don't get down hun.
If there were more people on earth who desired their own happiness more than the unhappiness of others we would have a paradise ~ Bertrand Russell

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