Help! I want to relax my DD's hair but she is only 7!

Have you tried the the tightly vurly method (very much like CG)? It makes taking care of curlies sooo much easier to manage. Relaxers are very bad for her hair and will damage it for life.
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I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Originally Posted by sweetapril73

You posted back in 2007 asking for help with your daughters D R Y hair. I don't understand why you are using pink lotion in her hair and not using the advice that you have previously received from this board.
It sounds from your posts that you need to first accept her hair and accept that you are going to have to spend a little extra money on her hair and a little extra time taking care of it. If you had been using all the advice you received back in 2007 up until now then her hair should be healthy and easy to maintain. She has bi-racial curly hair because she is bi-racial, and bi-racial curly hair needs a different kind of care and maybe a little more time than you feel like spending on it. Why can't you make the time spent on her hair quality time? She has beautiful hair. I hope you can learn to accept her hair for what it is.
Even if your daughter had "white" straight hair you would still have to spend time taking care of it.
I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Originally Posted by sweetapril73
I think you are expecting these products to change your daughters hair when they are only designed to moisturize not soften the hair. My dd hair is similar to your dd hair, but my dd curls are tighter than your dd. My dd hair is extremely dry too, but it is very soft and very fine and very manageable, BUT their hair does look and appear to be big and unruly, BUT that IS HOW their hair is going to look.

Try the tightly curly method with leaving conditioner in, you don't have to take the time to define and seperate each curl, just use your fingers or a wide tooth comb or a denman brush to define the curls. I have done this a couple times with my oldest dd and it works really really good!!! It doesn't take much time at all if you skip seperating each curl, and my dd hair stayed fairly frizz free and untangled for two days. On the second day you would just spritz her hair with a little water to refresh the curls and if it seemed dry and a little frizzy smooth either more conditioner that you left in on or use a leave in that you like ( i haven't found a leave in that I like so can't recom. anything here), but you wouldn't detangle her hair you would just smooth a little product on to keep the hair frizz free. If she doesn't already try a satin pillowcase, I have't found that it makes a difference but lots of other curlies swear by it.

I understand what you are going through, at one time I also dreaded everything hair with my daughters, but now that I am learning ways to care for it properly it's getting easier, and I look fwd to it now. I hope you can one day enjoy her hair too. GOOD LUCK!!!
If you click the OPs first post, there's a facebook link. I followed it, and looks like the daughter now has straight hair, so I guess mom relaxed it after all.

Hopefully when the lil girl is old enough she will take over her own hair care and discover NC.com, and take the advice her mom never wanted to.
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As a parent i would strongly suggest that u dont relax her hair. I have three 3 with course hair in an attempt to make fixing their hair easier i relaxed my two oldest daughters hair BIG MISTAKE! their shoulder length hair is not just below their ear. I have stopped putting relaxers in their hair and encouraged them that their natural hair is beautiful and to take better care of it. If you have done so already try kinky curly products....or check out the selection of product in whole foods

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I already promised myself, I would take care of my daughters' hair when I have them. No matter how kinky or curly or wavy or straight it will be. It'll be a bonding time. I told my boyfriend that if we have kids, we aren't relaxing the girls' hair, and honestly, I'm not cutting my sons' hair either. I like little boys with longer hair. And why do they have to conform to the whole fade look. That gets boring. So I'll keep their hair twisted or braided up.
This post is so sad. That poor little girl.

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I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Originally Posted by sweetapril73
There is nothing wrong with her hair. You shouldn't have cut it so short and you shouldn't relax it. She'll have dry damaged broken off hair I'm sure because if you don't know how to care for her hair now, you won't know how to care for it when it's relaxed. Plus she's too young. It's a shame that you find something wrong with her hair the way it is and have passed your own silliness on to your daughter so that she feels the same way about her hair. It's obvious she's biracial or black, we have big hair. That's not abnormal or a bad thing. Why not stick around these forums and learn how to care for her hair correctly and also you need to realize that her hair is never going to look like something that it isn't. Don't wish for it and don't pass that on to her. Just my two cents.
I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Originally Posted by sweetapril73
Please don't relax that pretty baby's hair. You are talking about using a ton of "ethnic" products, which often are NOT beneficial to hair and dry it out.

Also, I certainly hope that you don't tell her that you hate her hair - I know you love your daughter, as your post above implies, but if you convey how frustrating her hair is to her, it's really going to affect her self esteem and how she feels about her hair.

I suggest keeping her hair in braids or twists to decrease tangles. I can't imagine a child with tightly curled hair wearing it out all the time, that would be a disaster, IMO. Just be sure to condition it properly (Tresemme Naturals is a great drugstore condish), use a product with a little hold (I like Fantasia IC gel - it's not drying at all), then do her hair in two strand twists. She can keep the twists in for 4-5 days, then you can let her wear a twist out for a couple of days.
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I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!
Originally Posted by sweetapril73

You posted back in 2007 asking for help with your daughters D R Y hair. I don't understand why you are using pink lotion in her hair and not using the advice that you have previously received from this board.
It sounds from your posts that you need to first accept her hair and accept that you are going to have to spend a little extra money on her hair and a little extra time taking care of it. If you had been using all the advice you received back in 2007 up until now then her hair should be healthy and easy to maintain. She has bi-racial curly hair because she is bi-racial, and bi-racial curly hair needs a different kind of care and maybe a little more time than you feel like spending on it. Why can't you make the time spent on her hair quality time? She has beautiful hair. I hope you can learn to accept her hair for what it is.
Originally Posted by amandak23k
Wow, I didn't know this before posting. Ridiculous. That was four years ago and she didn't take the advice then? Pink Lotion? What the blood clots?
BC'ed: 26 Dec 09
YouTube

Grand Duchess Fierce Freckles, Mistress of the Mighty Snap and Doyenne of the Potent Products Pavane in the Order of the Curly Crusaders
Wow... Maybe she shouldn't of put all those products in her babies hair when she was a baby. :-)
Originally Posted by Bellona
Oh maybe she should've just used Johnson & Johnson? Lol

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3c/4a-b looking stuff lol
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Wow... Maybe she shouldn't of put all those products in her babies hair when she was a baby. :-)
Originally Posted by Bellona
Oh maybe she should've just used Johnson & Johnson? Lol

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Originally Posted by B-Nessa11
And some baby bath water.......
You got it!! That's all ya need!
Originally Posted by Bellona
I wish I could bask in ur ignorance!

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Who's My Hair?
3c/4a-b looking stuff lol
BC- May 16, 2010
Why I chopped: heat damage/breakage
Luv'd my permed hair I just didnt take care of it.
LUVVV my natural hair!!!
I don't know if you've done it yet but if you haven't please don't relax her hair. I got a relaxer when I was 6 and I wish my mom never did. It's not healthy to relax your hair, especially not at such a young age. Please listen to everyone else's advice.
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For some reason I was thinking about this thread so I followed the Facebook link to her dads profile, I saw a picture of the little girl on his friendlist so I clicked it and it seems to be the little girls Facebook page. I can't say whether or not her hair was relaxed but on one picture the girl is wearing her hair nice and curly and someone (the girls friend?) left a comment saying "your hair is poofy" and her mother left a comment saying "And? It's beautiful!" Maybe there was hope after all.

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Have you tried the the tightly vurly method (very much like CG)? It makes taking care of curlies sooo much easier to manage. Relaxers are very bad for her hair and will damage it for life.
Originally Posted by Very Curly Gurly
Curly Girl (CG) and the Tightly Curly method are actually completely different methods with completely different philosophies. Just FYI.

I agree that a relaxer is not even an option OP. There's no excuse for applying chemicals to a child's hair - especially when they don't yet have a say so, and they have no concept o hair care or any ability to participate in it. Find someone who can cornrow her hair, and leave it natural. She's too young for a relaxer.
I know this reply is coming late, but please don't relax your daughter's her (I hope you already haven't relaxed it).

I'm 14 years old, yes I know...I'm old lol (I'll be 15 in 3 months). I've taken over caring for my hair now. My mum did that when I was younger. The thing is, when I was 7, I had really long hair (if I pulled down the back bit, it was up to my back length and if I pulled the front bit, it was around my chin area). I have always had really thick hair, combing my hair always took forever and sometimes, the comb broke in my hair and finding the other bit of it took a long time. Also at 7, I got my hair cut, like I had a boyish cut (okay, maybe just a cm or 2 higher than that). I grew my hair out to shoulder length (if pulled) by the age of 9. My hair was still natural. I don't think I had ever textured it after it got cut. My hair broke every comb in the house and my parents just couldn't manage it so, they got my hair relaxed. My hair looked long, straight and was waay easier to manage (still broke combs, but not as much as before). My parents were happy relaxing my hair because, it made working on my hair less work.
The joys of having a daughter with relaxed hair!
Well, let's cut to the chase, I am never relaxing my hair again! Relaxers have harsh chemicals in them. I got burns from relaxers once or twice and I got it only those few times because relaxers don't normally burn me, but I know it burns other people terribly. After relaxing my hair, my hair started breaking, looked like most other people's, was straight....I hated it! My hair broke so much people thought I cut it. I never got my hair past medium length (bottom of neck) again. Each time I even succeeded getting it that long, it broke again or something. So, I told my mum I want to go back natural. To be precise, I also told her that I wanted to manage my hair by myself from now on. I started looking on how to care for naturally curly hair. I stumbled onto a site: treasuresfortots.blogspot.com, that helped, then I found tightlycurly.com which helped too. I used the Ingredients Dictionary on tightlycurly and found out that all the hair products my mum had been using on my hair and had bought for me were full of chemicals and ingredients that are meant to be avoided. I changed all my hair products. I then found this site: naturallycurly.com and it has helped me the most! I also started using natural things in my hair and making my own hair products (like rosemary oil, coconut oil...)
The best decision I have made for my hair is going back natural. My hair's healthy again.

So, please, don't relax your daughter's hair.
If you need help with what to do to manage it, ask around here and we'll be glad to help.
Things I use: Olive Oil, Canola oil, rosemary oil, aloe vera gel, shea butter, mayonnaise, eggs, milk, bananas

Everything I use is 100% natural. I make most of them myself because then I'm sure what's in it and I'm sure nothing's added, it's pure, it's natural.

Things I avoid: Mineral oil (codename: Baby oil), heat (I'm a total, no hair driers, no straighteners, no curling irons, no flat irons, no hot combs...nada), sodium chloride

Growing plan: At least 6 inches longer in a year.
as a different point of view. My mom been relaxing my hair since I was 3 because she thought it was nappy and she hate doing it. But all my life I hated that day of the month I had to get it relax, it smell bad,it feels weird in my head, and the waiting game when I have to wait to wash it out,and the three day wait to wash my hair. When I would go to sleepovers I felt so out of place cause I was the only one who had to wear silk headwap. All of this work for what ? Nothing much but "relax hair". So look at her point of view not just yours. Yeah curly hair can be a pain sometimes but relax can be even a bigger one. And don't even get me started on breakage.

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