Some how.. I feel like this REALLY isn't my place but since you made a thread about it: Please don't relax that child's hair..
because you think you are having a hard time now.. wait until you relax it and have to keep it up and it starts breaking off because you don't know what you are doing... then it will really be a hot mess.
First of all... please stop using Pink Oil Moisturizer and all that other crap marketed toward African-Americans found in your local drugstore, Walgreens, and Walmart. That stuff is CRAP.
It stinks and it loaded with mineral oil. Yeah..it gives temporary shine but it also blocks out moisture which is no good for curly hair!
You really do not need to shampoo her hair with an actual shampoo. You can do something called a co-wash. Where you wash with conditioner instead of shampoo. Conditioner is more gentle on the hair then shampoo because most shampoos contain sulfates. Using them constantly on curly hair strips the natural oils from the hair to much causing frizz and dryness. Hence why you have to condition the hell out of it to get it to look decent! If you skip the shampoo and wash with conditioner..you will see a better result with curly hair.
I think your daughter would benefit from you going CG (Curly Girl) with her hair. It's a method where you basically stay away from sulfates and silicones found in hair products like shampoos, gels, certain "moisturizers", etc.
Check out this blog to see the easy version of that: http://dormroomcurly.blogspot.com/20...ons-table.html
Your daughter's hair needs moisture retention and a lot of products that are marketed for African-Americans are actually not good products believe it or not..hence why you see lots of African-Americans on this forum that are natural actually stay away from most products on the market geared to African-Americans. They are filled with mineral oils and silicones which don't fair well on curly hair most of the time. Hell, they aren't even good for relaxed hair!
You daughter would benefit greatly from you doing co-washes and sealing her hair with a NATURAL OIL rather than that crap you find in the "black" section of the drug store. A natural oil would be extra virgin olive oil (yes the same kind you use for cooking..just keep them separate..buy her a bottle to keep in the bathroom or her bedroom), grape seed oil, castor oil, jojoba, etc. Olive oil is the easiest to get.. it's not to heavy and helps to retain moisture. And no her hair won't stink if you use the conditioner first like I am telling you.
What you want to do is wash her hair with a silicone free conditioner only. Keep her hair dripping wet and then take some silicone free conditioner in your hands and rub them together..smooth it through her hair. Then take some of the oil (maybe extra virgin olive oil) and rub that in your hands and smooth it through her hair. Then style. You can use a little gel on her hair if it's prone to major frizz.. just rub some of the gel in your hands and smooth downward on her hair but I would say with the way her hair looks.. you probably won't need it.
Leaving some conditioner IN her hair helps the hair retain moisture, keeps the hair soft, and applying the oil helps to SEALS in that moisture. But you want to use a natural oil. Try extra virgin olive oil first..and if you want.. then you can graduate to other oils like jojoba, castor, grape seed, etc. But just don't use that crap in the drugstore loaded with mineral oil and petrolum in the "black hair care" aisle. Ignore that mess like the plague.
If you don't want to co-wash her hair daily. Get yourself a spray bottle. Pour some silicone free conditioner in there, some tap water (or distilled water), shake it up and use it to spray her hair in the mornings. Then smooth in some of the oil..not a lot...just enough to lightly coat the hair..and focus on her ends mainly. Lightly scrunch her hair. It will dry with fluffy, fully defined curls, that have shine.
Also you can do more with her hair than just slapping on a head band. Do what I told you above..then part her hair ear to ear. Smooth the back portion down with your hand. Take the top portion, hold it in one hand, smooth her edges with a soft brush, and with a large hair clip/barrette clip the front to the side. Then she can have the half up half down look but the front is to the side some.
Another look is wet her hair.. smooth in a natural oil, take a soft bristle brush, brush her hair all up on top of her hair in a high ponytail. Secure it with a colorful scrunch or one to match her outfit..then take some ribbons and tie those around the base of the ponytail closest to her scalp.
Another look is part her hair ear to ear, take the top portion and part that in half down the middle. Take one side and twist it, then secure with a large hair clip. Do the same with the other side. So then she will have the back down and the front is parted in the middle with the two sides twisted inward secured with pretty clips or barrettes.
The Suave Naturals line makes tons of cone-free conditioners. Make sure you get SUAVE NATURALS, ignore the ones that say just "SUAVE". They are dirt cheap but they work on curly hair like you wouldn't believe. You can also use the VO5 line..another cheap product but works like a charm on a lot of curly hair people for co-washes.
Two products that I absolutely LOVE for my curly hair are by Garnier Fructis. One is called Garnier Fructis Triple Nutrition Conditioner and the other one is called Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Conditioner. Both are cone free.
I am of mixed race and I have super curly hair and a lot of it. Man these two products make my hair soft like you wouldn't believe. And my curls looks so healthy! I love the Garnier Fructis Sleek and Shine Conditioner for a leave in conditioner. I just mix it with water and use it as a leave in. It might work on your daughters hair.. plus they aren't more than 4 bucks at most stores... I get mine for 3 bucks a piece at the Dollar General. If you use Garnier though.. just use the two I mentioned because the rest of their products contail silicones that I know of which doesn't fair so well with a lot of curlies.
You have to keep in mind too that your child has naturally curly hair. It's going to frizz on occassion ..that's just part of having curly hair. And you cannot expect her hair to do what straight hair does or look how straight hair looks. You have to work with what SHE has..and running to a relaxer will only be a temporary fix that you have to upkeep and will probably make her loose length retention which will be even MORE of a headache.
Ask any mixed race or curly of color on this forum do they have an easier time now with their natural hair or when they had a relaxer.. the majority will say their natural curly hair is much easier to take care of now that they found out HOW to care for it.
With curly hair you can keep frizz and dryness to a minimum by proper moisture and sealing. And those products you named that you use on her hair certainly DO NOT help with keeping the hair from being dry and moisturized. In fact, they are probably the culprit of why her hair is driving you both nuts and causing you to actually "hate" her hair.
Try what I told you.. I am telling you.. in a month's time.. you daughter's hair will be totally different as far as moisture retention and less frizz. And I think you both will feel better about embracing her curls.