Grandmother Envy.....

Liam is still down with the grandparents. We are letting him stay an extra week since he spent most of the first part of his stay sick and in the hospital.

While talking to my Mom on the phone last night I was filling her in on the events with Liam and how he was feeling and stuff he was doing with his Nana in So. VA. cause she asked and then she got real quiet and said how horrible she feels that she and my Dad can't come visit as often as the other Grandma gets to see Liam and Colin (mind you we try to get up to Mass at least twice a year)

she's says... "well we are older than DH's parents by six years and your Dad can't get around and play since he's partially disabled. we also don't live in a house with a pool in the backyard we live in a condo. We also don't have the money to come down as often as we want to... (edited to add: the other grandparents don't have that much either believe me)

I tried to tell her that its okay that Liam loves them and that it doesn't matter what they do with them and how much they have or don't have... but I don't think she believes me.

Has anyone had any issues between grandparents being envious of the other..

D
Liam: 6 years old
Colin: 3 years old
Location: Williamsburg, Virginia
Member Since: August 2000
I only wish my kids had grandparents vying for their attention. My parents are the we-did-our-time-we-retired-now-they're-your-responsibility type. My husband's parents are dead and dying. My kids have never really had very much grandparent-y attention. Certainly never a week or two week visit.
My MIL feels the same way. She lives in NoVA and my parents are 5 minutes away from us up here. We try to make it down there twice a year and she usually comes up here once or twice.

When I was growing up, my dad's parents lived about an hour away and we saw them fairly often, maybe once a month? My mom's parents were a 5-hour drive away so we saw them less frequently, but for longer stretches most visits. You know what though? I remember feeling closer to my mom's parents when I was growing up. They were more affectionate with us, and maybe because we stayed overnight with them it made us closer too. My sister and I used to always climb in bed with them in the mornings and it's a very fond memory for me.
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This was a huge worry of mine. My parents are 3 hours away, and my FIL lives next door to use and MIL lives 5 mins away. Inlaws see the kids at least once a week. if not more.

Steven gets fun visits with my parents, and either we travel or they travel atleast once a month. She sends video's on-line and mail/packages for him in the mail. We also have 2-4 1 week long visits where either we all go, or I send him alone to visit them. I talk to her on the phone a lot and he talks to her also now that he is older.

He loves both sets, but has a special bond with my parents. Maybe it is the one on one time he gets with them (we are typically around with the in laws), or the fun of seeing them, special trips.



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I would have this same fear except my parents are older and can't handle my young children on their own (though I would never say this to their face). I would probably leave them with my parents the maximum of 1 hour. All the other grandkids are ages 8 and older...pretty much able to fend for theirselves and go unmonitored for awhile. My parents live 3 hours away and my inlaws 15 minutes (way to close). The only thing I hate is when my kids are little...they don't remember my parents so they stick close to me... Chas is past that point but Addison isn't. My parents usually visit pretty often but they haven't been here since Christmas...but I've been up there.

I think there is a little jealousy with my mom in that my MIL gets to see the kids all the time.... mother's day, father's day, little holidays etc. I try not to mention things unless she asks. When my parent's are in town...the in-laws do not visit. My mom was the one that stayed with me first after each of my kiddos was born...so that made her feel special.

I never had a relationship with my grandparents or got to go visit for for 2 weeks. They were too old by the time I got to that age.
My parents live out of the country and when my MIL (who lived down the street) was alive, I also sensed a bit of jealousy from my mom that she wasn't able to see my son as often as my MIL who would see my son several times a week. I always worried that my son wouldn't feel as close to my parents because he only gets to see them 1-2x a year but he actually loves them to death and asks about them all the time. Whenever I call them, he can't wait to get on the phone with them. He's always asking when we are going down to see them and never acts shy around them even if it's been a few months since he's last seen them.
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My MIL lives with us, and so she obviously has a closer relationship to my kids in terms of knowing the ins and outs of their routines. My Mom used to live across the country and there was some envy there, but now she's moved nearby and the kids are close to both grandmothers. Its a different relationship: my kids know that MIL follows our house rules (ie in terms of what snacks they can eat and what they can watch on tv etc...), whereas at my Mom's house, she makes the rules and they appreciate being able to "get away" with stuff.

We have more "auntie/uncle" envy now. One SIL lives in town and is very close to the kids. My other SIL lives far away and seems to be jealous of her sister's relationship with my kids. On my side - I have a cousin who is much closer to my kids than my brother (who lives across the country). For the longest time my kids thought my cousin was actually my brother since he would visit more often.


Oy vey, we've just started our grandkid journey, but it's pretty extreme. We live with my parents, in CA, while his parents live in Miami, FL. The only further place would be, like, Alaska. Jeez. His mom ADORES and misses the babies already. I know she would love to be with them every single day. I don't think she had "jealousy" of my parents, at least, not in a bitter way, but I am certain that she wishes she could be with us and the babies every day. It's so sad, because she will be a GREAT grandma. Plus, I wish she could be with the boys more so that they could learn Spanish from her (Spanish is her first & best language). Sigh. She is coming out to visit for a week in August and 10 days in October. Plus, DH is a good son and he talks to her almost daily, I email her pictures, and we do video chat with the babies. I'm really hoping that going forward this will be enough! I love the woman to death and don't want her to be envious of my folks. We just have to live in CA because this is where both of us have to work, and we have to live with someone to help us with the babies, so it just worked out this way.

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