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View Poll Results: What should be my standard response when old men hit on me?
"Your receding hairline tells me you're too old" 1 4.55%
"I think I've met your daughter; she's about my age" 12 54.55%
"**** off, you're disgusting!" 1 4.55%
"How about next week? I'm in the middle of a herpes outbreak, but it should clear up by then" (no offense to people with herpes!) 8 36.36%
Voters: 22. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 10-11-2006, 08:55 PM   #1
 
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Default Pick DOWN lines: Please help!

I deeply regret posting this thread. It's really gotten away from what I actually wrote. I wish I could delete it. I'd appreciate it if people stopped posting on it and let it die. But *please* realize that what many of you seem to be inferring about me IS NOT TRUE. It's really embarrassing and hurtful.

All I meant is that sometimes, when someone is being lewd and in my space, but isn't actually threatening, I will respond like someone who is somewhat annoyed. Because I am. I don't owe politeness to people who are disrespectful toward me, and I don't need to fake politeness to people who are not going to attack me or anything. That is all I meant. I don't understand why people are writing these things about me.


Anyway, here's the original post. So many people have responded to it with hurtful replies that are irrelevant to what I intended, I kind of *have* to leave the original post intact.

Lately, I've become a magnate for the unwanted advances of men who are at least 15 years older than me. And this is a problem when "How old are you?" (to make sure I'm legal) is the line I get most often. It's really disgusting. It's not even like I'm wearing stilettos and sitting at the bar waiting for someone to buy me a drink. This is when I'm riding the bus, reading at the library, grocery shopping, etc.

I'd *really* like to clarify that I'm talking about guys who are being lewd to begin with. If a man sits down at my table uninvited and says, "Now you look like a girl with experience. You kids these days," while leering at me and trying to play footsie, I am going to be a little miffed. And I do just say "I'm not interested" or "Please leave me alone" first. But these guys are usually pretty persistent, and they escalate the situation. I'm not freaking out about harmless flirting.

And yes, I will "curse out" a sleazy guy if I'm walking in a deserted place and he's following me and making threats, and there are no stores to duck into. All the better if that person "thinks I'm crazy," as one person commented. This is the type of situation I was talking about. I'd always try to just walk faster, thinking that these people were looking for a response. But that always exacerbated the situation. I spoke to a girl I knew whose mom worked in mental health, and she said that the best thing to do is to turn and face the person, act very aggressive, and *then* walk faster. As long as it's not a situation where running the heck away is in order, this is what I do. And it works.

Anyway, please vote on what you think is the best comeback line. It really needs to be something that's practical to use and will shut down the situation immediately.
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Old 10-11-2006, 09:08 PM   #2
 
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Default Re: Pick DOWN lines: Please help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
"How old are you?" (to make sure I'm legal) is the line I get most often.
"I usually get that question from dirty old men."
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Old 10-11-2006, 09:19 PM   #3
 
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None of the above.

You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.
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Old 10-11-2006, 10:43 PM   #4
 
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Ugh. Like the 20-something year olds who stare and/or hit on obviously illegal high school girls in the mall. It's like eeeeeeeew, what is this?? I mean, you're not thirty, but you are definitely too old! And why oh why will these random older guys decide they like me when the guys at my high school don't?!

I say you tell those old men something like: "Sorry, mister, I have too much homework to do and it's already past my bedtime!" Then walk away humming the tunes to nursery rhymes under your breath. Not as mean as the other dude-I-am-too-young-for-you retorts, but it very amusing...They'd get the picture then!
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Old 10-11-2006, 10:45 PM   #5
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A lot of dirty old men used to hit on me too. I mean really oldies when I was a teen and in my early 20s. Even a few weeks ago, some bummy guy with no teeth came up to me and asked me if I was married. I guess the fat pregnant belly didn't phase him a bit.

I'm not sure what you should say. I usually try not to make eye contact and to walk away as fast as possible.
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Old 10-11-2006, 10:46 PM   #6
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Quote:
Sorry, mister, I have too much homework to do and it's already past my bedtime!"
LOL, but I bet they wouldn't get it. They'd probably say, "well I can help you with your homework" or something creepy like that.
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Old 10-11-2006, 11:03 PM   #7
 
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I like to ask if they know my dad, because I live in a smallish town and most people DO know my dad. This worked very well in high school when old dudes would hit on me.

ETA: There's an old guy that works at our post office and has since before I was BORN that has hit on me when I go in there since I was 16! And note that I look 16 now, so I probably looked 10 then, lol. Asking him if he knows my dad seems to remind him how much older he is. He's probably in his 60's, and he's married... Creeps.
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Old 10-12-2006, 01:34 AM   #8
 
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Thanks, guys! There's a college in my area, so I guess there are some men who fantasize that all women who might be under 30 are easy sorority girls or something. Maybe not the most plausible explanation, but it's the best I can come up with. It does happen more often the closer I am to the college.

I've tried just walking away. Although it doesn't occur often, men who approach me on the street tend to actually be threatening, rather than just engaging in wishful thinking. Walking faster usually makes them think that I'm weak, and that they have the upper hand. I've found that yelling and cursing makes these types leave me the heck alone.

And in a cafe, for example, it can be hard to maneuver away. Most of the time, rudeness is the only thing that's effective, because I guess they can't pretend to misinterpret it. So that's why I was opting for the cheesy insults. I've actually said a couple of these. They got the job done when a simple "No" or "I'm not interested" failed.

Although sometimes, I *do* wish they'd go just a little bit farther so I'd have an excuse to poke them in the eye with my keys.
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Old 10-12-2006, 05:25 AM   #9
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
I've found that yelling and cursing makes these types leave me the heck alone.
Because you've just accomplished making yourself look crazy.
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Old 10-12-2006, 06:07 AM   #10
 
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I would just give them the evil eye and ignore them otherwise.
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Old 10-12-2006, 06:38 AM   #11
 
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Just get one of those cool taser things they have on Lost or a stun baton.
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Old 10-12-2006, 07:25 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppy
None of the above.

You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.

Yea. I agree.
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Old 10-12-2006, 07:47 AM   #13
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CGE
Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppy
None of the above.

You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.

Yea. I agree.
Me three.


And it's also quite possible that these men are just trying to engage in some harmless flirting with a pretty young girl, and are not actually trying to get you to sleep with them. Just thought I'd throw that thought out there. You may want to practice altering your behavior and body language a bit so this doesn't happen as often.
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Old 10-12-2006, 10:42 AM   #14
 
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Anytime anyone other than a doctor asks me my age, my response is this, "Why do you ask?"

I don't tend to be rude. But if you never answer them, just keep answering by asking a question, they will get the hint.
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Old 10-12-2006, 10:44 AM   #15
 
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When a guy asks me how old I am I ask "how much money do you have". It's just as inappropriate and usually shuts them up.
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Old 10-12-2006, 10:50 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Peppy
None of the above.

You can brush someone off without being rude IMO.
Whoa-that's what I was thinking......
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Old 10-12-2006, 01:48 PM   #17
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eilonwy
Most of the time, rudeness is the only thing that's effective, because I guess they can't pretend to misinterpret it. So that's why I was opting for the cheesy insults. I've actually said a couple of these. They got the job done when a simple "No" or "I'm not interested" failed.
I can understand that. Some guys are really dense, or they just don't care when you tell them you're not interested. It's disconcerting when they're pushy and don't take no for an answer.

I had to deal with that situation a couple of months ago, this guy (at least 30 years older) was being really inappropriate and I had no idea how to handle it without being rude. Eventually I stopped being polite whenever I'd see him. If he said hi, I'd just nod and go about my business. If he snared me in conversation and said something that made me uncomfortable, I'd change the subject. It took a few tries, but he eventually got the hint and left me alone. I didn't even have to threaten to tell his wife.
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Old 10-12-2006, 02:02 PM   #18
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Hey, if you've said, "No Thanks" and the guy still continues to bother you, I think you have the right to be rude. It would probably knock them off center more if you just answered in a dignified, adult manor, looking them in the eye and letting them know exactly what you're going to do if they don't stop. But I've been in the situation a few times myself, and yes, it does suck.
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Old 10-12-2006, 02:09 PM   #19
 
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If you say "No Thanks" and the guy still harrasses you, I think you should just say something along the lines of "I said NO and I meant NO now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" and get progressively louder so people around can see what is going on. You can be forceful without commenting on their age or appearance. Really the age and receding hairline are not the issue - the inappropriate behavior is, so you should address that.
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Old 10-12-2006, 02:45 PM   #20
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by geeky
If you say "No Thanks" and the guy still harrasses you, I think you should just say something along the lines of "I said NO and I meant NO now LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!" and get progressively louder so people around can see what is going on. You can be forceful without commenting on their age or appearance. Really the age and receding hairline are not the issue - the inappropriate behavior is, so you should address that.
ITA! They should be mature enough at that age to know when the attention isn't wanted. It's sad that they act like they don't.
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