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sweetapril73 12-03-2009 08:26 AM

Help! I want to relax my DD's hair but she is only 7!
 
http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/inde...ageID=29731807

This is a link to a picture of her hair. It has been cut since this shot but it's still been a HEADACHE for me for 7 years. Is there another option?

I found a more recent picture of her and am adding it.

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pi...=1171311929205

jay76 12-03-2009 08:54 AM

I'm so sorry for it being a headache. I don't have a daughter but I know from other family members it can be diffucult.

But I do say, please don't relax her hair at this age. When you relax hair it becomes even more work than you can imagine, especially for a child. She will always have to wear a silk scarf (if she's not already)and if she wears it in pony tail holders often that can lead to breakage because relaxer already weakens the hair. Not to mention the added economical expense of keeping it up.

It really does become a lot of work because children that age really don't understand what it takes to keep hair healthy when they have a relaxer. And trust me neither do most adults which is why a lot of us went natural.

Have you tried blow drying her hair, every so often to give you a break.

In all this I'm trying to say is. At this age, kids should have hair that is free and unshackled with the responsibilities of a relaxer.

JMHO

InissantAngel 12-03-2009 09:20 AM

Why is her hair a headache for you? What kind of routine are you using to take care of her hair?

It's easier for us to try and help if we know more about these things.

I wouldn't use chemicals like that on a child so young. At 7 years old you may very well be giving her the idea that because it's a headache for YOU, her hair isn't any good. I'd say it's better to take the time to teach yourself and her how to care for her hair.

If anything instead of spending money of relaxers constantly go and get her hair braided or twisted. Cost wise it'll be close to the same and one give you the benefit of having healthy natural hair instead of chemically damaged hair, that STILL will have a headache trying to take care of.

sweetapril73 12-03-2009 12:03 PM

I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

CurlyJan 12-03-2009 04:46 PM

What products do you use to wash and conditioner her hair with? Have you tried co washing your daughters hair? She is a beautiful little girl with beautiful hair! Please don't relax it!

curls 2nv 12-03-2009 06:31 PM

have you tried the cg method with her... if her hair is that dry, then having her go cg may help with her moisture retention. also, pink oil, as in lusters pink oil, is the worst. the first ingredients i believe have mineral oil, petroleum, and lanolin oil. these ingredients do not add moisture to the hair, but coat the hair in a film that will eventually block moisture from entering the hair.

NikG20 12-03-2009 08:00 PM

Oh NOOOOOOO!!!!!! Do NOT relax her hair or put any chemicals on it PLEASE! It will probably just break all off!!

Check out my blog www.beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com

Your daughter has GORGEOUS hair!!

Email me ASAP with a list of specific questions and your daughters hair care routine, no limt on the questions!!!!!!! beadsbraidsbeyond@yahoo.com

For now, check out the basics...

http://beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.co...10/basics.html

I hope to hear from you soon!!!!!

NikG20 12-03-2009 08:17 PM

You can see my daughters regi here http://www.curlynikki.com/2009/11/ba...ural-hair.html

Curious, why don't you like the look of the braids?

Would you rather not do two braided pigtails? Instead of having to deal with it getting tangled so often. Maybe let her wear braided pigtails a few days out of the week, and down a few days out of the week.

I would stop using the Pink oil asap.

NikG20 12-03-2009 08:19 PM

If anything braid her hair in 4-6 braids at night so it is not so matted.....

*Marah* 12-04-2009 10:30 AM

Some how.. I feel like this REALLY isn't my place but since you made a thread about it: Please don't relax that child's hair.. because you think you are having a hard time now.. wait until you relax it and have to keep it up and it starts breaking off because you don't know what you are doing... then it will really be a hot mess.

First of all... please stop using Pink Oil Moisturizer and all that other crap marketed toward African-Americans found in your local drugstore, Walgreens, and Walmart. That stuff is CRAP. It stinks and it loaded with mineral oil. Yeah..it gives temporary shine but it also blocks out moisture which is no good for curly hair!

You really do not need to shampoo her hair with an actual shampoo. You can do something called a co-wash. Where you wash with conditioner instead of shampoo. Conditioner is more gentle on the hair then shampoo because most shampoos contain sulfates. Using them constantly on curly hair strips the natural oils from the hair to much causing frizz and dryness. Hence why you have to condition the hell out of it to get it to look decent! If you skip the shampoo and wash with conditioner..you will see a better result with curly hair.

I think your daughter would benefit from you going CG (Curly Girl) with her hair. It's a method where you basically stay away from sulfates and silicones found in hair products like shampoos, gels, certain "moisturizers", etc.

Check out this blog to see the easy version of that: http://dormroomcurly.blogspot.com/20...ons-table.html

Your daughter's hair needs moisture retention and a lot of products that are marketed for African-Americans are actually not good products believe it or not..hence why you see lots of African-Americans on this forum that are natural actually stay away from most products on the market geared to African-Americans. They are filled with mineral oils and silicones which don't fair well on curly hair most of the time. Hell, they aren't even good for relaxed hair!

You daughter would benefit greatly from you doing co-washes and sealing her hair with a NATURAL OIL rather than that crap you find in the "black" section of the drug store. A natural oil would be extra virgin olive oil (yes the same kind you use for cooking..just keep them separate..buy her a bottle to keep in the bathroom or her bedroom), grape seed oil, castor oil, jojoba, etc. Olive oil is the easiest to get.. it's not to heavy and helps to retain moisture. And no her hair won't stink if you use the conditioner first like I am telling you.

What you want to do is wash her hair with a silicone free conditioner only. Keep her hair dripping wet and then take some silicone free conditioner in your hands and rub them together..smooth it through her hair. Then take some of the oil (maybe extra virgin olive oil) and rub that in your hands and smooth it through her hair. Then style. You can use a little gel on her hair if it's prone to major frizz.. just rub some of the gel in your hands and smooth downward on her hair but I would say with the way her hair looks.. you probably won't need it.

Leaving some conditioner IN her hair helps the hair retain moisture, keeps the hair soft, and applying the oil helps to SEALS in that moisture. But you want to use a natural oil. Try extra virgin olive oil first..and if you want.. then you can graduate to other oils like jojoba, castor, grape seed, etc. But just don't use that crap in the drugstore loaded with mineral oil and petrolum in the "black hair care" aisle. Ignore that mess like the plague.

If you don't want to co-wash her hair daily. Get yourself a spray bottle. Pour some silicone free conditioner in there, some tap water (or distilled water), shake it up and use it to spray her hair in the mornings. Then smooth in some of the oil..not a lot...just enough to lightly coat the hair..and focus on her ends mainly. Lightly scrunch her hair. It will dry with fluffy, fully defined curls, that have shine.

Also you can do more with her hair than just slapping on a head band. Do what I told you above..then part her hair ear to ear. Smooth the back portion down with your hand. Take the top portion, hold it in one hand, smooth her edges with a soft brush, and with a large hair clip/barrette clip the front to the side. Then she can have the half up half down look but the front is to the side some.

Another look is wet her hair.. smooth in a natural oil, take a soft bristle brush, brush her hair all up on top of her hair in a high ponytail. Secure it with a colorful scrunch or one to match her outfit..then take some ribbons and tie those around the base of the ponytail closest to her scalp.

Another look is part her hair ear to ear, take the top portion and part that in half down the middle. Take one side and twist it, then secure with a large hair clip. Do the same with the other side. So then she will have the back down and the front is parted in the middle with the two sides twisted inward secured with pretty clips or barrettes.

The Suave Naturals line makes tons of cone-free conditioners. Make sure you get SUAVE NATURALS, ignore the ones that say just "SUAVE". They are dirt cheap but they work on curly hair like you wouldn't believe. You can also use the VO5 line..another cheap product but works like a charm on a lot of curly hair people for co-washes.

Two products that I absolutely LOVE for my curly hair are by Garnier Fructis. One is called Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition Conditioner and the other one is called Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Conditioner. Both are cone free.

I am of mixed race and I have super curly hair and a lot of it. Man these two products make my hair soft like you wouldn't believe. And my curls looks so healthy! I love the Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Conditioner for a leave in conditioner. I just mix it with water and use it as a leave in. It might work on your daughters hair.. plus they aren't more than 4 bucks at most stores... I get mine for 3 bucks a piece at the Dollar General. If you use Garnier though.. just use the two I mentioned because the rest of their products contail silicones that I know of which doesn't fair so well with a lot of curlies.


You have to keep in mind too that your child has naturally curly hair. It's going to frizz on occassion ..that's just part of having curly hair. And you cannot expect her hair to do what straight hair does or look how straight hair looks. You have to work with what SHE has..and running to a relaxer will only be a temporary fix that you have to upkeep and will probably make her loose length retention which will be even MORE of a headache.

Ask any mixed race or curly of color on this forum do they have an easier time now with their natural hair or when they had a relaxer.. the majority will say their natural curly hair is much easier to take care of now that they found out HOW to care for it.

With curly hair you can keep frizz and dryness to a minimum by proper moisture and sealing. And those products you named that you use on her hair certainly DO NOT help with keeping the hair from being dry and moisturized. In fact, they are probably the culprit of why her hair is driving you both nuts and causing you to actually "hate" her hair.

Try what I told you.. I am telling you.. in a month's time.. you daughter's hair will be totally different as far as moisture retention and less frizz. And I think you both will feel better about embracing her curls.

*Marah* 12-04-2009 10:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by curls 2nv (Post 1185036)
have you tried the cg method with her... if her hair is that dry, then having her go cg may help with her moisture retention. also, pink oil, as in lusters pink oil, is the worst. the first ingredients i believe have mineral oil, petroleum, and lanolin oil. these ingredients do not add moisture to the hair, but coat the hair in a film that will eventually block moisture from entering the hair.

Amen! Pink Moisturizing Lotion is like one of thee WORST products she could be using on her girl's hair. UGH! Plus it stinks to me. A lot of those "olive oils" and "carrot oils" marketed to AA's have horrible ingredients as well that just block moisture!

My husband and I have a son and we keep his hair cut very short.. but all we use in his hair is shea butter, castor oil, or olive oil. And he's "mixed race" and we do co-washes on his hair. He has gorgeous waves all over his head too! He gets lots of compliments!

If we had a daughter.. I would NEVER put that crap in her hair found in the "black hair care" aisle in most stores. And I have to be honest.. it sort of angers me that they still market this stuff and unsuspecting people buy it and think it's okay to use then wonder why their hair is dry and greasy.

Even some of these "curly lines" marketed to mixed people and curly hair AA's have junk ingredients in them as well. Cheap fillers are costing people healthy hair.. so it's important to KNOW what you are using and how it will affect the hair long term.

Cali Chik 12-05-2009 09:28 AM

Man... I wanted to help but after I saw the pic and read her other post... I just got mad.

So at anyrate listen to the good advice and I strongly advise you to check out nikG20's blog.

Your daughter's hair doesn't need to be relaxed and her hair texture has pretty loose curls. A relaxer would be extremely damaging.

I need you to stop having unrealistic expectations of ya girl's head.

and stop using products targeted to "Ethnic" hair in the stores. That's your first mistake. Most of those are owned by major companies who put the cheapest ingredients in their products then slap a pic of a black woman on it.

subbrock 12-11-2009 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cali Chik (Post 1186580)
Man... I wanted to help but after I saw the pic and read her other post... I just got mad.

So at anyrate listen to the good advice and I strongly advise you to check out nikG20's blog.

Your daughter's hair doesn't need to be relaxed and her hair texture has pretty loose curls. A relaxer would be extremely damaging.

I need you to stop having unrealistic expectations of ya girl's head.

and stop using products targeted to "Ethnic" hair in the stores. That's your first mistake. Most of those are owned by major companies who put the cheapest ingredients in their products then slap a pic of a black woman on it.


i agree. over the years youve gotten alot of really good advice on how to care for your daughter's hair. just go back to implementing it. you have a beautiful daughter with a beautiful head of hair. using the cheapest crap you can find in the ethnic aisle isnt doing her any favors.

NikG20 12-13-2009 09:37 AM

Hi sweetapril23,

I never received an email. Maybe because you got all the help you needed already. However, I have been wanting to mention this. Now, I mean no disrespect, but I noticed on your myspace page you flat iron her hair from time to time. I think one picture caption was "she loves her hair like this" or "she loves her straight hair" then another was the back of her straight hair and it said "This is awesome!" As you know, children pick up on things very easily. You can very well be giving your child a complex about her hair. Actually, it sounds like you may have already done that. Try not to say anything negative about you "hating" her hair around her, and try not to be too thrilled when her hair is flat ironed. Her hair is beautiful and so is she. Good luck.

Curly1908 12-13-2009 12:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetapril73 (Post 1184491)
I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

Wow. Then you should've thought twice before you decided to procreate with a Black man because little Black girls CANNOT wear their hair out 24/7 or they get mats, tangles, etc.

I can see the potential for beauty in your daughter's hair, and she shouldn't hate it because there's nothing wrong with her hair texture. You have just f*cked it up ROYALLY! And you're damaging not just her hair -- but her self-esteem as well by being so negative about her hair.

Her hair should NOT be detangled every day. Ethnic hair is GONNA tangle so let it go back to its curl pattern until wash day when you gently detangle it with plenty of conditioner. You're using the wrong products. You've gotten good advice here, but unless you reverse your negative views of ethnic hair -- your daughter's hair is going to continue to suffer, and you won't be a good parent for doing this to her self-esteem.

sweetypie 12-13-2009 02:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sweetapril73 (Post 1184491)
I have tried everything with her hair. A typical morning consists of spraying her hair with a detangler and then fingering her hair through and then putting a little bit of Pink Oil in it and slapping a head band on. Her hair is dry almost before we walk out the door. It's like a sponge!

I wash and condition her hair every Sunday for the week. Please note, I do not braid her hair or plat it. I don't know how and personally I don't like the look.

I've used Curly Q products, I've used other ethnic products from local retailers and I've used olive oils, carrot oils, and nothing seems to soften her hair or even make it manageable.

When I look at her hair right now, it's a mess. It stays tangled, ratted and it's always BIG by mid-day. She hates her hair and honestly so do I.

Now, with all of that being said, my DD is my world. She is adorable and she is the best child I could ask for so don't take my negative comments about her hair as a negative thing against her. I am just trying to learn what to do to keep her hair HEALTHY and manageable.

Any advice is greatly appreciated!

I think until you stop hating her hair she and you both, you'll never be able to truly see the beauty of her hair.

With that said, check out www.tightlycurly.com and these blogs so you can see that little girls love to get their hair all done up with hair candy

www.happygirlhair.com/
www.princesshairstyles.com/ www.cutegirlshairstyles.com/
www.beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com/

ElleX 12-13-2009 04:40 PM

I concur with the other ladies: DO NOT PUT A RELAXER OR KIDDIE PERM IN YOUR PRECIOUS DAUGHTER'S HAIR.

Have you seen Chris Rock's movie, Good Hair? If not, there is a part that shows how relaxer can eat through a soda can. Why would you want to put this on your child's hair? Learn from my mistake - be wiser and keep your child from this stuff.

April, I definitely recommend Nikki's blogspot: www.beadsbraidsbeyond.blogspot.com/. There is no excuse for not knowing how to take care of your daughter's hair. There are You Tube videos and blogspots like Nikki's. Plus, Nikki has offered to give you advice on what to do.

April, I wish you luck.

Peace and blessings!

iroc 12-13-2009 05:12 PM

Your daughter is beautiful.

I was going through the photos you added from Facebook and we have a mutual friend in common. How bazaar is that?!

Cali Chik 12-15-2009 08:01 PM

lol some of yall are touchin on the very reason her post made me mad. She is TEACHING her daughter to hate herself.

CurlyQMom 12-28-2009 10:16 PM

What a beautiful little girl! Please don't teach her anything but to love herself and her hair!


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