I'm feeling extremely sorry for myself - very very long, sorry.

Hopefully I will have more time to adequately respond later this evening or tomorrow morning, but I first wanted to thank you all for all the support and for listening. It means a lot to me.
Speckla
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rheanna,
you're a great mom and the early years are the hardest! Hang in there. We're here for you.
I'm hoping the GI visit will help. It may be something as simple as changing her meds. Before you even mentioned refulx in your post, I was thinking "this child has reflux" due to the back arching, fussing, etc. Since she's gaining weight, she may just need a higher dose.

I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now and I hope something changes for you.
I think that I deceive genius.
Sorry I'm just now getting back here. Thank you all for taking the time to read my loooong thread and for all the support.

I should have been a bit more clear on the financial issue. I don't get court-ordered child support, but he does give me money back on half of her expenses. Sometimes it's less than half but I generally don't push it those weeks because other times he'll take my car and fill it up, or buy all the groceries, etc. I only counted my income because that's all I really count on always having, as there have been weeks without any money from him. He also pays the Dish Network... that's not *all* he pays. I'm sorry I didn't mention that in my original post, I can't believe I left that out. It sounds as though his main, or only, concern is watching TV, and that's not the case. Even with what he gives me, I am still quite short, and the CC balance keeps creeping up as I said before.

Regardless, that doesn't solve our relationship problems or make up for the other areas in which he is pretty much unavailable. It doesn't solve the fact that I don't like my job and I have no one here. If he wasn't paying anything at all, rest assured his ass would be in court. I still agree with RCW though... ***** or get off the pot definitely applies. I'm sick of how things are and it seems like no matter how many times I tell him I am miserable with our current situation, he seems confused when I act, well, miserable.

I really don't think I have PPD. I could be wrong, sure, but I had pretty bad "baby blues" the first few weeks and I was worried they wouldn't get better. I cried all the time, felt hopeless, alone, worried, inadequate. That started to pass around a month PP though and I don't feel that way now, not in the same way. It's the situation, not my brain chemicals or hormones, ya know? I kind of think I have the right to be pretty upset. If I felt like this and had the panic attacks and was a SAHM with a supportive husband and in a happy marriage, I would get myself to a doctor and quickly. But my situation frankly sucks butt and I think most people would be pretty stressed. I'm not so depressed really... stressed to the max is more how I feel. And tired.

As far as daycare/assistance, literally all the daycare centers here will not work with my hours, especially tax season hours. And I make about $100 a month too much to get any assistance. Of course they don't realize that since I pay about about $400 a month, I end up in worse shape than the people who get assistance. Of course that applies to everyone near the borderline of various state programs. I don't know anyone here and I've tried finding in home child care options in the past with no luck. Everyone was full that I called. Of course leaving her with a total stranger makes me nervous too, but I suppose I could look again. I did have a talk with her sitter now and things have improved a bit. I just let her know I really wasn't okay with other kids supervising her at all and to please just put Ava in the playpen if the other little boy was on the floor, etc and she was worried about them hurting one another. Things have improved a bit, but I'm still worried about the future.

Honestly, what I'm most tempted to do at this point is move back to my hometown and basically live off a combination of the government and part time work, while I go back to school full time. I need some way out of this crap and that's the only way I see. I'm not going to find a better paying job with my education level, not around here. The economy sucks here and the average income is just a bit above what I make. I just have my associate's degree and I need more. It's useless. That all really goes against my principles and such, but I don't know what else to do because I can't keep this up either. So I'm not sure. It's tempting though.

Pixie, thanks for the link. I'll look into that. Stupid small town so probably not.

Deezee, I know all about the Alimentum. That's what Ava's been on although now she's getting much worse again, rash is back, spitting up is back, started getting constipated again and so on. She's reacting to the bits of milk protein in it. We're trying soy now and had an improvement within 24 hours. I know the chance of her reacting to the soy eventually is pretty high too, but I wanted to try it first before going to Elecare or Neocate or the Nutramigen AA formula. That crap is super super high. Her ped GI appointment isn't for about 3 1/2 weeks unfortunately and her doctor kind of just gave up on the issue, so I am trying this now on my own. Within 2 days of starting the soy, she's spitting up about 1/10 of what she was at the end of the week last week, her rash is gone, and today her poop was soft again (sorry, TMI) so I think it's safe to say her biggest problem was definitely milk protein intolerance. If only the Alimentum was alright but her ped did say some babies still do react to it.

Sigi, the place I live is actually the cheapest I've ever lived. I'm paying $150 less in rent than it goes for even because, somewhat unfortunately, I rent from my boss. Benefit being that it's cheaper and I can always reach my landlord, but the negative is that if I quit my job, I may have to find another place to live too, even if I stay in this town. I'm paying about half of what I was before I moved into where I'm at now. And it's only about 700 sf so I really don't think I could get a roommate. This place is packed right now with Ava's stuff. And I would gladly cancel my landline but then I would have no phone service at all because my cell has no signal here. I wish there were places I could cut corners, but I think I've already cut them all unfortunately.

Ava does like to be worn... I do that when she's fussy especially. She's doing better now with sleeping, go figure... She's very inconsistent. She'll sleep 10 hours straight without waking at all for a week and then be up every 15 minutes for several nights or refuse to even go to sleep. Apparently this fits the pattern of a "high needs baby" but it's so frustrating to never know, or to do the same thing but get diff results every time. She does take a paci though, especially at night.

CGNYC, thanks for the info on the ped. I don't even know if she has true acid reflux or if it's all the milk issues she has. The spitting up and other issues go away when she's on a formula that doesn't bother her. Problem is we just figured this out last month and then after a few weeks, she still reacted to the Alimentum/Nutramigen formulas. I did know that about gas. She is sometimes rather gassy too, especially after crying. I don't think I knew that until a few weeks ago either. I'm about an hour away from all of my family and really all of my friends too, so there's no one to help. I can barely get someone to come up for a few hours and help so... yeah, I've never really had any help here. My Mom has her hands full helping my brother raise his kids. He's a mess. He checked himself into rehab for narcotics the DAY I WENT INTO LABOR even so I didn't have anyone here for her birth or the days following. My family kind of sucks sometimes. For the record, he's still clean, but he can't handle raising those kids himself now that their Mom passed away. It's just a big mess.

Thanks again everyone for all the support. It really does mean a lot. Before Ava wakes up, I still need to try to eat, put up some clothes before they wrinkle, and wash all her bottles, so I had better get going.
I really don't think I have PPD. I could be wrong, sure, but I had pretty bad "baby blues" the first few weeks and I was worried they wouldn't get better. I cried all the time, felt hopeless, alone, worried, inadequate. That started to pass around a month PP though and I don't feel that way now, not in the same way. It's the situation, not my brain chemicals or hormones, ya know? I kind of think I have the right to be pretty upset. If I felt like this and had the panic attacks and was a SAHM with a supportive husband and in a happy marriage, I would get myself to a doctor and quickly. But my situation frankly sucks butt and I think most people would be pretty stressed.
Originally Posted by Rheanna
I totally agree. There's nothing wrong w/ you. You're just a single mom who is short on cash and short on time and short on help. People who have never been in that situation or been around that situation, really have no idea what it's like.

But what is the reason why you are living in a town away from both the family and the bf? Why aren't you and your bf living together. It would cut down on your expenses. Does your bf work consistently? Does he have other kids? I ask b/c you say he reimburses you for half of the baby's expenses. But clearly that's not enough. Does he understand that you are $800 in the hole every month (am I understanding that correctly)? Why can't he get a second job parttime or move in w/ you?

Being a single mom is no joke! But keep you head up!
3b (with 3c tendencies) on modified CG

I really don't think I have PPD. I could be wrong, sure, but I had pretty bad "baby blues" the first few weeks and I was worried they wouldn't get better. I cried all the time, felt hopeless, alone, worried, inadequate. That started to pass around a month PP though and I don't feel that way now, not in the same way. It's the situation, not my brain chemicals or hormones, ya know? I kind of think I have the right to be pretty upset. If I felt like this and had the panic attacks and was a SAHM with a supportive husband and in a happy marriage, I would get myself to a doctor and quickly. But my situation frankly sucks butt and I think most people would be pretty stressed.
Originally Posted by Rheanna
I totally agree. There's nothing wrong w/ you. You're just a single mom who is short on cash and short on time and short on help. People who have never been in that situation or been around that situation, really have no idea what it's like.

But what is the reason why you are living in a town away from both the family and the bf? Why aren't you and your bf living together. It would cut down on your expenses. Does your bf work consistently? Does he have other kids? I ask b/c you say he reimburses you for half of the baby's expenses. But clearly that's not enough. Does he understand that you are $800 in the hole every month (am I understanding that correctly)? Why can't he get a second job parttime or move in w/ you?

Being a single mom is no joke! But keep you head up!
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000


I agree. Just because someone is struggling financially and overburdened with childcare, doesn't mean they are depressed. People are so quick to give the go-get-counseling/drugs advice...when doing so would just add even more stress to the finances. Life is hard, and it can take a toll emotionally, but that doesn't mean someone always has an organic brain disorder.

I agree with SL, that you need to somehow change things...either move nearer to family or to the boyfriend, because living far away from both, and working at a job you hate, isn't working. I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I'd be cautious about moving in with the boyfriend. If the relationship already has issues, I think moving in together will only magnify them or make them worse. It's worth mentioning it to him I suppose, but I'd only move forward if he seems enthusiastic about the idea and willing to put in some work. Otherwise, is moving in with your parents an option?
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy
I really don't think I have PPD. I could be wrong, sure, but I had pretty bad "baby blues" the first few weeks and I was worried they wouldn't get better. I cried all the time, felt hopeless, alone, worried, inadequate. That started to pass around a month PP though and I don't feel that way now, not in the same way. It's the situation, not my brain chemicals or hormones, ya know? I kind of think I have the right to be pretty upset. If I felt like this and had the panic attacks and was a SAHM with a supportive husband and in a happy marriage, I would get myself to a doctor and quickly. But my situation frankly sucks butt and I think most people would be pretty stressed.
Originally Posted by Rheanna
I totally agree. There's nothing wrong w/ you. You're just a single mom who is short on cash and short on time and short on help. People who have never been in that situation or been around that situation, really have no idea what it's like.

But what is the reason why you are living in a town away from both the family and the bf? Why aren't you and your bf living together. It would cut down on your expenses. Does your bf work consistently? Does he have other kids? I ask b/c you say he reimburses you for half of the baby's expenses. But clearly that's not enough. Does he understand that you are $800 in the hole every month (am I understanding that correctly)? Why can't he get a second job parttime or move in w/ you?

Being a single mom is no joke! But keep you head up!
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000


I agree. Just because someone is struggling financially and overburdened with childcare, doesn't mean they are depressed. People are so quick to give the go-get-counseling/drugs advice...when doing so would just add even more stress to the finances. Life is hard, and it can take a toll emotionally, but that doesn't mean someone always has an organic brain disorder.

I agree with SL, that you need to somehow change things...either move nearer to family or to the boyfriend, because living far away from both, and working at a job you hate, isn't working. I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves


Oh please. Anyone, including myself, who gave that for advice was just trying to be helpful. For pete's sake, she wrote what took up 2 posts to get out all her stress - and part of it, including anxiety attacks, and feeling frustrated toward a difficult baby are all adequate reasons to go on anti depressants for a short period of time. I personally don't see one or two lines that say 'leave your bf' to be that helpful either.

And for the record, "depression" doesn't necessarily mean your 'sad' all the time. It can take many forms.

But carry on. I'll go back to complaining about my tree.
I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I'd be cautious about moving in with the boyfriend. If the relationship already has issues, I think moving in together will only magnify them or make them worse. It's worth mentioning it to him I suppose, but I'd only move forward if he seems enthusiastic about the idea and willing to put in some work. Otherwise, is moving in with your parents an option?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl

How could it be any worse? They've already chosen to have a baby together, but living together is too much of a committment?

Her parents are the ones who screwed her over with a carloan she co-signed for them...I doubt moving in with them would be helpful.
I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I'd be cautious about moving in with the boyfriend. If the relationship already has issues, I think moving in together will only magnify them or make them worse. It's worth mentioning it to him I suppose, but I'd only move forward if he seems enthusiastic about the idea and willing to put in some work. Otherwise, is moving in with your parents an option?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl

How could it be any worse? They've already chosen to have a baby together, but living together is too much of a committment?

Her parents are the ones who screwed her over with a carloan she co-signed for them...I doubt moving in with them would be helpful.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
If Rhe and her BF choose to break up at any point, right now they have two households so the only issues will be child support / custody of Ava. If they move in together, one of them will have to move out and they'll be dealing with all of that too.

Presumably her parents have a house that they live in. If there is any extra space for Rhe and Ava, then she could at least be saving money on rent. Even if she pays them a bit for "rent" or chips in for household expenses, that would probably still be less than she's paying now AND she'd have the help/support of her family for things like childcare and emotional support.
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy

I'd be cautious about moving in with the boyfriend. If the relationship already has issues, I think moving in together will only magnify them or make them worse. It's worth mentioning it to him I suppose, but I'd only move forward if he seems enthusiastic about the idea and willing to put in some work. Otherwise, is moving in with your parents an option?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl

How could it be any worse? They've already chosen to have a baby together, but living together is too much of a committment?

Her parents are the ones who screwed her over with a carloan she co-signed for them...I doubt moving in with them would be helpful.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
If Rhe and her BF choose to break up at any point, right now they have two households so the only issues will be child support / custody of Ava. If they move in together, one of them will have to move out and they'll be dealing with all of that too.

Presumably her parents have a house that they live in. If there is any extra space for Rhe and Ava, then she could at least be saving money on rent. Even if she pays them a bit for "rent" or chips in for household expenses, that would probably still be less than she's paying now AND she'd have the help/support of her family for things like childcare and emotional support.
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
ITA, I think the stress of living with someone who you may or may not argue with and may or may not want to live with would just compound the situation. It could make the entire situation worse.



I totally agree. There's nothing wrong w/ you. You're just a single mom who is short on cash and short on time and short on help. People who have never been in that situation or been around that situation, really have no idea what it's like.

But what is the reason why you are living in a town away from both the family and the bf? Why aren't you and your bf living together. It would cut down on your expenses. Does your bf work consistently? Does he have other kids? I ask b/c you say he reimburses you for half of the baby's expenses. But clearly that's not enough. Does he understand that you are $800 in the hole every month (am I understanding that correctly)? Why can't he get a second job parttime or move in w/ you?

Being a single mom is no joke! But keep you head up!
Originally Posted by spiderlashes5000


I agree. Just because someone is struggling financially and overburdened with childcare, doesn't mean they are depressed. People are so quick to give the go-get-counseling/drugs advice...when doing so would just add even more stress to the finances. Life is hard, and it can take a toll emotionally, but that doesn't mean someone always has an organic brain disorder.

I agree with SL, that you need to somehow change things...either move nearer to family or to the boyfriend, because living far away from both, and working at a job you hate, isn't working. I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves


Oh please. Anyone, including myself, who gave that for advice was just trying to be helpful. For pete's sake, she wrote what took up 2 posts to get out all her stress - and part of it, including anxiety attacks, and feeling frustrated toward a difficult baby are all adequate reasons to go on anti depressants for a short period of time. I personally don't see one or two lines that say 'leave your bf' to be that helpful either.

And for the record, "depression" doesn't necessarily mean your 'sad' all the time. It can take many forms.

But carry on. I'll go back to complaining about my tree.
Originally Posted by iroc
Yup. I never took drugs, talking with someone who would listen and give me advise worked wonders. I did not tell her to go get on drugs, but just talking and acknowledging you are not alone helps a ton. Maybe having babies for you was fabulous and you did not have problems with your babies. I did, and it was nice to know that I was not alone.



Come swag with me!

Yup. I never took drugs, talking with someone who would listen and give me advise worked wonders. I did not tell her to go get on drugs, but just talking and acknowledging you are not alone helps a ton. Maybe having babies for you was fabulous and you did not have problems with your babies. I did, and it was nice to know that I was not alone.
Originally Posted by deezee02

My babies were fabulous. My life was not. I've lived the scenario Rhe is talking about...the just-scraping-by-single-motherhood-thing and also the puking-baby-thing. Going to the doctor, even just spending a co-pay, was something that I absolutely could not do unless it was a real emergency...not without taking food out of the mouths of my kids anyway. So any advice to go-see-my-doctor-take-prozac would have just slid off my back, because it wasn't a possibility in my world at the time.

If Rhe feels clinically depressed, then she should absolutely seek couseling and meds through some sort of state agency or whatever, but she has said she feels her stress is situational, and only changing-the-situation will help that.
I would probably give it a shot and move in with the boyfriend. You need to be with family...either your family-of-origin or the family you make yourself.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
I'd only move forward if he seems enthusiastic about the idea and willing to put in some work.
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
I agree with this part. Now is the time to sh*t or get off the pot here. If or when you bring it up and he's ho-hum or nervous about it, I would seriously reconsider continuing the relationship.

Good luck, Rheanna. Your first posts just about broke my heart. I don't know you at all but I would totally babysit for you if I did. Hugs!
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(((HUGS!)))

I don't have any baby advice since I've never had babies and don't ever spend time with any. My 2 stepkids each came to me at 5 so I missed all that. But I hope Ava starts feeling better soon. She is an adorable little sprite.

I think, since you and the father do not live together, that you should file for legal child support. You should be getting a set amount that you can count on every month.
I'm also against moving back in with parents unless it's a last resort.
Just my 2 cents.
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(((HUGS!)))I'm also against moving back in with parents unless it's a last resort.
Originally Posted by jeepcurlygurl
Normally I am too, but I think this situation might warrant a last resort. Or at least finding an affordable place of her own near her parents, so she has some family nearby for help/support.
Faith, 3Aish redhead
Mama to two wild superheroes and a curly-headed baby boy

I'd be cautious about moving in with the boyfriend. If the relationship already has issues, I think moving in together will only magnify them or make them worse. It's worth mentioning it to him I suppose, but I'd only move forward if he seems enthusiastic about the idea and willing to put in some work. Otherwise, is moving in with your parents an option?
Originally Posted by PixieCurl

How could it be any worse? They've already chosen to have a baby together, but living together is too much of a committment?

Her parents are the ones who screwed her over with a carloan she co-signed for them...I doubt moving in with them would be helpful.
Originally Posted by RedCatWaves
If Rhe and her BF choose to break up at any point, right now they have two households so the only issues will be child support / custody of Ava. If they move in together, one of them will have to move out and they'll be dealing with all of that too.

Presumably her parents have a house that they live in. If there is any extra space for Rhe and Ava, then she could at least be saving money on rent. Even if she pays them a bit for "rent" or chips in for household expenses, that would probably still be less than she's paying now AND she'd have the help/support of her family for things like childcare and emotional support.
Originally Posted by PixieCurl
Huh? They shouldn't move in together b/c if they break up, they would have to move back out? OK, so?

An extra set of hands and an extra paycheck can be like the difference btwn night and day.

I think moving in w/ the bf should be the first resort as it *is* his baby. Moving in w/ the fam should be the second resort; grandma and grandpa didn't create this situation but they should be able to step up and pitch in if *needed*.
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