favorite baby/childrearing advice books/DVD's

kiniha · 06-22-2010, 10:38 AM

Hi guys,
I know there are numerous childcare philosophies represented on this board--one reason I love this board!--but I'd like to gather a recommended reading list from all of you more experienced mommies. I figure if I take a look at a variety of people's favorites, I'll be able to adapt them to the changing needs/capacities of ourselves and our baby.

I'm about 7 1/2 months pregnant and am looking for books to read about newborn and baby care that you found indispensable or used as references, turning back to time and again. DVD's are also good as we're first-time parents and it's helpful to see the little ones in action as they get bathed, swaddled, etc.

TIA!

kiniha · 06-23-2010, 07:08 AM

If other people are also interested in building their own lists, here is our list so far:

Books we already have:

What to Expect the First Year

The New Father: A Dad's Guide to the First Year

DVD's we watched:

Laugh and Learn About Newborn Care

Recommended by friends/family:

My first 300 babies by Gladys W. Hendrick (an older book that seems to have a cult following, emphasizes schedules I think)

Books by Burton White (emphasizes raising unspoiled kids)

Becoming Baby Wise

Happiest Baby on the Block, book and DVD

CGNYC · 06-23-2010, 09:09 AM

I bet you get some feedback on Baby Wise.

PixieCurl · 06-23-2010, 09:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGNYC

I bet you get some feedback on Baby Wise.

LOL yeah, not what I would recommend. I haven't read Happiest Baby on the Block but I've heard great things about it and use the "5 S's" from that book on a fussy baby: swaddling, side-lying, swaying, sucking, and shhhing.

kiniha · 06-23-2010, 09:49 AM

Thanks for this feedback, PixieCurl, and I also wanted to add that someone else recommended 'The Baby Whisperer' to me recently.

PixieCurl · 06-23-2010, 09:57 AM

This is an article about Babywise that a friend of mine posted on our attachment-parenting board:

Quote:

Parenting Experiment

Intrigued by the claims in Babywise? Being encouraged to take a Preparation for Parenting Course? Given the books/tapes by someone who has "perfect" children? Before you leap, take a few days to try an experiment to help you decide if this is the best way for you to parent your newborn.

Both mom & dad must do this:

Days 1 and 2:

Each time you put something in your mouth, write it down. Note the time, what it was, and how much. When you eat a meal, note how long it took you to eat. Don't forget to document every drink of water, piece of candy, donut, cup of coffee, snack and meal. At the end of day two, add up the number of times you put something in your mouth. Also add up how long it took you to consume a meal, a leisurely cup of coffee, a quick drink of water, and divide by the number of times you put something in your mouth to get an average.

Now you have an idea of how much time you spend eating, how often you have something in your mouth, and how much food you consume.

Days 3, 4, 5:

This his part of the experiment is best done over a long weekend, as it requires three days. This is not too much time to devote to understanding an experience your child will endure for several months. You should be able to get to Sunday services, if you come late and leave early.

1. The experiment requires two parents; one to the be "caregiver" and one to be the "baby." Pregnant women or persons with health problems should not be the "baby." Ideally, both parents should try this experiment before pregnancy so they can decide if they really want to even HAVE a baby.

2. The "baby" will be fed at six hour intervals only, three times a day. All clocks, watches, or other timepieces must be removed from the "baby's" view so he has no way of knowing when the six hours has elapsed. This is longer than is recommended in Babywise and Prep, but as an adult with adult metabolism, the "baby" should have the ability to wait six hours during the day and to fast overnight. The "baby" may have one other drink of water before he goes to bed, but otherwise, no liquid is to be consumed outside of these three mealtimes. Mealtimes are to be limited to 10 minutes. Baby must try to eat and drink everything put in front of him because at the end of 10 minutes, the plate must be removed. The "baby" must eat the food with the non- dominant hand using only a spoon. A newborn may have trouble with
latching on, early breastfeeding, and getting enough milk in timed feedings. NOTHING is to interfere with this schedule — not the baby's perceived wants, nor anything you believe you have to do. The schedule must be adhered to at all times.

3. The "caregiver" may not speak to the "baby" in any language that the "baby" is fluent in. The caregiver can speak in an unknown tongue, or use sounds and touches to communicate. No sign language. The "baby" may not speak for the entire three days. The only way the "baby" can communicate with the caregiver is by tapping a pencil. The "baby" can attempt to signal the caregiver by varying the tapping, but is not allowed to write, point, or gesture. Be careful not to break or drop the pencil as you only get one.

4. The "caregiver" should go about the usual daily activities in the house during the day. Time will be needed to prepare the food, "walk" the baby from place to place, provide clothing (baby can dress himself — too hard with an adult) and can take the "baby" to the bathroom (once every three hours during the day). For a period of time after each meal, the caregiver can play with the "baby." Otherwise, the "baby" must wait where the caregiver has placed him and in about the same position. In addition, the caregiver must devote some time each day to a significant other person through letter writing or phone conversation. This time must not be interrupted by the "baby's" needs. The "baby" needs to understand that the caregiver's relationship to something or someone else is often more important than him. If the "baby" gets uncomfortable, he can tap his pencil and hope that the caregiver will be able to figure out the problem. If the "baby" gets hungry, he can tap the pencil.
Hunger pain, no matter how severe, an thirst are considered normal. In order to help the "baby" understand that he is not the center of the universe, any food or drink must be postponed until the next scheduled meal.

5. For at least 3/4 hour twice a day, the "baby" must be put in his room with the door shut. This "roomtime" will offer a structured learning center which will develop mental focusing skills, create a sustained attention span, give the "baby" the opportunity to entertain himself (no TV or books allowed), and create orderliness.

5. The "baby" should be put to bed in a separate room from the caregiver shortly after the last drink of water. The "baby" should tap the pencil if he has any nighttime needs, but he may not be fed or taken out of bed. Loneliness at night is a normal part of the experience Under no circumstances may baby be brought to bed with you, as this may be considered "passively abusive emotionally." You can use a baby monitor to hear the tapping, but if you can't sleep through the tapping, just turn off the monitor. After all, you need your sleep so that you will have plenty of energy for the next day's activities. It would be wise to take the "baby" to the bathroom before bed so there won't be any accidents.

7. Do not be tempted to end the experiment before the three days are up.This will be considered a failure and may have long lasting implications. If you find the process contrary to your instincts, try to control yourself. Above all, do not let anyone outside the system, baby expert or not, try to talk you out of continuing. After all, you are only doing what is "right" and best for you and your "baby."

8. If the "baby" should have any profound personal or spiritual insights
during the time of the experiment, he should be sure to remember them. He can write them down at the end of the three days. (That is, if there is any pencil left.)

One last thought. Presumably, the two of you discussed the experiment before you started so that the "baby" understood what was going to happen. Your newborn will not have the luxury of understanding the process.

Good luck!

Mary Ann Griffin, RN, CNM
Jan Barger, RN, MA, IBCLC

I'm not knowledgeable enough about The Baby Whisperer to comment on that one.

RedCatWaves · 06-23-2010, 09:38 PM

I don't think I've ever read a baby/child book. I didn't know it was necessary. I guess I just did it the old fashioned way...trial and error.

FieryCurls · 06-23-2010, 11:53 PM

I only watched The Happiest Baby on the Block. I agree with RCW about trial and error.

kiniha · 06-24-2010, 06:46 AM

Thanks for the feedback on this . . . I don't want to fall into the trap of feeling that an 'expert' knows more about my baby than I do, and so it's valuable to be advised to trust my instincts and experience--thanks for this, FieryCurls and RedCatWaves. I guess I've been so caught up in reading about pregnancy and childbirth--which I didn't know anything about other than the mass media/TV presentation--that I wanted to do the same for babies. I haven't really been around a baby on a long-term basis since my brother was born about 30 years ago!

Also, thanks for the article, PixieCurl! I'm laughing as I skim over it (deadline today). Since I've never been able to limit my own food intake or abide by schedules for myself, perhaps Babywise would not be so useful for me . . .

Interestingly, the cousins who recommended it are from a military family. I think people have different needs/tolerances when it comes to rules and boundaries in the different areas of their lives.

mad scientist · 06-24-2010, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CGNYC

I bet you get some feedback on Baby Wise.

LOL. I read Babywise and I still don't understand what all the fuss is about. Its really not different from the Baby Whisperer book - both push the idea of a baby routine. But the Babywise book is written by some religious guy while Baby whisperer is some English nanny so the reception is different.

So in any case, if you want to read, I would recommend read both of them, plus pretty much any other parenting book that catches your fancy (Dr Sears, Elizabeth Pantley etc...).

You aren't likely going to follow any of them - but you might find a tidbit here and there that sticks with you.