Who Am I?

I really thought I would know who I was at this age, but I don't have a clue. My hair is a long, frizzy mess . I'm not even sure how to dress. I'm not into the frumpy styles, since I'm still slender with big boobs. I feel so lost at 57. I'm confused & I think I confuse others.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
I'm sorry you are feeling confused. Mid-life is tough, though. Our identities as mother and wife undergo changes as kids grow up, leave and become independent and if marriages dissolve. Then we almost need to start over and re-discover who we are. Have you tried counseling or therapy? There are also lots of books related to the subject: Awakening at Midlife, Navigating Midlife :women becoming themselves and Not your Mother's Midlife come to mind. Personally, I love self-help books. They're cheaper than therapy (can usually be found in libraries) and even if they don't result in me truly changing, at least I don't feel so alone. What's that phrase....misery loves company... At any rate, you are absolutely not alone and I wish you the best as you develop into who you are right now. ((HUGS))
2Poodles Southeast PA
fine, med porosity, normal elasticity
Currently using the following 2 - 3 x/week:
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Thanks 2poodles. I always get in a crappy mood in the summer here. It's just so hot & muggy right now. It'll be over soon & I'll feel better. I'm thinking about getting a make-over & taking a break from here for a while. All these political threads aren't helping my mood.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
It sucks getting old. My birthday is next week I will be 49, but I feel that same way you do. I have no idea what I am doing anymore or who I am. My hair will not behave, my face is breaking out like a teenager and I have put on weight that I have no idea where it came from. As you said it is probably the heat of the summer and all the humidity. My hair pretty much drives my mood so maybe treat yourself to a deep conditioner for your hair or maybe a spa treatment may help elevate your mood a bit until the fall leaves start appearing. Sorry not to be more help but just know you aren't alone.
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Join Date: Jun 2001
Posts: 41,043
Lotsa..what do ya mean ? You look fabu! I don't see any frizz?!
Code:
btw...you still considering Madonna?
It sucks getting old. My birthday is next week I will be 49, but I feel that same way you do. I have no idea what I am doing anymore or who I am. My hair will not behave, my face is breaking out like a teenager and I have put on weight that I have no idea where it came from. As you said it is probably the heat of the summer and all the humidity. My hair pretty much drives my mood so maybe treat yourself to a deep conditioner for your hair or maybe a spa treatment may help elevate your mood a bit until the fall leaves start appearing. Sorry not to be more help but just know you aren't alone.
Originally Posted by caysee
I hear you on the acne thing....wtf??? Its bad news, but I keep hoping it will pass...Gd bless Bare Escentuals makeup!! Hides EVERYTHING!

As for the weight gain, I had a DR give me great advice this winter - seems simple, but its true. I was bi***ng about 10 lbs I had put on over the course of a year or so (always been slender and workout 5 -6 days a week, but those freakin HORMONES!)). And he just straight up said "If you gain 5 lbs every year for the next 5 years your screwed. Eat a bit less and step up your workout. Nip it in the bud now" And I did just that and am SO glad I did!

As for being confused...I hear that too. Can I get away with the "sexy" clothes I used to wear? Sure, but they dont feel right anymore. But neither does dressing "grown-up". I try to find celebs that still have knock out style as they age (Lauren Hutton, Michelle Pfieffer, Rita Wilson) and follow thier lead.

As for confusing OTHER people...? I think thats a good thing
Curls,Coils,Waves & WhatKnot
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I don't have the acne & the weight gain, thank god. I'm going to try wearing my hair straight & see if it helps. I need to go shopping, but all I see are things for teens or old women. I don't feel like either. I haven't found my style. It's also too hot to go shopping. This heats zaps my energy. I know I'll be back in good spirits by the end of October. That's when it starts cooling off. I just need to be patient & not shave my head or do anything crazy. I talked to my daughter about it tonight & she said that I'm always this way in the summer here. She said I go into a mini depression.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
Lotsa..what do ya mean ? You look fabu! I don't see any frizz?!
Code:
btw...you still considering Madonna?
Originally Posted by WileECoyote - Daddy's grl
Was I considering Madonna? Do I have dementia now, too?
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
oh good, it's not just me... here i am awake at almost 2:00 am, having an existential crisis - and feeling horribly ill, too. i'm pretty sure it's just an accumulation of all the stressors of the past few months - i thought i was supposed to be happy and excited about buying a house, but for some reason it's just making me feel more alone and isolated.

i have a job i hate and yesterday i interviewed for another one - and blew it BIG time!

and i miss Drew so badly it's like physical pain.

which i also have because i hurt my arm in all this packing. i'm hoping that tonight's vomitting attacks are just a reaction to the pain killers.

it doesn't help that today was my dad's birthday and i miss him one hell of a lot, too.

all this anguish just sets me up for some mental feedback loop - those little voices in my head that tell me i'm fat and ugly and have a pointless life.

i wish i knew how to stop it...
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
Me too! For me part of this angst is definitely the hot, humid summer weather. I always feel better when fall arrives. For some reason it makes me feel a sense of hope -- or that a new beginning is just around the corner! But it still doesn't solve the clothes shopping dilemma. Or the "what am I going to be when I grow up" thing.
If one is looking to the mainstream fashions for what to wear, I agree with g-stringgranny - I find the same thing, either teeny-bopper clothes, or frumpsville old-lady clothes, or excessively generic "grown-up" clothes. The latter might be fine for some people, who were more conservative anyway even before they got to be mature women, but not for some of us who like some style and detail in their look. Some style and detail go better with us curlies anyway - the tailored things, unless done in a really unusual way or shape, don't go with our looks. And for that kind of unusual tailoring, that usually costs some big $$! I agree that the clothing manufacturers are missing out on a big opportunity here, and the baby boomer market seems to be something that none of them wants to touch, and if they do, it fails miserably because we don't like to be marketed to in the traditional sense because we are too diverse a group to lump into the same category as previously. The current group of mature women(baby boomers that is)is different from our mothers in that we have taken care of ourselves, and have a fundamentally different attitude towards many things.
I think the whole thing of not knowing who one is comes from the ton of cultural programming heaped onto menopausal/mature women because we don't fit into any of the stereotypes out there, we instead can very easily feel this sense of being lost. Right now, there aren't a whole lot of positive role models out there. Plus there's the whole extreme of the scary plastic surgery, youth-at-any-cost crowd that has raised the bar about what's considered attractive. If one sees enough of this, one comes to believe that this is normal, and one's own natural look seems ugly and unattractive by comparison, while it is not necessarily so. These celebrities have an army of personnel that keep them looking the way they do, and don't believe it when that celebrity says that all they do for exercise is walk the dog, that they eat anything and everything, or that all they use on their face is a little Cetaphil cream - nonsense! Plus there's a little detail like the extensive Photoshopping of faces and bodies in pictures of models and celebrities. Or you have the other extreme of the frump who doesn't do ANYTHING about her appearance, having given up totally. The only way around this, IMO, is to step back and find one's inner strength and the way of the heart. This does take stepping out of the culture and looking inward, even if it's for only a few minutes a day. Stepping AWAY from TV, too many fashion mags(except to maybe get some ideas for clothes once in awhile, or to just enjoy the photography), and instead looking around at real women of our age group who are attractive in a believable way, by way of natural health and fitness, joy in life, creative passions, etc. Creative activities, yoga, meditation, journaling, personal inner work by way of psychotherapy(if needed and in times of great transition), shamanic energy work, etc. all really help to get oneself back to center and one's own essence, not what someone else tells you to be. This time of life is pushing you to come into your own, and become MORE of yourself, not less.
I hear ya about it being too hot to shop too - nothing can spoil a shopping trip like getting aggravated on account of the heat - just hold off a bit. Fall is coming very soon, and it's amazing what a bit of cooler weather can do to perk up one's outlook too. In the meantime, stay as cool as you can - hope all of this helps!
health-conscious, visionary artist in transition
Thanks, ladies. It's so nice to know I'm not alone. I'm going to look online later today to see if I can find some clothes. If I find something, I'll let you all know.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
oh good, it's not just me... here i am awake at almost 2:00 am, having an existential crisis - and feeling horribly ill, too. i'm pretty sure it's just an accumulation of all the stressors of the past few months - i thought i was supposed to be happy and excited about buying a house, but for some reason it's just making me feel more alone and isolated.

i have a job i hate and yesterday i interviewed for another one - and blew it BIG time!

and i miss Drew so badly it's like physical pain.

which i also have because i hurt my arm in all this packing. i'm hoping that tonight's vomitting attacks are just a reaction to the pain killers.

it doesn't help that today was my dad's birthday and i miss him one hell of a lot, too.

all this anguish just sets me up for some mental feedback loop - those little voices in my head that tell me i'm fat and ugly and have a pointless life.

i wish i knew how to stop it...
Originally Posted by rouquinne

Aww rouquinne, I feel so bad for you. Seems like everything is coming down on you at once, the house purchase probably being the catalyst (my guess anyway). I wish I had some words of wisdom for you other than time healing. I've had times in my life such as you describe where I just felt overwhelmed with problems or decisions that had to be made. I think you are a strong person and will get through this rough patch. My MIL used to tell me to remember that when I thought things were bad, someone out there always had it worse. That helped me be thankful for what I did have and move forward, baby step by baby step.

Perhaps the meds are affecting you more than you realize. I would check into that right away. Also, you sound almost like you are going through a depression. Are your feelings more serious than just sadness? You might consider talking to someone about that.

Be strong and just keep moving forward,rouquinne, you will get through it and to the other side eventually. And remember you have your friends here at NC to vent to whenever you feel the need!
I have 3A hair. I've discovered Jessicurl shampoo and Too Shea conditioner and I'm thrilled! Long-time LA Looks sport gel user.
It sucks getting old. My birthday is next week I will be 49, but I feel that same way you do. I have no idea what I am doing anymore or who I am. My hair will not behave, my face is breaking out like a teenager and I have put on weight that I have no idea where it came from. As you said it is probably the heat of the summer and all the humidity. My hair pretty much drives my mood so maybe treat yourself to a deep conditioner for your hair or maybe a spa treatment may help elevate your mood a bit until the fall leaves start appearing. Sorry not to be more help but just know you aren't alone.
Originally Posted by caysee
Get outta my head (outta my body to be more exact!)!

Anyways - it is tough isn't it? I feel like I have really not accomplished much in my life but maybe I was not supposed to. That sounds shallow and I don't mean it that way but maybe I am just not a person with huge ambitions. I dunno - I am rambling. All I really need to say - I am right there with you G-string!
Central Massachusetts

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim. ~George Carlin~

In regards to Vagazzling: They just want to get into the goods without worrying about getting scratched up by fake crystals. ~spring1onu~

Last edited by xcptnl; 09-05-2008 at 10:28 AM.
I wore my hair straight today. It felt weird, since it's been such a long time. My daughter loves it. We did some running around today & by mid-day, it was starting to frizz a little. She gave me one of her flat irons to see if that will help. I'll try it tomorrow. I haven't looked at clothes online yet. I am now watching my grandchildren. I have them involved in an art project, so maybe I'll have a little time on the computer.

I'm not sure that I feel the need to accomplish something big in my life. I just want to feel happy about my life & myself. Even as a child I felt lonely. I was married for 20 years & I felt lonely then, too. I've been divorced for 18 years, so I obviously haven't felt the need to be married. I am surrounded by friends & family & really enjoy them, but once I'm home all alone, I feel a void. I wish I knew what it is I am needing. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. I tried match.com, but didn't find anyone I was interested in enough to go on any dates. I'm reading the Celestine Prophecy, again, in hopes that maybe that will have some answers for me.
AKA lotsawaves
AKA new2curls
Perhaps the meds are affecting you more than you realize. I would check into that right away.
Originally Posted by starina
i only took some last night to deal with the pain in my right arm. they were around the house from the time i ruptured an ovarian cyst last xmas. the bottle does say to take them with food and i did have two naproxen on an empty stomach. i do feel like i'm dragging physically today, but that's most likely having only 4 hours of sleep last night.

i'm hoping it's just house-stress. not that i think it will magically vanish in 3 weeks, but it has to get better - doesn't it?
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!
I wore my hair straight today. It felt weird, since it's been such a long time. My daughter loves it. We did some running around today & by mid-day, it was starting to frizz a little. She gave me one of her flat irons to see if that will help. I'll try it tomorrow. I haven't looked at clothes online yet. I am now watching my grandchildren. I have them involved in an art project, so maybe I'll have a little time on the computer.

I'm not sure that I feel the need to accomplish something big in my life. I just want to feel happy about my life & myself. Even as a child I felt lonely. I was married for 20 years & I felt lonely then, too. I've been divorced for 18 years, so I obviously haven't felt the need to be married. I am surrounded by friends & family & really enjoy them, but once I'm home all alone, I feel a void. I wish I knew what it is I am needing. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. I tried match.com, but didn't find anyone I was interested in enough to go on any dates. I'm reading the Celestine Prophecy, again, in hopes that maybe that will have some answers for me.
Originally Posted by g-stringranny
Sounds a little like your searching for inner peace. That void you feel can't be "filled" by something else, it has to be filled by you. I spent some time in the late 90s reading self help books. Some of my favorites include: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, In The Meantime, Journal to the Self and my all time favorite, Write it Down, Make it Happen.
Volunteering an hour's time weekly at a shelter or elsewhere gives one a sense of satisfaction, too, perhaps there is an oppt. out there waiting for you. Or maybe you just need to take a vacation somewhere exotic, that always makes me feel better.
2b/3a.
Perhaps the meds are affecting you more than you realize. I would check into that right away.
Originally Posted by starina
i only took some last night to deal with the pain in my right arm. they were around the house from the time i ruptured an ovarian cyst last xmas. the bottle does say to take them with food and i did have two naproxen on an empty stomach. i do feel like i'm dragging physically today, but that's most likely having only 4 hours of sleep last night.

i'm hoping it's just house-stress. not that i think it will magically vanish in 3 weeks, but it has to get better - doesn't it?
Originally Posted by rouquinne
That's probably what made you feel sick then. I can never takes meds on an empty stomach, always makes me nauseous. As far as the house, that's probably the source of your stress. After all, purchasing a house is one of the biggest decisions anyone will make in their life so the stress level is going to be right up there, especially since you are doing it as a single person. I don't know the story about Drew but sounds like that is upsetting you very much. Perhaps buying a house alone is not what you thought you'd be doing at this stage of your life and it's causing conflicting feelings about the whole thing?
I have 3A hair. I've discovered Jessicurl shampoo and Too Shea conditioner and I'm thrilled! Long-time LA Looks sport gel user.
I wore my hair straight today. It felt weird, since it's been such a long time. My daughter loves it. We did some running around today & by mid-day, it was starting to frizz a little. She gave me one of her flat irons to see if that will help. I'll try it tomorrow. I haven't looked at clothes online yet. I am now watching my grandchildren. I have them involved in an art project, so maybe I'll have a little time on the computer.

I'm not sure that I feel the need to accomplish something big in my life. I just want to feel happy about my life & myself. Even as a child I felt lonely. I was married for 20 years & I felt lonely then, too. I've been divorced for 18 years, so I obviously haven't felt the need to be married. I am surrounded by friends & family & really enjoy them, but once I'm home all alone, I feel a void. I wish I knew what it is I am needing. I haven't been on a date in over 2 years. I tried match.com, but didn't find anyone I was interested in enough to go on any dates. I'm reading the Celestine Prophecy, again, in hopes that maybe that will have some answers for me.
Originally Posted by g-stringranny
g-stringranny, I have the same feelings as the parts of your last response that I bolded. For me it goes along with the feeling that I have about possible "new beginnings" whenever fall gets here. It makes me feel like I need to hurry up and figure out what it is that I'm wanting or needing. This week I started walking again and meditating while I'm walking. I've really gotten away from that, and while I haven't had any great revelations, it's helping me feel more peaceful and settled. So glad you started this thread, it helps to know there are others experiencing the same thing.
i always wanted to own a house. back when i was turning 30 and all my friends were having babies, i thought i should buy one since i can't have children.

a rather non-Freudian, but almost as expensive, option, i'm sure!



i don't think i ever worried about whether or not i was buying it alone, i've felt from a very young age that i was never going to have any type of family, even one that didn't include children. i just always hoped i was wrong - and i wasn't. this time just hurts more than all the others in the past.
My blog:

http://labellatestarossa.blogspot.ca/

Little Mother of all the Roaches, President-for-Life of the MAC Harlots!

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